She leaned over the counter when she got to the kitchen, not sure what she should be feeling, other than confused. She felt Kai walk in behind her. “Jessie?”
Her name on his lips warmed and horrified her. There was so much love and ache behind the syllables. The feeling he inlaid in the word was wrong; they couldn’t be like that. She twisted around to face him, feeling those tears again. “Cousin?” he whispered, his eyes sad as he looked her over.
Those tears in Jessie’s eyes built up to a level that she couldn’t sustain, sliding down her cheek. He walked up to her immediately, his hand coming up to brush off the water betraying her turmoil. “When does it get easier, Kai?” she whispered, her eyes searching his face.
He sighed and dropped his hand, staying close in front of her, but careful not to touch her. “I don’t know.” Shaking his head, he shrugged. “Someday?”
Jessie hung her head, her forehead just reaching his chest. Kai stepped in, enclosing his arms around her in a warm embrace. Knowing they shouldn’t, she slung her arms around his waist and rested her cheek against him. They both exhaled simultaneously.
Kai’s hand came up to rub her back and his lips placed a tender kiss on her head. She snuggled close into his arms, burying her head in the space under his jaw. Feeling a warmth and safety that she knew wasn’t appropriate, she felt another tear fall from her eye.
Listening to their quiet heartbeats and the girls giggling in the next room, Jessie whispered, “April is going to ask you out after dinner.” She pulled her head out of his embrace. Searching his face, Jessie pierced her own heart. “I want you to say yes. I want you to go out with her.”
Kai’s eyes widened and he started to shake his head. Jessie waited with a blank face, her heart so torn she couldn’t even fake a reassuring smile. Kai opened and closed his mouth, his eyes looking as if he could find a different solution to their problems by simply wishing for it. It would be so easy, if they could stop being attracted to each other. If she could stop this feeling in her chest from growing with each and every moment that she spent with him. Maybe April diverting some of that time away from Jessie would be exactly what they both needed, to sever this deep connection that they already had.
Because, as nice as it felt sometimes, the depth of feeling that she had for him was wrong. Wanting his arms to always stay around her was wrong. Wanting him to lean down and place those full lips to hers was wrong. Wanting him to tell her that he couldn’t see April, because he was madly in love with her…was wrong.
Kai closed his mouth as he looked between her eyes. His face changed as Jessie stared at him, some decision having been reached while he’d silently debated with himself. Softly sighing, he slumped a little in her arms. “Okay…cousin.”
Chapter 11
Promise Made, Promise Kept
Kai watched Jessie as discretely as he could over dinner. She smiled warmly and talked with everyone companionably, but Kai could see the moisture in her eyes, the tightness in her jaw. She was torn, she was hurting. And despite the fact that he could see the effect that her decision had made on her, Kai knew without a doubt that she was torn, simply because he himself felt torn. He was sure that on this point, they were both feeling the exact same way.
As Jessie gave him a sideways glance before locking her eyes to her plate, Kai sighed and looked over at her roommate, April. She was definitely beautiful. Long, sleek, black hair, dark, slanted eyes, full lips, beautiful skin tone, lean body, and a general attitude of confidence. But…Kai really didn’t want to date her. Honestly, he really didn’t want to date anyone. He just had too much going on right now. Well, no…if he were going to be truly honest, there was one girl he would gladly date, if she was a possibility. But, she wasn’t.
He nodded as he listened to a story the flirtatious woman was telling. April was sitting next to him at the table, across from Harmony and Jessie, and her hand had snuck down to rest on his thigh. Knowing that she had the intention of asking him out later, and knowing that Jessie wanted him to go, he let her leave her hand there.
Picking at his food, Kai made polite conversation with the group. He wondered if maybe Jessie was right. Maybe, with whatever was building between the two, it would be better if he distracted himself with a little female company. And Jessie liked April, otherwise she wouldn’t have okayed him being with her. Maybe him seeing someone that Jessie approved of, would ease the transition.
He watched Jessie stick a piece of roast into her mouth, her tongue flashing down to swipe away the sauce. Sighing forlornly, he wished he could feel her lips again, just once, even though it was wrong, really wrong. Her eyes met his and he focused on his plate. He shouldn’t think that. It wasn’t helping anything for him to allow his thoughts to keep going down that path.
Popping some roast into his mouth, he smiled. He loved roast, it reminded him of lazy Sunday afternoons at his mom’s place. He slightly shook his head, wondering how Jessie just always seemed to “get” him. He never really had to tell her what he liked, or what he needed. She just seemed to instinctively know. She was amazing.
Clearing his throat during a lull in the conversation, he looked up at her. “This is great, Jessie. Thank you.”
Jessie looked up and met his eye, her face flushing a little. “Thank you,” she said quietly. Shaking her head and glancing quick flashes at her roommates, she quickly added. “I had help.” She pointed to Harmony. “Harm made the salad.”
The lightly freckled girl smiled, a dark red lock of hair falling over her shoulder as she did. Kai smiled at her, knowing that Jessie was deflecting his compliment, trying to keep some space between them. Mentally cursing himself, he vowed to try and do the same. “Well, it’s great, thank you.”
