~ ~ ~
“I just don’t get it,” I said to Lyssa the next morning as we walked into homeroom. “Where could he be?”
She shrugged. “No idea. Maybe he has mono or something.”
“Since when does that keep you from answering your phone?”
I sat all through the first half of the day barely hearing a word my teachers said. It just didn’t make any sense. And that’s when I realized I was going to have to do it. I was going to have to go to the moronic jock table that Matt sat at during lunch. I had to find out what the hell was going on. Of course, I grabbed the twins on the way for moral support, then I walked up behind two creeps (I swear, there’s, like, no telling them apart) and pushed by them, only to find myself surrounded by half the football team and their cheerleader girlfriends. Crap.
“Hey, Josh,” I said, “Do you have any idea where Matt is?”
“Last time I checked, it wasn’t my job to keep track of your boyfriend for you.”
God, they were a-holes.
The bell rang and as everyone walked around us, I leaned toward the table and put my hand on the end that Matt usually sat at. Suddenly I felt a wave of nausea and chills as Matt’s face flashed in front of my eyes and the cafeteria disappeared. It looked like he was...crying?
Damian looked at me. “Maya, what is it? Are you all right?”
Lyssa was staring at me. “What the hell?”
I could hardly speak. “I dunno. No. Listen, something’s wrong with Matt. I gotta go.” And I sprinted out of the cafeteria to the parking lot. It was a good thing I had a perfect driving record, because I took a lot of chances on the highway as I drove out of town in the direction of Matt’s house. What the hell had just happened? Had I just had some kind of vision? Jeez. I was a freak before I was a shifter, and now I was a shifter who was a freak? Talk about your irony. I pulled onto his street, so lost in thought I almost forgot to slow down. What the—? His car was there.
I ran up the front steps and banged on the front door. “Matt! Matt!” I yelled as loud as I could. I waited. No answer. “Maaaatt!” Finally, the door started to open just enough for me to see his face. His eyes were red.
“Matt, what is it? What’s wrong?”
“Go home, Maya.”
“What are you talking about? What’s going on?”
“Nothing. Just go home.”
“Let me in,” I said, surprising myself by how forceful I sounded.
“Maya, just go home, please,” he said, sounding suddenly desperate.
“Let me in. Now.”
“Fine!” He slammed the door against the wall and walked away from me. I followed him into the living room. “You wanna know what’s going on?” he snarled. “Fine. My life’s over, that’s what’s going on.”
I stared at him, taken aback by his strange behavior. And that’s when I saw it—the beautiful mark of the gray wolf on the back of his neck. I could hardly believe my eyes.
“Wait, wait...you’re...you’re a shifter? That’s what this is about?”
He turned to face me. “Yeah, that’s right. I’m a shifter. So I guess it’s out. Are you laughing? What the hell’s the matter with you? I tell you I’m a shifter and—”
“I’m sorry,” I said. I mean, I was in total shock. Catching my breath and turning around, I slid my hoodie down over my shoulders and held up my hair so that he could see my mark.
“Oh, come on, Maya, it’s not the same as getting a tattoo, you know that.” He rubbed his palms over his eyes. “God, I’m going be the only shifter in school!”
“Matt! It’s not a tattoo!”
“What?”
“I’m a shifter.” I managed to smile.
“Come on, My, you’re not even eighteen. And what are you telling me, you phase into a tree?”
I looked into his eyes, those beautiful, sad eyes, and I begged Balam to tell me what to do.
“Get your coat,” I said.
“What?”
“Don’t get all dumb jock on me. Get your coat.” And that’s when I realized that he probably hadn’t even left the house in days. “Come on, no one’s going to see you where we’re going.”
I finally got him to the car, but his face said it all. He was going through everything I had gone through, and worse. He didn’t have Grandma, the twins or a mentor to help him through it. Well, I said to myself, maybe he didn’t have an actual mentor, but he had me.
“Where’re we going?” he asked.
“Relax. Just sit back and enjoy the ride,” I said as I put the top down. I swung onto 180 and headed toward the Gila Forest. I took us a ways in, taking it slow.
“So,” I asked him when we were out of sight of the highway, “so when did it start?”
“Last Tuesday. In P.E.”
Yikes. I pulled over to the side of the road and got out of the car.
“What’re you doing?” he asked.
“Do you want to learn how to phase or not?” I watched his face. It showed all of the fear and uncertainty that I had felt. But he was curious, too.
“So you really are....” His voice trailed off.
“Do you seriously think my dad would let me get a tattoo?”
“Now that I think about it, it did seem a little off.”
“A little? Okay, I’ll go first. The key is to find your trigger. It’s usually a thought. My trigger is remembering the freedom that phasing gives me.”
“What’s your second form?”
“Watch.”
I turned away from him, relaxed a moment, and held the image of Balam clearly in my mind. Just as before, I thought about freedom and I started to feel the pull forward from my very center. Then I let go.
Matt gasped. “Maya, oh my God, you’re—you’re so beautiful!”
I trotted back to him and stopped right in front of him, nudging at his hand with my nose so he could feel my fur. He scratched me behind my ear. Man, did that feel good. Yum! After a couple minutes of bliss, I moved away from him, let everything relax, and phased back.
“What?” I said.
“So, you really don’t lose your clothes when you phase. Gee, that’s too bad.”
