Her mouth parted in surprise, and then a burst of laughter escaped her. “Hardly,” she retorted.
“Come on, admit it, you find me a little appealing.”
Cassie shook her head at him, unable to stop herself from laughing. She did find him a little appealing; in fact she was actually beginning to like him a little. Even if she didn’t trust him not to drain her dry the moment he got the chance. “Well, you’re not as repulsive as these people at least.”
His grin widened, revealing all of his perfect white teeth. “That’s good to know, at least I’m moving up on your list.”
“You are.”
She rested her head against the glass again, wishing that Devon was with her, to comfort her, to take her away from here. Closing her eyes, she pictured his face in vivid detail. She could clearly recall the smell of him, the feel of him. She could almost taste him again, feel his lips against hers. For a brief moment it was as if he were there, as if she could actually touch him.
And then it was gone, and she was left alone in her small cell with no one to comfort or touch her. Cassie sighed softly, fighting back the tears that burned her eyes. “Don’t fall apart on me princess, you’re tougher than that.”
Cassie bit her bottom lip, trying hard to suppress the sobs that wanted to shake her. Tears rolled down her face as her breath hitched painfully out of her. Sobs tore from her; she hugged herself tighter, fervently wishing that she was anywhere but here. “Hey,” Julian said harshly. “Look at me.”
She turned toward him, blinking rapidly against the tears streaming down her face. His hand was pressed against the glass, his face hard. “Put your hand on mine.”
She stared blankly back at him for a moment before lifting her hand and pressing it against the glass. Though they were not touching, the gesture still helped to sooth the ragged pain and misery inside of her. She missed being touched with kindness, missed the simple beauty of knowing she had her friends, and Devon, to rely on. She missed Chris (if Chris was even still alive, but that was something that she couldn’t allow herself to think about, otherwise she would lose complete control of her emotions) and Melissa and Luther. She missed their comfort, support, and unwavering love. She had none of that here. She had nothing here.
Except for Julian.
She lifted her gaze to his as she inhaled a shuddering breath. He was watching her intently, his bright eyes glowing with a strange sort of light. “Now listen to me. We are going to get through this. We are going to get out of here, but you have got to keep it together. If you break down in here, they win. You don’t want that, do you?” Cassie shook her head. “Good, so stay calm princess and we will get through this.”
Cassie swallowed heavily, blinking back her tears as she nodded. “Yes.”
“Alright then. Why don’t you tell me a little about yourself?”
She frowned at him as she settled back on her bed; it seemed like such an odd request coming from him. She kept her hand pressed against his on the glass unable to break the small connection to someone else it gave her. “I thought you knew it all already,” she said softly. “You have touched me, and you have given me a good beat down before.”
He grinned at her. “You gave as well as you got,” he reminded her. “I know a lot about you, but I’d rather hear it coming from you.”
She watched him for a moment, trying to assimilate this man with the monster she had known, with the killer that had hunted her town, and killed so many innocents. Confusion twisted through her as she shook her head. Where was the monster that had tried to destroy her? He most certainly wasn’t here with her now. This person was completely different, this person was someone that she didn’t know, but was truly beginning to trust and like.
Cassie shuddered at the odd realization, her hand tightened momentarily on the glass as she stared into his beautiful, sad, compassionate eyes. She was fascinated by him, captivated by this stranger across from her. This stranger who was becoming her friend. Julian was the only person she had to count on right now, and she needed him. She wouldn’t survive this without him.
“What would you like to know?” she asked softly.
He grinned at her. “Why don’t you tell me about your tree house?”
She couldn’t help but smile back at him as she settled in for the long night. He leaned against the glass, his hand still pressed against hers. For a moment she could almost feel the warmth of his hand against hers, the comfort of his touch. Slowly, fondly, she told him about the tree house she and Chris had spent painstaking weeks building when they were ten years old. Only to have it fall apart on them a day after they finished it.
CHAPTER 18
It was the talks that got her through the next few days. Every night she would curl up on her bed, place her hand against the glass and talk with Julian. She told him stories of her childhood, stories he probably already knew, but patiently listened to anyway. They would talk until the drugs kicked in and she drifted into a nightmare filled sleep that was nearly impossible to wake from. They would talk until her throat hurt, and she was sure that he was sick of listening to her. And the more that she talked, and the more that he listened, the closer she began to feel to him. The closer they became.
The men came for her every day, and although she didn’t have to endure more electrical shocks, they came up with other forms of torture. At one point she was locked into a windowless room with a set of strobe lights. It had been a pain filled torment that had been brutal against her sensitive eyes. She had left the room with a massive headache, and had been unable to see for a good hour afterward.
They gave her three more of the same shots; each one had the same effect on her. The strange discoloration would take hold, but by morning it would be gone. She didn’t have another freak out, but she wasn’t sure she could take much more of it. She held out hope that Devon would find her, that he would rescue her, but it was getting harder and harder to keep her spirits up.
