“And how is that?” Jade asked, looking up at me.
“He sort of sees girls like toys,” I said. “I’m not like that. My mom taught me—” I squeezed my eyes shut. “I mean…” I looked at her. “I’m not Lance and, well, that’s why I—that’s why my relationships go kinda slow.”
Jade seemed shocked that I’d strung so many words together at once. For me, it wasn’t the number of words, but what they meant. I wasn’t Lance, and I didn’t want to be Lance. For once, I was thankful for my mother’s lectures about how to treat girls.
I looked at Jade, but the longer the silence stretched the more awkward I felt. “Look,” I said. “ It’s not that I don’t want to—I do, I like you—”
“Let’s just forget about it, okay?” Jade smiled, but I didn’t want to forget about this conversation.
“We’re okay, right?” I pulled her closer, eliminating all the space between us. “Just like this?”
“Yeah, we’re okay.”
“You don’t mind that I’m, I don’t know, slow?” I thought about her and Durango, and wondering how fast he’d moved with a freshman.
“Mitch, if I wanted to date Lance, I’d date Lance.”
I laughed, and Jade moved her fingers to my face and stroked her fingers from my temple to my chin. Fire burned in my stomach. “You should laugh more, Mitch,” Jade said. “I like it. You look so… free.”
The only place I felt free was when I ran. Even then, sometimes I couldn’t run hard enough or fast enough or long enough to get away. Jade settled her head on my shoulder while I replayed all the idiotic things I’d said about going slow. I was Molasses Mitch, that much was true. But did I have to be? All the time? With every girl? With Jade?
When the song ended, Holly sidled up to Jade and whispered something in her ear. “We’ll be right back,” Jade said, disentangling herself from me and leaving with Holly. I watched them walk away, my eyes glued to Jade.
“Did you see your next door neighbor?” Lance asked, throwing back a glass of punch. “All that running really does a body goo-oo-ood.”
“Can it,” I said, still looking at Jade. The back of her dress was ultra low, revealing skin I’d never seen before.
“If your obscene staring is any indication, I’m betting your mind is in the bedroom too.” Lance nudged me again, this time with a hearty chuckle.
“It is not,” I said, but it so was. Even after my speech to Jade about going slow, I wondered if I really wanted to. Or if she was really okay with it.
My mouth got drier and drier the closer we got to Jade’s house. Her porch had nothing to conceal us, and I didn’t want to give Drew any ammunition against me. She’d bring this night up every chance she got—and she wasn’t above blackmail. I didn’t want Holly—I cut the thought off.
Jade snuggled into my side, and in the darkness of the way-back of the van, I skated my fingers up and down her arm. In front of me, I heard Lance talking to Holly but I didn’t know what he was saying. I heard the radio, but it was too quiet to pick out the song. Jade whispered my name, and I dipped my head so I could hear her.
“I had a great time,” she murmured, right before she started kissing my ear. I turned my head and found her mouth with mine. The van seemed to speed up, and before I knew it, we arrived at Jade’s.
I walked her to the door and kissed her again, not caring that I had four witnesses. With every stroke of her mouth against mine, I wanted to shed the Molasses Mitch skin and move full-steam ahead.
After only a minute, Omar honked. I waved at him to freaking wait without removing my mouth from Jade’s. They could wait. They could wait all night, because right now I was kissing my girlfriend.
Finally, Jade pulled away. “Well, that wasn’t so slow, Mr. Houser.” She licked her lips and wouldn’t look at me.
“I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?” I felt dangerous, as if this night was the beginning of a new Mitch Houser. “Goodnight,” I said, and returned to the van. Every single person was staring at me, even Holly.
“Classy with the horn, loser,” I said to Omar as I climbed in.
“Mitch,” Drew said, “I had no idea you were—”
“Shut up,” I growled.
Lance closed the door and started laughing. “You watch one of those condom videos, dude? Because that was—” He gestured from the van to Jade’s front door several times. “That was like, hot.”
