She felt a little odd around Kai at first, same as he seemed to feel around her, but eventually, through quiet conversations and soft smiles, a feeling had bubbled up in her that blocked out any disgust or awkwardness she felt around him. By the time the night was fading, and he was obviously tired and wanting to leave, her mind wasn’t thinking about their inappropriate moment anymore. No, all she felt was warmth and peace. She just enjoyed the sensation of walking by his side, pressing into him like she belonged there, like it was perfectly natural and perfectly okay. Jessie had never felt more content in her life.
That walk home, through the lightly falling snow, was what had made her okay about walking out of the bathroom, to share the evening with the amazing man in the other room. She couldn’t think of anywhere else she’d rather be.
Peeking her head around the wall separating the bathroom from the rest of the suite, she spotted Kai instantly. He was sitting on a couple of blankets spread out in front of the fire, like he intended to sleep there. Jessie smiled as she quietly stepped into the room. They hadn’t talked specifics about where they’d each sleep, but Jessie had assumed, since she was crashing in his room, that she’d take the floor. Kai hadn’t even asked. He’d just given the bed to her.
Stepping up behind him, he didn’t react to her presence. He only continued to stare into the flames, a soft smile on his face as he lost himself to whatever thoughts were occupying his head. Jessie bit her lip, wondering if any of those thoughts involved her.
She watched him silently as he watched the flames. The orange glow deepened and highlighted the bronze color of his skin, making him seem even more exotically attractive. It danced in his pale eyes, so light they seemed to absorb the color. His arms were loosely slung around his knees as he sat quietly, thinking.
Jessie’s heart thumped painfully in her chest. He was so perfect…and so unattainable.
She took a step towards the fire, wanting to share its warmth with him since she suddenly felt a chill run through her body. Kai startled, finally noticing her standing there. Looking up at her, his eyes locked onto the sleep-shorts she was wearing before drifting up to her face. Jessie tucked her hair behind her ears and gestured at the floor beside him.
Smiling, he nodded and slightly moved over so she could sit on the blankets next to him. Jessie carefully sat down, hugging her knees to her chest. She ran her hands down her bare arms, the light shirt she was wearing worn and comfortable, but not much in the way of protection. Glancing over at Kai watching her, she wondered if her outfit was inappropriate, given their circumstances. The shorts were a little short, the shirt was a little threadbare, but then, she’d packed her stuff planning on being in a room with her girlfriends. Comfort had been her only goal.
Twirling a long lock around her finger, she wondered what Kai was thinking. Maybe he was beating himself up about touching her earlier. He probably wouldn’t, if Jessie confessed how much she’d wanted him to do it. While that might ease his mind, it probably wouldn’t help their situation any, so Jessie didn’t mention it.
She stared at the flames and eventually Kai twisted back to them too. Silence permeated the room, but it as a comfortable one. It wrapped around her, warming her more than the heat the fireplace produced. Jessie couldn’t keep the smile off her lips.
“What are you thinking about?” he finally asked her.
She looked over at him. He’d brought his arms down between his knees and was rubbing his forearm with his thumb, like he was sore. Jessie smiled wider, thinking he was probably sore all over. Grabbing his arm, she took over for him, since she was the professional.
Jessie grinned when she watched his eyes flutter closed as she worked the aching muscles. “Nothing. Just that…this is nice, being with you.”
Kai opened his eyes, the sea-green lit from the side as he looked at her. “You’re not…bothered…?”
He shrugged and Jessie knew that he meant the incident on the slopes. She felt her cheeks heat, but she shook her head. It had been a mild slipup. One that she’d wanted him to do anyway. It really should bother her, the memory of her cousin touching her in such a way, but as her fingers worked up his arm, she felt nothing bad about the encounter, only happiness that he was back in her life.
Kai smiled softly at her response. He sighed happily when she switched to his other arm. “Yeah, this is nice,” he murmured, his face relaxed and content.
Jessie scooted closer to him, so she could move up his arms to his shoulders, where he was probably feeling the afternoon quite a bit. Groaning lightly, he leaned back into her hands. Sitting up on her knees, she scooted slightly behind him. Focusing on the tattooed shoulder blade, her trained fingers could feel the knots of strained muscles, and she smiled when he groaned again. She loved that she had skills that could help him. And she loved hearing him make that noise. Feeling that side of him looser, she moved over to other one. She pressed her body firmly against his back, much closer than she would place herself if he were a client. He dropped his head forward as she loosened his other side.
Feeling like she’d done all she could with his aching upper body, she dropped down onto her hip beside him. Closer than she’d intended to be, her entire side pressed into his. Kai smiled lethargically as he twisted his head to look down on her. “Thank you. I’m so sore.” A light chuckle escaped him and he nestled into her body.
Smiling, feeling his words heating her, she rested her head on his shoulder. He sighed and rested his head on hers. One of his hands came down to find hers and he rubbed her palm with his thumbs. Jessie sighed; as a masseuse, she very rarely got treated to massages. Cuddling even more into his side, her arm slinked over his thigh so her hand was more perfectly positioned for a good rub.
