Watching her musing granddaughter, Millie shrugged and sighed. “It probably wouldn’t stop him for dropping in daily anyway. The boy has as big a heart as you.” Jessica’s eyes refocused on Millie’s. Millie swore she saw tiny tears in them. Sighing again, she added, “The two of you are almost a perfect match. I’m a very lucky woman, to be surrounded by such warmth.”
Jessica swallowed and looked away again. Her hand went up to her cheek and if Millie didn’t know any better, she’d swear the girl was crying. Placing a hand on her shoulder, Millie peeked around to look at her face. “You aright, dear?” She may deny her unhappiness, but no woman could flat out deny tears.
Brushing her cheeks in a telltale sign of crying, Jessica Marie gave her a sad smile. “Of course. I’m just…I’m leaving for a few days…and I’m going to worry about you.”
Millie smiled and gave the warm woman a tight hug. “Oh, dear, don’t you worry your pretty head about me. You go out and have a good time with the life you’ve been given.” They pulled apart and Jessica sheepishly brushed dry her cheeks again. “Where are you off to?” Millie asked brightly, her fingers swiping the final remnants of tears away.
Jessica sighed drearily. “My roommates and I are going skiing next weekend. Things have been sort of…awkward lately, so we’re doing a little girl’s outing.”
She sighed again and Millie wasn’t sure if she was sighing over Millie being without her for a few days, or sighing over whatever girl spat had occurred. Knowing how catty girls could be sometimes, Millie brightened, suddenly understanding one of the reasons for her granddaughter’s down mood lately. As Jessica started pulling out preparations for the potato bar they were having tonight, Millie thought about her granddaughter’s upcoming ski trip.
It was a common thing for youngsters to do around here. Millie herself had enjoyed the slopes frequently in her youth. The whole family used to go up to the mountains when all her children were still around. Every single one of them had enjoyed it. In fact, there was only one family member that Millie knew of that didn’t ski. And he didn’t ski simply because he’d lived his entire life in an area that never enjoyed a yearly snowfall. But she knew for a fact that he wanted to ski, and what better way for him to learn, then under the tutelage of his cousin?
Brightening even more at the thought of the two young relatives cheering up each other’s sour moods, Millie turned to Jessica. “Take Kai with you, dear.”
Thinking Jessica Marie would jump on the chance to spend time with the cousin that she’d seemed to want all to herself just weeks earlier, Millie was very surprised to see a deep frown on Jessica’s face. “Um…well…” She suddenly looked uncomfortable and possibly, even sadder. “It’s a girl thing, Grams.” Shrugging, she looked at the ground.
Millie sighed softly. “I know, Jessica, but Kai has never even seen snow up close, and I know he’s always wanted to learn how to ski.” Millie smiled, shaking her head. “When he was younger, he used to pretend he was slalom racing in the backyard.”
A ghost of a smile drifted across Jessica’s face, then she frowned. “I don’t know…April will be there. You know they don’t see each other anymore?” Jessica started worrying her lip.
Millie nodded, remembering her earlier thoughts on that matter. Shrugging, she shook her head. “Kai tells me that the relationship ended amicably. Surely she wouldn’t mind his presence for just a couple days?” When Jessica looked about to object again, Millie added, “Please? For me? Please take him. He’s been having a hard time lately. He could really use the pick-me-up.”
Jessica’s eyes watered again. “He has?”
Millie frowned at her granddaughter. Her eyes seemed almost…hopeful that Kai was distraught. Slightly shaking her head, Millie figured she must be misinterpreting Jessica’s reaction. Why would she want her cousin to be down? Thinking of his tired eyes lately, Millie sighed. “Yes, he’s so…melancholy, this is just what he needs right now.” She nodded, her mind made up, if not her granddaughter’s.
Jessica started pulling potatoes out of the hot oven, her hair falling down to hide her face again. “Fine, I’ll ask him, Grandma.” Setting the spuds on a plate in front of Millie, Jessica began to carefully pull back the tin foil encasing them. Studying her work, she shrugged. “He’ll probably say no. He’s…busy with stuff.”
