I pulled away to look at her. “This is something I’ll learn?”
“I’m going to teach it to you, I promise.” She nodded, her smile brightening. “For now, you must be hungry.”
I wasn’t, but I didn’t want to argue. “Sure.”
“Great. Come with me. The first day of the rest of your life starts as soon as we walk out that door.”
I needed a future. My past was gone. And I’d been a…I couldn’t even think the word for it. If this really proved to be a second chance for both my baby and me, then I needed to jump in with both feet. What other choice did I have?
* * * *
I threw myself into my studies. With Farrah as a tutor, I became a prized student. I could recite, to the letter and verse, the laws regarding and models of behaviors expected of women. Whatever mistakes I’d made before, I wouldn’t make them again. I rubbed my belly often because it brought me comfort. Three months had made a huge difference in the size of my swelling stomach. Also, in how much I felt the baby. He or she—although it seemed more likely a he because there were so few females born—was very active.
I needed to make sure he had a blessed life. No one would ever have to know his mama had at one time been a whore. We’d both start over with the husband Master’s would grant me.
“I’m looking at this passage from Ochoa, Volume Three.” I turned to Farrah, holding up the book. I wanted her opinion. It was clear that a woman’s duty to her husband came first and to see to his happiness a close second, but where did children fall into the equation? If I worried about anything, it was that my future protector wouldn’t care for my unborn child, particularly since I’d never be able to tell him where my son came from. I hoped Master’s could find me someone kind to take on the job as father of my son. Even if my baby had a less than perfect pedigree.
What if he came from one of the bad, outlier planets?
Farrah blinked rapidly before she looked at me. “Sorry, I have a headache.”
Those had been happening more and more frequently to her. The doctors who checked us periodically didn’t seem concerned, and life went on in between her headaches as per usual. She placed her hand on mine.
“Don’t worry. The people who find us our husbands are good at knowing who to place us with. I’m sure yours will be accepting of the bundle you bring with you.” She smiled, her eyes lighting. “I can’t wait for tomorrow.”
Her husband was coming for her. We didn’t have very many details but, during one of her visits, Wanda told us he worked fairly high in the spiritual guild, which meant Farrah would get to continue to help people long after she left us. I would miss her tremendously. At night, when I lay in my bed alone in the room, staring at the ceiling and hearing the other women call out as their minds settled to their new erased status, the thought of staying in Master’s without her ached in my very soul. Her future gleamed bright, and despite my sadness, it filled me with joy to think of her being where she was always meant to be.
“I’m so happy for you.”
We were never supposed to lie, so I was relieved I could mean what I said. As much as I hated the thought of her leaving, her happiness in knowing she would at last became what she should have always been brought me nothing but joy.
“Still not sleeping?” She touched a finger under my eye, tracing the ever-present dark circles there.
I shook my head. How could I explain that I hated being alone at night? When I’d first awakened I’d been so out of it I’d hardly noticed but that had quickly changed. Whatever I’d been doing before to share a bed, I hoped it hadn’t travelled with me as some kind of need since my mind altering. I didn’t plan to share my space with anyone but my husband.
A loud boom sounded, and I fell over, grabbing onto my ears as I went down. The explosion jarred me and shattered my balance. Farrah didn’t fare much better. She lay next to me on the floor as we both groaned. I hated the rebels. How could I have ever been anywhere near them?
Their bombs couldn’t penetrate our walls, yet every time they dropped them, the residents of our rehabilitation center suffered from extreme ear pain. Something about the way sound moved over the materials that comprised the building meant we suffered from reverberations louder than the ones made by the actual explosions. The first time I’d experienced it, I’d thought for sure we were all dead. Now, they were mostly an annoyance.
Farrah groaned, and I suspected she’d hurt for a while. The bombs exploding happened more and more, once a day at least.
“Are you okay?” a muffled voice asked from above me. My ears pounded, making it hard for me to hear.
