"Yes," Lucius answers my spoken questions. "This has always been a safe haven. Its location is highly guarded." He meets my eyes, adding, "Destruction awaits the vampire who reveals this spot to a human. That is the penalty, with no hope of clemency. No mercy."
I watch Lucius coolly stating this fact, and although I know that he's prepared to rule, I'm a little bit in awe—and slightly unnerved—to think that the vampire who just protected my head with a gentle hand wouldn't hesitate to carry out that kind of justice.
Uncertainty grips me. Will I, as a princess, actually be responsible for handing down such a sentence? Am I responsible for doing it now, if a Dragomir breaks the code of secrecy?
I stare hard into Lucius's eyes. Has he already served as judge and issued a decree like that?
I start to ask him—but change my mind. Maybe I don't want to know ... not right now. So I ask another question that's
bothering me. "If this is a safe haven, why didn't our parents...?"
But Lucius is already shaking his head. "Rulers do not 'hide,' Antanasia," he reminds me. "Especially not leaders such as our parents were. Such as we will be. Kings and queens do not cower in caves, even to save their lives."
I swallow thickly, a queer feeling in the pit of my stomach, and not only because I doubt my courage in the face of destruction. Lucius has also just elevated us to "king and queen." But he and I are barely a prince and princess. At least, I'm barely a princess. And to rise up to be queen requires a vote of confidence by all the clan members...
My concerns must be plain on my face, because Lucius steps closer to me, smiling in a reassuring way. "Don't look so alarmed, Antanasia." He takes my hands in his and bends to rest his forehead against mine. "Nothing bad is happening tonight!"
As we stand together in the quiet cave, the worry that I did feel dissipates. "I'm not scared," I promise him.
"Good." He clasps my hands together and presses them against his chest so I can feel his heartbeat. "Because the last thing I want you to feel right now is fear."
After a few seconds, I realize that Lucius's heart is beating a little more quickly than usual—just slightly faster and harder than its familiar slow, almost imperceptible pace. I raise my face to his, wondering what's causing the change.
I see then that there's something different in his eyes, too. A flicker that tells me something is happening. Something more than just Lucius showing me the cave where generations of Romanian vampires have come to seal pacts and forge treaties and sometimes hide from persecution by humans.
Out of the corner of my eye, I catch sight of the candles flickering, too, and I have my second revelation of the evening.
Not only have I been here once before, but Lucius has prepared this spot for us this night.
The footsteps scrambling down the mountain ... that was almost certainly one of his two guards, returning after getting the cave ready for our arrival.
And the fact that we've made this journey in the dark, when it would have been so much easier in daylight...
I study Lucius's dark eyes, wishing more than ever that I could read his thoughts as well as he seems able to read mine, and asking him, "Lucius ... why are we really here tonight?" And his answer ... it isn't what I expect at all.
Chapter 12
LUCIUS PULLS BACK from me, just a step, but continues to hold both of my hands in his, and his eyes are boring into mine, and gradually I see them change again.
Lucius has told me, many times, that he loves me. And I've seen that expressed in his eyes. But never like this. "I've brought you here this evening to ask you to marry me, Antanasia," he finally says. "I wanted to do it in this place, so significant to both of us."
All at once, everything—including time—seems to stop.
"Lu ... Lucius..." I stammer his name, not sure I've heard right. Marriage to Lucius—both avoiding it and desperately desiring it—is practically all that I've thought about since meeting him and learning of the pact. I know that it's definitely in our future. And yet I still can't believe my ears. I keep searching his face, almost as if I'm afraid he's joking. "Lucius...?"
For once, though, there's no mischief in his expression. Not a trace.
He squeezes my hands more tightly, pressing them harder to his chest. "I want to ask you, Antanasia,—in this place where we were promised to each other by mandate—to marry me not because doing so is required of you, but because you love me as I love you," he says. "I ask you to choose me of your own free will, because that is how I choose you. Not to fulfill a pact, but to follow my heart, which will settle for nothing less than a life with you by my side. "
I want to scream, "Yes!" I want to cry out and hurtle myself into his arms. But my feet seem rooted in place, and my tongue is locked in my mouth.