Watching Jessica studiously unwrap the potatoes, Millie smiled. There was no way she’d let Kai not go on this little trip. He needed a break from that job and he deserved to have a little fun. And maybe, just maybe, he’d reconsider things with Jessica’s roommate if they were both holed up in a cozy ski lodge room all weekend. Yes, Millie knew from experience that the combination of softly falling snow outside and the glow of a warm fire on the inside, could lead to all sorts of…connections.
Smiling brightly at the thought, she made a condescending noise. Jessica looked up at hearing it. “Nonsense, I won’t let him say no.” Smiling crookedly at her suddenly pale granddaughter, Millie gave her as sage advice as the old woman could. “Life is short. You need to seize the opportunities as they arise.” She raised an eyebrow at Jessica Marie, just so she’d be aware that Millie was speaking of her own life, as well as Kai’s.
Jessica finally sighed and nodded. Millie felt victorious as she carefully sat down on a stool near the counter and instructed her granddaughter on all the other life lessons she’d learned. A slight ache in her hip as she shifted in her hard chair reminded her that she wasn’t as healed as she’d liked to believe. It also reminded her that life was indeed short, and before she left it, she was bound and determined to see her family happy.
It was the least she could do, after all the happiness they had given her over the years.
Chapter 17
Skiing
Jessie sat in the backseat of Harmony’s SUV, wondering how she’d gotten here. Her hands in her lap twisted the zipper of her heavy jacket over and over again. The sound of country music filled the spacious cabin and Jessie cringed at hearing the twangy songs. Normally she’d annoy Harmony until her friend caved and changed the station, but Jessie found she didn’t have it in her to make a peep. Jessie didn’t have it in her, purely because of who was sitting beside her.
Glancing over at him with just the corner of her eye, she could see him staring out the window, wringing his hands together. Kai looked equally as odd and nervous as she did. Sighing softly, Jessie glanced up at the front seat. Harmony was explaining the condition of the slopes. She’d heard from some friends that had just gotten back that the snow was sic-fast. Jessie was almost glad that she’d mainly be on the lower slopes, helping Kai adjust to the feeling. Then she sighed again. She’d be with Kai all day long, and most of the night too. She hadn’t seen him for nearly four weeks, and now she was practically glued to his side.
As she started to look over at him again, she felt eyes on her and stopped. Meeting April’s gaze in the rearview mirror, Jessie froze. She didn’t want to look sad, forlorn, or lovesick in front of the woman who used to date Kai. She slapped on a smile and April rolled her eyes, looking out the passenger’s side window.
Jessie couldn’t help but think that April was dragging out this spat thing a little too long, even for her. Yes, she’d been horribly rude to her, telling her not to be a whore, but honestly, girls said meaner things over far smaller issues. It wasn’t all that long ago when April had told her she was a conniving little cunt for snagging the last pair of seventy-five percent off boots. Jessie had forgiven her for that comment pretty readily. Of course, the kickass boots had helped.
Smiling at the memory, Jessie inadvertently swung her gaze to Kai. This time he was looking at her. Their gazes locked over the seat and it was like they were suddenly the only two people in the car. It was like they had never spent any time apart. His eyes, a warm tropical color that clashed so harshly with the chill in the December air, bored into hers. A shiver ran through her, even under her layer of down, even in the relative warmth of the car.
Glancing up at Harmony and April talking in the front seat, he leaned slightly into Jessie. She wanted to hold her breath as he came closer.
“I’m sorry…about this.” He rolled those amazing eyes, a wry smile twisting his perfect lips. “Gran wouldn’t take no for an answer.” He looked down then, his hand coming over to rest in the space between them on the large leather seat. Jessie’s hand somehow dropped to her side and just the tips of their fingers touched. She was instantly warm.
