Katie followed Jaye through the corridor and towards a side exit in silence. Neither of them knew what to say. She glanced over her shoulder at the shrinking people in the corridor. They needed to know she was okay, she was safe. For one heart breaking instant, re-assuring them was the most important thing in the world. Nobody deserved to feel so empty or so guilty. It’s not your fault. Don’t blame yourselves. But no-one answered. She felt hot tears burning the back of her eyes and her throat begin to close up. Once outside and settled in a corner of the medical centre grounds, Jaye broke the silence. Sort of.
You know what happened to you?
I think so. I died. Didn’t I?
We tried to bring you back but you kept pushing us all away. There were things you needed to do.
There were?
You don’t remember. It’ll come back to you. You’ve only just woken up.
I lost.
Jaye laid her hand over hers. For the first time in… how long… she was touching something real. No, you won Katie. You killed that man and you fought the darkness. I can see it in you now, you’re light again. Absolutely pure and good.
The spell. Katie held her hand out and flexed her fingers around the raw tissue. It burnt the darkness out of me. It was gone by the time I got to the club. I just remembered it well enough to pretend it still owned me.
But that means you killed him in cold blood?
There was a pause as the idea sank in. Somehow, Katie thought it was worth risking her innocence for.
I remember the dreams. The ones where the zombies were trying to get me. And then I let them. And my family were there and I couldn’t save them. Jaye, what were my parents doing in my nightmare?
I don’t know. I don’t know the first thing about dreams. But… maybe it’s ‘cos you’re always thinking of them. You’re always trying to protect them from the monsters.
That’s why I couldn’t touch them. I can’t save them like this.
The telepathic messages between them died out for a few minutes. Katie lifted a hand and looked at it wonderingly. She wasn’t solid like any of the others. She was real enough that she could see her own body, her bloody hospital gown and bare feet. But she was, at the same time, transparent enough that she could see the trees swaying and people walking or cycling past through her own hands. And questions came as she stared and enjoyed this new peace. How was she going to find Jack? Did dying mean she could have this inner quiet forever now? What about school and running? Could she ever see her parents and sister again? But the concerns seemed very distant. Not insignificant or irrelevant. Just… not urgent.
But one question was shouting… demanding to be asked.