I looked up and stopped breathing for a second. The guard staring at me was…beautiful. I forced myself to look away. I wasn’t supposed to look at men who weren’t my husband. And one thing I knew for sure, none of the guards who worked at Master’s were in consideration for being our husbands. They weren’t high enough yet in the monarchy. Some day they might be, but not yet.
“Are you okay?” he repeated. The dark-haired, dark-eyed man had high cheekbones and thick eyebrows, which made him look even more intense in his black uniform.
My body heated before I spoke. “Yes.”
Lust and lies. I was clearly not ready to be anyone’s wife. Why couldn’t I pull myself together?
Chapter 2
A Prince and a Kidnapper
THE mystery guard extended his hand in my direction. The seconds ticking past didn’t erase the illusion, so maybe I hadn’t imagined the whole thing. He still stood in front of me with his hand out as if waiting for me to do something. Did he want to help me? The guards didn’t touch us. It was one of the rules, but maybe they made an exception when it came to safety? I’d fallen, after all.
His hand was big with long fingers. I stared at the tips of them, focusing on his nails. They were clean, short, and some were painted blue. For some reason, the bright color fascinated me. I could hardly look away. Everything was black or white in Master’s. We wore white robes over black, shapeless pajamas. Our feet were bare, our hair kept pulled away from our cheeks and neck, and our faces free of any cosmetics, although I’d be expected to wear them once I became wed—I’d been instructed on how to do so. Only our husbands would ever see us painted, and even then it would only happen if our spouses wished to see it, otherwise we stayed cosmetic free. If our husbands wanted us seen in public with makeup, we would be; he had final say in all matters.
I took his hand, the reason for my sudden disregard in protocol simple enough. I wanted to be able to rub the pads of my fingers over his nail polish. What did blue feel like? My white gown felt rough, and the black pajamas itched. What would blue do to my senses? Would it feel different?
He helped me stand. My belly often got in the way, but I remained relatively agile. After I was steady, the guard still didn’t release my hand. He squeezed it between his fingers and I gasped. Touch…We weren’t supposed to. My mouth went dry.
“Are you okay?” His voice sounded low and, after a second, his gaze travelled my body as though he searched for injury, pausing over my belly before finally meeting my eyes again. “Are you hurt?”
“I’m fine.” I dropped my hand and shoved it to my side. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” He looked over my shoulder before reaching to help Farrah stand as well. A surge of anger filled me when he touched her hand the way he had mine. I struck down the emotion. Why would it make me upset?
He’d helped me, now he attended to her, all perfectly appropriate. I guess I’d liked the idea he’d focused on helping me. Oh, by the heavens. I sank onto the chair. I remained lustful, dishonest, jealous, and angry. They couldn’t put my name out to find me a husband. I was nowhere near ready.
The guard sat next to me, which jarred me from my thoughts. He kept a distance between us, so it wasn’t like we touched in any way or as though he did anything inappropriate, technically. His sitting next to me simply wasn’t done. Farrah looked away, quickly sitting down
and reading her books. If she had a comment about his behavior, she’d save it for later. Although, a lady minded her own business. She’d likely say nothing at all.
“So, we keep getting these little attacks.” He leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “And local security does nothing. Kind of makes you wonder why the attacks keep coming, right?”
“I hadn’t given it any thought, actually.” I answered. “That’s not the kind of thing I’m supposed to be thinking about.”
He nodded and made a non-committal sound that was akin to an hmmm in the back of his throat. He kept his gaze downcast, and Farrah sat on his other side, also keeping space between them.
“We’re not to think about anything except bettering ourselves for our future spouses.”
The guard grinned. “I know. I’ve had lots of training in this. Just musing aloud, I guess.” He stood. “My name is Geoff Mallory.” He smiled at Farrah then at me, but he looked me fully in the eyes when he spoke again. The power of his regard left goosebumps racing over me. “If you need anything, you come find me. I’m here.”
