Boss Geeter, a pigmy island troll who was holding Moxie, one of my own, in order to get me to do his bidding. And there I was, deep underground, tracking a drac, in pursuit of a black dragon, which, if it really existed, was one of the most dangerous creatures on all of Mirth. Geeter was getting his way, and that bothered me to no end, but I needed all the muscle I could muster for this fight and right now Mickey the big foot filled that need quite well. But when this was done, wherever he was from, I was going to kill him for what they’d done to Moxie, that annoying flower fairy.
Only I was pretty certain that Mickey was equally eager to kill me. I had shot his foot off.
Mickey brought us to a halt in a circular chamber with four other tunnels leading out of it. The chamber was well lit with mallow lights, but the tunnels leading out were dark. In the center of the chamber stood a carved statue of a dragon, wings spread, clasping an earth in each claw. If you were observant enough you’d notice that the planet in its right claw was a mirror image of our planet. This was a totem, probably made during the war. It was an homage to the lizard’s bi-dimensional domination intent—it was a religious totem to the dragon’s birthright to rule.
We were getting close.
Mickey was moving from tunnel to tunnel checking the ground. He even doubled back to re-check the tunnel we’d just come down.
I made a quick glance around. Sure enough I spotted a couple of black drops partway up the nine o’clock position tunnel. I glanced back at the dragon statuary, drew my MacDaddy revolver, and pointed a direction. Mickey moved in first, straining his eyes. When he spotted the drops he looked up at me with a confused expression. I shrugged; let him figure out how I did it because I wasn’t telling. Parry had been examining the statue. Realizing, with a little start, that he was alone, he hurried to catch us up.
The tunnels continued to grow darker, and Mickey’s pace slowed in proportion. Enough of pretending, the clock was ticking for Moxie, for DJ, and for any hope of saving humanity, so I squeezed past Mickey and lead the way.
To me the world is black and white and various shades of grey. It’s a pretty bleak view, but then life was bleak. Although, despite the lack of color, dark and light look about the same to me.
After less than ten minutes Mickey set a hand on my shoulder and brought me to a stop. I heard a muffled grunt—I think Parry walked into Mickey’s back. Mickey tipped his head, indicating something ahead. I held my breath and listened.
“Warn me if you’re going to stop so fast,” Parry whispered.
I listened harder. Sure enough I could just make out drumming and chanting.
Mickey’s hearing was much better than mine. He may have learned something about my advantage, but now I’d learned something about his as well.
I nodded, a silent notice that I’d move ahead first.
Quiet as a cat and my revolver at the ready, I crept along the tunnel wall, keeping all of my senses opened wide. The tunnel made a gradual turn to the left. Just where it began to straighten out, I spotted the flickering light of a flame and heard drums beating a double heartbeat rhythm and Draconian devotional chants. I glanced back; Mickey slunk along behind me, dragging that heavy metal foot of his through the dirt to keep it quiet, and, for the briefest of moments, I felt bad about having maimed him.
Then I remembered about him and his boss torturing me, and the vision of the little fairy in their custody with her wings torn off. And then I felt bad that I hadn’t shot his other foot off too.
I pressed my back to the wall and edged a little closer to the light. Sure enough there were two dracs in full, black dragon-scale armor standing guard at the entrance to a big chamber. A flickering fire burned in a tall brazier beside them. Their armor glistened in the fire’s light; those were definitely real dragon scales.
So there really was a worm then.
Mickey was panting hard. His teeth were bared and his hands opened and closed like he was psyching himself up to attack.
I held up a finger, telling him to wait, then snapped a trans-dimensional snare from my bandoleer—the drumming and chanting would do as cover. I rolled the snare down the middle of the tunnel. All the time playing bocce as a kid paid off and the snare came to a stop directly between the two lizards. Just as they looked down I stepped into the light, my revolver leveled in their direction. “Don’t look down now, lizard-brains,” I said. I liked my distractions obvious.
With a long, threatening hiss the two drac guards lowered their tridents and charged and my snare went off.
