Chapter one page one
It does not matter the past nor the future but this moment now before the Eucharist. This is the center of my life. I had to come full circle before God's grace made it so clear. I believe if all the churches had perpetual adoration we would change the world. We would become the conscience and the heart for the world to draw near to Christ. I have felt so high leaving the church after adoration. Many times I feel the presence of Christ and I really feel I am leaving there with the Lord with me.
The Eucharist is the greatest consolation, but with that comes great pain. The pain and the pleasure transform me. I have changed so much and have much to change. My cat has felt the presence of Christ and we have drawn closer. People are not always so deeply aware, but they feel the Eucharist in me somewhere within. My ministry is to let the world know about the physical and Divine presence of our Lord in this powerful Host.
Centering prayer brings about the intimacy with the Lord. Just breathe him in and He will work in you. To see the Host displayed brings about more reality for us and the Lord loves to be seen. I want to eat, sleep, dream and live the Eucharist. That communion is taken out to the world and the Lord wants to use us all. I want everything pertaining to the Eucharist such as the rosary, medals, pictures and books. I want the Eucharist on my mind day and night. This is the only true heaven on earth.
I love just looking at the Eucharist and feeling Jesus. The Eucharist changes us heals, transforms and convicts us. There is so many blessings and graces with His Body. Just being before the Blessed Sacrament changes you, even if you feel you do not pray very well. Jesus actually does the praying through us. Ask him for everything and yes he even gives us desires or goals to pray for. We have all the power we need if we just come before the Eucharist and open ourselves to his love. Many words are not necessary just being silent before him.
The church has many imperfections, but the sacraments are what we need. God gave us His Body so we would not be alone. It is sad to me that so many do not believe in this gift. I hope this book will bring about conversion of heart, mind, soul and spirit, even if it just gets people to think about the Eucharist at this very moment. I started out this long road and if someone like myself can have great faith in His Body, then so can you. His Body here is the tabernacle is why he came. Not only to save us, but to live with us in such a humble form.
0 blessed Host, our only hope in the midst of the darkness and godlessness that inundate the earth! -St. Faustina Kowalska
Come have me I promise peace. Look how much you need me. Skip your prayers and rely on me. I am the true divinity.
Do not war against me. I am stronger than thee. I have been there through all your troubles. I don't want you to know that I make them double.
There is no friend like me. I am always there. Sit back and get lost in the feeling.
I am worth a few coughs here and there. Don't think about the future of lung cancer that awaits. You cannot breathe, have me.
You might die tomorrow so why suffer the loss of me. You think you are free, but you are my personal slave. I like having control over you. I laugh every time you light me up. That’s right just one more puff.
I am legal, so there is Jess help for thee. I am nails on your coffin, but hey you gotta die of something. You would have to suffer if you gave me up. Every moment you would be wishing for me but wanting to be free. Hey enjoy life with me.
I don't promise a happy future, but you are so hooked you do not want to consider the possibilities. You say I don't have much of a future anyway and I laugh knowing that you do. Every positive thought you have of quitting I give you two negatives and I usually win.
Your mind when quitting goes through a battle only those hooked on me know well. Your mind is so tired of fighting that you cave in every time. I run deep within every part of you since you were young. You did not know the battle you would face, because I mask myself as cool and fun.
So go ahead and quit I dare you. I love a good battle. I usually win. It’s fun to see you tormented like you were in hell. I am hell but it is hell breaking away from me.
The cigg companies as years went by added more and more poison to get you hooked. Imagine the evil of that. I could not endure if it weren't for the pushers and for fools like you who say I can't quit. See you next time you put me down.
0 blessed Host, our only hope in the midst of the darkness and godlessness that inundate the earth! -St. Faustina Kowalska
As I travel this road there are so many emotions. There is calvary, and there is the stirring of the wind on the mountain top of transformation or transfiguration. You figure out that you are changing more and more into his image.
The magic of love and sin can lead to despair. The one will to depend on is all that is important to me, but oh do I fall short of this goal. Oh, but to only depend on thee would be heaven here in a world that is fading.
You seek perfection of the heart. Not the sins that we cannot let go of, but the love we share with you. It could be your glory alone that we seek, but we continue to chase the wind.