As he worked out the kinks in her hand, he whispered into her hair, “I missed you, Jessie.”
Jessie’s heart started beating harder. She pulled away from his shoulder and he lifted his head so she could lift hers. Staring at each other, their bodies flush together, their faces inches apart, his tropical eyes searched hers. “I missed you…so much.”
Jessie swallowed, her throat suddenly dry. Her hand in his clenched his fingers, stopping his movements. Holding him tight, she whispered, “I missed you too, Kai. Every day.”
Exhaling, his forehead came down to lightly rest against hers. Shaking his head, he whispered, “It was so hard to be apart from you. Harder than I ever imagined it would be. I wanted to call you all the time. I wanted to see you.” His eyes peeked up at her, their heads still touching. “I didn’t feel like anything really happened in my life, if I couldn’t share it with you.”
Jessie’s free hand came up to cup his cheek. Leaning into the contact, his eyes closed. “I felt the same way, Kai. I hated hearing about you through other people.” His eyes opened, looking sorrowful at what they’d both had to endure. “I wanted to hear your voice,” she whispered.
His hand released from hers, coming up to touch her cheek before brushing back through her hair. As he pulled back to watch the dark curls twist around his fingers, Jessie dropped her hand from his face, running it down his back.
Twisting the end of a lock between his thumb and forefinger, he lowly said, “I think about you. I think about…being with you.” His voice was husky when he said it, deep with desire.
Jessie’s breath hitched. She knew what he was referring to. They shouldn’t talk about that, not here, not completely alone, with very little chance of anyone interrupting them. That conversation would open too many doors that shouldn’t ever be opened again. His eyes peeked back up to hers when she didn’t respond right away.
“I think about that night…that night we first met.” Kai’s eyes drifted over her features as his hand came back to touch her face. He ran a finger along her jaw line, then across her lips. “God, I think about it all the time. I can’t stop…”
Dropping his hand from her skin, he let his voice trail off. His eyes were wistful as he looked away from her, back towards the fire. Jes
sie watched him, watched him struggle with wanting her and not wanting her. He looked so lonely, staring into the flames, his eyes a little moister than necessary. Jessie suddenly ached for him, suddenly wanted to let him know that he wasn’t alone in this, that she was just as deep in it as he was.
Tentatively, her fingers came up to his cheek. She twisted him, making his eyes come back to hers. “I think about it too, Kai. All the time,” she whispered.
Kai sighed, smiling softly before frowning. His hand coming up to cup hers over his cheek, he shook his head. “I wish there was a way to go back.” He sighed again. “To go back to that night, when being with you felt…”
He looked down and Jessie smiled sadly. “When all it felt…was right?”
Looking back up at her, he nodded. “Yeah,” he said sadly, his eyes switching between hers. There was so much painful honesty in his face that Jessie almost couldn’t stand it. She wished they could go back too…but life didn’t work that way. You couldn’t un-know things that monumental.
Jessie disentangled their hands and ran her fingers back through his hair, now dry after their romantic, snowy walk. She pulled him down to rest their heads together again. “But we can’t go back, Kai. We know now.”
Exhaling sadly, he shook his head. “What if we just…forgot?” He whispered that so faintly, Jessie barely heard him. She peeked up, her heart hammering so hard she almost couldn’t hear her own thoughts. Did he mean what she thought he meant? His eyes were down, he wouldn’t look at her. To Jessie that meant yes, it was exactly what she thought.
She cupped his cheek, forcing his head up so he’d look at her; it also brought their mouths closer together. “We can’t, Kai.” Even though she said it, she felt the heat of his breath on her lips, and all she was truly thinking was – they could. They’d hate each other afterwards, but, there was so much feeling between them…they definitely could.
Leaning into her, his nose slid against hers as they closed nearly every space between them. “I know,” he muttered against her cheek. His hand came up to her shoulder, rubbing a circle into the worn fabric. “I just can’t stop…remembering.” He sighed, his fingers starting to trail down her chest. Jessie’s heart nearly wanted to explode, and her breath was already heavy. She wanted his fingers to graze her again, and she knew how horrible that was.
His breath along her face was stuttered, like he was having trouble keeping it even. “I remember the sounds you made.” He whispered it, like he didn’t really want to say it but he couldn’t stop himself. His breath brushed over her cheek, tickling her ear.
Jessie sucked in a quick breath at his words, wanting to make an erotic sound right then, but not daring to. Her hand found his hair again, grabbing a handful and tightening. Kai hissed in a breath, then spoke again, a little louder. “I remember your body…on top of mine.”
Jessie dropped her mouth open, just his words making her weak. Pulling him close, their faces brushed past each other to bury in each other’s shoulders. His fingers finished their wandering, resting lightly over her nipple. His voice came out brokenly, choked with passion and confusion. “I remember your face when you came.”
Jessie groaned, squirming against his body, feeling it nearly happening again at just hearing him talk about it. “Stop,” she said breathily, her hand in his hair tightening, releasing, then tightening again. “Stop talking about it, Kai.” Desire surged in her as she struggled to remember that it was not okay to feel that way, to remember that they couldn’t just forget who they were, no matter how much they wanted to.