I covered my eyes, turned, and ducked my head as the light from the trans-dimensional portal could be blinding—and worse. I smelled ozone and heard an all too familiar wail as reality was rent, twisted, and unmade. The rush of gale-force wind ripped me back. I dropped to my belly and dug into the dirt. The portal was wide open and hungry. The vacuum of the equalizing forces was pulling everything in the tunnel into the open portal, including me. I dug into the loose soil as hard as I could but I was still sliding backwards, gaining speed. If I got sucked through, and I survived the passage, I’d end up on the other side of Mirth. If the breach closed when I was partway though I’d look like julienne cut Monster Collector. I dug down deeper, searching with my fingers for a hand hold, but the cavern floor was just loose soil. Nearing panic, I drew the knife from its belt sheath, jammed it with the flat part of the blade facing me into the soil, and hung on.
The width of the blade didn’t stop me but it slowed me down significantly and I couldn’t need but a second more…I heard a rumble of distant thunder, the snare snapped closed and I sprang to my feet.
Mickey let go of the rocky wall and set the fedora he’d been using to cover his eyes back on his head. Seeing the distinct absence of guards, and the brazier, he gave me an approving nod; like I cared.
“Hey!” Parry said a little too loudly. He kept blinking his eyes as he wandered around with his hands outstretched. “I can’t see. Jazz, where are you?”
My rolled my eyes and I tipped my head in the direction of my secretary.
Mickey grabbed him and covered his mouth.
Parry was reeling and writhing in the sasquatch’s grip. My secretary was very sensitive to strong smells and the big foot reeked.
My turn: up on tip-toes, I hissed in Parry’s ear, “Shhh.”
Parry went limp in the monster’s arms.
Mickey set him down and Parry stood there looking terrified.
“Can you see anything?” I asked.
“Spots, lots of spots,” he snapped.
“Fine,” I grabbed him none too gently by a shoulder, led him into a small alcove, and forced him to sit. “Stay here until I come back for you.”
He gave me one curt nod, his lips were clenched tight with fear and he was rapidly blinking his watering eyes.
“I’ll be back for you,” I said with as much certainty as I could muster and moved to Mickey’s side. We met eyes and he nodded to acknowledge his readiness.
Carefully and quietly we moved back to the end of the tunnel and checked the chamber entrance. Nothing was stirring, but the drums and the chanting were growing louder. They were definitely keeping church, but what ceremony?
I felt a strong hand tap me on my shoulder. “What?” I whispered without turning my eyes from the chamber entrance.
“How’d you get a TD snare? There so illegal even crooks can’t get them, not even the Boss.”
I gave him a posh snort through my nose. “Yeah well, I’m a lot better than your Boss, and smarter.”
No sooner I had turned around then a second shoulder tap spun me back again. “What now?” I snapped.
“Won’t the wizards council have detected the portal opening?” The big oaf sounded concerned, no doubt about being a conspirator to an illicit trans-dimensional crossing.
“Absolutely.”
“But they’ll come for you. Do you know the punishment for unauthorized crossing?”
I looked up at him. “I didn’t cross over, thos
e two drac warriors did, and I highly disapprove and, as a concerned citizen, hope they throw the book at them. Now stop tapping my shoulder and come on.”
We moved to either side of the chamber entrance the guards had been protecting. We were about to take on the badest of the bad here. The confidence I’d expressed to Parry had been a lie. It was very likely that I was going to die, but I had to try; this dragon’s head would earn me enough chips to recover Ship and rescue my friends.
Just as we entered the chamber a drac in full armor stumbled into us. Before I could pull the revolver’s trigger, an effective but noisy method to kill a lizard, Mickey reached up, took the drac by the top of his helmet and gave it a good twist. I heard his spine snap and Mickey eased its lifeless form quietly to the dirt floor.
We pressed our backs to the chamber wall and edged our ways further in, gradually moving away from one another. I played the shadows, avoiding the flickering light as much as possible.
This chamber was huge, like an old Earth football dome with stalactites, but then it would have to be to hold a fully grown, full blooded dragon. Blacks weren’t nearly as large as reds, but as far as monsters went, they were still one of the biggest.
Smoke from the many fires and torches hung in the high ceiling, and the smell of burnt wood mixed with dank earth and something else, something rancid.
I’d lost track of the big foot, I could only hope he was where I’d need him to be when the time