“You didn’t pay me.” He said softly.
I nodded. “I knew that after. But then I found out who you really were. And then I felt like you paid me.”
He sighed. “You read me all wrong.” He said. “And sometimes, I think you’re still reading me all wrong.”
I didn’t answer. We stared at each other for a while. No one said a word. And then Ryder sighed again.
“Now, do you believe that I wanted you?” He asked.
“It doesn’t matter.” I replied. “This weekend… is a dream I will soon wake up from.”
“Because I don’t belong in your world?”
I shook my head. “Because I don’t belong in yours.”
“If… if I was just Ryder, the bartender… would you want to be part of my world?”
“I’m not ready to be part of anybody’s world. I was burned too much to start over.”
I’m not ready for hopes of ‘ever after’ just yet. The healing has to be complete for me. I don’t hurt at the thought of Bryan and Geena anymore. I may hate them forever, but I’m not affected with what they do with their lives. I don’t even think about them anymore.
I still cringe at the thought of entering into a serious relationship or going steady with another guy. I know that that will be the difficult part. To trust that one man will only have eyes for me… for all eternity. I’m not yet ready to risk that. I can’t go through the hell of a heartbreak again. I’m not yet ready to be with a guy without thinking it will end up exactly how it ended with me and Bryan… or maybe even worse. No. I can’t do relationships just yet.
“How long do you think that would take?” He asked.
I reached out and touched his cheek. “I don’t know. I’m not in a hurry.”
He smiled but that smile did not touch his eyes. “Like I said, I want you to have your ‘ever after’. You deserve it more than anybody else.”
I smiled back at him. Tears threatened to peek from my eyes. I knew Ryder was sincere. I knew that he meant every word that he said.
“Thank you.” I whispered.
I snuggled closer to him and he gave me a tight hug. And as I lie there in his arms, feeling all safe, comforted and wanted, I realized just how sad it is that Ryder and I came from different worlds. It’s a pity because he would be everything I could ever ask for if ever I will believe in ‘ever after’ again.
***
It has been a wonderful dream. For the whole day, there were no pretensions between Ryder and me. I wanted him. He wanted me. I was his girlfriend and he was my boyfriend. I’m free to express the way I feel, without thinking of complications of a relationship… and certainly not the complications of having a relationship with a tycoon like him.
It was physical. It was bliss. It was a dream and soon enough, it was over. We were both quiet when he was driving me back to my place. Both of us were lost in our own thoughts.
I looked back at the magical two days when I existed in Ryder’s world. He was mine. He gave me his full, undivided attention, like I was the only woman that matters in the world. I lived the dream of blissfully being with someone. Someone who can’t get enough of me.
When we boarded the plane, I had to resist the temptation of reaching out for his hand or leaning my head against his shoulder. I had to stop myself from tiptoeing and giving him a kiss on the lips. The show is over. Our agreement is only for the weekend. I helped him win his bet with his friends. In the process, we gave in to whatever magnet that pulls us together. But that was it. And it is over.
He opened the car door for me in front of my house. He walked me to my front door. My heart felt so heavy. It was as if, I miss him already. But I had to remind myself that I can’t fall for him. I can’t fall for anyone yet. I have to protect my heart. And Ryder is capable of hurting me ten times than Bryan ever did.
I looked up at him. He was staring at me and somehow I couldn’t read his expression. He smiled and then he took a deep breath. He reached out to push a lock of stray hair away from my face.
“Astrid… I know you don’t want anything to do with me.” He said. “But… I sincerely hope we can be friends.”
I stared at him. I could tell that he was serious. And that made my heart feel lighter. And I know that I couldn’t deny him that. Ryder is one of the most wonderful people I’ve met. I may not believe he and I can genuinely be involved with each other, but yeah, friendship works. I nodded.
“I mean it.” He continued. “I hope we can be friends. Friends that get in touch with each other regularly… call each other when they’re in each other’s cities. Maybe even grab some dinner or lunch some time. Not the I-knew-you-from-somewhere-sometime kind of friends.”
I giggled. Then I nodded again. “Okay. Sounds easy enough.”
He stared at me for a while. And then he smiled slowly. “Thank you… It has been… a… surreal weekend.”
“Surreal? Even for you?” I teased.
He stared at me seriously. “Even for me, Astrid.”
My heart pounded inside my ribcage. But then I had to remind myself that even if Ryder and I were attracted to each other, I’m not ready yet. Even if I am, he’s a complicated man. A relationship would be too demanding for him. He’ll be too busy for me, and I’ll crave too much of his time.
I wanted my next relationship to be nothing like my relationship with Bryan, where both of us were caught up with our own stuff. I was too busy with my job to notice the looks and the secret smiles that he shared with Geena.
