***
So here I was in the darkness of Val’s garage, watching the glowing numbers on my watch, it now being 7:31 p.m. I stood behind Val’s dad’s Impala. If I leaned against it when Clarisse came, she might not notice how short I really was. I was practicing my lean when the door creaked open.
“Jay?”
“Over here.” My voice was Jay’s, but it shook just a little.
“I can’t see anything; isn’t there a light somewhere?”
“No! Just follow the sound of my voice. You’ll be fine.”
She moved clumsily, but she made her way over without tripping over anything. I could just make out her inky silhouette as she stood in front of me. I reached out my hands and found her shoulders. Slowly, I moved my hands down her arms until I reached her fingertips. I laced my fingers into hers and a shiver worked its way through my body.
I was lucky, ‘cuz I’d gone out with more girls than Marcus ever had. I’d already had two girlfriends, so while I was nowhere in Jay’s league I could hold my own. And yet…I’d never touched a girl like Clarisse. I could feel the sweat forming itself on my palms and I hoped it wouldn’t gross her out.
“So? Why are we here?” Her voice was sweet as a sundae.
“I like you, Clarisse. I really, really like you.”
“Jay –”
“I was hoping I could show you. Can I just…?” I leaned towards Clarisse and put my mouth on hers. She stiffened, but didn’t move away. Electricity soared through my body. Then she kissed me back and it was like some delicious pain was crushing me everywhere.
My whole body hurt with wanting her. I put my hand in her hair and we kissed some more. How I was going to do it? How was I going to walk out the door and hand her over to Jay after this? But I didn’t want to think about that. I just wanted to keep on kissing her, keep on, keep--
She pulled away, but kept her fingers in mine. “Jay?”
I could tell her, I thought. I could tell her I wasn’t Jay.
She squeezed my hand. “Is it alright if we just talk a bit?”
Talk? TALK? “Of course,” I said, my voice still working.
“You don’t mind? You aren’t disappointed?”
“I just wanted to be close to you, that’s all,” I said. It was actually the truth when I thought about it.
She held tighter onto my hand and giggled. “Could you believe Mrs. Richards today? I was actually thinking of telling her the zipper on her skirt was undone until she gave me the royal shaft for being five seconds late to class.”
I didn’t have Algebra with Jay and Clarisse, but luckily I had Mrs. Richards later in the day. “Yeah. You know her skirt was still undone in 6th period? Red panties…must be exciting for Mr. Richards.”
“Jay, grody!” Clarisse pushed at me. “Mrs. Richards is like ninety! I can’t even think about that!” But she laughed.
I could smell the vanilla scent of her and still felt the heat of her palms where she’d pushed at me. Tell her you’re not Jay. Tell her. Now. I took a big breath. “Clarisse, I –”
“You’re really nice,” she said, turning around and leaning back against me, pulling my arms through hers so they clasped in front of her. “You wouldn’t believe some of the stunts guys have pulled on me. It’s good to be with someone decent for a change.”
There was a bang! bang! on the garage door and it swung open. In the dim moonlight I could make out Jennifer’s wild poof of hair. “Clarisse! Come on! We’ve gotta split. Val’s parents are on their way home! Samantha will give us a lift to Jon’s; we can party there.
“How can you see anything in here?” Jennifer dragged her hand up the wall and flipped on the light. I held my breath. She looked at me and flinched, her hand hovering over the switch. Our eyes locked together. I could hear all the commotion outside the garage, dozens of underage partygoers searching for a way home quick. I waited for Clarisse to turn around and look at me. I waited for Jennifer to say something, to give me away.
Then, without saying anything, Jennifer flipped the switch again. Darkness slipped over us once more.
“Let’s go, Clarisse,” she said, her voice flat.
“C’mon, Jay.” Clarisse tugged at my hand, ready to take me with her.
I let go of her. “No. Go on. I’ll catch up later.”
And she went. Just like that. She and Jennifer hopped in Samantha’s hunk of junk and rode over to Jon’s where they met up with the real Jay. And I hung back with some of the guys, the center of attention. A sort of God to be praised. Something I should have been lapping up, but couldn’t somehow.
The next day I lay on my bed, curtains pulled against the sunlight, imagining Clarisse kissing Jay, a crater forming in my chest.
Jennifer walked in without knocking. “What was that last night? You should be on your hands and knees thanking me for not giving you up, you shuckster.”
“So why didn’t you?”
“It’s bad enough I’m related to you as it is. All I need is for your reputation to stain mine.”
“I was gonna tell Clarisse who I really was when you came in. I--”
“Oh, cut the gas, Scott. Girls don’t like it when candy ass guys play tricks on them.”
I said nothing. I just concentrated on the pain in my lungs.
She took a step towards the hallway then stopped. “Why did you do it, anyway?”
“I just wanted her to like me, that’s all. I just wanted to kiss her. Like Jay could have.” I could barely get the words out.
“Oh!” She spat out. “By duping her?”
I closed my eyes.
Jennifer was quiet so long I thought she’d left. Then she sighed. Loudly. “Well, she’s with Jay now, you know.”
“I know.” Believe me, I knew.
“He’ll pound you if he ever finds out.”
“I know.” Believe me, I knew that, too.
“But then again, maybe he’d thank you.”
I opened my eyes. “What are you talking about?”
Now Jennifer leaned against the doorframe and crossed her arms. “Clarisse wasn’t really sure she liked Jay all that much before last night. But then she wouldn’t stop going on about the kiss in the garage. She said it was boss.”
“You told me the other day Jay was the only guy in school worth looking at.” A strange feeling came over my heart and lungs. Like spider legs crawling everywhere.
Jennifer looked at me and shrugged. “That’s what I think. But Clarisse kind of liked someone else; only after last night she decided she liked Jay.”
“Who did she like, Jennifer?” Something was pressing on my chest.
She looked down at her hands, then directly into my eyes. “You,” she said.
“Seriously?”
She nodded.
Now I sat up quickly, ready to choke her. “You lied to me! You ruined my life! You and your damn lie. I can’t believe this! Everything is ruined because of you.”
She came further into the room, pointing at me, one florescent pink fingernail practically jabbing me in the nose. “No, Scott, you did that yourself. You pulled that stupid stunt all on your own. I would have told you about Clarisse, eventually.” She stopped jabbing and put her hands on her hips. Her lips turned down in a frown. “I wanted Clarisse to be friends with me for me. Not for you.” She shook her head and I thought I saw tears in her eyes.
“What? You two aren’t tight anymore?”
Jennifer shrugged and stomped out of the room, shutting the door behind her.
I was back in the dark.
Me? Clarisse had liked me?
I wrapped my arms around my belly and felt bile burn my throat. I thought I would puke right there, but I didn’t.
I hated to admit it, but in a way Jennifer was right. I blew it. I really blew it. I threw my pillow against the wall and swore at the top of my lungs, then lay there for a few min
utes more feeling sick.
Finally, I got up and yanked the curtains open, the light hurting my eyes. I squinted into the sun then gazed at the rooftops down the block.
Clarisse had liked the kiss. My kiss. Me.
I threw up the sash on the window and breathed in the acrid scent of burning leaves.
She had liked me.
And here I had to go and try to be somebody else.
The End
About the Author
Katie Hayoz was born in Racine, WI, but ended up in Geneva, Switzerland, where she lives with her husband, two daughters, and two fuzzy cats. She loves to read and devours fiction like she does popcorn and black licorice: quickly and in large quantities.
Connect with her on her website: www.katiehayoz.com
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