And then, standing before me as an equal, which seems right for Lucius and me—better than having him drop down on bended knee—he poses the question I've wanted to hear ... maybe since the day I first saw him.
"Antanasia, will you marry me?"He releases one of my hands to push my curls away from my face, and his voice is softer as he asks again, "Will you do me the honor of being my wife?"
That rare vulnerability I've just seen in Lucius's eyes is echoed in his voice, and it's that sweetness—that unguarded, hopeful request—that finally helps me speak. Because I know that this is the closest that Lucius will ever come to pleading for anything in his entire existence, and he's doing it for me.
"Yes, Lucius," I cry. At least, I think I cry out. But in truth, my voice is soft, almost choked. "Yes," I repeat, pulling my hands from his and wrapping my arms around his neck. I know he's heard me, but I keep agreeing, over and over again. "Yes, yes, yes
He clasps me to him, whispering in my ear, too. "Thank you, Antanasia. Thank you for loving me—and for choosing me, too."
We hold each other for a long time as reality sets in. We're getting married—not to fulfill a treaty but because we can't live without each other.
Then Lucius slips one hand up into my hair, and I shift in his arms to see his face again just before he bends to meet my lips with his, kissing me softly. We kiss like that again and again—just gently. It's as if we both recognize that the moment deserves reverence, just like the space in which it takes place.
And somehow, while we're still kissing, Lucius takes my left hand and places a ring on my finger. I never even noticed him reaching into his pocket and have no idea how long he's held the object in his palm.
I know that most girls would probably squeal and pull back, wanting to see the diamond, but I don't even open my eyes. I just slip my arms back up around his neck, not caring what the ring looks like. I'm perfectly content with what we're sharing right then.
Jessica.
The voice intruded on my dream, and I rolled sideways, shutting it out, not wanting to leave everything that I was reliving behind. But the voice—Mom's voice—interrupted again, and I felt pressure on my shoulder as she shook me. "Jessica!"
"Mom," I groaned, wanting five more minutes of the dream. "Please..."
But my mother shook me harder, and as I reluctantly opened my eyes, I heard her laughing at me.
I blinked about three times, because sunlight was streaming into my room—and glinting off the huge, sparkling diamond that was always on my left hand now. A Vladescu family heirloom, which had been removed and hidden by Lucius's mother, Reveka, when she'd faced her destruction.
Then I looked at Mom, who seemed happy again, and maybe a little surprised to hear herself say words that kind of shocked me, too, even though I'd been planning, anticipating—and occasionally worrying about—this day for weeks.
"Wake up, sleepyhead," she urged. "You're getting married today!"
Chapter 13
I KEPT MY BACK to the full-length mirror as I stepped into my wedding gown.
I wasn't sure if I wanted to surprise myself when I saw the full effect of the dress and the makeup that Mindy had done for me, and the intricate updo with th
e delicate tiara sparkling against my dark curls—or if I was afraid to look at my reflection and realize that the gown—that I—wasn't as beautiful as I'd hoped.
"Are you sure you don't want help?" Mindy called through the door that linked the two rooms of the suite designated for my wedding preparations. "I am your maid of honor!"
"No, it's okay," I told her. "I'll be right out."
Tugging the heavy white silk up around my body, I held the dress in place with one hand while I reached around to pull up the hidden zipper. I smiled, remembering how Lucius had once surprised me by zipping up a similar dress for me, back in a Lancaster County shop. I'd started to see him—and myself—in a new way that day...
"Jess, we're dying out here!" Mindy called. "Hurry up!"
"I'm hurrying," I promised, grinning at Mindy's enthusiasm. But I still took a second to smooth the fabric before finally turning to look in the mirror.