April beside him frowned and dragged her fork over her plate. “I…offered,” she muttered, pouting in such an adorable way that Kai had to smile at her.
Wanting to do the right thing, the thing that his cousin had asked him to do, he fortified his stomach and reached his hand under the table, resting his palm over April’s on his thigh. She visibly brightened, twisting her hand to lace their fingers together. Kai kept eye contact with her, ignoring the burning sensation of Jessie watching them. He knew that she couldn’t see their hands unless she looked under the table, but he still felt really odd flirting right in front of her. He’d really only meant to make brief contact with April, to let her know that he wouldn’t reject her offer later, but she had latched onto his gesture and had a firm hold on him now.
Forcing a smile, he politely said, “I’m sure you helped in other ways.”
She giggled adorably, bumping into his side. Kai heard Jessie sigh, but when he pulled his eyes from the Asian beauty beside him to look over at her, she was studying the remnants of food on her plate. Kai quietly resumed eating, his appetite completely gone.
After the meal, Harmony whisked away the dishes and the foursome polished off the second bottle of wine. Relaxing back in his chair, Kai watched Jessie relentlessly. He wished he could talk to her, really make sure she was okay with this, but he didn’t see how he could get away from April now. She still had a firm hold of his hand as she sipped her drink, and she’d started leaning into his side, her cheeks flushed with the alcohol in the wine.
When Harmony had cleared away their plates, she’d noticed their hands under the table. She’d given him a knowing grin at that point, shaking her head, like she’d known that April would get her way by the end of the night. Kai had had to resist the urge to tell the woman that he was only doing what he’d been asked to do. His heart wasn’t really in it. Thinking of where his heart really was, he sighed and thought about calling it a night.
Jessie appeared to have the same thoughts. Standing, she made a show of yawning and stretching. “Well, I should turn in. You’re welcome to stay, Kai, if you…”
Her voice trailed off as her new, taller angle, allowed her to see Kai and April’s hands still laced together. Kai had the strangest desire to rip his hand away
from April. He had never really intended to keep the contact going for so long, but if he yanked his hand away now, it would be entirely too obvious why. Jessie’s eyes were wide when they lifted to his; they watered a little before her face softened. She looked heartbroken and relieved, all at once. Kai wanted to apologize, wanted to tell her that he didn’t really want this…that he’d rather hold her hand. But he knew he couldn’t say that. Jessie knew it too and said nothing about the flirting. Giving him a soft smile, she only said, “You can stay as long as you like. My home is your home, Kai.”
Her tone when she said it…well, it was the most loving thing he’d ever heard anyone say to him. Not able to stand it, he stood up, finally breaking the contact. Making a show of walking over to her in a friendly manner, he grinned as brightly as he could. “Well, again, thank you for dinner, Jessie.” As he stepped in front of her, his arms went around her. He hadn’t felt like a greeting hug was normal, but surely a goodnight hug wouldn’t raise suspicion.
Her arms came up, loosely at first, and then exceedingly tight. Angling his head away from the other two girls, Kai closed his eyes, letting the pain and longing fill him. Inhaling the scent of her, strands of her perfect locks brushing his face, he whispered, “I’m sorry.”
He felt her nod, her body lightly shaking as she contained the emotion that had to be running rampant through her; Kai knew it was in him. Their hug was starting to get inappropriately long, so Kai forced himself to take a step back. “Goodnight, Jessie,” he said softly, hoping the ache he felt inside wasn’t evident in his voice.
He wanted nothing more than to pull her back into his arms, squeeze her tight and never let her go. But he had to maintain the appearance of distance. He needed to look like he cared for her, without overly caring for her. It was an odd, fine line. Putting his hands in his back pockets, to resist the temptation to touch her, he smiled and took another step back.
Her eyes were noticeably wet, and she blinked a few times to bring them back to even. Smiling warmly at him, she nodded. “Goodnight, Kai.” Her eyes flicked over to April, who was taking Kai’s absence to check her makeup in a mirror next to the dining room table. Kai sighed, thinking Jessie’s natural look tonight, was ten times what April’s done up face was.
Jessie’s eyes swept back to him. “I hope the rest of your evening goes well.” She smiled sadly and Kai dug his fingers into his jeans to not hold her again.
She waved goodnight to her friends and then walked down the hallway that must have led to her bedroom. Kai heard her door softly close and was one hundred percent certain that she was crying behind it. The thought killed him.
Just as he was about to rush in there and tell her that he couldn’t do this, Harmony stood and stuck her hand out. “Well, it was very nice to finally meet you, Kai.”
Shoving his torn heart to the back of his mind, he shook her hand. “You too.”
As their hands shook, Harmony inspected him curiously. Kai felt heat rush to his cheeks. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you seem so familiar to me.” She shook her head. “Have we met before?”
Kai made himself laugh as they pulled apart. “Ever been to Hawaii?” he asked playfully. His heart was pounding while he waited for the pieces to snap into place for her, waited for her to remember that she’d seen him at the club…with Jessie.
Luckily, she didn’t.