Her nose buried in his throat, her lips rubbing against the warm skin. His fingers drifted off the edge of her breast, then slunk down to her hip. “I remember driving into you.” Groaning, his hand clutched her hip. “I remember coming in you. It’s killing me, Jessie.”
Kai’s hand ran up her shorts, just under the edge of her underwear. Jessie gasped, throwing her head back. He was going to bring her to release and he hadn’t even really touched her. It was so wrong. It was so right. He groaned and grunted as he clenched her skin. “I don’t see you as Jessica Marie. I see you as Jessie, my Jessie, and I want you.” Groaning again, his lips attached to her neck. “God help me, I still want you.” His hand fisted her underwear.
She brought both her hands to his face, clutching him. Bringing her lips nearly to his, she paused as she panted heavily. “I want you too. What do we do, Kai?”
Squirming beside him, she wanted him to turn away and she wanted him to lie her down. He breathed heavily, his hand clenching and unclenching the edge of her underwear. It seemed like he really wanted to rip it apart but he was stopping himself. Then he exhaled in frustration and pulled his face and hand away. “Nothing, Jessie. We do nothing…”
Pure disappointment washed through her. Do nothing? Jessie didn’t think she could do nothing anymore. It was too late for that.
Twisting his face back to hers, she made that connection that they both needed. Her lips wrapped around his and he groaned, automatically moving his mouth along hers. They explored each other, and just like before, Jessie ignored their heritage and only focused on the sensation of the movement. As his tongue glided along hers, it didn’t matter as much as it once had anyway. Nothing mattered. Not any of the reasons she had to push him away, not any of the reasons she had to wish he’d pull away from her. The only thing that mattered was how much he meant to her and how much his touch ignited her.
As his hands moved to her waist, pulling her into him, one of hers stroked his cheek, the other trailing down his chest. Stopping at the edge of his shirt, she reacted without thinking. Her other hand coming down to help, she started trailing the light shirt up his stomach. Kai broke apart from their kiss when he felt what she was doing. Looking down, he paused only the tiniest second, then helped her fingers remove the fabric from him.
Her fast breath matching his, her fingers trailed over his tattoo before drifting down his abdomen. His eyes fluttered at her touch and he leaned in to find her mouth. Between their soft lips, Jessie muttered, “I love your tattoo. I love that no one else here has seen it.”
Kai groaned in her mouth, his fingers running to the edge of her shirt. Achingly slow, he slid the fabric up her stomach. Helping him once he reached her chest, she pulled the worn sleepwear off. Reaching for his face, she brought his lips back to her mouth. Now that she had him, she couldn’t get enough.
His palm came up to cup her bare breast, his thumb running over her nipple. “I love the way you feel under my fingers,” he whispered breathily.
Jessie allowed herself to moan and tilted her head to the side, angling his face down to her neck. Hissing in a quick breath, his lips and tongue stroked a tender spot in the crook. She panted his name, her hands tangling in his hair as his hand kneaded her chest. His lips came back up to hers, his breath and movements more urgent. Feeling herself getting lost in the moment, her hands tightened in his hair, tilting him as she harshly drove her tongue into him.
Panting, he got out, “I love how you taste.”
She groaned again, knowing he didn’t mean her mouth. Her hands traveled down his chest. “I love the shape of you,” she breathed.
He groaned and exhaled heavily, knowing she wasn’t referring to his physique. His hand left her breast, grabbing a fistful of her hair. Twisting it, he sighed, “God, I love your hair.”
Kai gently pulled it and Jessie sucked in a quick breath, loving the bolts of electricity that flew up her core when he did that. She grabbed his face, pushing their frantic mouths apart so she could stare into those unbelievable blue-green depths “I love your eyes,” she whispered, her own hooded with desire.
Exhaling raggedly, he attached back to her lips, the passion in his kiss stealing her breath for a moment. Groaning he uttered, “I love how it feels to be inside of you.”
Dropping her head back, Jessie pushed her chest into his. Kai’s hands slipped down her hair to her back as he pulled her up onto his lap. Straddling him on her knees,
she looked down as he looked up. The firelight danced across their bodies as desire danced across their eyes. “I love how it feels when you’re inside of me,” she whispered, lowering herself onto his lap.
Kai groaned at her words and held her tight against him, their hips naturally rocking together when they met up. Jessie couldn’t believe how ready he was, nearly as hard as she was wet. She let that marvelous length ride against her core. The teasing tension he released in her was so unbelievable; Jessie couldn’t keep herself from groaning in pleasure. All she wanted now was release. All she wanted now was for him to give it to her.
“Kai…do want me?” she muttered, not even aware she was saying it.
Moaning, he rested his head against her chest, tantalizingly close to a breast. “Oh, god, I do, Jessie.” His hands clenched her hips, pulling her into his arousal in a steady rhythm. Breathless, he muttered, “I want to be buried in you. I want to be consumed by you…”