the doctor. "
" Dr. Smith?"
" Oh ... aye. He's kind. Don't care nowt whether you be gentry or poor folk. He said: Don't you fret. Mrs. Hard- castle--baby won't be a wreck ling or now't like it. There's every sign it'll be bonny."
That set our Ett to rights. "
" We are fortunate," I said, " to have such a good doctor to look after us."
She smiled. And I felt happier at the sight of her, shaking out my clothes and hanging them in the wardrobe. With her not uncomely person and her bright Yorkshire good sense, she brought normality into the room.
After dinner that first evening we were all assembled in one of the sitting-rooms on the first floor--not far from my own room--when Dr.
Smith was announced.
" Bring him up," said Ruth; and as the door closed on the servant, she said to me: " He comes at all times. He's so attentive."
" He fusses too much," grumbled Sir Matthew. " I'm all right now."
As Dr. Smith came into the room he was, I was sure, looking for me.
" I'm so pleased to see you, Mrs. Rockwell," he said.
"You know the reason why she's returned, eh?" Sir Matthew asked.
" Indeed I do. I prophesy that by the end of the week there won't be one person in the village who doesn't know it. I can assure you that it makes me happy ... very happy."
" You are not alone in that," said Sir Matthew.
"We are going through the nursery together," announced Sarah like a young child who had been promised a special treat.
" In fact," put in Luke--and was his voice mildly sardonic? "--we are preparing to join in the chorus while Catherine sings the Magnificat."
There was a slightly shocked silence at this irreverence, but Dr.
Smith said quickly: "We must take great care of Mrs. Rockwell."
" We are all determined to do that," Ruth assured him.
The doctor came over to me and took my hand briefly in his. There was a certain magnetism about this man, of which I think I had been aware before, but which now struck me forcibly. He was outstandingly handsome in his dark way, and I knew that he was capable of deep feeling. I guessed that, disappointed in his marriage as he must be, he sublimated his desires for a wife's affection in his devotion to his patients,. "97'd f^Si 1 noticed that Sir Matthew, although complaining of his over'^liiJ zealousness, was nevertheless pleased to see him, and it was clear to me that the old man felt comforted by his presence. I remembered what Mary-Jane had said of his kindness to her sister. The people of this neighbourhood perhaps should thank that unsatisfactory wife of his since his devotion to their needs was the stronger because of her.
" I know you are so fond of riding," he said. " but I don't think I should indulge in it too frequently ... not after this month at any rate."
" I won't," I promised.
" You'll be a good and sensible young lady, I am sure of Aat."
" Have you been visiting Worstwhistle to-day?" asked Ruth " I have," said the doctor.
"And it has depressed you. That place always does." Ruth turned to me.
" Dr. Smith gives his services free, not only to patients who cannot afford to pay, but to this ... hospital."
" Oh come," cried the doctor, laughing, " don't make a saint of me.
Someone has to look in on those people now and then . and don't forget if I have poor patients here I also have rich ones. I fleece the rich to help the poor. "
" A regular Robin Hood," said Luke.
Dr. Smith turned to Sir Matthew.
"Well, sir," he said. " I'm going to have a look at you today."
"You think it's necessary?"
" I think that since I am here ..."
" Very well," said Sir Matthew rather testily, " but first of all you must join us in a toast. I'm going to have some of my best champagne brought up from the cellars. Luke, ring the bell."
Luke did so and Sir Matthew gave the order.
The wine was brought, the glasses filled.
Sir Matthew filled his glass and cried: " To my grandson." He put his arm about me while we all drank.
Very soon after that the doctor went with Sir Matthew to his room and I went to mine. Mary-Jane, determined to be a real lady's maid, was turning down the bed for me.
" Thank you, Mary Jane
" Is there anything else you'll be wanting, madam?"
I did not think there was, so I said good night to her, but as she went to the door I called: " By the way, Mary Jane do you know a place called Worstwhistle?" 98 She stopped short and stared at me.
"Why, yes, madam. It's some ten miles off on the way 10 Harrogate."
"What sort of place is it, Mary Jane
" It's the place where mad people go."
" Oh, I see. Good night, Mary Jane
The next morning I was awakened by Mary-Jane, who came in to draw the curtains and bring my hot water.
It was comforting to wake up and see her pleasant face. She was, looking a little shocked because there had been no need to draw the curtains as I had pulled them back before getting into bed; and I had opened the window. Mary Jane shared the belief that night air was " dangerous."
I told her that I always slept with my window open, except in the depth of winter; and I was sure that she had decided I should need a great deal of looking after.
