I slam on the brakes so hard that the car jerks to a complete stop in the road and our bodies fly forward against our seatbelts. My eyes flash over to look at her in disbelief. “What the fuck?”
Eden stares at me, her eyes even wider and her face paling. For the very first time, I think she is actually scared of me. I don’t mean to yell at her, but fuck, man. What is she thinking asking me something like that? “Sorry—I—” she splutters, but her voice is nothing more than a small squeak.
I clench my teeth hard to stop myself from losing it with her. I’ve already lost it once today and I really don’t want to lose it again, but it’s so damn hard. The anger is building as Dad’s face creeps its way into my head, and the only way I can think of to release it is to step on the gas and floor it. The engine roars and the tires screech; it’s a satisfying feeling. “Don’t talk,” I spit, forcing the words out as calmly as I can through gritted teeth. Eden is so lucky I’m keeping my temper in check. She hasn’t seen me angry yet, and believe me, she doesn’t want to.
“I didn’t mean to offend you—”
“Shut the hell up,” I demand harshly. Does she know? Does she fucking know? Did Dave tell her? No . . . He wouldn’t have. Dave is a jerk and I find him insufferable most of the time, but I do trust him enough not to share a secret that is only mine to tell. Mom has him well warned on that one, so no, Eden can’t possibly know. She was only asking a question, a question that is pretty normal to anyone else, but an agonizing question to me.
She doesn’t know, I tell myself over and over again. She didn’t ask to be cruel. She was only making conversation.
I can’t bring myself to speak for the rest of the journey; instead I spend the entire time with my gaze fixated on the road while I keep on telling myself to just calm down. It was only an innocent question. I wish I didn’t snap over the mere mention of Dad, but I always do and I hate it. Now Eden can add anger issues to her never-ending list of my flaws.
Thankfully, she doesn’t attempt to make conversation again either, and honestly, I appreciate the silence while I get my head together. She stares out of the window the entire time, and I can only assume she’s thinking about how much of an asshole I am, because there’s nothing exciting about the freeway to distract her. It’s rush hour and it’s LA: We end up stuck on the 10 in crawling bumper-to-bumper traffic. It’s way more unbearable than it usually is, but that’s only because I’m stuck in this confined space with Eden, feeling the tension. I play music in an attempt to cover it up, but it’s still impossible to ignore. The only time I do actually speak again is an hour later when I let her know that we’re almost there.
I drive up the winding streets off North Beachwood Drive toward the Sunset Ranch, the Hollywood sign towering high in front of us, and I feel the final dregs of my anger subside when Eden leans forward to peer up through the windshield at it, fighting back a smile. I feel like shit for yelling at her now.
A few minutes later, we finally reach the Sunset Ranch, and when I pull into the tiny parking area by the side of the road, I’m relieved to see that everyone else is already here. I see Dean and Jake grabbing bottles of water from the trunks of their cars, and then there’s the girls; Tiffani, Rachael and Meghan, flailing around and applying lipgloss. We’re an alright group, I guess. We’ve been friends for a long time, and even though both Rachael and Jake hate me, we all tolerate one another.
I park up, cut my engine, and glance at Eden. I’m considering apologizing to her for snapping at her the way I did an hour ago, but she already has her back to me as she gets out of my car. A sigh escapes my lips and I follow suit, stepping out the car just as Meghan comes over and asks, “You took the freeway, didn’t you?”
Tiffani follows after her, her grin widening when my eyes meet hers, and she immediately throws her skinny arms around my neck and hugs me tight. Even though she is clinging to me, I still manage to quickly tell Meghan, “Yeah, did you guys go through Beverly Hills?” Tiffani’s body is pressing against mine and she moves her hands to my face, cupping my jaw and guiding my lips to hers. I know it’s all just a show, but I kiss her anyway, only for a second. I free myself from her grasp, stepping away and placing at least a foot of distance between us, and then I notice Eden’s eyes on me. She’s most likely thinking about that phone call with Tiffani earlier, the one where I lied and didn’t say love you back. And now here I am, kissing Tiffani like a damn hypocrite. I drop my eyes to the ground, kicking at the dirt.
