Monday morning blahs, that’s what this was, on Wednesday. Jenny had gotten up, fed Ritz, and let her out while her coffee was brewing, then booted up her computer. She’d dressed, checked her email, then fixed coffee, the way she liked it with a generous splash of chocolate caramel creamer and returned to her desk.
She sat in her swivel chair and sipped coffee, while twirling in slow circles. Maybe she’d play hooky today and read a book. She hadn’t done that in...ever. Or maybe it’d be warm enough for her to take the boat out. Perhaps that would help drive away this strange funk.
This morning, she was listless and totally unmotivated to do anything. It didn’t make sense; she should be on the top of the world. Her fantasy team had won Sunday, maintaining her spot at the top of the division—God bless Peyton Manning, and though it’d stolen a chunk of her soul, Karen claimed it showed and was so pleased with Jenny’s last foster article that she finagled a bonus for her from the powers that be.
Alex loved the care package she’d sent her and jabbered on and on about how much she was enjoying college. Michael stopped by the house after tennis practice most days for a snack and a visit before Mom picked him up. Life was good.
She had everything she’d ever dreamed of and more, but something was off. The feeling was so illogical, almost as if it were hormonal; but PMS had never felt like this; not quite irritable, but not her usual happy self either. Her mind skipped from one thought to the next, and she had this constant nagging sense she was forgetting something, like when she misplaced something. What was wrong with her?
Maybe I’m getting sick.
Jenny went downstairs, put her coffee cup in the sink, then meandered down to the dock. A sharp breeze blew her hair across her face. Hmm... It was past her shoulders in the back. Time for a haircut. No, she liked the comforting warmth, but she also liked it being shorter in the front. Oh, for God’s sake, she couldn’t even make up her mind about that.
Jenny plunked down on a large boulder near the dock. Their speedboat hung over the water looking lonely and empty. Over the summer, the kids had used it constantly, but with them back at school and winter approaching, it didn’t get much use. Perhaps that was the difference. She’d gotten used to Alex and Ted coming and going and she missed them.
Could this be loneliness?
Being an integral part of the Donnatelli clinic, Gabe worked all kinds of weird hours, coordinating the resident rotation at the clinic. Some nights she ate alone three nights in a row. And Jenny hardly saw Steve at all anymore. Now that he’d proved himself at work, interesting cases kept him occupied.
Gabe’s birthday was later this week, and they’d be together then. She’d planned a special dinner with all his favorite foods and a night of games if he wanted. Jenny sighed, it stank that Alex and Ted wouldn’t be here for their dad’s birthday, but at least Steve promised to come. Even better, Annie couldn’t; she had a previous engagement.
Jenny knew Gabe was going to love the Fit Bit she’d gotten him—actually, she’d gotten four of them, one for herself, Alex, Ted, and Gabe. It synced up with their computers, so once they “friended” each other, they could share their daily stats and see how many steps they took each day. It was a perfect family activity these competitive Harrisons could enjoy doing together even while they were apart. Alex had loved the idea, hopefully Gabe will too.
Jenny stroked Ritz’s soft long coat and sighed. “Guess it’s you and me today, girl. And this mood.”
When Jenny was out and about, she did observe one interesting phenomenon—pregnant women were everywhere. You’d think it had been a long hard winter when people had had nothing better to do than make babies. That, and little children. They were everywhere. But curiously enough, not next door so much.
Jenny glanced at Steve’s quiet house. It’d been weeks since she’d seen Josh and Sophie next door. Shortly before they’d watched little Adam—the cutie.
Seemed silly now to think that watching the baby for a few brief hours had made her so nervous; she’d done fine. More than fine, she’d actually enjoyed it. Adam had only been with them one afternoon, but he’d felt good in her arms, a custom-made fit.
His little weight molded to her, and he’d smelled so dang sweet. Jenny pictured Gabe and baby as clearly as if it’d been yesterday. He’d been good with Adam, handling him so naturally. Wonder what he’d been like with Alex and Ted.
She smiled at the thought of Gabe cradling their child, and later, rolling around on the grass, wrestling with him the way Steve did with Annie’s kids. Her hand froze halfway down Ritz’s back.
Oh my God. I want a baby.
Her mouth dropped open. A baby? Really?
We should have a baby.
The thought didn’t create a nervous lump in the pit of her stomach as it would have a year ago; it was okay. Better than okay, exciting. Her lips curved into a soft smile as Jenny pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. A baby. Really? The thought flitting around her brain, settled in her heart. Why not?
What would Gabe say? She’d told him she never wanted children, and he’d agreed. Hadn’t he? Though they’d really never talked about it, she’d always said she didn’t want children, and Gabe never contradicted her. Traitorous warmth squeezed her heart. He had Ted and Alex; he didn’t want more. But she did.
Maybe she was hormonal and this longing would go away. Or maybe she was lonely. Yes, that could be it. Maybe the ache weakening her empty arms could be filled with lots of hugs for Michael. If she spent more time with her brother, this longing would disappear. It had to go away. She couldn’t betray Gabe that way. He’d be blindsided.
She pictured him coming home from work one day. She’d give him a big kiss, saying, “Hi, honey, I’m so glad you’re home. You know... I’ve been thinking... I’ve changed my mind. I’d like to have a baby after all. Can we have one? Please?”
He’d look at her with stunned, confused eyes, then glance toward the kitchen, asking, “What about dinner?” Poor love. She couldn’t do that to him. Gabe deserved better. This baby fever would go away. Maybe it was just weird PMS.
Which would be cured by pregnancy, a little voice inside her whispered.