Julian did not give up hope though. His spirits didn’t diminish. He kept her sane when it was getting harder and harder to keep her sanity. He was determined that they would escape, determined that she would be the one to get them out. The only problem was that he couldn’t think of how she was going to do it. He only knew that she would.
She tried to keep silent through the tortures, tried to hold Devon’s image close to her in order to get through each new thing they came up with for her. But most of the time they broke her. She would end up screaming, and in the room with the lights, they had brought her to tears. It was a fact she was ashamed of, and one that she didn’t share with Julian. She couldn’t bring herself to admit to him that she was even weaker than she had ever thought she was.
“Cassie.”
“Hmm,” she lifted her head slowly, every muscle in her body screamed in protest as she met Julian’s inquisitive gaze.
“Are you ok?”
She nodded as she rubbed the bridge of her nose tiredly. Today they had locked her within a dark room with no windows, and no light. She had spent hours curled up in a corner, wondering if they would come back for her, or if this was it. Wondering if this was where they were finally going to leave her until she died. The thought had been terrifying, the room nerve wracking, and lonely. She had pictured Devon as she huddled in the corner, frightened and alone, trying not to shatter. But it was getting harder to draw upon his image, to remember all of the details in this hideous place.
But they had come back for her. They had given her another shot, and they had deposited her in her room once more, where Julian had been waiting for her. She had no idea what they were looking for with all of these tests and tortures, no idea what they were trying to do to her, what they wanted to prove. And she couldn’t even begin to imagine. She only knew that it could not be good.
She also wondered how much longer they were going to keep them both alive. Once they were done with their tests, and knew whatever it was they wanted to know, she would be of no use to them, and neither w
ould Julian. Cassie shuddered to think that they might destroy him before her, leaving her completely alone in this hell.
She knew she could not survive that. She would snap completely if she was left alone. Her sanity would shred, leaving her a shell of the person she had once been. She was beginning to wonder if that was what they truly wanted from her after all. If they just wanted to see her a huddled mess, unable to think or act coherently anymore.
“I’m fine,” she whispered, trying hard not to think about what they intended for them.
“Why don’t you tell me about when you used to ride,” he suggested softly.
Cassie thought back to her early years, when she had been obsessed with horses, and riding. She had taken lessons nearly every day, preferring to be on a horse than solid ground. They were the happiest times of her life, but she’d given up riding when Luther had arrived and informed her of her Hunter legacy.
There had been no room for riding after that, no time for anything other than training and fighting. She had lost a large part of herself when Luther had told her about the blood and death that would fill her life from that moment on. Part of that loss had been her love of riding, and the sense of freedom that it had given her. After Luther had arrived, she had never known freedom again.
She hadn’t thought about riding in a long time, had almost completely forgotten about it. It seemed like a life time ago now. She had been a completely different person then. That Cassie had been hopeful and bright and full of life. This Cassie was beaten, nearly broken, and barely clinging to her sanity.
She didn’t want to recall that time of her life, or that Cassie. It wasn’t comforting to her right now.
“No, I don’t want to talk about that, not tonight. Let’s talk about you tonight.”
Julian looked at her in surprise, but he seemed to sense her morose and sad thoughts. “What do you want to know?”
She was silent for a moment, there was so much that she wanted to know about him and his life. But she didn’t want to hear about Devon, not here, not now. She didn’t think she’d be able to tolerate thoughts of Devon right now, not after today anyway. “How did you become a vampire?” she asked quietly.
He turned toward her, his eyes dark and withdrawn, tired. It was obvious that the daily grind was starting to wear on him too. He was silent for a long moment before he finally answered. “I fell in love with the wrong woman,” he admitted.
Cassie’s eyebrows shot up, her mouth parted slightly in surprise. Julian, in love? It seemed impossible, and yet…
She had gotten to know him well since they had been locked in here. Yes, he was a murderer and he was vicious and cruel, but there was still a good man underneath it all. A good, caring man. One she had never expected to find. One she had never imagined could exist, and yet one that she had actually come to care for and trust. One that she relied on to help her stay alive, and sane.
“Who was she?” Cassie inquired.
He turned away from her, his jaw clenched as a muscle jumped in his cheek. For a moment she was afraid that he was not going to continue, that he would not talk about it with her. “She was everything,” he said softly. “Smart, sophisticated, and so very beautiful.” He looked back at her, his eyes narrowed slightly as he surveyed her. There was a keen appreciation in his gaze that rattled her slightly. “Almost as beautiful as you.”
Cassie’s mouth dropped, her eyes widened in shock. Julian thought she was beautiful? Cassie was discomfited by his words, but she was even more discomfited by the fact that the knowledge caused a strange thrill to run through her. She was oddly pleased by the notion. Cassie turned away from him as she tried to ignore the strange turning in her stomach. What the hell was the matter with her? Had she already lost her mind? Was this some sort of strange dream world that her shattered mind had created?
“What was her name?” she asked softly, trying to divert herself from her troubling thoughts and feelings.
