“I was elected chairman of the dance committee,” I watched the ground with a broken stare. “The Fall Ball is scheduled for next Saturday. I’ll probably just go alone.”
I scooted forward in the grass with my legs crossed over one another, my knees gracing the engraved stone in front of me. I shook my head and absorbed the reality of the conversation, and it seemed far too morbid for comfort.
“You know that feeling when you’re driving down the road, and you arrive at your destination, but you can’t remember for the life of you how you got there?” I slowly drew in a breath to fill my lungs with the frigid autumn air. “Obviously you found your way, you got there safely, but… the whole idea of how you actually arrived is a mystery even to you?”
I leaned back to reposition myself, pressing my hands down on the dewy grass and clutching the wet blades between each finger. It was something so simple, something so easy to take for granted: the ability to touch… to feel… to make a connection. How quickly I’d learned not to ignore the magnitude of having something to hold.
“That’s how life has felt up to this point; just one case after another of highway hypnosis. Here I am, sitting right in front of you, making small talk about a stupid dance, but the how and why of it is still too hard to comprehend, so I just shut it out.”
I let my eyes wander for a few brief moments. The grave was small and decorated, nestled at the back corner edge of the cemetery just below the shade of a nearby oak tree. A rickety wooden fence separated the cemetery from the thick forest on the neighboring plot of land. Leaves cascaded from the giant oak as the wind picked up, and I watched each one as they descended to the ground.
The air was frigid, and yet there I sat, freezing as I talked to no one who could actually hear me.
“I’m sorry I haven’t come to visit,” I kept a firm grasp on the grass beside me. “I could lie and say I’ve been busy. Truth is I’ve been putting this off for as long as I possibly could.”
My cheeks burned as the wind gained momentum; it whistled as it taunted my golden locks and forced the orange leaves off the ground and into a free-flowing dance. It was beautiful. Even now, through all my emotions, I appreciated the beauty of nature’s simplicity.
“I’m sorry,” I said for what felt like the hundredth time since I’d arrived at the cemetery. “I’m all over the place today. It’s just that there are so many things I regret never saying to you,” I watched the leaves follow the current back to the ground, and I took that moment to find my breath. “I don’t really know where to start.” I bit my lip to bite back a sob that lingered deep in my throat, but the emotion fought to overcome me. “I really hope you know how much I love you and how much I truly miss you.”
I closed my eyes, and the extra weight of my eyelids forced the pent-up tears down my cheeks.
“Every day,” I recognized the weakness in my voice as tears glossed over my eyes. “I wonder what our lives would’ve been like if you were still here. Would it be easier? Maybe,” I said, but I wasn’t fully convinced. Nothing had ever been easy. My life had always had its share of challenges, but somehow I knew better than to give up hope for change. It seemed as if no matter what I put forward, no matter how hard I tried, the problems kept on snowballing. “Maybe if you hadn’t left me, I wouldn’t be stuck in this place, this constant game of back and forth, wondering how I went from sitting on top of the world to losing everything I ever loved.”
Tears spilled over the rim of my eyes. I watched as my warm breath turned to fog with each jagged breath I let go. I wiped my tears with the backside of my glove and pulled my knees to my chest.
“I don’t know how the afterlife works,” I said, still fighting to bite back the tears. “Maybe you can hear me now, maybe you can’t. But if you’re listening, you should know that I’m okay. I’m not great; I’m not even close to great. I’m just okay. And I only came here today because I wanted to tell you again, in case you’re listening…that I haven’t forgotten about you. I still miss you, and there’s nothing I wouldn’t give to be in your arms again, if only for a second.”
I rested my chin on my knees and hugged myself tighter. The tears felt like frozen drops of ice on my cheeks, but I couldn’t bring myself to wipe them away.
“I have somewhere I have to be now,” I whispered. I rolled forward on my knees and knelt before the headstone, running my fingers across the engraved letters. “I love you,” I whispered, pressing a kiss to the smooth granite. “I’ll never forget what you did for me.”
“What are you supposed to be?” I stared at my cousin with wide eyes.
Matt’s gray shirt and jeans were smeared with dirt, ripped and torn, and covered with dry blood. Bloodied scrapes, wounds, and scars—all made from wax and make-up, masked his typically flawless face.
“The living dead,” he opened his mouth to expose his dirt-stained teeth.
“That’s disgusting.”
“Why thank you, Your Highness,” he mocked, bowing before me.
I smoothed my lace gloves and adjusted my tiara before turning full circle to let the beautiful, white gown sweep the ground.
The event was off to quite a start. Charlie had invited everyone in the neighborhood to his annual Halloween costume party. He’d supplied every kind of food and snack imaginable, karaoke entertainment on the front porch, outdoor games in the yard, and a bonfire at the back edge of the property. As always, Matt took his costume far too seriously. This year I was determined to strip him of his reigning title of Best Dressed.