We are in a storm, that batters us beyond recognition, but you have set our eyes on you. You know our hearts and how frail we are without thee. You have a plan and it shall set us free. You knew our imperfections before our new eyes could see.
You take the dark and turn it into light. Everything happens for a reason and there is no accident to thee. You planned our birth and everyone we would meet. I walk this time with thee and share your joy. I also share your sadness and deep thoughts that have me on bended knee. You have given freely and remain hidden to those who feel confident without you. What a false hope that is.
My fondest memories are of you. The times we have spent together and how you have changed me for the better. Not because of any act I have done. It is because I spend time with you who are total love. I love you and pray all do the same. Amen.
0 blessed Host, our only hope in the midst of the darkness and godlessness that inundate the earth! -St. Faustina Kowalska
My Beloved
I am your husband. You are my wife. We are one together and we shall be for life.
Each day I shall bring you closer to me. I shall perfect you for in you my heart dwells. I come to you each night and tell you of my love. Your strong love for me is a deep well.
My light shines within you and I am filled with joy, because you open up to me and my love shall not fail. You have discovered the secret of life and I am that pearl in the midst of strife.
I shall release you of fear and resentment. I shall calm all your passions and in the place of them shall I be. You will trust me totally and I will be real to you like a fish to the sea. Each creature has their own sound that glorifies me. All of nature brings my love peace.
I created this beauty to show you of my great love for you. We shall walk on this journey together and when you are in heaven there shall I be.
Nothing will tear you apart from me. No evil in hell shall ever be free, to violate my bride or deny her the Trinity. My heart is forever yours and I shall keep your heart close to mine, like a treasure of gold and a diamond so fine.
I wish to show you more and more, the love I have for you until you reach the shore. This life can be hard, but I have given you heaven in a world that is temporary, so that your passing will be easier and you will then receive your crown of life in a world that is forever Thine. My love is forever a celestial light and when we meet your world will be bright.
I have walked this earth and I know the pain, but I also know the love to gain. Each night I understand your plight, but don't forget I hold you so tight.
I know your heart has a special place for me and you shall dwell with me for all eternity. Amen
The Present Moment
The past is a fixed moment. The future has not yet come. The present moment is now. I experience it with my whole being and this moment brings me joy.
Each moment is never the same. Life is constant cha
nge and to accept this is to be in the moment. If it is pain I do not run from it, but feel it as natural as breathing. I do not run from fear, because that only brings me more fear, but to walk through it and it shall surely pass.
To experience true joy, then I must also accept the sorrow that goes with it.
I am but a wanderer knowing not God, but being with him in the moment. I may never know God as he truly is, but I have this moment.
To have faith is to learn from God. If I have the answer and not be open to some idea that may be different, then why do I ask God? Faith is letting go of preconceived notions and letting the answers flow through me like running water. If I try to catch the running water in a container, then it is no longer running water. I cannot put God in a box that is neat and convenient for me.
Belief is a preconceived idea and though these are not wrong, they are not faith. Faith walks on the water not knowing what will be or become. My thoughts may be clear today and cloudy tomorrow. I have not the answers, but I have this moment. I may think differently the next moment.
God plants the seed and then each flower blooms differently. I know that my body and spirit cannot fight against each other or I will have division within myself. If I do not accept this moment as it is and feel this moment, then I am fighting against myself and nature.
I must accept the moment that is now, but if I try to run from it more pain will ensue. We should freely love at each moment, because soon it will be the past and we are not promised the future. A rose is sweet, but it has its thorns.
If I try to rush each moment to get to the next moment, then I do not accept the moment nor enjoy it. I have but one moment and it is this one.
God fills me with light and the world is his light reflected. He gives us this moment to be with him. If we try to detach ourselves from the moment as if we are a third party, then we are divided against ourselves. Accept each moment from God and experience it and feel it, for then we will not lose ourselves. We must be true to ourselves, by living each moment fully which means feeling it whether it be pain, joy, fear or peace.
Our spirit should flow freely and lovingly towards God, which spills out towards others and every creature on earth. We must let our growth happen naturally, not forced and we cannot just think our way to God or to this moment, but we must feel it with our whole being. Amen.