I took my bath in the powder-room and went along to the first-floor dining-room for breakfast. I felt quite hungry. Two mouths to feed now, I reminded myself, as I took eggs, bacon and devilled kidneys from the chafing dish on the sideboard.
I knew the routine. Breakfast was taken between eight and nine, and one helped oneself.
I rang for coffee and when it was brought to me I was joined by Luke.
Later Ruth appeared and solicitously asked if I had had a good night and liked my room.
Had I any plans for the day? they wanted to know. Luke was going to Ripon and would be delighted to buy anything I needed. I thanked him and told him that I should need things, but I had not yet decided what.
"There's plenty of time before the happy event," he said; and his mother murmured his name indulgently, because she thought it was somewhat indelicate to refer to the birth of my child. I did not mind. It was something I wanted to think oi continually.
I told them that I would take a little walk during the morning; I was longing to have a look at the Abbey again.
"The place appeals strongly to you," remarked Luke. " I believe it's the main reason why you wanted to come back here."
" It would interest anyone," I answered.
" You must not exhaust yourself," Ruth warned me.
" I feel very fit, so I don't think there's any danger of that."
" All the same you have to remember to take care." 99 The conversation turned to the affairs of the neighbour hood: the effort of the vicar to raise money for the upkeep of the church, the bazaars and jumble sales he was organising for this purpose, the ball which a friend was giving and which we could not attend as we were in mourning.
The sun streamed through the windows of that pleasant room and there was certainly nothing eerie about Kirkland Revels that morning. Even the Abbey, which I visited a few hours later, appeared to be nothing but a pile of ruins.
So that was a pleasant walk. I felt serene, ready to accept the theory that Gabriel had killed himself because of his illness. It seemed strange that I should feel more contented to believe that, but I did; perhaps it was because I was afraid of the alternative.
I came back though the Abbey ruins. It was very quiet- peaceful was the word to describe it this morning. This was merely a shell; the brilliant sunshine falling on to the grass floors, exposing the crumbling walls, defied that sense of the supernatural. I thought back to the evening when I walked here and panicked, and I laughed at my folly.
Luncheon was a quiet meal which I shared with Ruth and Luke, Sir Matthew and Aunt Sarah taking theirs in their rooms.
Afterwards I went to my room and began makin
g out a list of things I should need. It was early, yet I was so impatient for the birth of my child that I could not wait While I was thus engaged there was a knock on my door, and when I called, " Come in," Sarah stood on the threshold, smiling as though we were a pair of conspirators.
" I want to show you the nursery," she said. " Will you come with me?"
I rose without reluctance, for I was eager to see the nursery " It's in my wing," she went on. " I often go up to the nursery." She giggled.
"That's why they say I'm in my second childhood."
"I'm sure they don't say that," I told her, and her face puckered a little.
" They do," she said. " I like it. If you can't be in your first childhood, the next best thing is to be in your second."
" I should love to see the nurseries," I said. " Please show me now."
Her face was smooth and happy again. " Come along."
We mounted the staircase to the top floor. I felt an involuntary tremor as I passed that corridor which led to our old 100 room and the front of the house, for my memories of Gabriel and Friday, which I was constantly trying to suppress, were as vivid as they had ever been; but Aunt Sarah did not seem to notice my mood; she was intent on leading me into the east wing and the nursery.
I was struck once more by the change in her as we entered her section of the house; she seemed almost girlish and very happy.
" Right at the top," she murmured, as she led the way up a short flight of stairs. " The schoolroom, the day nursery, the night nursery.
Nanny's quarters and those of the under- nursemaid." She opened a door and said in a hushed voice:
" This is the schoolroom."
I saw a large room with three windows, all of which were fitted with window-seats; the slightly sloping ceiling told me that we were immediately below the roof. I found my eyes fixed on the windows which had bars across them in accordance with nursery tradition. My child would be safe up here.
There was a large table close to one of the windows and beside it a long form. I went over to this table and saw the cuts and scratches on it; it must have been used by many generations of Rockwells.
" Look," cried Sarah. " Can you read that?"
I leaned forward and saw the name Hagar Rock weD carved there with a penknife.
" She always put her name on everything," Sarah laughed on a gleeful note. " If you went through this house peering into cupboards and such places you would see her name. Our father said she ought to have been the boy instead of Matthew. She used to bully us all ... especially Matthew. She was annoyed with him for being the boy. Of course if she had been the boy ... she would be here now. wouldn't she? ... and Simon would have been ... But perhaps that's not exactly right ... because he's a Redvers. Oh dear, it's a little complicated is it not?
But she was not the son, and so it was Matthew."
" Hagar is Simon Redvers's grandmother?" I asked.