“No,” She shook her head, disregarding her own memory. “I must be mixing you up with somebody else.” Yawning, she waved a goodbye at him and April. She had a playful smirk on her face as she left him alone with the last roommate.
Kai closed his eyes briefly as he heard April stand up at the table. He thought to quickly tell her goodnight and say that he’d call her sometime, but she was apparently more forward than that. Before he could turn around, she came up behind him, resting her hands lightly on his back. Even though he didn’t want to, his body reacted a little to that, just a light flush of warmth. She ran a hand along his stomach as she stepped to his side. “Want to sit with me on the couch?”
She raised her eyebrows, and Kai wondered again if he should end this right now. “Um, sure, just for a minute. I really should get going soon.”
She giggled, running her hand along his arm until she grabbed his fingers. Walking them over to the couch, she sat down and patted the cushion next to her. She’d fixed her legs in such a way, that there was only a small space on the side of the couch that she’d indicated; he’d be sitting right against her. Kai contained a sigh. This was for Jessie. This was what she wanted.
He sat, smiling as he leaned over his legs, as far from her as he could politely get without being too obvious. That didn’t work like he’d planned; she simply took the invitation of his open back to rest a palm on his spine. She gently rubbed him, and he hated that his body reacted to that too. He didn’t want to be attracted to this woman, but she was beautiful and he couldn’t help the instinct to want to have a beautiful woman rubbing against him.
Feeling more torn than how he’d started out the evening, he nervously ran a hand through his hair, giving her a semi-smile. April tilted her head as she examined him. “Do I make you nervous?” she asked, her voice husky.
Kai swallowed. “Yes, actually.” For more reasons than she realized.
Laughing lowly, she shifted towards him, and she was already pretty close. “You don’t have anything to worry about, I’m not scary.” Her hand ran up his back, over his tattoo. Kai remembered Jessie’s hands on his tattoo, and straightened so April’s hand would drop. It did, but now her side was completely pressed against his. Gazing up at him, she ran a hand back through his hair. “Do you think I’m pretty?” she asked coyly.
Kai’s eyes instinctually swept over her face, flicking down to her lips. “Yes,” he whispered, finally feeling truthful. That was something he couldn’t deny, even to himself. April was very pretty. Different than Jessie pretty, but still, very pretty.
She smiled wider, biting her lip. Kai stared at the plump skin, a little mesmerized. “Would you like to take me out sometime?”
Kai swallowed, hating what he was about to say, but knowing he’d given his word. “I think I’d like that.” He forced himself to smile. April’s eyes flicked down to his mouth when he did. She stared at his lips as he stared at hers. Against his will, Kai felt his breath increase and his heart start to quicken in anticipation. He didn’t want to kiss her, not really, but…
Still smiling, she leaned into him. “Alright then,” she whispered, her breath light on his face.
Kai held his, not knowing what he should do, what Jessie really wanted him to do. April’s lips brushed over his, but didn’t press against them. Instead, they dragged over to his cheek and she placed a soft kiss there. He closed his eyes at the tease, hating that he liked it, feeling like he was betraying Jessie by even sitting here. But he wasn’t…she was family, only family.
Her long kiss on his cheek finally ending, she pulled away. “Call me?” She rattled off her cell number and Kai found himself eagerly nodding. He nearly wanted to pull her back in for a real kiss. Nearly.
She stood, giving him a seductive grin, and he stood as well. Kai pictured her leading him to her bedroom with the heat in her eyes, but instead, she grabbed his coat off the couch and led him to the door. Feeling breathless and confused, he walked through it when she opened it.
April leaned against the door, arching her back against it. “Call me soon. I’m very impatient.” Kai nodded and leaned in. He wasn’t sure why. Was he leaning in for a hug, or another kiss? Before he could think too much about it, she cupped his cheek and obliged him, pressing those full lips so briefly to his, it nearly didn’t happen. He gasped as she pulled away.
“It was very nice to meet you, Kai,” she whispered, and then slowly closed the door.
Feeling dazed and a little dumbfounded, Kai walked back to his bike. It was only then that Kai realized he’d never gotten the chance to show Jessie what he’d really bought for her, aside from
the flowers that April had snatched. Walking up to the back of his bike, he placed his hand on a second helmet strapped over the rear seat. He’d picked it up today with the idea that he could take her for a ride sometime, maybe even tonight. But the night had deviated in a way he hadn’t expected, and now, instead of doing something nice for his cousin, some small way to repay her for her kindness, he was about to be put a horrid gap between them by going out with her roommate.
Kai hung his head as he swung his leg over the bike. But that was what Jessie wanted, what she needed, to break whatever was happening between them. It hurt his heart to do it…and that was exactly why he had to. He and Jessie couldn’t let this thing enter their relationship. They were family, no more.
Starting his bike, he twisted around to watch the windows of the charming house Jessie lived in. Popping his helmet on, he noticed one curtain in a window held back, an outline of a body in the dark room watching him. He knew it was Jessie and he stared back at the form. With his expression hidden under the helmet, he let his grief show. Shaking his head, he told her that he was sorry, that he never wanted to hurt her tonight, and that he really didn’t want to see April, that he’d rather see her.