The Origin of Cheesecake
By Bryce
Our story begins with a very minor Greek god. His name was Syncretim. He spent his days merging very different objects, but they ended up being a major part of society. The butterfly, the rainbow, sand dollar, and the starfish, along with much more were invented by him. Syncretim resided in a rift valley, also made by him, in a skyscraper. Everything that became two words in one was pretty much made by him.
One day, he was sitting in his lounge chair when he got an Iris message. It was from Zeus.
“Syncretim, I want you to host this year’s God Gathering. We are all hoping for a good party. And everyone is praying it be better than last year...with the cats...and the cannons… cats were made not to fly for a reason…”Zeus shuddered,” I’m still having nightmares. We are hoping for some outstanding food and entertainment. We are all depending on you. Hope it’s truly a show stopper! I have it planned for tonight. Oh, and by the way, if you fail us, let’s just say, that you will become everything you have created. At the same time… Well, goodbye now!”
Syncretim was scared now. Mainly because of the mentioning of last year’s party, but also, he didn’t want to be a mutant sand dollar, rainbow, butterfly starfish.
“Wait a second, did Zeus say… tonight?” he thought. That was an hour and a half away. Syncretim ran to his magically cooled food chest. He opened the creaky door and looked inside. Now he was trembling. It contained a partially eaten vanilla cake and a hunk of Monterey Jack cheese. He still had to plan activities and decorate his house. There was no time to go shopping!
All of his well-dressed man-servants were summoned to plan activities. Syncretim started decorating. There were skulls and plants and lightning. Something to make everyone happy. His man-servants had bobbing for nectar, a best power competition, and a chariot race around the valley.
He concluded to ask the local nymphs if they had seen any fruit or any type of food around. They said that they had only seen a raspberry bush about a quarter mile down the valley.
“Could you please go fetch some for me?” Syncretim asked, “I have been assigned to host this year’s god gathering. I haven’t gone shopping since last month. All I have is some cheese and a partially eaten cake. Anything will do. Could you also get some nectar? You know it is us god’s favorite drink.”
“We would love to help!” said the nymphs in unison, “we saw that you have an unfinished chariot course, too. We would enjoy finishing that, with some added twists!”
“Thank you so much,” said Syncretim.
When Syncretim arrived back at his skyscraper, he saw dust rising in the distance. The gods were beginning to arrive.
The first one to arrive was Aphrodite, dressed beautifully as always. After that was the Big Three. They had decided to race, starting at the top of Mount Olympus and ending in Syncretim’s pansies. Zeus barely won, but mainly because his brothers didn’t want to be incinerated and sent to Tartarus. Zeus had a short fuse. After about 15 minutes, everyone had arrived.
“Now, Syncretim, let’s begin the activities! What’s first?” inquired Zeus.
“First we have bobbing for nectar,” Syncretim answered, “then we will have a competition to see who has the best power, finally, we have a chariot race.” The last one got many cheers.
“Let us begin, then!” yelled Zeus.
The man-servants led all of the activities while Syncretim pondered what to do about food.
“Maybe he could ask Dionysus for some wine, after all, he is the god of parties. No, if Zeus found out, he would be in trouble for not having the party organized by himself,” Syncretim thought.
He kept thinking through the best power, who was won by Demeter because, if it weren’t for her, the insignificant little Human’s plants wouldn’t grow and the gods would have no sacrifices. He continued pondering. He had some raspberries, a partially eaten cake, and a hunk of cheese. The chariot race was almost finished, and the gods would want some good food. He started pacing. Back and forth. Back and forth. Athena had won with her superior strategy and battle techniques. The top placing gods were receiving their prized laurel wreaths. What is so important about them anyway? It’s just a branch from a tree. They were walking towards the skyscraper. He had no ideas. Nothing. Syncretim asked his favorite nymph what he should do.
“Well, you are the god of combining things, right?” the nymph said.
“Yeah… where are you going with this? Do you think I should combine the gods into one?”
“No, I’m saying that you should combine the cheese and the cake to make an umm…”
“Cakecheese!”
“OK, a cakecheese, and put a raspberry sauce on it.”
“Thank you so much. You’re a genius!” exclaimed Syncretim, the combiner of all.
“Could I try some of it later, since I was kinda the person who umm… thought of it?”
“Absolutely! In fact, you will get the first slice!”
The gods began strolling in.
“Syncretim! We are hoping for some great food! Syncretim!? Where are you?” bellowed Zeus from downstairs.
“Up here Lord Zeus! I am just finishing up!” then, quickly to the nymph, “Could you begin making the sauce? I will make the cakecheese.”
“Absolutely, master Syncretim,” replied the nymph.
Syncretim rushed to the food chest. He grabbed the cheese and the cake and began the combining. Mashing and smashing. Finally, he used his magic to finish the process. It was white and it had a crust, like a pie. Hmm. Maybe he had some leftover graham cracker on the counter. Too late now to change anything. He ran to the nymph and dumped on the sauce. It looked… tasty! He ran downstairs and began speaking:
“As you all know, I am the god of combining things. I have decided to take a chance with a new type of cake. My nymph friend here helped me with the idea. Thus, she will get the first slice.” There were many cheers. “After her, everyone will form a line beginning with Zeus.”
He handed a slice to the nymph, and, after a few minutes, everybody had a slice.
“To Syncretim!” yelled Dionysus.
“To Syncretim!” everybody else said in unison while the clanging sound of nectar glasses filled the air.
“What, exactly, is this cake called?” asked Aphrodite, after taking her first bite.
“Well, my nymph friend and I call it cakecheese because it is a mix between cake and cheese. What do all of you think?”
“Hmm… Cakecheese… wouldn’t that be aged cake?” asked Poseidon, a slight look of disgust on his face.
“I guess…” Syncretim replied.
“How about,” Poseidon said, “Cheesecake!”
“I like it,” answered Syncretim, happily.
“All in favor of cakecheese?” bellowed Zeus.
No one answered.
“Cheesecake?”
Everybody cheered with more clanging of nectar glasses.
“You have done great, Syncretim,” Zeus said in a low voice, “Who knows, maybe I’ll have you host next year’s God Gathering.”
“I think one time each millennia is enough for me, Lord Zeus.”
Everybody devoured their delectable cheesecake and asked for the recipe. Syncretim even had his nymph friend disguised as a human to bring the wonder of cheesecake to all.