Chapter 26
Mike had decided his first attempt at Zane’s remains would be through his sister, Barbara. If she refused, he’d then take legal action, based on a possible link between Zane and Smyth and their related crimes. He was, of course, hoping she’d consent, and save everyone a lot of provocation.
He was quite sure she knew nothing of the possible relationship between Zane and Matthew and Jonathan and, wasn’t comfortable being the one to tell her, but after his last conversation with Jonathan he figured, like it or not, he’d have to be the one to break the news.
He sat at his desk waiting, not knowing what for, just waiting. He knew he’d have to make the call, but…he just didn’t want to. It kept running through his mind, what would it prove? That he was right? Big deal, that seemed like a high price to pay for being correct. And, if he left it alone, well, maybe it would all go away or at least his part of it, that is until Jonathan’s book came out. Then things would change, people would get curious again, start snooping around and someone else would put this together and might not be so kind about it. No, he had to go forward with it. He’d come this far and there was no turning back. Jonathan would want to know, maybe not right now, but sometime soon and when that happened, who better to help him through it than a former victim.
As he reached for the phone, it rang. Startled by the timing, he answered with a surprised, “Hello?”
“Mike, its Jonathan Smyth.”
Mike was taken aback to the point he wasn’t quite sure what to say. Quickly gathering himself he said, “Jonathan, what a surprise, I wasn’t sure I’d ever hear from you again. I’m very sorry for shocking you with what I said the other day.”
“Yes, well believe me it was a shock. I’m not sure I’ve completely recovered yet, but nevertheless I did want to talk to you about it…what you said.”
“Okay, I’ll certainly listen to whatever you have to say and, please feel free to ask me anything you want.”
“Well, for starters, yes it had crossed my mind that Zane might be my father, but it was such a horrible, repugnant thought, I would immediately dismiss it. I mean, how does one believe such a thing? I guess it was hidden away in some remote corner of my subconscious and I left it there, then all this happened with Matthew and it kept increasing, more often than I liked, but again I would push it out of my mind, or at least I thought so. Then you called and boy, did that bring it back in a rush…”
“I’m so sorry Jonathan, I just had…”
“No, Mike, its all right, let me finish. After you called, I had a bit of a…well, let’s just say I fell into a deep depression, anyway, Amy came over and I was trying to clean myself up in the bathroom. For some reason, I looked deep into the mirror and…I knew you were right. I could see it, Zane’s eyes, lying deep and dark inside me. I guess it was just never as strong a presence in me as it was Matthew, but it might have shown itself in my curiosity about Zane and his killings.
“Well, I called to tell you…thanks. Had you not come up with this, I’m sure someone else would have and probably wouldn’t have handled it as nicely as you have.”
“I don’t know Jonathan, you might be right, but what I do know is I have a strong belief this is true and I will do everything I can to make it as painless as possible for you and your dad. I don’t know how successful that will be, but it may give you a whole new slant on your book.”
Jonathan hadn’t had time to think about that, but Mike was absolutely right and, he knew in his heart, this was the final chapter, there was nothing left.
He told Mike he’d do all he could to help him with Barbara in exhuming Zane’s remains, or anything else that might help expedite the process.
Jonathan’s next big challenge was telling his dad. He didn’t want to wait until someone in the media found out and started asking questions. The best thing to do was tell him right now, get it over with.
He called his dad and told him he wanted to come home for a few days, do a little more research and spend some time with him. His dad was thrilled. He knew that would end soon enough, but he wanted to be there, in person, when he told him the alleged and appalling news.
He had also stalled Amy long enough and it was time to tell her the truth. As he was leaving the next day, he called and asked her to come over that night. He’d led her on with the flu story and felt guilty for having done so, but the realization was just too much at the time.
She was on her way over, not suspecting at all what he was going to tell her. He’d decided not to mince words, to come straight out with it. After all, it wasn’t his fault and he was going to have to learn to live with it and, hoped she could too, because this was certainly going to have a bearing on their relationship. Would she look at him differently now? What about children? He was sure these were things she was going to have to think about and he owed it to her to be honest and open. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, he now had some self doubts, what about serial killers and their offspring? Could this be passed down? Evidently so, look at his brother. But did it come in degrees, levels and when and how could it reveal itself. Sure it happened early on with Matthew, but could it come later in life and if so, how late, how strong? My God, this could drive him mad. He’d never been bent that way, so why start worrying about it now. On the other hand, he’d always been interested in murder mysteries and now serial killers - was that the evil passed down from Zane trying to manifest itself? The more he thought about it, the more crazy he got.
Amy arrived in a tentative mood, not sure what was up, but sensing something. Jonathan greeted her and tried to act as normal as possible, given what he’d been through in the past several days.
He sat her down on the couch and explained what had been happening and how the flu story was bogus. He just couldn’t face the overwhelming knowledge that Zane was probably his real father.
Amy sat stunned, not sure she’d heard him correctly. Of all the things she thought he might say…this was certainly not one of them.
“My God, Jonathan, I can’t believe it. You really think its true?”
“At first I didn’t believe it, didn’t want to believe it. When Mike called and told me what he thought and asked me if I’d ever considered the possibility, I got belligerent and basically hung up on him. But there was a part of me that had thought about it. Then that night you came over and I was in the bathroom, pretending to be sick, and it hit me. I looked in the mirror Amy and saw it, saw him, saw the evil.”
“Jonathan you’re scaring me,” she said getting up and moving to an adjacent chair. “Tell me you’re not serious, what evil are you talking about? I’ve known you off and on for years and over the past several months on an intimate basis – never did I see anything like you’re talking about.”
He knew he had to be honest, but he could see it, feel it, she was uncomfortable and looking at him in a changed way.
“Listen, before you came over I thought and thought about this and felt the only way to deal with it was to be honest, that’s what I'm doing. I love you and I love us, but there can’t be any secrets, any hidden agendas. This would have come out eventually and who knows where we might be in our relationship and how that news would effect us. I want you and me to be…us, and there can’t be something like this hanging over our heads.
“Amy, you’re right, you’ve never seen anything like that in me and you never will. The only part of this that we’ll probably never be able to shake is the stigma that Zane was my father and Matthew was my brother. However, I’m willing to rise above it, I have to…I hope you will too.”
He could see she was still in a state of shock, but she got up, came back and sat down beside him. She took his hands in hers, looked into his eyes, “I’m probably not fully aware of the impact of all this yet, but I love you Jonathan and I’ll be here for you.”
He told her how he was heading back to Independence the next morning because his dad
was not aware of any of this and the shock of finding out his sons were actually the product of a serial killer was going to be crushing.
Amy spent the night, but Jonathan could feel a delicate distance and uncertainty. And, why not? She’d just been told half of his immediate family were murderers. It was only natural she’d have some trepidation.
They parted the next morning and he began his sad journey home to tell his dad the unthinkable.
It was December and winter had come to the mid-west. When he arrived in Independence it was cold, gray, and dreary. Perfect, he thought, for what I have to tell him. He’d driven up, figuring it would give him more time to think and prepare. It certainly gave him more time to think, but there was no way to prepare for what he had to do.
There was snow on the ground, and the house looked cold and ominous. As he walked up the steps onto the porch, he began to feel weak, sick to his stomach, not sure he could go through with it, tell this man who was his real father in every sense of the word. The man who’d raised him, stood by him, loved him, and now here, through no fault of his own, Jonathan was going to have to break his heart. He entered the house and could hear his dad in the kitchen, tears began running down his cheeks…Zane had reached yet another victim, and this one he was going to hurt the worst of all.