Sarah nodded. " She thinks the world of him." She came close to me.
" She'd like to see him here ... but she won't now, will she? There's the child ... and there's Luke too ... both before Simon. The child first.... I shall have to get some more silks."
" You're thinking that my child will make his appearance on your tapestries." lOt " Are you going to call him Gabriel?"
I was astonished, and I wondered how she had guessed my thoughts. She was studying me, her head on one side; now she looked infinitely wise as simple people sometimes do.
" It may not be a boy," I said.
She merely nodded as though there was no doubt of it.
"Little Gabriel will take big Gabriel's place," she said " Nobody can stop him, can they?" Her face puckered suddenly. " Can they?" she repeated.
" If the child is a boy he will take his father's place."
" But his father died. He killed himself ... they said so Did he kill himself?" She had caught my arm and held ii tightly.
"You said he didn't. Who did? Tell me, please tell me."
"Aunt Sarah," I said quickly, "when Gabriel died I was distraught.
Perhaps I did not know what I said. He musi have killed himself. "
She dropped my arm and looked at me reproachfully.
" I'm disappointed in you," she said, pouting. Then her mood changed at once.
"We all sat at that table. Hagar the cleverest of us all--and the eldest--so you see it would have been best.... Then Simon would have been.... Our governesses did not like her though. They all liked Matthew He was the favourite. All women liked Matthew. I was the stupid one. I could not learn my lessons."
" Never mind," I soothed. " You could draw beautifully; and your tapestry work will be here for years and years after we are all dead. "
Her face lightened. Then she began to laugh. " I used to sit here, Matthew there ... and Hagar at that end of the table Our governess was always at the other end. Hagar said she should sit at the head of the table because she was the eldest She could do everything ... except drawing and needlework. I beat her there. Hagar was a tomboy. You should have seen her on horseback. She used to ride to hounds with our father. She was his favourite. Once she climbed up to the window nearly at the top of me Abbey tower. She could not get down and they had to send two of the gardeners with ladders. She was sent to her room for a whole day on bread and water; but she did not care. She said it was worth it." She came close to me and whispered: "She said:
"If you want to do something, do it and then think about paying for it afterwards--and if you've done it, you must not mind what you have to pay for it'" 102 " She was a forceful character, your sister Hagar."
" Our father liked to take her round the estate with him. He was sorry when she married John Redvers. Then the trouble started with Matthew.
He was sent down from Oxford. There was a young woman there. I remember that day. The girl came here to see Father. I watched them from where they couldn't see me; I heard it all. "
" From the minstrels' gallery," I said.
She giggled. " They did not think to look up there."
She sat down at the table in that place which she had occupied to learn her lessons; and I knew that the reason for her youthfulness in this part of the house was due to the fact that here she relived her youth.
I was sure that all her memories of the past would be flawless; it was only in the present that she was uncertain whether she was talking to Catherine or Claire, Gabriel's or Matthew's wife.
" Trouble," she brooded, " always trouble about women. He was well into his thirties before he married, and they went more than ten years without a child. Then Ruth was born. All that time Hagar thought it would be her son Peter who'd be master of Revels. Then Mark and Gabriel were born. Poor little Mark! But there was still Gabriel left.
Then Luke was born . so you see Hagar was not happy about that. " She rose from the table. She took me to the cupboard and showed me the marks on the wall there. There were three lines marked with the initials H. M. and S. " Her Majesty's Ship," I murmured.
" Oh no," said Sarah earnestly. " Hagar, Matthew and Sarah. Those were our heights. Matthew shot up past her after that, and then Hagar wouldn't measure any more. I want to show you the night and day nurseries."
I followed her from the schoolroom and with her explored that part of the house which had been the children's domain through the centuries.
I noticed with satisfaction that all the windows were barred. In the day nursery was a great oak chest, and this Sarah opened. In here were stored the Rockwell christening robes and she brought them out reverently for my inspection.
They were beautifully made of white silk and lace which I guessed were priceless.
" I must examine them," she said. " I may have to mend part of the lace. The last time they were used was for Luke. That's nearly eighteen years ago. He was not a good baby. None of our babies were good babies. I shall take these to 103 my room. I shall allow no one to touch them except myself. 1 shall have them ready for you when you need them."
"Thank you. Aunt Sarah."
I looked at the watch pinned to my bodice and saw that it was four o'clock.
" It's tea time," I said. " I had no idea. How quickly the time passes when one is interested 1" She did not answer me; she was clutching the christening robe to her breast, and I believed that in her imagination she was already nursing the baby--or perhaps some other baby from the past--Ruth, Mark, Gabriel or Luke.