I nodded, not looking at Farrah. If flawed natures were inherent, perhaps mine couldn’t be saved. Was I bound to make all the wrong decisions again? Would I find myself here again with my mind wiped? Had it been before? Horror travelled my spine at the thought and I pushed the unwanted anxiety away. It didn’t do me any good.
Geoff stood with a nod to both Farrah and myself, and made his way around the room, righting all the fallen furniture and speaking with a few of the guards who had entered. I trailed him with my gaze, wishing I could make myself stop and yet seemingly powerless to do so.
“I shouldn’t speak out of turn and yet I feel compelled to do so. He’ll be gone in six weeks.” Farrah scooted over to whisper in my ear. “They’re kept on a rotation, which brings new ones in and rotates old ones out. It’s easy to forget ourselves with them. There was one months ago who…well, never mind. Anyway, they’re gone soon, and that’s for the best. We’re all human, flawed. We need only figure out how to find the best versions of ourselves and keep away from temptation.” She touched my belly with gentle fingers. “If not for yourself, then for those who come next.”
She spoke only truth, and my insides clenched. I was a petty person. Somehow, I had to do better.
* * * *
I threw myself into my studies with utter devotion after Farrah left. Her husband, when he came to collect her, had been a stout man with red cheeks and green eyes that squinted when he spoke. Farrah gazed at him with adoration. I’d managed to conquer my lust, lying, and anger. Watching her get out of Master’s four walls with a husband, I realized I still hadn’t gotten ahold of my jealousy. If Farrah had still been there, she’d have reminded me it was good to have something to work on.
Studying helped me ignore Geoff, who always seemed to hang around. Were all the guards so constantly there, or did he have something wrong with his duty roster he couldn’t seem to find elsewhere to do his job? I felt his gaze caress me from behind whenever I wasn’t looking at him. When I tried to catch him, he always seemed as though he was looking in a different direction.
Maybe I was nuts.
The baby kicked me hard, hitting my ribs, and I groaned when I put pressure on the spot. The little guy became very active this time of day.
The couch where I sat sagged, and I looked to my left to see the object of my obsession had taken a seat.
“I’m sorry your friend left.”
He was the first person to acknowledge Farrah’s absence. Women came and went constantly as their programs progressed. The passage of people in and out proved as natural as breathing. Our teachers didn’t think we should notice it or remark on it overmuch. Wanda, in particular, seemed very vocal on the subject. We weren’t to have complaints or show sadness. Potential husbands wouldn’t like it.
“She’s gone on to her proper destiny.”
He leaned away a bit, his brown eyes demanding my attention. “That she did, but now you have no one to pal around with. Do you want to play cards?” He reached into his pocket and took out a deck.
I gasped. “Are you looking to get into trouble? You can’t pull those out here.”
“Cards are not expressly forbidden, I checked. Besides, you might need the skill. Your future husband might be a card shark.”
He shuffled and handed me five. I stared at my hand. I had no idea whatsoever if I had the knowledge on how to play, which must mean it was one of those things they’d taken from my mind to help me start anew. “My future husband will be an upstanding citizen.”
“And so-called upstanding citizens don’t ever play cards? Now, I know that’s not true. The King himself has been seen in casinos. He owns a few. We don’t have to play, though, if you’re scared and would rather not.”
I wasn’t scared. I simply didn’t want to get off track. “I see what you’re doing.”
His eyes twinkled. “I bet you do. What’s the problem, then? Don’t know how to play? I’ll teach you. What cards do you have?”
“Isn’t the point of these games for me not to tell you? Doesn’t it go better if you don’t know?”
“That’d be true, sweetheart, if you knew what you were doing. As it is, I could take advantage of your ignorance and win constantly. Consider me a gentleman. You should at least know the rules.”
The smart thing to do would be to get up and walk away. He’d tried to goad me into playing and, despite his assertion that cards weren’t against the rules, I’d not seen anyone else playing in all the months I’d been in Master’s. I wasn’t fooled, and while I remembered little about myself, I didn’t think stupidity was one of my main flaws.
I stood. “Have a great evening.”