“Easiest way to speed and not get caught,” Jake says, and I can’t even remember what I asked. “We didn’t want to keep you waiting for an hour.”
“It’s incredible,” Eden says quietly, her voice breathy and forever husky. I look up at her, and everyone else looks at her too. Her head is tilted back, her eyes squinting up through the evening sunlight to the sign. “Thanks for showing me it.”
God. We all laugh, and I really can’t fight it. She thinks this is it? She thinks we drove all the way here just to look up at the damn sign from the ground? And she actually would have been grateful for that? Man, her innocence is cute.
“We haven’t shown you it yet,” Rachael tells her, and I can see the color rising in Eden’s cheeks. “We’re taking you all the way up.”
“Up?” Eden says. She furrows her eyebrows as she glances back up at the sign. Sure, it’s pretty high up there atop Mount Lee, but it’s really not a bad hike.
“Yeah, up,” Dean confirms. “We better get moving if you want to see it before the sun goes down. And it’s hot. So here.” He passes out a bottle of water to her, and then bottles to Jake and Meghan.
“Who remembers the route?” Rachael asks. She comes to Tiffani and me, shoving a warm bottle of water into my hand.
“It’s not that damn hard, Rach. Sharp left and then right,” I remind her. I drop my hand to Tiffani’s waist, guiding her toward the Hollyridge Trail that starts just ahead. It’s been at least a year since we all last came up together, but the trails are simple and straightforward so the route is impossible to forget.
Tiffani and I lead the way, but that’s nothing new. For as long as I can remember, we’ve always been the leaders of the group. Maybe because we both like to be intimidating. Maybe because we’re both good actors. Maybe because we care the most about what others think of us. I’m not too sure.
“Sooo,” Tiffani says, running her fingers down my arm and interlocking our hands. “Bet you’re happy to get out of the house, huh?”
“Sure am,” I murmur. If only she knew what I was really up to today. I honestly think she would kill me if she found out, especially since I’ve already promised her I wasn’t going to get involved with Declan Portwood. Yet that’s exactly what I’m doing. “How was the beach? Topped up that tan?”
“I don’t know,” she says, and as nonchalant as ever, she continues, “You’ll be able to tell me when I take my clothes off later.”
Well, damn. That didn’t take Tiffani long tonight to start with all her teasing. It only reminds me yet again that we are so, so wrong for each other. We have nothing to talk about besides sex, parties and social status. After all these years, it just feels so repetitive and so boring. I glance sideways at her and she gives me the best innocent smile she can pull off, but it still comes across as a smirk. I don’t know what to say at this point apart from, “Alright. Sounds good.” She doesn’t look all that pleased with my lame reply.
As we keep on walking, heading up and up, I glance over my shoulder. Everyone has already fallen behind us, and the five of them are trailing by a short distance. I notice Eden at the back, talking with Rachael, listening closely. Dean’s laughing with Jake and Meghan about something, and honestly, I wish I wasn’t stuck up ahead at the front of the pack with only Tiffani as my companion.
We talk about the most mundane shit ever during the entire hike, and if I wasn’t walking up a damn mountain, I definitely would have fallen asleep by now. The conversation never used to be so lacking a few years ago when we
first started dating, but over time we have just gotten so used to each other. And when you are so used to someone you don’t even like all that much, you seriously lose the will to even try anymore. I put my hand on her shoulder occasionally to keep her happy, and she touches my bicep every so often. It’s all just so meaningless, but I never really expected there to be anything more, anyway. I knew from the beginning that there were never going to be any true feelings between Tiffani and me, but sometimes I wish there had been.
I check over my shoulder again, and I don’t know why, but I clench my fist when I realize that Eden isn’t with Rachael anymore. No, she’s with fucking Jake. The two of them are way behind the rest of us, and seeing the two of them alone together makes me uncomfortable. I narrow my eyes at Jake, wondering what kind of crap he’s up to. Eden’s gaze catches mine and she notices me watching, and she just confidently glowers straight back. Is she still mad at me for snapping at her in the car? Does she think she’s the one I’m glaring at?
