Between the two of us, Geena was the wild one. She wasn’t always smart, but with her charms and looks, she survived all the challenges that came her way. Well, if she got away with humping my fiancé behind my back, she can get away with almost anything. Or maybe I was just too trusting… too naïve!
My ex-fiancé is an orthodontist. He was goal-oriented and ambitious. Much like me. When Geena needed a job that didn’t really have a lot of pressure, Bryan took her in. I was not worried. They both loved me. They would never betray me… or so I thought.
Back when I was still clueless, Adam had been dropping hints to me. Sometimes in a form of a very sarcastic remark. But since I was so used to him being rude, I just tuned him out.
But one evening, I planned to surprise Bryan at work. I was about to open the door when I heard him and Geena arguing.
“You have to get rid of it!” Bryan said angrily.
“I’m not going to get rid of it! I may have done shameful things in my life but I will not kill my own baby!”
“Astrid will find out!” Bryan argued.
“And you still plan to marry her after getting me pregnant!?” Geena asked angrily.
“I already spent a fortune on that wedding she planned! It was too extravagant! What do you want me to do? Call it all off?”
“Oh, really? So you want me to call off my pregnancy instead?” Geena asked. “I can’t believe you’re even considering that! Perhaps you should have considered checking your ten year old condom before you jumped on the sofa with me!”
“Are you sure it was even mine?”
“How dare you, Bryan?” Geena fired at him. “We have been sleeping together for six months! I have never let any other man touch me except for you!”
“So what do you want me to do? Choose between my wedding and your pregnancy? It’s a difficult choice to make, you know!”
At that point, I couldn’t take any more. I barged into the room, which shocked them both. I stared at both of them, pasting a bored expression on my face.
“Oh, sweetheart… we were just having a discussion about… a patient.” Bryan struggled to lie.
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Really? Which patient? Your unborn child?”
They were both shocked to hear me say that.
“I’ve been standing here long enough and I assure you, I need no explanations from either of you.” I struggled to keep my voice calm. “Bryan, I know it is a very difficult choice to make. A man like you will not have balls big enough to make a decision like that. So, why don’t I make it for you.” I took a deep breath. “You both stay away from me for the rest of my life! In case, you were too dim to understand, Bryan… the wedding is off!” Then I turned on my heel.
“But… I already spent a fortune on that damn wedding!” Bryan said angrily.
I turned around so I can face him. “Well, then I’ll send you all your receipts!” And I stormed out of the room.
I went home immediately and gathered my clothes and my stuff that I could fit into one suitcase. I didn’t have anywhere to go at that time. I couldn’t face my friends yet. I was too embarrassed. They already didn’t like Bryan that much because they thought he was self-centered and egoistic. I defended Bryan, saying that at least he was faithful to me. And now, this!
Before I could even have second thoughts about leaving Geena’s apartment, I went to the person who knew what was happening even before I knew it myself. And I sincerely hoped that person considered me as family all throughout these years.
Adam never liked Bryan. He always told me that my boyfriend was up to no good, or that he only thought of himself and he would only make me cry.
When he was suspecting that things were happening between Bryan and Geena, he would say things to me like:
“You’re so naïve, Ash!”
“Open your eyes sometimes and stop trusting too much!”
“Sometimes, the people you trust the most, Ash, are the ones who betray you the deepest. Look around. You just might understand what I am saying.”
So when I came to him that night, I didn’t have to explain anything. He saw that my eyes were swollen and that I was carrying a suitcase with me. Without a word, he opened the door wider to let me in.
“How long have you known?” I asked him.
“Does it matter how long I have known?” He asked back. Although he sat beside me on the couch, he offered no arm or shoulder for me to cry on. Adam isn’t a very touchy person. But it meant a lot to me that he made me feel that he was there.
“How could they do this to me?”
He sighed. “The more important question is, what are you going to do about it?”
“She’s pregnant!” I said.
For a while, Adam was silent. I could tell he was brewing his anger all inside him. Then finally he said, “I suppose I should beat the hell out of Bryan for getting Geena pregnant. But right now, I want to give him a shiner more for what he did to you.”
I stared up at him. He smiled, which is something he rarely does. “You grew up with me, Ash. You too, are like a sister to me. Believe it or not.” He chuckled humorlessly. “Now, what happened to Geena, she’s an adult now. She should know that her actions have consequences. I can’t beat up Bryan if Geena participated in the act so willingly. But you, on the other hand… it was not fair what they did to you.”
Adam took me in, but it had always been on a temporary basis. He’s a little of a woman-hater… I think. A woman’s presence in his luxurious bachelor flat will kill him little by little.