These thoughts are inspired by the book, "The Wisdom of Insecurity" by Alan Watts.
The Hidden Life
You have done this type of prayer before, but this time it will be much better, because of your honesty.
I draw you into deep silent prayer. Your mind will be silent, with no thoughts. Not that I will not speak sometimes, but mostly my spirit will be with you in this void of space. Your mind being void will free me to guide you powerfully.
You will go into this place of silence beyond the norm. It will at first seem dark, but then my brilliant light will comfort you. This prayer will change your life forever. No other prayer will bring you as much comfort. Your strong desire and need will not be satisfied without it.
The changes that you have been struggling with will come easy. There will be your will subdued, but mine shall overpower you.
Lead the hidden life like Mary. I will give others a certain image of you, because I want you to remain hidden. I want lots of your time. Those who are blind to you, shall remain so. Those who do not hear, will not listen to you.
I do not invite the shallow, arrogant and self-righteous, because they do not feel the need for such closeness with me. They may get certain rewards here, for their achievements, but your rewards will be greater in heaven.
The saints will help mould and guide you to this most holy state. I offer myself to anyone who takes the time for me and my guidance. People drown me out with noise.
People will not see the good in you many times, but choose to see ugliness. They will project their sins and point the finger at you. Those who do not see in the mirror shall see in the next world, which will be the harder way to learn. In some ways learning in the next world will have one plus that they are not going to die, but the negative is they will wish they could.
You know you are far from perfect and I have guided you to this deep felt honesty. Many do not want to see their fault in a relationship, but always point to the other person and dwell on their faults. The bible is meant for each person that reads it to learn a.bout their own nature, but many times they prefer to turn the mirror in other directions.
I give you this hidden life as a gift. What is in your future is for me to know. I shall pierce every part of you, but you shall know real joy. Do not let the enemy tell you prayer is a waste. You shall change in many ways.
I shall bring you into a place far above the sun. It shall be further than the stars. Each prayer you utter shall bless this world. Each moan shall reach me in heaven. I am mindful of everyone and everything. Not one truth will remain hidden and I shall free all who seek it.
You may not be popular, you may not be respected, but you shall remain hidden in my heart and my grace shall embrace you.
Love,
Jesus
I will not hide my heart from those who seek it.
My Love
Lord, teach me to pray. Teach me to love you more than myself. Let me lose myself in your love completely. Let me surrender everything to you. I do not want anything but your will. Help me to reach this perfection.
It is only you do I want to seek with my whole being. Let me reach this state with your sweet perfect grace. Do not let me forget where my true joy is. Let me soar to the center of your love. Let me be a victim of your love. I want your love to be everything to me.
Take away all my sin. Let me be an example that is worthy of giving you honor and let my prayer life also be that one glory I give to you alone. Let me not seek any glory for myself. You deserve all the glory and all the love you will let me give you.
I get so frustrated with my progress. Please let me be patient and let me do my part to reach perfection. I want my heart and everything about me and my life to be yours. Do not let me grow faint and weary, for the miracle is just around the comer. Let me not frustrate the progress you are trying to make in my life.
Lord take all of me and mould me in your likeness. I am your bride, but I do not feel worthy to wear your ring. Help me to feel worthy to wear this ring and not be ashamed. I need so desperately to be yours completely. Lord, I want nothing less and I want to be on fire for your great love. Give me faith and love to reach my destination with you in prayer. Let my prayer, make my life something you can be proud of. I want to please you and then let me come home to be with you eternally. Amen
Prayer
Prayer helps to fight the enemy. It helps to heal the country. It gives peace to the soul by drawing close to the source. It sustains you through your days. It makes life easier and it makes God real. God gives meaning to your life, where once there was none.
Prayer being answered renews your faith and restores you to a supernatural level. It helps you to grow and to gain courage like a lion. It renews the church and we as the body bring new life to the world.
The most powerful person is a prayful person. We change lives with our prayer and prayer governs God. He listens to us and in accordance with his will. He cannot refuse a sincere honest prayer.