“Mock me if you must,” I pursed my lips. “But you and I both know that you’re just jealous that you could never be this breathtaking—”
“Woo!” Detective Bruno walked between us to join my uncle near the roaring bonfire. “I think Miss Julie has spent one too many hours down at the station, Charlie. You hear the mouth on that girl? I haven’t met someone with an ego that big since Trigger—”
“Watch it,” Luke stepped up to warm his hands. He flashed a coy smile in my direction, winked, and turned back to the fire.
“I thought you couldn’t make it,” I said from across the fire pit, and I kept my voice calm as I watched the smoke climb higher.
“Plans change,” his eyes darted up to Detective Bruno. The two men stared at each other for a few long beats, sparking a few uncertain glances from the rest of the group. Bruno twisted his lips, and Luke simply shrugged. Still, their eyes remained fixed on each other’s as the next few seconds crept by. It was hard to be certain, but judging by the look of things, it seemed as though something was going on between them. Something was definitely off.
After Bruno broke the stare, he, Charlie, and Matt broke off from the group and headed for the house. With no one else in sight, I sprinted around the fire and threw my arms around Luke’s neck. A heavy groan escaped from deep in his throat as his body tensed against mine.
“Careful, kid—”
“Right,” I backed away. I let my eyes fall on his chest, but then I quickly looked back to him. “Did I hurt you?”
“No,” he winced and held his chest with one hand. A moment passed, and he dropped his arms to his side and shook them as if to let go of the pain. “Now,” he said quietly. “Let’s try that again.”
He turned to me, took me in his arms, and pulled me gently toward him. I closed my eyes as I rested against his shoulder, admiring the way it felt inside his embrace. His hug didn’t last long, but just the gentle reminder that he hadn’t forgotten me was all the reassurance I needed.
As silent minutes passed, everyone started going about their evening and enjoying the party. Luke crossed his arms in front of his chest and stared off into the night after ending our hug. At that point, the vast majority of the crowd had already migrated to the front of the house to hear Detective Bruno’s encore (and tone deaf) performance of Monster Mash, leaving me alone with Luke to listen to the crackle of the burning embers. Neither of us said much, but it was com
forting all the same; Luke was standing next to me, alive and strong, and really, I couldn’t ask for anything more.
As the smoke wafted up and blanketed the dark autumn sky, I took in a deep breath and filled my lungs with the ashy smell of burnt hickory. Nighttime was finally upon us, bringing with it a sudden onset of cool air. Luke’s arm fell gently across my shoulders as I stood near the fire, enjoying the warmth of the flames against my cheeks. He pulled me close to his side, encompassing my body with a flood of heat even the fire couldn’t compete with. He lowered his head to mine and pressed his lips to my temple.
“Brace yourself,” he said with a bit of intrigue in his eyes.
“For what?”
“A compliment,” he whispered, tickling my earlobe with the soft grace of his lips. “You look beautiful.”
I turned to meet his crooked smile.
“How very unlike you,” I prayed my cheeks weren’t as red as they felt. I watched his brown eyes trace the features of my face, and then my gaze fell on his lips. “I’ve missed you.”
“You were just at the hospital yesterday, kid,” he pressed another kiss to my head. He looked over his shoulder and back to me; it didn’t take a detective to conclude that Luke was worried that our closeness might draw unwanted attention from the other partygoers.
Since the night of the shooting, Luke and I hadn’t shared many intimate moments. There was an occasional hug here and there, rarely a peck on the cheek, and then there was that unspoken agreement that neither of us would mention the kiss we shared as he fought for what we could only assume were his last breaths. Still, I’d remained by Luke’s side through thick and thin, day and night, as much as I could without raising suspicion. Nothing could’ve stopped me from being right where I needed to be.
Needless to say, Luke’s openness tonight was odd. It wasn’t like him, even this new and improved version of himself, to play his cards so far from the chest. He seemed a little vulnerable, a little comfortable, and a little normal for a change.
“How was your first day out of the hospital?” I asked, letting my fingers brush against his.
“Uneventful,” he assured me. “I tried settling in at home, but I was too restless. So, I stopped by the station. I tried sneaking in the back, but not with much luck; Charlie wouldn’t let me two steps in the door before throwing me out.”
“You know you’re not allowed back on duty—”
“I’m out of the hospital,” he said, his scarred lip curving into a smile. “I’m good as new.”
“Not necessarily,” I ran my thumb across his. “I thought you were gonna cry when I hugged you earlier.”
He scoffed and looked away, but it was clear even Luke knew he was pushing his recovery. Not wanting to get any closer to the possibility of discussing his vulnerabilities, Luke stood a little straighter and turned his gaze on me.
“Charlie mentioned that you finally made it to the cemetery this morning,” he squeezed my fingers. “Good for you, kid. You needed to take that time with your parents—”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I met his gaze. “It didn’t go well.”
“It was your first visit since the burial,” he said, holding tighter. “It gets easier with time.”