He peeked back up at her at the slight connection. “I thought about just telling her I’d go…and then staying home, but…” His eyes focused past Jessie, to the white capped trees that were blurring past them. A light snowfall was splattering against the car, past the windows, and he stared at it with childlike wonder on his face, like he’d never seen it.
And of course, he hadn’t. Living on an island in the south pacific afforded you a lot of wondrous things, but snow wasn’t one of them. He hadn’t actually seen the white stuff, anymore than Jessie had actually seen the ocean. Having been around snow her whole life, being around someone who’d never seen it was a little wondrous to Jessie. Smiling, she filled in the blanks for him. “You‘ve always wanted to ski…I remember.”
She looked down, the memory of how easy it was to be around him flooding into her. But that was sort of the problem. It was too easy to be around him. It felt too nice. It warmed her in ways it shouldn’t. It gave her thoughts that it shouldn’t.
Even now, as the tip of her finger stubbornly started to stroke the side of his, she was reminded of all the reasons they should be apart. But, god, that had been so hard. Being apart was as difficult to her as being together. Just for completely different reasons. Being together, Jessie was always beating back her feelings for him. Being apart…it was like those feelings were eating right through her, leaving only emptiness and pain.
Kai nodded at her statement, his eyes looking apologetic. He glanced down at their fingers on the seat, hers creamy white, his a deep warm brown. Looping his finger over hers, their eyes locked again. The feeling he gave her, with just his index finger wrapped around hers, was about a thousand times more intense than any feeling that Jeremy had ever given her. She was well aware of how wrong that was…but she couldn’t escape it, the undeniable, horrible attraction.
Jessie pulled her hand away when all she really wanted to do was lace their fingers together. She couldn’t though, not with April and Harmony in the car. Shaking her head, she tried to clear her thoughts. She shouldn’t anyway. She shouldn’t touch him anymore than was completely necessary.
Kai sighed softly and returned to staring out the window. Harmony talked obliviously while April rested her head back, closing her eyes like she was going to take a nap. Aside from Harmony’s voice and the annoying country songs, the rest of the car ride was made in silence.
A couple of hours later, the foursome pulled into the ski lodge parking lot where Harmony had booked their rooms. Kai had luckily found a room last minute in the same lodge, although, not on the same floor. Jessie was a little happy that he’d be pretty far away from her. A little space was good right now.
As she stepped out of the car, she watched Kai step out too. Smiling, he closed his eyes and deeply inhaled the crisp air. He smiled wider as light flakes fell on his face, immediately melting on his skin. Jessie watched him, mesmerized. She was so used to snow, it was a little heartwarming to watch someone just take a minute to appreciate it.
As she stared at him with what had to be a dopey smile on her face, she felt her shoulder being tapped. Alarmed, she looked over to Harmony. The red-head had her hair cutely tucked under a knit cap, the ends curling around her shoulders. She jerked a thumb across the car at April, who had stepped out and was catching flakes on her tongue with Kai, both of them laughing.
“Sorry to spring this on you,” Harmony began, her face looking really uncomfortable.
Shaking her head, Jessie asked, “Spring what?”
Exhaling in a puff, Harmony pulled her a few steps from the vehicle and leaned into her so Kai and April wouldn’t overhear. Curious, Jessie glanced down at their matching boots as she allowed herself to be dragged away. Over the crunching of their feet, Harmony whispered, “Look, April’s still got a stick up her ass about the whole whore comment.”
Jessie rolled her eyes, glancing back at April. Her peeved friend was watching a pair of male skiers’ backsides as they walked past. Noticing Kai watching Harmony and her walk away, Jessie twisted back around to Harmony. “I already said I was sorry about a bazillion times.” Jessie threw her hands up. “When is she going to get over it?”
Harmony sighed, looping her arm through Jessie’s, their thick jackets rustling together. “I know…” She paused an awkwardly long time and Jessie stopped walking.
Out of earshot from Kai and April, Jessie said, “What is it?”