Prayer helps us to love God more, love ourselves through God's eyes and then share that love with others. We are his holy temple, his vessel and we are his tools to bring about profound change and many miracles.
Miracles are a result of prayer, with love and a pure heart. We have the means to conquer nations. We have a healing power that brings about forgiveness. We have the power to love instead of hate. We have the choice to speak words of kindness, rather than ugly ones.
We have the power to give and God will give to us abundantly, to encourage us to reach out and give. We can love because he loved us first. We have the best family, so we have no excuses.
&nb
sp; We must wear our spiritual armor and do battle with evil. We must pray against it and watch it flee. If we open the door to darkness, we invite defeat. We are not defeated, but strong. We are wise, prudent, honest and most important we love, if we are not full of pride. We must fight the darkness, lest it take control and destroy our lives.
Darkness is fear, hate and confusion. God clarifies his truth and we walk by his light. We have his promises and he will not let us be brought to destruction.
Prayer helps us to be thankful. It helps us lead others to Christ. Prayer helps the lost and forgotten. We must put prayer first and then all of our other needs will be fulfilled.
Take time to pray. Read God 's words and you will grow. Lead us not into temptation and give us your daily bread. Jesus is the manna from heaven and we must eat of his body and drink his blood in order to have eternal life.
The kingdom of heaven starts as a little mustard seed and it grows to be a very large tree. The kingdom of heaven is a treasure and we spend all of our lives discovering all of its secrets. Oh, how sweet prayer is, which is the fruit of the kingdom. Amen
The only lasting treasure is me Jesus.
Do not neglect me any longer or you will be like the brides who were not ready for me and had no oil for their lanterns. I am the treasure you seek. Seek now while there is still time. I will not refuse my love and I will give it abundantly.
Love, Jesus
I Will Find You
I know you are frustrated with all the little things and the big things too.
I know I am hard to find, when you wish things could be differently. I will find you.
I will give you peace when you only see turmoil. I will grant your dreams when you are at the end. I know you get tired of playing the waiting game and you find it hard to find peace.
I do not go by time. I go by what you can handle and others it may effect. You wonder why I make it so hard for you to get close to me, because I do not give the results you wish. You are earthly bound and too much heaven would torment you more then you know.
I know you get angry with me, but at least you show up to be with me. I have a dream for your life and it shall be realized. Don't worry I will find you.
I know your desires and I know your frustrations. If every day you were elated, you would never get your fill. You must remain in my presence in order to refrain from screaming. Do not worry I will find you.
Who Is God?
Who is God to you?
Find out in the silence of your room .
Do you have to unlearn what you were taught about God? Friendship with God will give you your answers.
God works in each-person differently. There are no two vessels alike. ·
Mercy and I are mutual friends and so are judgment and self-righteousness. Do not let a
priest or anyone else tell you who God is. This relationship is between you and God.
I was in-darkness and then came a great Light . Do not condemn me nor take flight. It opened its love to me and taught me many things. The heart was all he saw and my heart was given new life.
My heart became his and he taught me wisdom. Wisdom was from his love and I did not need to be educated to understand. His sight was not that of the world and my eyes became bright full of his holiness within me.
He was majestic and no ugliness was within him. He gave rules, but did not use them as v a hammer to beat me. He blinded me instead with his compassion and understanding.
He did not come to judge, but to heal. Truth was his final healing that he gave to me.
I was no longer normal, but divine. I was no longer lost, but confounded by his love everywhere. Every being was touched by his love and it did not matter if they knew. God does not deny his grace, even if others choose not to respond. Their denial does not change the fact that they have been touched by his love.
All of heaven is present even if we do not see them. The angels and saints make a difference in so many lives even though they are too blind to see. We are all touched by grace and his love.
The ones who accept this grace become more aware of the spiritual according to the degree they advance in prayer. Suffering here in this grace of prayer turns to insight and greater compassion.
Darkness without grace turns to bitterness and this lost soul sees no way out but to go along the path of self-destruction. Faith is a commitment no matter how bleak the situation may be.
I wrestle with the spiritual battle every day. His heart opens up in mine and I am given hope that all will work out in the end. This testing ground can be exhausting, but in the end we shall grow closer to him, wrapped in his heart forever. Amen.