“Shut up,” I said again, folding myself into the backseat and staring out the window. Holly hadn’t looked away from me, and I swung my eyes to her. “What?”
She flinched and shook her head. She looked like she might cry, but I didn’t see any tears before she whipped around. Lance lifted his arm and put it over her shoulders in a total boyfriend move. He ducked his head and whispered comforts in Holly’s ear. I resumed my watch out the window, feeling so unlike myself but in a weird, good way.
At home, I went in through the garage so I didn’t have to watch my sister kiss Omar. I called “I’m home,” down the hall to my parents’ bedroom and then high-tailed it upstairs. I didn’t need to give them an account of my date, but Drew would. She probably wanted to.
I stood at my window, which was luckily positioned above the porch so I couldn’t see any making out, and looked into the night. I didn’t see Lance sitting in the van, and I couldn’t see Holly’s porch either. Maybe she really had invited him inside. That bothered me more than I wanted to admit. “I should never have suggested he take Holly to Homecoming,” I whispered into the glass. She didn’t deserve to be added to his list of conquests, and I didn’t want to hear Lance talk about her, which I undoubtedly would. I loosened my bowtie and flung my jacket on the back of my chair.
My phone buzzed, and I undressed to my boxers and flopped into bed. The text was from Jade.
U home?
yep
What did Holly say on the way home?
nothing
I thought it strange Jade cared what Holly said. I had a lot of things to say to Holly, and this New-Mitch who didn’t always do the right thing might just say them.
why? I texted.
She texted me.
what did she say?
Just that she’s glad we’re together, but there has to be more there.
There definitely was, but I didn’t know what. Maybe, I texted. But we’re not really talking much.
You’re not?
nope
We texted for a while longer, wherein I promised to fill out at least one application by tomorrow night, and the stubborn girl wanted photo proof. I couldn’t decide if she was mothering me about the applications, or if it was just a game for her, or if she really thought I was an idiot for not caring about college.
No matter what, if filling out an application would earn me bonus points with Jade, I’d do it. I closed my eyes, reliving our Homecoming date. She had laughed, and talked, and I had too. She made me want to be better, smile more, tell her things I hadn’t told anyone else.
I thought about sneaking over to her house and continuing what we’d started on the porch. I typed the suggestion and then erased it just as fast. I wanted to go over there, but I couldn’t. Not tonight.
I sighed, ending the fantasy, and the image of Holly in her Homecoming dress filled my mind. It startled me to a sitting position. Why was she in my mind? And wearing that dress?
Or wearing nothing, Lance’s voice said. Or maybe it was my own thought. Maybe this was how I was supposed to think, and I’d always suppressed it.
I heard the murmurs of voices in the kitchen, and then footsteps on the stairs as Drew came up. She knocked on the door, and I said, “Yep.”
She cracked it and peeked her head around the corner.
“You can come in,” I said.
She carried her heels in one hand and dropped them to the floor as she sat in my desk chair. She looked at me for a few seconds. “What?”
“Thank you,” she said, her voice soft and small. It reminded me that she was my littl
e sister.
“For what?”
“For going to Homecoming so I could go too.”
Something inside me broke a little, but I masked it with a smile. “Sure.” My voice only sounded slightly strained. “Is he nice to you?”
She nodded, looking right at me and smiling. I realized that I needed a girl to riddle through this mess with Holly. In the past, she would’ve been the one I’d have asked. She helped me understand how girls think.
“Drew,” I said, “Can I ask you something?”
“Yeah,” she said.
“What would you do if, well, if another guy kissed you, and you didn’t like the guy, but you were friends, and—” I stopped when she frowned.
I took a deep breath to try again. “Holly kissed me.”
Drew looked like I’d splashed ice water in her face. Her mouth worked for a few seconds, but no words came out. Finally, she managed to say “When?”