Harmony sighed, the light freckles along her cheeks more evident against the snowy backdrop of the idyllic mountains in the distance. “She’s saying you can’t stay in the room with us. Sorry.”
Jessie’s mouth dropped. They mention this now? Where was she supposed to stay? Kai was lucky he got a room. It was a busy ski weekend, she’d be lucky to find a room within walking distance of this place. “What! What am I supposed…? How am I supposed…? Jesus, April.”
Jessie started to storm off, to go give April a piece of her mind, but Harmony grabbed her elbow. Shifting her attention back to her friend, Jessie watched her shake her head. “Just give her this one, Jess. She’ll feel so bad for throwing you out, this whole thing will finally blow over and she’ll be kissing your ass for weeks.”
Jessie slumped, sighing. So much for a girl’s getaway weekend. “Where am I supposed to go?” she asked glumly, wondering whether she’d freeze to death if she slept in the car.
Harmony blinked at her, like the solution was an obvious one. She pointed across the way…to Kai. “Stay with your cousin. He has a room here. I’m sure he’ll let you crash with him.”
Jessie’s eyes widened so much they actually started to hurt. Feeling like all of the color had just drained from her face, she stared over at Kai. He was still looking her way, brows scrunched as he tried to figure out what was going on. Light flakes were collecting in his hair and for a moment, Jessie thought he put every Colombia Sportswear model to shame. For someone who had never even seen snow, he looked right at home on the mountaintop. She could not picture anything good happening if they stayed in the same room together…all night…alone.
Sputtering, she turned back to Harmony. “No! I can’t! I mean, I can’t…impose on him like that.” Her voice trailed off. She didn’t have a good argument as to why they couldn’t stay together. She had no real reason to object…and a part of her was sickeningly grateful for it.
Harmony rolled her eyes, twisting Jessie’s shoulders and shoving her back towards the car. “Don’t be ridiculous. He’s your family. He won’t let you freeze to death outside.” Smiling brightly, she added, “You guys can have cocoa, make s’mores, and curl up by the fire.” She laughed merrily. “It will be just like camp.”
Jessie paled even more, imaging all of those things but with the added element of their mutual attraction. Remembering just the feeling of his finger looped over hers, she knew that curling up by the fire with him would not be like any camp Jessie had ever been to.
As they got to the back of her vehicle, Harmony popped the back open. Starting to dig out their stuff, she glanced over at a still pale Jessie. “You alright?” she asked.
Jessie’s attention was all on Kai. April had decided to distract him with a snowball and he was retaliating by chucking some at her. They were both laughing…until Kai got some in her hair. Then April got pissed and Kai threw his hands up in surrender. No one messed with April’s perfectly straight, perfectly beautiful hair. She spent way too much time making it that way.
Swinging her eyes back down to Harmony, Jessie slapped on a smile. “Sure, just wishing…April w
asn’t being so bitchy about this.” She sighed, both with remorse and fear. “I wanted to be with you guys this weekend.
Harmony grabbed her bags and straightened, a frown on her face. “I know…me too.” She glanced back at April, hands on her hips as she scolded Kai for improper snowball fight etiquette. “This will blow over by this weekend.” Harmony looked back to Jessie. “Promise.”
Jessie smiled and sighed, reaching in the back for her own bags. Watching her, Harmony added, “Why’d you say that to her anyway?”
Jessie paused, considering. She really hadn’t wanted Harmony to ask that question. “I…I don’t know.” Securing her bag and backpack, she straightened. “Just PMSing, I guess.” She shrugged, her eyes flicking to Kai before she quickly caught herself and looked only at her friend.
Harmony gave her a sly grin, and Jessie wasn’t entirely sure if her friend bought that or not. There wasn’t much more she could add though, since April stormed up to the back of the car. Looking at Harmony and purposely ignoring Jessie, she said, “Are things set?” Jessie rolled her eyes and walked away from the vehicle, knowing by “things,” April meant her.