The next four days dragged on for what felt like an eternity. I hadn’t heard from Luke, and that was a downer considering he’d planned to meet me for a morning run twice that week.
I’d dropped subtle hints to Uncle Charlie, but he never seemed to pick up on my little cues. The most he’d said was, “Trigger said he’ll have to reschedule your training.”
I’d spent the week feeling like I hadn’t had anyone to turn to. Matt was literally up to his lips with dedication to Hannah, and they’d spent every possible moment together. Between school, his part-time job, and his new girlfriend, I’d definitely taken the backburner on Matt’s list of priorities.
“Still feeling under the weather, I see,” Derek said as he walked past the house with the dog leash in hand.
I glanced up from the porch step and smiled, but both of us knew that there was very little truth behind my expression.
“Care to join me?” he nodded at the sidewalk.
“I’m not really in the mood to talk.”
“You don’t have to say a word,” he shrugged. “We can just walk a few blocks in silence, if that’s what you’d prefer. I just know it’s nice to have some friendly company from time to time.”
I smirked, nodded, and then slid off the steps.
“Alright,” he let the dog take the lead as I joined them on the walkway.
We walked down the sidewalk, both of us bundled in our jackets, as the cool autumn breeze picked up and hit us full force with a leaf-filled gust of wind.
I shivered under my jacket and looked down at the dog as he pranced along the sidewalk without a care in the world.
“What’s his name?” I asked, meeting Derek’s blue eyes.
“Elvis,” he smiled down at the German shepherd. “He belonged to my mom. She passed away last year.”
“Oh,” I pressed my lips together. “I’m sorry.”
We continued to walk for two more blocks without another sound. True to his word, Derek didn’t speak unless spoken to. In some very strange way, the silence brought about a sense of peace, and his company kept my mind from wandering too close to Luke.
“I’m sorry I’m not much of a conversationalist today,” I said, looking down at my feet. “I’ve just had a lot on my mind.”
“I imagine,” he acted as though he couldn’t help but laugh. “I’ve noticed you’ve been a little down in the dumps ever since your 4:00 a.m. fight in the middle of the street on Monday.”
I sent him a questionable look, and he shrugged. “I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop,” he said, and I believed him. “I was out in the yard with Elvis, and I heard some screaming a couple blocks down. When I realized it was you, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
I nodded, “I’ve gotten pretty good at taking care of myself.”
“Yeah,” he tried not to smile, “you’ve got quite an arm on you there. He didn’t stand a chance with that boulder you threw at him.”
I chuckled, “It was a tiny rock.”
“Right,” he matched my smile. He shook his head as if amazed by something. “You’re too cute, you know that?”
I closed my eyes and let his compliment sink in. And I couldn’t help but wonder how politeness and sincerity came so easily for him, yet Luke couldn’t take one sober minute to say something half as nice.
“Honestly, the guy’s an idiot,” he said as if he’d read my mind. “It’s not hard to see the way you look at him, Julie. And he sees it, too; don’t let yourself believe he doesn’t.”
“It’s complicated,” I understood Luke’s side more than I cared to admit. “There’s an age gap, and I think that scares him, but not nearly as much as my Uncle Charlie does. I think he’s afraid of how it would look.”
“And that’s the kind of guy you want to be with?” he asked, but not the least bit hostile. It seemed as though he was truly trying to figure out what I saw in Luke. Sometimes, though I’d never admit it out loud, I wasn’t even sure what I saw in him. “Do you really want to be with someone who’s so concerned with upholding his reputation that he can’t appreciate what’s right in front of him?” Derek dropped his head and sighed. “And does he always talk to you like that, Julie? Like you’re a child? Like he’s entitled?”
“He is entitled,” I gave him a little credit. “In some respects, Luke’s my boss.”
“He’s your coach,” Derek corrected me. “He’s just signing off on your job-shadowing hours, right? He’s not your superior.”
I shrugged.
“You know the crazy thing?” I asked, though I was fairly certain Derek didn’t really care much one way or the other. Luke seemed to have become a touchy subject. “I know he has feelings for me, but he refuses to confront those feelings, let alone admit them.”
“Then, I’ll say it again. He’s an idiot.”
Derek and I continued to walk, neither of us knowing what else to say.
I appreciated how much he was trying to help, but his opinion was slightly biased. He’d only seen one side of Luke and only in small doses. He didn’t know the honest, soft-spoken, kind-hearted Luke that I’d caught a glimpse of during our hours together.