But I was glad that he allowed me to live with him… until I get my act together. I intended to find my own apartment. If only the rest of my friends were rich enough to rent a two-bedroom flat, I could crash in with one of them. But until then, I’ll be the parasite living in Adam’s guest bedroom.
“Are you okay?” Adam asked, giving me another gentle shake.
I nodded.
“You were in all afternoon? Aren’t you supposed to be working?” He asked.
I shook my head. “Not anymore.”
He raised a brow. “Your boss sacked you?”
I sighed and then I nodded. “Apparently, I am no longer recommended to stand within ten feet of people who are getting married.”
“I can’t say I blame your boss.” He said. “You made this breakup the center of your universe, Ash. You have to stop this. You have to pull yourself together. Dwelling on what would have been will only make you twice the loser.”
“I’m not a loser!”
“Whatever.” He rolled his eyes. “But it looks like that from where I’m standing in. No house, no boyfriend, no job.”
“Right. Remind me to look for an apartment as soon as I can stand up.”
“As soon as you get a job, you mean.” He said.
“Yes, that too.”
He sighed. “It’s no secret that I want to keep this apartment all to myself. But right now, Ash, I’m the only one you have. I don’t have a choice. I can’t disown you. But I hate to see you deteriorating every day. A week of moping is fine. It’s been almost a month now. You’re in worse condition than you were the first time you showed up in my doorstep.”
“I… I don’t know what to do, Adam.” I admitted.
“Yes, you do. Go out with your friends. Party all night. You can sleep around if you want. Even I, won’t judge you.” He said. “Just get out of bed and stop moping.”
“I’m not moping!”
He snorted. “You don’t convince me.”
I rolled my eyes and laid back on the bed.
“By the way, your mother called me. She asked if I’ve seen you. When was the last time you talked to her? She was very concerned.”
“Last week. Took her a long time to call you.”
“Honestly, I am the last person in our family that they would expect you to run to.” He said, standing up from the bed, and then he headed towards the door.
“Adam…” I called.
He turned back to m
e.
“How’s… Geena? Bryan was asking her to get rid of the baby. Did… did they go for it?”
He raised a brow at me. “Why do you want to know? They can go to hell for all you care. Don’t ask again! Because even if Bryan’s on his knees begging for forgiveness, I will be the last person to tell him where you are!”
“Is he asking for my forgiveness?”
He sighed in frustration. “The only reason he’ll do that is because he wants back the sixty grand he already spent on your wedding preparations!” With his last barb cutting through me, he strode out of the room.
Adam can be ruthless and careless with my feelings but somehow, I appreciate it that he doesn’t lead me on or tell me lies just to make me feel better. I can always count on him for the brutal truth. Maybe that’s why I ran to him when I found out about Bryan’s affair. Because I felt that I have been surrounded by lies for too long. And for once, I wanted the truth. No matter how painful it can be.
Chapter Two
ENTOURAGE:
A group of people surrounding an important person or persons… like the bride and groom in a wedding.
I met up with my friends. I could tell that they were all getting bored with me. I whined about the usual things. Like how I had known Bryan since I was in college and we had been friends first before we dated and how I’ve known Geena since we were little and never in my wildest dreams had I imagined that she would betray me like she did.
Dannie Jones, my gay best friend, became the most impatient. He had listened to me enough, I guess.
John Green, my guy best friend, was the angriest at Bryan for what he did to me.
Nicole was the most sympathetic for my feelings.
“I wonder how he is now.” I asked.
“Oh, for crying out loud!” Dannie muttered. “Ash, please! Don’t do this! You’re beautiful, you’re smart! You have your whole life ahead of you!”
“No, I don’t! I’ll be thirty in a few months!”
“You’ll be thirty in twenty-three months!” John muttered. “That’s plenty of time to score a guy who is a lot better than Bryan!”
“But we’ve been together for two years! Do you know how much work that took?”
“A lot! Particularly since you have been withholding sex!” Dannie said brutally.
“But what is wrong with… no sex before marriage?”
“Nothing! Only that you open him up to readily available sluts within a mile proximity.” John said.
“Look, Ash, if he couldn’t wait, then he isn’t the guy!” Nicole said. “And if he really did love you, he wouldn’t have the nerve to sleep with Geena. If he had an inch of decency in his body, he would have remembered that Geena is your cousin!”
“Relationships are not important to a horny guy.” John butted in.
“Apparently!” I rolled my eyes.
“So, now what are you going to do with your life?”