And the person I saw reflected there...
Wow.
Chapter 14
"WOW." MINDY spoke my thought aloud, practically skidding to a stop after bursting through the door. She paused, just staring, then came closer, walking slowly, as if she was in awe of the dress. Or maybe she was in awe of me. Maybe, for the first time, she saw me as a princess—because I felt like one. Stood like one. "Wow," she repeated, coming up next to me so we both could check my reflection in the mirror.
Mom joined us, too, stepping up behind me and placing her hands on my bare shoulders. I saw that she also thought I looked beautiful. Different. "You are going to take Lucius's breath away," she promised.
I didn't say anything, because I didn't want to sound vain. How could I explain that I knew I wasn't a "pretty" girl, but that in that moment, I felt like the most beautiful bride on the face of the earth?
The top of the dress fit me like a glove, accentuating the curves that Lucius had helped me to embrace, before sweeping away into a full snow-white train. But the bodice wasn't pure white, like a traditional gown's. It was overlaid with black silk so delicate that it created an effect like a dove-gray mist swirling around me.
That detail alone might have been enough to make my wedding dress unconventional. But I'd wanted more than just something different. I'd wanted a dress that spoke to both who I'd been in the past—that teenage girl—and also the ruler I was becoming. And so I'd instructed the dressmaker to add a cascade of black hand-beaded lace flowers and leaves, twining like a wild vine across my body. It was a dark, dramatic touch that symbolized, to me, what Lucius called the "dark side of nature," which I'd joined when he'd first made me a vampire.
In the mirror, I met my own eyes—dark and dramatic, too, thanks to Mindy—and I believed that my mom might just be right. I really might take Lucius's breath away.
The mirror also reflected a window across the room, and I noticed that the sun was setting. Vampires might already be gathering in whatever secret place Lucius had picked for the ceremony. And I was almost ready, except for one thing...
All at once, there was a knock on the door that led to the hallway, and, forgetting my dress—and that Mom and Mindy were there to do things like handle visitors—I hurried to answer it.
Swinging open the door, I found the person I'd expected waiting for me. My throat suddenly a little dry, I nodded for him to come in, knowing that the servant wouldn't need any instructions.
And sure enough, he walked directly to a small table and set down the silver tray he was carrying.
Then, still without a word, he retreated to wait outside while I performed the first ritual of my wedding. The one that scared me most.
Chapter 15
I STOOD BEFORE the table, studying the objects on the tray. There was a small, lidded silver cup, etched with a pattern of vines that had darkened over generations, the tarnish so black that even polish couldn't remove it. The design reminded me of the vine that twined across my gown, making me even more glad that I'd chosen that detail. It almost seemed like, when I'd dreamed up my dress, I'd somehow connected to my mother, and her mother, and all of the Dragomir women who'd used this vessel generations before me.
My ancestors had also used the silver knife that sat next to the cup. And the spoon that held the pungent herbs, and the strips of bleached cotton cloth folded under the blade...
Mom placed her hands on my shoulders again. I hadn't even realized that she and Mindy had joined me at the table. I twisted a little to see her face. "Mom...?"
I wasn't sure what I wanted to ask. I knew what I had to do.
Mom gave me a reassuring smile, and I drew some strength from how calm she looked. "You're going to be fine," she promised. Then she turned me so we were facing each other and pulled me to her, squeezing tightly. "I'm going to join the other guests now," she said, stepping back.
"No..." I clutched at her hands. "Don't go yet!"
I wanted her to help me, but she shook her head. "No, Antanasia. It's time for me to go."
I knew my mother well enough to understand that she had deliberately chosen this moment to leave—and purposely used my new name again. My wedding was starting, and I would have a lot of difficult things to deal with in the future, without her by my side. It was time for me to start facing them.
"I know it's hard, but try not to be scared," Mom added, one last piece of advice. "You want to savor every moment of this night. It's not about getting everything right—it's about you and Lucius promising yourselves to each other. That's all that matters."