I smacked him in the arm, but I was glad he was starting to relax. “Ready to try?” I asked him. The fear returned to his face almost immediately. “Okay,” I said, “but first let me tell you that it doesn’t hurt. Um, maybe you should tell me about how it happened.”
“I was feeling nauseous while we were doing laps in P.E. Dave Turner clipped me when he ran past me. I guess it pissed me off.”
“No, I mean tell me how you felt when you phased for the first time.” God, I hoped I was doing this right.
“You mean scared shitless?”
“No, you weren’t. Think back. I don’t think you were afraid when you were Gray Wolf. Fear is your human reaction afterward. I felt the same way.”
He gave this some thought. “You know, you’re right, I don’t think I was scared. I think I felt...powerful.”
“Good. Now try to relax, clear your mind.” I watched as he cracked his knuckles and moved his head from side to side. (Jocks.) “Okay, now picture Gray Wolf in your mind and focus on that feeling of power. Don’t be afraid. He’s part of you.” I knew that Balam was guiding me.
Phasing myself was one thing, but seeing someone else phase for the first time … well, Matt was right, it was amazing. And fast. I mean, it seemed pretty quick when I phased, but watching it now I realized it took only seconds.
And suddenly there he was! He was the perfect combination of strength and beauty. I walked up to him and stroked his muzzle, and as I did I looked into his eyes and realized I could see him. I could see Matt inside them. His eyes were the same color as his human eyes and, yep, Matt was definitely in there. And suddenly I laughed, and then I backed away from him and phased. My jaguar eyes stared into his wolf eyes for a moment, and then I took off into the forest, daring him to keep up with me.
On and on we ran
, knowing only freedom and each other. We stopped to drink from small creeks here and there, but we spent most of the time moving. We ran, we chased, we played and just generally tested our new bodies. We headed to the lake and peered out from the tree line to see if anyone was camping nearby, then we walked down to the water’s edge, and I phased back, wanting to be with just Matt again. He looked at me and cocked his head to the side. The silvery moonlight reflected off of his shiny gray coat. He looked magnificent.
“Just desire it,” I said.
He phased back and we plopped down on the sand, exhausted. We lay on our sides facing one another, and then he pulled me close, so close our bodies were perfectly aligned. He brushed my hair away from my face and cupped my cheek with his hand.
“I love you,” he said, his eyes searching mine. And then the craziest thing happened. The wall that had been between us melted away as though it had never existed. I had always cared about him, but something inside me changed at that moment. My soul understood his, and I knew that he felt the same.
“I love you, too,” I said.
Laughing, he rolled over and pulled me on top of him.
“Hey, what’s so funny?” I asked.
“I dunno,” he said, kissing my forehead. “Life, I mean, this past week has been hands-down the worst week of my life, but now here you are. It’s like, if I had known that I was going to be here in this place with you while all that other shit was going on—”
“You would have dealt with it gladly?”
“Well, gladly might be a strong word.”
“Hey!” I was laughing, too.
“Seriously, though. We still have a lot to deal with,” he said. “School. Our parents....”
“I’m not worried,” I said. And it was true. I knew that whatever happened, we would deal with it together. “How are things with your mom?” I asked.
“It’s hard. I mean, she’s always been totally supportive of me, you know that, and she’s been worried about me and how upset I’ve been. I’m sure she’s confused. She’s super Christian, and this isn’t in the Bible. But I know she loves me. You know, babe, you’re gonna have to tell your dad.”
Oh, God! The minute he said that I could feel my eyes start to burn. I lowered my head and started pushing bits of sand around with my fingers. How was I going to tell Dad? Sure we were close, but Matt and his mom were like best friends. My dad was not going to understand this.
Matt touched my cheek again. “Hey, you know, I didn’t even have to go through telling my mom because I couldn’t hide my mark. My mark pretty much did the telling for me. I can see how it’s different for you, though. I know it’s hard. But the longer you wait, the worse it’ll get, I mean, this is part of you, My. Do you really want to hide that from your dad?”
I looked into his eyes. “So we’re saying that we’re making the choice not to hide who we are? Not to hide that we’re shifters?” I searched his face. Lots of shifters hid their marks with clothing or makeup and just went on with their lives. Others chose not to and faced losing friends and whatnot. It was a really personal choice.
He took a deep breath. “Well, I go to college next year. Tons of university students don’t hide their marks because it’s considered cool. You know, it’s a different environment. But you’ll have another year of high school and—”
“I don’t wanna hide my mark!” I said. It scared the hell outta me, but I knew it was the right thing. Balam didn’t want me to. And I didn’t either.
“Okay, then we don’t hide it and we deal with it together.” He kissed my cheek. “Hey, My, isn’t it kinda funny, you and me being together when you’re basically a cat and I’m basically a dog? Shouldn’t I be, like, chasing you around?”
I snorted. “I’m a jaguar. You just try and chase me around, and I’ll kick your butt.”
That’s when he pulled me to him and kissed me. Oh, God. It was like my whole body woke up. Something was different. I could feel his strength and power, the perfection of his being. I ran my hands along his chest, slid my hands under his shirt, felt the heat of his skin. I wasn’t just some high school junior with a schoolgirl crush anymore. I wasn’t nervous. I wasn’t trying to figure out what he was thinking. I didn’t wonder where we stood. Every muscle, every nerve ending, every fiber of my being was completely attuned to him. He was my mate. I was home.