“Liv! Finally you’re here.” She curls her arm around my shoulders and forces me to face Ryan, who’s still sitting on the edge of the bed with his legs spread in that way boys sit, wearing only swim trunks again. Does the guy ever wear actual clothes? “We’ve been waiting for you. Tell Ryan hello.”
“Hello,” I say in a monotone, incredibly uncomfortable from interrupting what was surely a private hookup moment.
He smiles and rises to his feet, smoothing a hand over his rumpled hair, his biceps bulging with the movement. Hair Em was probably responsible for rumpling. “Hey, Livvy.”
Tingles race over my skin and I force myself to ignore the signs. The signs that I might be attracted to this boy who just had his tongue in my best friend’s mouth. I don’t even know him. It’s purely a physical thing, as in every single thing that makes him up physically, I find attractive.
And I shouldn’t. He doesn’t belong to me. He belongs to Em. I should be thinking about Dustin.
Not Ryan.
“I’m so glad you’re finally here.” Em turns toward me, and envelopes me in a warm hug, her mouth on my neck as she starts to speak again. “I’ve missed you.”
I hug her back, my gaze meeting Ryan’s as I say, “I’ve missed you too.”
He sends me a playful, rolling eyes look that I ignore.
Em kisses my neck and pulls away, her blue eyes bright, her cheeks flushed. She’s wearing a white lacy cover up over a black string bikini and her chin-length, gold-streaked bob is tucked behind her ears. She’s effortlessly gorgeous, all rosy from kissing a cute boy for who knows how long. “Now that you’re here the party can start.”
I laugh and shake my head. “Looks like it’s already been going for the last few days.”
Em rolls her eyes and lets go of me, heading for her dresser. “I was just biding my time until you showed up.”
“So I bring the party?” I tease, meeting Ryan’s gaze once more.
“You definitely bring something,” “he tells me before pulling me into a tight hug. My chest presses against his, my arms going around his waist for the briefest moment before I release him and back far away.
He makes me nervous.
“Aw, I love that you guys are already hugging!” Em cries as she watches us.
Guilt swamps me but Ryan just smiles. “I’ll leave you girls alone.” He looks at me. “See you at the pool.”
And then he’s gone.
The air seems to cool the moment he’s left the room and I go to stand next to Em, watching as she digs through the top drawer of her dresser. It’s an elaborate piece of furniture, cream-colored with an endless number of drawers, every one of them stuffed full of clothes. The one she’s digging through now is overflowing with lacy scraps of fabric. There are panties in every style and color, boy shorts and thongs and bikinis, some of it standard, most of it sexy.
Her underwear drawer is like Em in a nutshell.
“So how’s your summer been? Besides the partying and hanging out with the popular crowd? Have you done anything else?” I’m trying to make conversation but she’s hardly paying attention to me.
“It’s been so boring without you here,” she says, her head practically buried in that drawer.
I think she’s saying that to make me feel better. Not that she needs to. I’m a big girl. She’s allowed to have fun when I’m not around.
“What are you looking for?” I ask.
“A black lacy thong I bought last week.” She lifts her head and smiles at me. “I want to wear it tonight.”
“But aren’t we going swimming?”
Em blows out a frustrated breath. “Yeah, but I don’t want to forget. I want to wear it for…” Her voice drifts and she purses her lips.
“Ryan?”
She sighs and slams the drawer shut, turning to look at me. “Well, yeah. But it’s no big deal. We’re just friends.”
I raise a brow. “Is that what you call it? Because I hate to break it to you, but you were kissing him just a few minutes ago, and he had his hand on your boob.”
“So crude.” She nudges my shoulder with hers. “Voyeur.”
“Just stating facts. Facts I saw with my own eyes.” I pause, but she doesn’t say anything. “I don’t get why you can’t say that you like him and he likes you. What’s the big deal?”
“Because he refuses to make this a big deal so I can’t, okay? He told me straight up that we’re going to be just friends and that’s it.”