I took a deep breath, then agreed, "I know."
"I love you," she said, hugging me one more time.
"I love you, too."
Then Mom left Mindy and me without another word, because we'd said all the important things the night before.
When the door closed behind her, Mindy looked to me with wide, nervous eyes, as if she too wished that calm, competent Dr. Dara Packwood were still with us. "Um ... what do I do, Jess?" she asked, eyes darting to look at the tray. "Do I ... help you?"
I shook my head. "No. Just stay in the room in case something goes wrong."
My maid of honor got a little pale, but she nodded. "Okay."
Then Mindy, seeming to sense that I needed some space, took a few steps back, and I sat down at the table, and without giving myself any more time to hesitate, stretched my right arm across the tray and used my left hand to lift the knife.
Chapter 16
JUST AS I PLACED the blade against my wrist, though, I stopped.
Cutting myself was going to hurt, and if the knife went too deep, I could find myself bleeding too much. People committed suicide by slitting their wrists.
I knew that I wouldn't really die that night—couldn't be destroyed that way—but I still found my fingers shaking a little as I rested the blade against a spot where a blue vein was visible just under the surface of my skin.
It was one thing to have Lucius gently pierce my flesh in a moment of passion—and quite another to sit there alone, like an untrained surgeon, and draw my own blood ... enough to fill a cup that suddenly seemed much larger than it had just moments before.
Behind me, Mindy shifted, and I knew that I needed to hurry. It was getting late, and I didn't want to keep our guests—and especially Lucius—waiting.
Lucius.
Somewhere in the recesses of the Vladescu estate, wherever he was getting ready, he would be performing the same ritual as me. I knew that his hand wouldn't be shaky, though. I could imagine him calmly lifting the knife, placing the blade against his flesh and drawing an almost invisible line down his arm. A line that would in seconds turn red as the blood began to flow out. Then he would turn his wrist over the cup and allow it to collect the drops...
Fingers more sure, I pressed my own knife harder against my skin, but still flinched as the blade, as sharp as a real scalpel, broke through. I applied just a little more pressure and heard Mindy gasp as dark thick liquid suddenly rushed out of the wound.
The narrow gash hadn't hurt at first, but it started
to sting then, and I sucked in a breath.
Just keep going, Jess. The worst part is over.
Steeling myself, I drew the blade about a half inch farther down my arm, then quickly turned my wrist so the blood dripped into the waiting cup.
I knew that Mindy was probably horrified—maybe even a little queasy—to watch me. In her shoes, I would've felt the same way. But of course, I'd changed, and I couldn't stop thinking that, in spite of the pain, the tradition had a certain beauty. It would give me and Lucius a way to share blood at the ceremony without biting each other's throats—which was, as Lucius had told me months ago, a very private act.
"Jess..." Mindy's uncertain voice broke into my thoughts, and I glanced up to find that she'd come close and was bending down beside me, a worried look in her eyes. "I think that's enough," she said, looking at my arm. "I think you should stop."
"Yeah," I agreed, noting that the cup already held a few ounces. "That's enough."
I shifted and moved my arm so it lay flat on the tray, then used my other hand to lift the spoon full of herbs—willow and ginger—that would keep the blood from clotting too quickly. I stirred those into the cup, then started to reach for one of the pieces of cut cloth.
"Here." Mindy surprised me by taking my wrist in her hand and grabbing the cloth before I could get it. "Let me help, so you don't get blood on your dress."
"Okay," I agreed, letting her press the material against the wound.
After about a minute, Mindy carefully lifted a corner and peeked under. "I think it's stopped," she said. She met my eyes. "But I'll leave that piece on your arm, so we don't accidentally open the cut again, okay?"
I nodded. "Thanks." It wasn't exactly the right answer to Mindy's question, but I wanted her to know that I appreciated the calm, capable way she was dealing with a situation that most bridesmaids weren't asked to handle.