As we turned the corner of Linden and Main coming full circle in our walk around the neighborhood, I caught sight of Luke’s patrol car sitting in the driveway, and Luke still resting behind the wheel. I tried to keep myself from sprinting toward him, especially out of politeness to Derek, but I picked up my pace as we got closer to the house.
“Go on,” Derek said, giving me permission. “Obviously he has something he needs to say.”
I smiled, said a quick thank you, and sprinted toward the cruiser. Luke was sitting back in the driver’s seat with his eyes staring straight forward, and he didn’t seem to notice for a second that I’d walked up to the window. I tapped on the glass, and he jumped from inside. He closed his eyes for a brief second and took a deep breath.
He opened the door and let himself out, slamming it loudly behind him.
“Dammit, Little,” he said, grinding his teeth. “You nearly gave me a heart attack.”
“Rule number one,” I winked. “Always be on high alert, and I don’t use the term always loosely, Officer Reibeck.”
A small grin twitched at the corner of his lips.
“What brings you here?” I leaned against the side of his car.
He watched as Derek and Elvis finally walked by. He watched them just as closely as they watched him, and it was like reliving the Hannah and Matt staring match all over again. “Doesn’t it seem a little fishy that that guy’s always around?”
“He lives next door.”
“Still,” he eyed Derek. He finally looked back at me and nodded up to the porch, “Can we sit?”
“Sure,” I said, taking the lead. I walked up the steps and took a seat on the ledge. Luke settled in next to me, but was extremely careful not to brush my body or make any unintentional contact. “What’s on your mind?”
“For one,” he said, and I couldn’t quite tell if he was joking, “I’ve decided not to arrest you for assaulting a police officer.”
“Har-har-har,” I reminded myself just how hard I’d probably hit him with that rock, “you deserved it.”
A smile appeared, so I assumed that that must’ve been his attempt to break the ice, but it slowly faded as he looked up at me again.
“You’re a good kid, Julie,” he said. “You’re smart, and funny, and you’ve got a good head on your shoulders.”
“Thank you,” I said, not liking his tone. I wasn’t sure whether or not to take the compliment, or assume it was the beginning of something terrible. Something about the way his voice sounded made me wonder if there was something bad coming next; I could literally feel the rejection building in his speech.
“I understand the feelings that you’re experiencing,” he continued, sounding a little more mature than he’d sounded in the days before. “We’ve all been there, you know? And especially at your age, it’s only natural—”
“Just stop,” I said. And there it was—the rejection I’d been waiting for. “What you’re saying is that you understand that I have feelings for you.”
“Yes.”
“And you can respect how I feel.”
“Yes.”
“But you also want me to understand that you don’t reciprocate those feelings,” I took a deep breath. “Right?”
He nodded.
“Julie, when it comes right down to it, I honestly think you misread whatever was said the other night.”
“Right,” I rolled my eyes.
“I want us to be able to continue our hours together,” he said, and it was the first thing he’d said that I truly believed he meant. “You’ve done so well, and I don’t want this argument to interfere with our work.”
I nodded, but only because I didn’t know what else to do. How could he sit there and act like nothing had changed between us? How could he expect me to just accept his half-assed explanation?
“Luke,” I scratched the top of my head. At that point, I was just confused. I didn’t know what to say, or what he wanted me to say. “I’m sorry that you feel that way.”
“It’s okay, kid,” he patted his legs and stood up as if he’d sensed some finality in our conversation. “It’s good that we’ve cleared the air.”
“Except we haven’t,” I said, still sitting on the step. Maybe he was done, but I wasn’t. I still didn’t understand; I wanted something more than whatever that was that he’d just given me.
“Yeah?” he turned back.
“Do me a favor.”
“I can try—”
“You can stop calling me kid,” I bit back tears. “And while you’re at it, you can stop treating me like one.”
Before he had time to respond, I got up and brushed past him, taking the steps down into the yard and over to Derek’s house. I pounded on the door as Luke stood watching me from my porch. When Derek answered, I threw myself in his arms and sobbed against his shoulder, only validating once and for all that I was just as childish as Luke had been treating me. But he’d broken my heart, and I needed comfort. Derek pulled me over the threshold, shut the door, and took me in his arms once again.
And then I cried some more.
SIX