Now, if I would have a relationship again—if I would allow myself to believe in ‘ever after’ again, I’d want to give my boyfriend my time of the day. And I’d want the same from him. I would show him how much I crave him, both emotionally and physically. I would want him to show me the same. I wanted it to be perfect… like what Ryder and I shared this weekend. I wanted it to last for more than a weekend. I would want my boyfriend to be truly mine… and mine alone.
“Now my debt is repaid.” I told him.
He nodded slightly. Then he took my hand in his and he slowly brought it to his lips.
“Until we meet again.” He said.
I smiled and then I turned away and closed the door behind me. My heart felt heavy. I don’t know why. But somehow, a part of me felt so lonely.
Who knows when I will see Ryder again? We shared a wonderful weekend. We shared wild passion in bed, but that’s just as far as it can go. I allowed myself to give in to all the temptations that that handsome devil brings, but only for the weekend. Because although I allowed my body to give in to the passion, I cannot allow my heart to feel any more heartbreaks in the future. One major heartache is enough, thank you very much!
Chapter Fourteen
BRIDESMAIDS AND GROOMSMEN:
Forms part of your entourage. They must be of assistance when required at any given time during the wedding.
Tuesday night, I met up with my friends. “So, what happened to you last weekend? You don’t just take off to Neverland and not tell us!” Nicole scolded me.
“I went to Miami.” I told them. “Something I needed to do to repay my debt.”
Dannie raised a brow. “Who were you with?”
I took a deep breath before I answered. “Ryder Van Woodsen.”
“Holy crap!” Nicole wailed. “Do tell!”
“There’s nothing to tell!” I told them.
“You don’t spend a whole weekend with a god and say that there’s nothing to tell!” Dannie scolded me.
I sighed. “I met up with his best friends. He had a bet with them. He had to introduce a girlfriend to them before his next birthday. He asked me to pretend to be his girlfriend. Same thing I asked of him at the wedding. Since he didn’t accept my check, I thought I would repay him this way.”
“Didn’t he accept your virginity before?” John laughed. I threw a ball of tissue at him.
“So? Nothing happened?” Nicole asked. I turned red, and unfortunately, my friends could read me like a book.
“So yo
u’re hooking up with this guy! Finally! Next time you meet with your family, you won’t be lying anymore! The charade has turned real.” Dannie said.
“Of course not!” I snorted. “I made a mistake that night of the wedding. Okay, let’s say I repeated that mistake—a lot—this weekend. That doesn’t mean it’s for real. Ryder Van Woodsen? Come on, guys! Do you think guys like him stick to a monogamous relationship that leads to the altar? Besides, I’m not ready for a real relationship yet.”
“Then why did you have sex—a lot—this weekend?” Nicole asked raising her brow.
“It wasn’t part of the deal. We tried to stop it from happening, but the pull was stronger than either of us. We gave in. But we made it clear to each other that it was just for the weekend.”
“Then ... you agreed to not see each other anymore?”
“We agreed to be friends. But nope, we’re not going out on dates. No hope of a commitment in the future. Ryder is a complicated man. He is too busy with work, and too guarded about his… status in life. I’m sure he’d be a great friend… even a friend with benefits. But after Bryan, I don’t need that, guys. I need to believe that I could get married again. That ‘ever after’ is still possible in my future. I’m not looking for a temporary fix or a playmate.”
“Wow! Ryder is a lucky man!” John said shaking his head.
“Just exactly what do you mean by that?” I asked.
John shrugged. “I mean… you’re not exactly a wallflower, Ash! If you weren’t my best friend, I’d be hitting on you right now!”
I rolled my eyes. “And your point is?”
“Within twenty-four hours of meeting you, you gave him what Bryan was coveting for years. And then you spent a hot weekend together, and you told him you don’t want anything to do with him. Wow! I must get pointers from this guy!”
I threw another ball of tissue at him. But even though I didn't want to admit it, I knew that John has a point. Usually, girls spend a steamy weekend with guys and ask for more. I can’t say I’m not tempted. But what for? Ryder isn’t exactly a long-term type of guy. If he was, then he would have found himself a real girlfriend by now, instead of asking me to pretend in front of his very best friends.
I’ve been in a relationship that I thought would end in forever. It didn’t. Why would I risk entering into a relationship that didn’t spell ‘forever’ from the beginning? But Ryder and I have this… physical connection. We gave in to that thirst. I had to walk away quickly… while I’m still scathe-free.
“I’m not ready to have a relationship just yet. Ryder… well, there was a physical thing between him and me. I gave in to that. But that’s all. At least, both of us knew it was just… that. No expectations. No commitments. No strings attached!”
I know that I’d rather be sad about the fact that Ryder and I could never be than heartbroken for trying and then seeing that it was never going to work.