“This morning, right before you came downstairs looking for Mom.”
“What did you do?”
“Well, I sort of let her.” I raked my hands through my hair. Had I let her? Had I liked it?
“Sort of let her?” she asked.
“I was leaning back, trying to get away. I was pinned against the counter. And I was just so shocked.”
“Then what?”
“Then she stopped.”
“And?”
“And nothing. You came down, and she followed you into the basement.”
Drew’s hands had gone still in her lap. “Wow, Mitch.” Her eyes were so round. “And I’m guessing you didn’t tell Jade.”
“Do you think she would have gone to Homecoming with me—with Holly? No, I didn’t tell her.” I looked at Drew, a strange well of desperation rising to my throat. “Should I tell her now? Or talk to Holly? Or what?”
I hoped Drew would have the magic cure for this. But she just shook her head. “I wouldn’t tell her.”
“Really? Won’t that just make her angrier?”
“Telling her will be catastrophic.” Drew watched me, clearly trying to decide if she should reveal something. “She doesn’t exactly like Holly.”
I didn’t know what to think. “Really?”
“Really,” Drew said. “I believe her exact words were ‘Stay away from him.’” She gripped a handful of fabric in her fist. “She pumped me for information about you and Holly for the first few weeks you were dating. She wanted to know when Holly came over, how often you talked, what she did with your phone. The works.”
I shook my head. “I had no idea.”
“I told you I didn’t really like her. She’s a jealous one.”
I wasn’t sure if I should be flattered or upset. I wondered what she and Holly had talked about tonight. They’d disappeared for about ten minutes, and neither of them had seemed different when they’d returned.
“So if I tell her, she’ll be ultra-pissed. And if I don’t and she finds out—”
“It’s over,” Drew said. “But it might be over if you tell her.”
I moaned. “Why are girls so freaking complicated?”
Normally, Drew would’ve smiled and quipped about females being the superior gender. I understood the gravity of the situation when she just dropped her chin and said, “I don’t know.”
A few minutes later, she stood up to leave. I watched her go, glad we were back on speaking terms but still confused about what I should do next. My phone buzzed, and I was surprised Jade was still up.
But the text was from Holly, and another one came right after the first. Then another.
thanks again
I’m sorry
pls don’t tell Jade
I got up and peered through my window. Omar’s van was long gone, but Lance was just walking away from Holly’s house, his tuxedo jacket slung over his shoulder. I couldn’t tell from his usual swaggery walk if anything had happened between him and Holly or not. The regret and frustration felt dammed inside me, unable to even trickle out.
21
Even if I wanted to tell Jade about Holly’s kiss, I didn’t know how. I called her a half hour before church began so I wouldn’t have to talk for long. The conversation was painful, but I managed to make it through seven minutes where she mostly talked about the dance and I mm-hmm’ed to let her know I was still on the line.
I agreed to work on one application that afternoon, and I reminded her that I had show choir practice with Charity that night, but that I’d text her after. I was open and honest about the time I was spending with Charity, but there was nothing to reveal there. I couldn’t tell Jade about Holly, and I hated that there was now this thing between us whether Jade knew it or not.
After I hung up I took a few minutes to calm down. Talking with Jade always got me riled up, and throwing Holly into the mix pissed me off.
I stood in my room with my fists clenched until Dad yelled that it was time to go.
Church didn’t settle me the way it sometimes did. The sermon went on and on, and since Dad wouldn’t allow electronics at church, I had nothing to distract me but the obnoxious hat Mrs. Sullivan wore.
We always ate lunch as a family after church, and then Dad wanted a couple of hours of quiet time before Sunday afternoon movies, before Drew made cookies, before I disappeared into my room and put on my headphones.
I dutifully filled out one application, snapped a picture, and texted it to Jade with the words you owe me a kiss. It felt very much like a Lance-text, and inwardly I was proud I’d thought of it. She answered back, but I felt so drained from church, from Homecoming, from kissing Holly that I turned off my phone and went downstairs.