“Ooooh, I’ve never been so glad to see this damn fence in my life! Finally!” Tiffani says. She grabs my hand and yanks me along with her as she breaks into a jog around the bend toward the sign, and she calls over her shoulder, “Eden, come see this!”
We round the corner, and there it is, the Hollywood sign sitting before us, the huge letters facing out over the city of LA. When the skies are clear, like tonight, you can see the skyscrapers of downtown LA off in the distance. We’ve made it up here in just under an hour, and because the sun is now beginning to set, we’re basked in a warm, orange glow. But I’ve seen it a bunch of times before, so it’s not as cool as I once thought it was.
Everyone catches up to us, rushing around the bend, but Eden is the only one I keep my gaze trained on. Her expression lights up, her eyes widening, and she presses her hands to the chain-link fence as she peers through it. She’s silent for a long while, taking in the view. I bet they don’t have shit like this in Portland, that’s for sure.
“Worth the hike?” Dean asks her, and all she does is nod, still staring.
“It’s so beautiful,” she murmurs.
Meghan says something, but I don’t hear her. I’ve stopped listening because now I’m looking at the sign too. We’ve all jumped the fence a couple times before to touch those letters, and even though it’s illegal, we’ve never been caught. We usually get the hell out of there pretty fast, and if Eden has hiked all the way up here, then she deserves the full experience. Plus, I want to put her through her paces and figure out if she’s the type for an adrenaline rush or not. She doesn’t look like she would be, but I’m not going to assume anything, because so far, she’s done nothing but surprise me.
I reach up and grab the top of the fence, looking back at everyone. “What are you guys waiting for?” I ask them with a smirk, and, being the leader of the pack and all, I haul myself up and swing my body over the fence. I land on the other side pretty smoothly, like a damn acrobat. I’m impressed with myself. “C’mon.”
I set my eyes on Eden, looking back at her through the chain links. I can see the fear in her gaze as she glances around, first at the tower of security cameras, and then at the trespassing signs, and then finally at me. I smile at her, challenging her to do it. I dare her.
“We have, like, ten minutes before they send out the helicopter,” Tiffani states, and she’s the first of the group to actually begin climbing over. “Eden, touch the sign and then we’ll get out of here.”
Eden frowns and then shakes her head at us. “Really, it’s okay. I don’t need to touch the—”
“Just touch the fucking sign,” I cut in, growing frustrated. I really wanted her to surprise me. She’s doing exactly what I expected her to do, and that’s no fun at all. It’s more interesting when she proves my assumptions wrong.
“We won’t get caught,” Rachael reassures her, and as she climbs over with Dean and Meghan, she adds, “We do this all the time.” Which is a fucking lie. We’ve only jumped this fence, like, twice.
“Don’t worry,” Jake says, and my chest tightens when he grasps Eden’s hand and places it on the fence, encouraging her. What is he up to? Because that’s weird. “If we get caught, we’ll all go down together. But we gotta be quick.”
Eden finally gives in, and she grabs at the fence and pulls herself up and over. I give her a nod of approval, but she doesn’t even notice, so I turn around and begin edging my way toward the giant letters as everyone follows. It is steep, so we do have to be careful, watching our footing the entire time.
“I love this place,” Dean says once we reach the letters. He touches the “O” and then sighs. “I wonder how many people around the world would kill for the opportunity to do this. We’re lucky.”
My gaze sharpens as I fire him a look. Dean does this a lot. Everything is always so deep with him. “Dude, stop getting all sentimental, it’s just letters on a mountain,” I tell him. It’s really not a big deal, and I don’t know why it has become one. “This city is stupid as hell and so is this sign.”
“You’re so negative,” Tiffani says, shaking her head. She walks over, stepping directly in front of me and hooking her fingers around the belt loops of my jeans. Probably so I can’t get away. She looks up at me from beneath her thick, fake eyelashes. “What’s with the shitty mood?”
I refuse to look at her, and instead I stare off into the distance. “I’m not in a shitty mood.”
“You are,” she says. “You always are. It’s seriously annoying. Can you smile sometimes? So, you know, you don’t look like a permanent asshole? We’re supposed to be happy.”