“Friends who kiss and offer up blowjobs?” I add helpfully.
She scowls. “Right. Look, I know the score. I can’t pretend this is something more. He told me from the start his expectations.”
“What about your expectations?” I’m kind of offended on her behalf, not that she notices.
“They’re the same as his!” Em throws her hands up in the air. I’m irritating her, but I don’t care. This isn’t like Em. She doesn’t hook up, not really. Not on a constant basis, though I’ve heard rumors in the recent past. Rumors I’d always brushed off. But now, it sounds like Ryan’s only…using her.
Not that I’d say that. Not right now. She’s mad enough.
I try reverse psychology on her. “So you’re just using him.”
“Right. Yes. That exactly.” She points at me. “So I want to mess around, so what? He’s the perfect guy to mess around with. First, he’s gorgeous. And he’s…experienced. No judgment. He’s discreet. Crap, he really doesn’t know anybody here and I love that about him. He doesn’t really know me. I can be whoever I want with Ryan.”
“And who exactly are you with Ryan?” I’m envious of that wistful tone in her voice. The fact that she’s having so much fun with Ryan and doesn’t care what anyone thinks must be so freeing.
Sometimes, I wish I were more like her.
“Free. Wild.” She smiles wickedly. “So. Freaking. Wild. You wouldn’t believe what we did last night.”
Panic takes hold and I grab her arm, gripping her wrist with my fingers. “Did you…”
“No, we haven’t had sex yet.” She shakes off my hand and heads for her closet. “But we’ve done other things.”
I nearly sag to the floor I’m so relieved. I don’t want to be the last virgin. But I don’t really want her to be the last virgin either and one of us is going to have to be eventually. This isn’t a race.
Though it feels like one.
“I have a bikini for you,” she calls from within her closet. “Wait until you see it!”
“I’m already wearing one.” Dad had bought me a couple, though I really only wore one of them. It’s not that warm where he lives and besides, all I ever did was hang out with Christine, Dakota and Sierra all day. That sucked.
“You don’t have one like this, though.” She emerges from her closet brandishing what looks like a sliver of turquoise fabric and a bunch of strings. “You are going to look so incredibly hot.”
I take it from her and hold the two-piece out in front of me. The top is made up of two triangles and strings. That’s it. The bottom is skimpy. It looks like it would barely cover my ass. “Em, come on. Everything will be hanging out.”
“Exactly. And all the boys will die.” She laughs and snags the bikini out of my hands before she flings it back at me. It hits me in the chest and I grab it. “Go put it on, hooker. You know you want to!”
I head for her giant , private bathroom, the bathroom I’ve envied for years because it connects to her room. It has a giant tub with jets and a big glass shower. A huge countertop with two sinks and all her makeup and hair stuff spread out all over it. What I would give for this much space, and all the privacy she could ever want…
“Can’t undress in front of me? When did you get so modest?” she asks.
“I’m on my period,” I tell her as I shut the door. A lie. I don’t feel like stripping in front of her. I know she doesn’t have a problem with stripping naked in front of me, but she’s right. I’ve always been shy about that stuff.
&n
bsp; “Gross!” She laughs. “That’s going to ruin any prospects you might have tonight.”
“I’m not looking to hook up,” I tell her through the door as I tug the sundress I wore over to her house up and over my head, leaving it in a heap on the floor.
“Please. We all are.” She hesitates for the barest moment. “Dustin’s out there. He’s been asking about you.”
I pause in my stripping, my heart tripping over itself. “What is he saying?”
“How much he’s missed you. I think he has a total crush on you, Liv.”
Here’s my chance to be honest. Taking a deep breath, I lean against the door, my forehead pressed against the cool wood. “We’ve sort of had a thing for each other.”
Silence greets me from the other side for a moment. “What are you talking about?”
I slowly crack open the door to find her face almost directly in mine. “Dustin and I…we’ve messed around a few times.”
Her mouth drops open. “Really?”