I spent the afternoon lounging on the couch with Drew, and I even did the dishes after she finished baking.
“Thanks,” she said as she dried the last spatula. “Let’s go.”
“Go?” I asked.
She held a plate of cookies in her hand. “Yeah, these are for the Isaacson’s.”
I drained the sink and rinsed my hands. “So go.”
“You don’t want to come?”
“Why are you taking them cookies?”
Drew peered at me as if I was wearing a mask and she couldn’t see my face properly. “Didn’t you know? Scott is moving to Kansas City next weekend. He’s going to live with his dad.”
My blood felt cold in my veins. “How do you know that?”
“Dad told me. Said Clara asked the church to help them pack the truck on Friday night.”
Which meant I’d be over there helping. My chest tightened when I thought that I hadn’t been there for Holly, and then my jaw worked overtime at the fact that she hadn’t been the one to tell me.
Holly got along with her mom just fine, so that wasn’t the problem. But Holly and Scott were close; living apart from him would be hard on her.
Drew opened the door to the garage. “Are you coming? It’s okay if you, you know, can’t.”
I pushed away from the counter. “Yeah, I’m coming.”
At Holly’s, Drew knocked, and I stood behind her, as if her short body could conceal my tall one. Mrs. Isaacson opened the door, and she’d been crying. Drew shoved the plate of cookies at me and hugged her, reminding me of how much time Drew used to spend at the Isaacson’s. They went into the house, leaving the door open so I could trail behind.
All the blinds were shut tightly, making the house feel closed and dark. Drew went through the foyer and into the kitchen, which was attached to the living room. I stalled, staring at the piano where Holly bled out her frustration. I hadn’t heard it today. A sheaf of papers sat there, and I leaned closer to see what Holly was mastering now: Tchaikovsky’s piano sonata in G major. I’d look it up later, listen to how it was supposed to sound without all the anger behind it.
I moved down the hall toward the living room. The TV blared, throwing blue light into the darkness. I saw Holly and Scott sitting on the couch, and I froze between the kitchen and the living room.
Holly stared at me
, her hair a mess and her makeup smudged around her eyes. We recovered ourselves at the same time, her jumping up and wiping her eyes, me stepping toward the kitchen so I could set down the lame paper plate of cookies.
After that, I shoved my hands in my jeans pockets and tried not to look at her. But that didn’t work, and my gaze landed right on hers. She wore her training sweats that said Running is a sport, everything else is just a game, but I’d already seen the body concealed underneath, and I couldn’t get the images out of my head. She moved toward the stairs that led to her bedroom. I used to follow her up there when we wanted to talk alone, but I hadn’t been in her bedroom in months. We’d sort of realized how intimate it was over the summer.
She readjusted her steps and opened the front door. Not wanting to get involved in the conversation with Drew and Mrs. Isaacson, and seeing as how Scott hadn’t even moved, my only choice was the front porch.
Holly wasn’t on the front porch. I’d hesitated so long, she was halfway down the block. I stalled again, unsure if I should go after her or not. She didn’t look back, and she wasn’t moving particularly slow.
I had to run to catch her. When I stepped beside her, she glanced over at me. I didn’t need to catch my breath, not really, but I took a few gulps of oxygen so I could figure out what to say.
“Hey,” I started.
She walked faster.
“I heard about Scott,” I said.
A strangled sob came from her, and she started running. Just because I ran cross-country and not sprints didn’t mean I couldn’t keep up with her. I matched my pace to hers until she suddenly stopped. We’d run about three blocks, and now we stood on the corner, our chests heaving. She put her hands on her hips and paced away from me a few steps and then back.
She looked at me and burst into tears. So I did what best friends do: I wrapped her in a hug and held on.
I managed to get Holly to start walking again. She alternated between crying and silence, but she never attempted to explain.