Footsteps rounded the corner, and Luke pulled away putting a foot of distance between our bodies. I looked over my shoulder to find Derek coming closer, wearing a smile.
“Wow, Julie,” he took my hand and twirled me in a circle. “You’re absolutely stunning.”
“Why, thank you, my prince,” I curtsied.
Derek’s strawberry-blonde hair whipped in the wind. He adjusted his silver-rimmed glasses and smiled at me, leaving me flustered by his undeniable charm. His dark suit blended with the night sky, and it was clear that he hadn’t had to work too hard to transform himself into the perfect Prince Charming. He wore his heroic costume like a pro.
“Seriously?” Luke looked between us. He shook his head and scoffed. “You two dressed to match?”
“FYI, Officer Reibeck,” I turned back to Luke, “I know you got the message, but in case you forgot, this is a costume party. And Charlie is handing out prizes—one being for the best dressed couple. And since some people are too stubborn to participate, Derek willingly accepted my invitation to couple-up for the evening.”
“Of course he did,” Luke muttered. The two of them stared at the other with mutual distaste. While they still hadn’t found a way to get along, I wasn’t about to let their dislike for one another interfere with the relationship I had with each of them. I owed them both so much.
Three weeks earlier, after Luke had been whisked off to the hospital for immediate surgery, Derek, Hannah, and I were taken straight to the police station for questioning. Since Hannah was in no hurry to deny her position in the shooting, and mine and Derek’s stories corroborated her involvement, the case was practically open and shut. I felt as though it was safe to say that my biggest reason for worry was securely behind bars, since she was being held without bond.
While part of me wanted to hate Derek for the secrets he’d kept in the beginning—being the son of the man who’d murdered my parents—I couldn’t, not after everything we’d been through. Derek stayed by my side through my darkest hours. He let his sister take the fall, never once considering her feelings over mine. He made me a priority.
“I’m going to run up to the house and grab something to drink,” Derek said. “Save me a dance later?”
I nodded my head and smiled, “Definitely.”
He nodded at us and then turned back to the house.
“Funny,” Luke reached up to straighten my tiara. He looked up and let his eyes watch as my friend disappeared into the darkness. Letting his gaze fall back to me, a simple smile curved on his lips. “I’m surprised he actually came dressed to match.”
“Why wouldn’t he?” I asked. “I asked him to, he agreed. I don’t think he’d lie—”
“No,” Luke shook his head. “I assumed he’d come dressed as a frog.”
“And why is that?” I detected a hint of resentment in his voice. “Because he’s slimy, green with jealousy because he knows I’m crazy about you? Or maybe because—”
“Every frog wants to kiss their princess,” Luke fought a smile.
“Maybe you should’ve come as a frog.”
“Maybe,” he whispered, and his nose was only inches away from brushing mine. “For what it’s worth, Your Highness, I didn’t know if I’d be out of the hospital in time to come tonight. I wanted to see you, but I wasn’t about to make a promise I couldn’t keep. In case you forgot, I was shot.”
“Oh, right,” I rolled my eyes. “How silly of me to forget.”
A hint of a smile crossed his lips.
He dropped his head a little lower and watched me with saddened eyes. “You’re still not going to listen to me, then?” he asked. “After everything that’s happened, you still trust him?”
“Luke,” I said, my voice fading into a whisper. I’d had the argument with Matt a hundred times already, so I was fully prepared to keep defending my friend at every chance I got. “You can’t hate Derek for what happened. If you’re going to be angry at someone, direct it at Hannah.”
“I’m not angry,” he brushed a stray hair from my face. “Far from it, kid. I mean, getting hurt—taking a shot or two—I’m okay with all of that. It’s a risk that comes with the job.”
“Being a policeman?”
“No,” he said, his nose finally brushing against mine. “Protecting someone you care about.”
And just as his lips were a moment away from mine, Luke’s cell phone rang. He dropped his head, closed his eyes for a moment, and finally stepped back to pull the phone from his pocket.
He stared at the screen in disbelief.
“Bruno,” he muttered, rolling his eyes. He looked up at the front yard to see Detective Bruno waving his phone in the air. Luke accepted the call and the two men simultaneously brought their phones to
their ears.
“What?” he asked with an edge in his voice. He listened to Bruno on the other end, all the while watching him from across the yard. He kept his head low and lips covered, so I couldn’t interpret what the Detective was saying on the other end. And without another word to me or the other man on the line, Luke hung up the phone and shoved it in his pocket.
“I’ve gotta hit the road, Julie,” he looked beyond my shoulder so as not to meet my stare. “Have fun tonight, and good luck with the contest.”
“Whoa, wait,” I said, taking his arm as he started away. “What’s going on? You just got here.”
“Duty calls—”
“You’re not on duty,” I said, “and you won’t be for the next month—”
“Julie,” he shook his arm free from my grasp, “good night.”
As he walked away, farther and farther from the fire, my heart fell from my chest.
After all we’d been through, Luke was still running.
TWO