I nod, reaching out to touch her arm but she jerks away from my touch. “It was crazy. I don’t know…I think I like him, too.”
Em’s expression is completely flat, her blue eyes dull. I part my lips, ready to offer up a bunch of silly excuses, anything to make her smile but then it’s like a switch turned on. Her face brightens, her mouth stretches into a wide smile and she hauls me into her arms, hugging me close.
“I’m so happy for you two! Wow, Livvy and Dustin sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g. That is the cutest!”
“Um, well we’re not a couple or anything like that,” I try to say but she’s already dancing around, her boobs jiggling beneath her skimpy top. I’m afraid a nipple might fly out.
“Funny how he never told me about you two,” she says. “I spent all summer with him and he never mentioned a word about this.”
“You don’t believe me?” I’m incredulous.
“Of course, I believe you! I’m just surprised. It’s so crazy, to think of the two of you together! So fun and crazy.” Her smile slips and her eyes dim. “I should go downstairs and check on everyone. See you at the pool?”
“Yeah,” I say weakly. “Definitely.”
The moment she’s gone I sag against the door, staring at my new bikini lying on the counter in front of me. She acted weird. I hope she’s okay with this.
I hope we’re all okay with this.
I’m drunk.
Just like I predicted, it’s not even six and I’m already buzzing hard. I’m a happy drunk. Some people are mean when they drink. Mom always accused Dad of being a vicious drunk, but I never really saw it.
Me and Em? We’re the happiest little drunk girls you’ve ever seen. We’re laughing and yelling and singing along with the music playing off someone’s iPhone. More people showed up, people I don’t even recognize, but I don’t care. We both greet them like they’re our long lost friends and we’ve been dying to see them for years. We hand them beers because we’ve gone through all the hard liquor in the house. We invite them into the pool. Someone ordered pizzas and a bunch of boys pitched in their money to pay for it.
When the pizza arrives it smells so good I immediately grab a plate and load it with three slices, not really caring if I look like a pig. Em makes a period hangry issue comment and I ignore her, chomping away on the most delicious slice of pepperoni, olive and mushroom pizza I’ve ever eaten in my life.
“You’ve been ignoring me.”
I swallow and glance over my shoulder to find Ryan standing there. I thought it would be Dustin, since I sort of have been ignoring him to save any awkward conversations we might have in front of Em.
Though he’s been trying to make grabs in the pool all afternoon. Not innocent grabs either—like, his hands hover near my boob vicinity every time he’s close. He even grabbed my ass, trying to tug my bikini bottoms down, but I swatted his hand away and called him a pervert.
The hurt look he sent me made me feel bad, but I don’t want to make Em upset if she sees us together. Not like I could explain anything to him since I haven’t caught him alone the entire afternoon. In fact, Brianne Brown’s been cozying up to him, like she always does. She’s been after him for a year.
I would love to yank all her pretty blonde hair out of her head.
“I haven’t been avoiding you,” I tell Ryan. I really haven’t seen him much these last few hours. I figured when Em wasn’t with me she was with him.
He settles on the edge of the lounge chair beside me, his big, warm body pressed up against mine. I scoot away from him and glance around, discreetly looking for Em but as usual, she’s nowhere to be found. No one’s really around. We’re on the opposite side of the pool from where everyone else is and they’re either congregated around the table with the pizza boxes or they’re inside getting something to drink.
Meaning we’re pretty much all alone.
“Glad to hear it. I thought you were mad at me.”
“Why would I be mad at you?” I lift the slice of pizza up to take a bite and he nods toward it, his expression hungry.
“Can I have a bite?” he asks, his voice so low I swear I feel it in the pit of my stomach.
“Um, sure.” I hold it up, fully expecting him to take it from me, but he doesn’t. Instead, he leans over, so close his body brushes against mine as he takes a bite of the pizza. I’m shocked silent, my entire body going still as I watch him chew. He’s so close he could lean right over and kiss me. Touch me.
I scoot away from him even more.