Friday night, I worked late. It was already eight in the evening when I decided to call it a day. My phone rang. My friends could be in one of the bars already, asking me to follow them there.
“Hello.” I answered without looking at the caller ID, expecting it to be Nicole, Dannie or John.
“Ash…” That familiar voice does not belong to any of my three best friends.
My heart pounded inside my ribcage. It took me a couple of seconds to find my voice.
“Hi.” I said almost in a squeak.
“I’m in town.” Ryder said. “I’ve just gotten off a long meeting and I’m starving.”
I smiled to myself. “So, what does that have to do with me?”
“Because I happen to drive by your block and I was thinking maybe you’re hungry too.”
I giggled. I didn’t have dinner yet and I am starving.
“So what do you have in mind?”
“Japanese, or Chinese. Something Asian.” He replied.
There’s nothing wrong with dinner. We did agree to be friends. Have some dinner some time. Not exactly a date. And I’m hungry. He’s looking to have his dinner. He happens to be in my block. I don’t see anything wrong with this picture.
“Alright.” I said quietly. I could barely breathe.
“Okay. Come out of your house anytime you’re ready.”
I laughed. “You’re here already?”
“A few seconds away.”
“Then what would you have done if I said no?”
“I’d… be eating alone.” He chuckled.
“Okay, give me fifteen minutes.”
When I hung up, I raced to my room. I hopped in the shower quickly and then I dressed in a white floral dress. I only put on lip gloss. No time for make-up. Didn’t really want Ryder to think I’m trying to look good for him. That is just completely the opposite of what I was standing up for. We slept together in the past, and now we’re just friends. I don’t need to impress him.
When he saw me come out of the house, he went out of his car and opened the passenger door for me. I looked up at him before I went inside. He has a crooked smile on his face.
“Hi.” He whispered softly.
I smiled back at him. “Hey.” His smile was about to melt my knees and I’m sure I’m blushing already so I quickly hopped inside his car. I took deep breaths as he rounded his car to get into the driver’s seat.
We didn’t speak to each other for the next five minutes. It’s as if we both didn’t know what to say.
I stared over at the car window. Stop this, Astrid! You have to stop feeling all giddy and weird! You’re friends who are going to dinner! Treat him the way you’d treat John!
“So, how are you?” He finally asked, breaking the silence.
“Busy. Business is picking up.” I replied. “I’m going to do three weddings this month.”
“That’s great!”
“Yes. Especially since we’re just a startup company.”
“You’re not exactly new to the business. And you have it in you. I knew you could do this.” He said to me, smiling.
I felt warm. I sincerely felt that Ryder meant that. This is one guy who believes in me.
I smiled back at him. “Thank you, Ryder. You have… faith in me.”
He didn’t say anything. He just smiled that crooked smile again.
Damn! This guy is just too handsome for my ‘just friends’ scheme!
“How… how about you? How are you doing?”
“Not bad.” He replied. “Janis is asking for your number.”
My eyes went wide. “Oh my God!” I breathed. “Did you give it to her?”
He shook his head. “I keep on conveniently forgetting to text it to her. But I gotta warn you. I may not be able to hold it off forever. She will get your number and give you a call.”
“What do I do?”
He chuckled. “Talk to her. She’s not that bad.”
“That’s not what I meant, Ryder. She’ll ask about you. About us.”
“Tell her that you have not seen me in days. But we keep in touch by calling and texting each other. I don’t talk to them everyday for them to know exactly where I am and what I’ve been doing. I think you’ll be fine.”
I sat back on my seat. “That’s easy enough. She knows you’re a busy man. You’d be too busy to see me at least five times a week.”
He raised a brow at me. “Wanna bet?” He asked in challenge.
My heart pounded inside my chest. I bit my lip. He continued staring at me seriously and it was getting more and more difficult to breathe. I turned away from him. “Eyes on the road, mister.” I said instead.
He went quiet for a while and then he said, “I’ll never be too busy to see my girl, you know.”
I smiled. “You’re too busy to find a girlfriend. You had to ask me the last minute.”
He shrugged. “What if I wasn’t really looking?”
“What if you were too busy to realize she’s already passed you by?”
He shook his head. “Nope. My girl will sparkle so bright it will
be hard for me not to notice her.”
I stared at him and somehow he was staring at me deeply. Part of me was flattered. I looked away from him, unable to bear the weight of his stare. I looked out the window.
“I thought you didn’t believe in ‘ever afters’, Ryder Van Woodsen.” I said.
He heaved a sigh. “I don’t know what to believe anymore.” He said. “I’ve been cynical about dating and going on relationships because of… who I am. I was afraid the girl I’d meet would only be interested in my money… my financial status.”