As I turned to walk toward my room, leaving Geoff on the couch, I knew I’d won some moral battle, which would lead me closer to my one and only. Even believing that the case, my stomach turned. I wanted to know what those cards had symbolized and how I could have used them to beat the pants off Geoff.
* * * *
Our days began the same way. We would bathe communally in large rooms with showerheads lining the walls. The bathing ritual ranked as my least favorite time. Maybe my former life as a whore had made nudity uncomfortable for me. Perhaps it was my growing belly, which caused a lot of comments and questions every time I stripped naked. Could I feel the baby? Yes. Did it hurt? Sometimes. Did I have to pee all the time? Without a doubt.
Then we would eat and have the morning announcement before we started our lessons. Usually it featured Rudolph Montgomery via a previously recorded message. He would wish us well, encourage us to stop bad behaviors, to study hard, and then he read off the names of those who had been granted husbands.
This morning, however, things were different. Instead of appearing on a video screen, Rudolph, the man himself, stood on a stage before us.
“Ladies, ladies,” he called out and we fell quiet. I adjusted my robe. There was simply no good way to wear it without tripping over my own feet. The last thing I wanted to do was make a scene by falling over in front of the head of the rehabilitation center and a member of the royal family.
Across the room, I caught Geoff’s gaze and nearly jolted when he outright grinned at me. He covered his mouth for a moment to hide the smile before he knocked off the amusement. What had he found so funny? Me messing with my robe?
Rudolph continued speaking. “It hasn’t escaped our notice that this facility has been the subject of a lot of unwanted attention from the rebels lately. We know this has been horribly uncomfortable for you. Our Noble committee is concerned. They’ve sent a representative of the senior Nobles to assure us they are handling the problem. One of our princes, my younger cousin Cooper, will be here any minute to greet all of you and assure you that our family intends to do everything in our power to protect you.”
Two new explosions had detonated the night before. The worry and pain generated by the loud bangs had kept me from getting any sleep at all. I h
adn’t wanted to wake up with my ears ringing.
Movement caught my attention, and I pulled my gaze from Rudolph to where Geoff moved, sliding along the wall of the rear of the room until he exited out the door where the kitchen staff came and went. I glanced around the room. The fifteen other women present were all looking straight at Rudolph, as were the guards and staff present. No one except me seemed to have noted Geoff’s sudden run for the door.
What was that about?
I didn’t get to dwell on it long. The outside door, where I’d only seen staff enter and exit, opened with a bang. Cooper Jackson, whose face and name I’d had to learn in my studies, entered the room flanked on both sides by large, impressive-looking guards. He crossed to Rudolph, and with a nod took the microphone from his hand as though it was his right to have whatever he wanted when he desired it, despite who might be using the object.
“Ladies, on behalf of the Noble family which constitutes our aristocratic government, I’d like to assure you we have this matter well in hand. Your walls are secure; your future in good hands. You are too valuable to us, with so few women in the universe, for us to risk you. Your walls will not be breached, and the rebel scum trying to break the fabric of our society will be found and dealt with. Thank you.”
After handing the microphone to one of his guards, He stepped away from the stage and strode down the stairs to the floor where we all waited. My baby chose that moment to flip-flop in my stomach. Was the child doing summersaults? How could I maintain any kind of decorum when all I wanted to do involved sitting and groaning?
Cooper was as attractive as he had been in the picture I’d seen in my introductory video. I rubbed my stomach in an attempt to soothe the active baby as every nerve ending in my body chose that second to come alive. Like Geoff had weeks before, even being in the same room with Cooper made the entire world shift on its axis. He looked taller than I’d imagined him. His dark hair seemed blacker and his blue eyes more piercing. I was glad he hadn’t turned his attention on me. He dressed simply, for being part of the nobility. The pictures I’d seen in our etiquette books showed them all wearing elaborate robes and formal attire. Cooper wore a pair of black slacks and a red-collared shirt, which he’d tucked into his pants. A black belt and shined loafers finished the presentation.