“Victoria. Her name was Victoria and there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her, including give up my life, my humanity.”
“You can get your humanity back.”
He snorted softly. “It’s a little too late for that.”
She shook her head, swallowing heavily as she met his intense stare once more. “No it’s not, Devon changed.”
“And you would like it if I was more like Devon?”
There was a tight anger in his voice, a tension that alerted her to the fact that he was not pleased by the notion. She sighed softly, hating the anguish and self loathing that washed off of him. “No,” she said softly. “I like you just the way you are, but you have the choice to take your humanity back if you want it.”
His nostrils flared slightly, his eyes perused her slowly. “I suppose you’re right,” he said tersely. “I could make that choice if I wanted too.”
“But you don’t?”
He shrugged. “I never had a reason to, before.”
Cassie remained silent, studying his hard profile, wishing that she could soothe the pain and tension she felt radiating from him. Before what? she wondered, but she decided against pursuing that line of questioning. She wasn’t sure that she would like the answer. Or, if she was truly honest with herself, she was frightened that she may like the answer too much. “What happened with Victoria?” she asked softly, wishing to change the topic.
He shrugged negligently. “I fell in love, she changed me, and I became a monster. I think she did so mainly so she could have a puppet to play with, a puppet to use as she wished. She never loved me, and though she enjoyed playing with me, and toying with my emotions, she quickly became bored with me. I woke up one day and she was gone.”
Cassie’s heart ached for him, ached for the pain and misery and loss she sensed beneath his cavalier tone. “I’m sorry.”
He shrugged again. “It’s all good; I got over that bitch years ago. Truth be told, I didn’t think our kind was capable of love, until you and Devon. When I touched him and felt the vast amount of love he had for you, it fascinated me.”
Cassie glanced guiltily away. Devon did love her, whole heartedly. He was probably going through hell right now trying to find her, probably nearly crazed with his desperation to find her. And she was sitting here, experiencing odd feelings for one of Devon’s greatest enemies. One of her greatest enemies.
Except he wasn’t her enemy anymore, and at one time he had been Devon’s best friend. In here, Julian had become her only sense of comfort, the only thing keeping her alive. In a strange way he had become one of her closest friends. They shared a common bond that no one else would understand, know about, or experience. And she would never want them to know about it, or experience it. They were linked together by this awful experience, and they were the only reason that the other was still alive. For although she had come closer to losing her mind then he had, she knew that he was just barely clinging to his sanity and composure also.
“I wanted to destroy that love.”
She looked sharply back at him, her eyes narrowed angrily. “Why?” she demanded.
He shrugged. “Why should Devon get the happy ending that I had been denied?”
Cassie’s mouth parted in surprise, her heart ached for the deeper well of pain she felt inside of him. “And how do you feel now?”
Amusement curved his hard mouth but it did not reach his eyes. He looked so much softer and younger and more approachable when he smiled like that. “Now I don’t.”
She was silent as she studied him. “Why not?”
He shrugged absently as he dropped his head to the glass. “Because it would hurt you if I destroyed him.”
The breath froze in her lungs, her heart pumped loudly in her chest. Confusion swirled through her as she tried to puzzle out his words, and how she felt about them. “Julian…”
Her words faded away as he turned back to her, his eyes forceful and lost. “I know how you feel about him princess. I’ve touched you, and I know the depth of your love for him
, the purity of it. I expect nothing from you, and I won’t hurt you. Ever.”
Tears filled her eyes and slipped silently down her cheeks. Though she was confused by her strange new feelings for him, she knew that he was not confused. It was apparent that he cared for her deeply, that he may in fact be in love with her. She ached for him, ached for the feelings he had; feelings she could not return. Not in the way that he wanted her to at least. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Don’t be. This is not a bad thing. In fact I think it’s a good thing. You’ve made me different and I thank you for it. Please don’t cry princess.”
Cassie wiped the tears from her eyes, biting on her bottom lip to try and stifle the tears. She couldn’t bring herself to look at him again, couldn’t stop the swirling confusion rolling through her. He was right though, what she felt for Devon was true and right and so unbelievably good and real. She just didn’t want Julian to be hurt because of it. “What ever happened to Victoria?” she asked softly.
“She was killed during what you call The Slaughter.” Cassie looked at him in surprise. “What, you thought it was only your kind that was killed?”
“Yes,” Cassie admitted.
He shook his head. “Nope, your kind did put up a fight against us; they took a few of us with them. One of which was Victoria.”
Cassie pondered that for a moment. She had never thought about it, hadn’t even realized that it had happened. “I’m sorry for your loss,” she said softly.
“Don’t be, I hadn’t seen her in over a hundred years by that point.”
Cassie nodded, stifling a yawn as whatever they were pumping into her room started to take hold. “We need to get out of here.”
“Yes, we do.”
Instinctively, she rested her hand against the glass, sighing in relief as he pressed his large palm against hers. For a moment she had feared that he would shut her out, that her inability to return his feelings would turn him against her. “We will get out,” she said softly.