My gaze drops down to meet hers and I clench my jaw, ready to tell her to fuck off and leave me alone, to stop trying to tell me what to do, when I vaguely hear, “How about that date then?” from somewhere to my left.
My eyes flicker over and I see it: Jake and Eden standing way too close together with both their hands side by side on the “H” of the sign. Did I hear that right? Did he seriously just ask her for a date? Goddamn, he only just met the fucking girl!
“What the hell, man?” I yell over to him, and I push my way past Tiffani, marching straight over there. He’s up to something, I just know it. Eden isn’t even his type.
“What?” Jake says, turning around to face me. Clearly, my interruption has pissed him off, because he stares at me as though he’s fed up, with his lips pressed together and his eyes rolling.
“What the hell did you just say to her?” I demand, my voice ragged. I close the distance between us, our chests only inches apart, and because I’m slightly taller, I glare down at him. Who the hell does he think he is, asking my damn stepsister on a date?
“Bro, get outta my face,” Jake mutters, stepping back. He turns away and throws up his hands as though he isn’t looking for a fight, making me look like the bad guy for squaring up.
And that’s when I realize: Is he doing this to piss me off? To get a reaction? Is he seriously still hung up over losing out on Tiffani?
“No,” I argue. I follow Jake, stepping back in front of him again, refusing to back down. He doesn’t get to use Eden to piss me off. That’s just being a jerk. I jab his chest with my index finger and my eyes never leave his. “You two are not happening. I’ll kick your ass if you even think about it,” I threaten, and I hope he knows I’m being serious. I will floor the guy.
“Tyler, baby, chill,” Tiffani pleads in that fake, sweet voice of hers. She pushes her body in between Jake and me, pressing both her hands to my chest and attempting to shove me away, to remove me from the situation. I still haven’t broken eye contact with Jake. “Don’t be an asshole. Stop trying to start a fight.”
Dean tries to help too, and since Tiffani has a hold on me, he steps in front of Jake to block him off. “C’mon, guys. Quit it.”
I’m just about to search for Eden to check her expression, to see if she’s thankful that I intervened or if she’s pissed at me again, when I hear the faint sound of a helicopter. All of us are
completely silent, and I know everyone else has heard it too. Within a matter of seconds, the blades cutting through the air becomes louder and louder. I tilt my head back and look up, right as the LAPD helicopter emerges from the other side of Mount Lee.
19
FIVE YEARS EARLIER
I hear their voices from the kitchen before I’m even downstairs. It’s late and I should be in bed by now, but I can’t sleep yet. I’ve only just finished up in the bathroom, cleaning up the cut on my shoulder and popping some more painkillers. What I really want, though, is some ice.
Every single light in the house is off except for the glow that shines through the open crack of the kitchen door. Silently, I edge down the staircase one step at a time. I just checked on Jamie and Chase, and they’re both asleep and snoring, so I keep quiet not only so my parents don’t discover me creeping around, but so that I don’t wake my brothers.
I drift down the hall toward the kitchen door and when I reach it, I lean back against the wall and squint through the open crack. I’m holding my breath, because I’m scared they’ll hear me if I breathe.
“Can’t you just replace him internally?” Mom is asking, frowning at Dad as he paces back and forth across the kitchen. She looks tired and she’s wearing sweatpants, her hair tied back and her makeup already washed off. “Give one of your other guys a promotion?”
“Replace Evan Kroger?” Dad says, abruptly coming to a halt. He stares back across the kitchen at her, his eyes wild. He’s still wearing his shirt and tie, though it’s loosened around his neck. He reaches up to undo the top buttons of his shirt too. “None of my other guys are capable, Ella. How the fuck can Evan just walk out like that? No damn warning!” He shakes his head in aggravation. “Now the Seattle office doesn’t have a project manager two days before we break ground on our biggest project of the year. We’re fucked.”
Through the dark, I roll up the sleeve of my T-shirt and glance down at my arm. Just below my shoulder, a new set of bruises is developing. I wasn’t sure what I did wrong tonight, but now I know why he was so mad. Something has gone badly wrong at work.