I shrugged. “Drink it away?” I asked sarcastically and took another gulp of my beer.
“Look at you, Ash! How can a gorgeous girl, who’s sweet and smart waste her life over a loser like Bryan? I mean, no offense, but he’s not nearly that hot!” Dannie said in a frustrated voice.
“And he’s short. What is he? Like five feet tall?” John chuckled.
“Hey! He’s five feet six!” I said defensively. “And his chocolate eyes are dreamy.”
“His eyes are brown! As plain as brown could be!” Dannie argued.
“I just… couldn’t think of a reason for him to do that to me!” I heaved another frustrated sigh.
John rolled his eyes. “I can. But you’re not going to like it..”
“Sex?” I asked him. “He only needed to wait three more months… after we’re married.”
“Well, apparently, he can’t wait nine months. Haven’t they been sleeping with each other for a good six months already before you even found out about them?” Dannie asked.
“For all you know, Ash, he could have proposed to you because he wanted to get you to bed.” John asked.
“Not with the size of the ring that he gave me!” I said. Bryan gave me a two carat diamond ring. It was expensive. He wouldn’t splurge on that if he was only after the sex, will he?
“Speaking of the ring, where is it?” Dannie asked.
“In my jewelry box.” I replied.
“Hmmm… you should have returned that weeks ago.” John said.
“Hell no!” Dannie argued. “Don’t return it! Pawn it!”
“No! I’m not going to pawn that ring!”
“And why not? You want to hold on to it and reminisce the good times you spent together whenever you look at it?” Nicole asked in an irritated tone.
“We did have some good times.”
“This is not the time to be thinking about the good times. That’s a no brainer. Right now, for you to get over him, you have to think about every single annoying thing about him and every single irritating thing that he has ever done to you!” Nicole said.
“True. Right now, you have to think of him as a monster! He has no heart! He has no conscience.” Nicole said. “This thing that you are in, he brought this upon you! Everything that he was before you broke up with him, was nothing. That’s not the person that he is now!”
“You need a makeover. Find a hobby! Get a gym membership! Learn to play the guitar!”
“Or you can always find a job!” John suggested.
“I hope you have been saving money.”
I sighed. “Of course. But... unfortunately, I used some of it to pay the florist.”
“I hope you had the guts to refund them.” Nicole said.
I shook my head. “I gave all the receipts to Bryan when we broke up. I wanted him to refund all those payments so that he’ll know how difficult it was for me to make those arrangements while he was humping my maid of honor!”
“So, let me get this thing straight!” John said. “If he was able to refund the money you paid the florist, it means… he cheated on you… and you paid him to do it?”
“Shut up, John.” I told him, although I understood the irony he was aiming at.
“That settles it then! You have to pawn the ring.” Dannie said. “With the size of that thing, you can pay for your own wedding.”
I snorted. “That is, if I still want to get married. I think I completely lost faith in love. If I see or come to another wedding in my life, I think I’ll hang myself! I don’t believe in weddings anymore!”
“Really? Then why do you still believe in engagement rings?” John asked.
“Why don’t you want to pawn it for its worth? If you don’t want to use the money for your future wedding, then use it as a down payment for your own apartment.” Dannie suggested. “That could be at least ten grand. You’re going to have a long way to go with that! And trust me, hon. You deserve it!”
“I wish you would display the same angst about Bryan as you do about weddings and happily-ever-afters!” Nicole said. “If only, you would be as optimistic about getting over Bryan as you are about the doom of the weddings of the couples we were handling.”
I know it was downright pathetic. During the first week, I was so mad at Bryan. He was a liar! He was my best friend before he became my boyfriend. How could he treat me like that?
Then I was so mad at Geena, because in my opinion, she should have stopped things from happening. Bryan is merely a man. A man who had been harboring his sex drive since we started dating. His testosterone levels were probably shooting rocket high when Geena showed a little bit of flesh.
On the second week, I was mad at myself. I thought it was my fault that I was a self-righteous virgin who believed that a relationship these days can go a long way without intimacy.
On the third week, I was just mad at love itself… for leading me on, for making me think that there is a happily ever after in store for me.
For making me believe that the dream wedding I had in my head since I was ten years old could turn int
o a reality.
And now… I just don’t know what or who I was mad at anymore. A part of me hurts so much that sometimes, I think it would have been so damn easier if I just ran back to Bryan’s arms and forgave him. But a bigger part of me cannot trust him again. Not anymore. A part of me says that I have made it three weeks without him, with this pain. I can make it a few more. And then healing will come for sure.