“Delicious,” he says, smiling at me. “You have sauce on your face.”
Before I can say anything he’s wiping at the corner of my mouth with his thumb. My lips part the slightest bit and I swear he gently presses his thumb between them before he pulls away.
Oh. Shit. I’m not stupid. He’s totally flirting with me.
This is so not cool. What about Em?
“Thanks,” I murmur, suddenly not hungry anymore.
“I should be thanking you, sacrificing your dinner to a guy you just met.” Despite the distance between us, he leans his shoulder into mine. “Em said you’re a giver.”
“I do like to help out my fellow man.” Ugh, that sounded so stupid.
“I’m sure.” He smiles, tilts his head to the side. “Need something to drink?”
“I’m good.” I tell him, balancing the plate of pizza on my knees. I feel extra exposed sitting with Ryan, wearing the skimpy bikini Em gave me, and I swear it feels like my boobs are gonna bust out of the triangles at any given moment.
Ryan’s gaze drops to the triangles, as if he can read my mind. “Nice suit.”
“Thanks.”
“I think Em got you the wrong size.”
How did he know the suit was from Em? “What do you mean?”
“Looks like someone’s trying to escape.” He reaches out, his fingers slipping beneath the triangle of thin fabric covering my right breast and readjusting it.
I swat his hand away. “What are you doing?”
His lazy smile tells me he knows exactly what he’s doing. “Trying to help you.”
“I don’t need your help,” I tell him haughtily. “You should keep your hands to yourself.”
“Aw, you’re no fun.” His eyes darken. “Hey, it was harmless flirting. I’m sorry, okay?”
I sit up straighter, appeased by his apology. “Okay.”
“You’re not mad at me?”
Shaking my head, I admit, “Not really.”
He laughs, shaking his head. “I like your honesty.”
“Most people don’t,” I say, thinking of Em. She gets mad at me when I’m honest. She calls it too honest. But I don’t like to lie to her so it’s like I can’t make her happy no matter what I say.
“I like girls who aren’t full of bullshit.” His laughter dies and he grows serious. “You’re not full of bullshit, are you, Livvy?”
I part my lips, ready to say something but before I can get the words out someone else speaks
up.
“What’s going on?”
We both look up to find Dustin standing over us, his expression thunderous, stupid Brianne Brown standing right next to him, her arm hooked through his.
I want to slap that smug look right off her bitchy face.
“I was just copping a feel and Livvy got mad at me,” Ryan says, voicing the one hundred percent truth, his expression solemn.
I start to laugh, shaking my head.
Clearly I’m drunk and stupid right now.
“Seriously, Liv?” Dustin asks, sounding pissed.
“He’s joking.” I sigh and shake my head.
“Totally joking, bro,” Ryan says, devouring another piece of pizza and ending his part of the conversation.
“I haven’t talked to you much today,” Dustin says, regaining my attention.
I smile prettily up at him, batting my eyelashes. I’m sort of pissed he brought Brianne around. “You’ve been otherwise occupied.”
I’m talking about Brianne. She’s tiny with big boobs and pretty blonde hair that is currently caught up in a bouncy ponytail. She’s a cheerleader too. Meaning she and Dustin would make a perfect pair.
Seeing them together makes me feel nauseous.
“Maybe we could catch up later?” I hear the hopeful tone in his voice. See the irritated scowl she shoots his way before she glares at me. She doesn’t want us to catch up.
“Yeah, definitely,” I answer brightly, my gaze locked on them as they turn and walk away.
The moment they leave us, my shoulders sag and I blow out a sigh. Ryan’s nudging me with his elbow, that smile on his face unreadable. I have no idea what he’s thinking and it’s kind of freaking me out. “He’s jealous.”
“Of who?”
“Of me.” Ryan reaches out, his index finger tracing a path along my shoulder. “And us. Sitting together.”
I jerk away from him. He needs to stop touching me like that. It’s not right, not when he’s with Em. “He is not.”
“Aren’t you two together?”