When Bryan broke my heart, I was torn and broken. I thought that the only way to take the pain away is to get back together with him, put it all behind us. Had I done that, I wouldn’t be here… lying in Ryder’s bed, hugging my pillow and missing him like crazy.
I am happier now. Ryder is everything that I have ever dreamed of. He’s everything that I was afraid to dream of. Who would have thought that a couple of months ago, I was whining and sulking about Bryan and Geena? Now, I’m having a fairy tale relationship with a Manhattan prince. It’s not about the material things. It’s about how he genuinely cares for and loves me.
I guess I had to feel that much pain in my journey towards Ryder. And I wouldn’t want to have it any other way. I think I would go through a hundred more of the heartbreaks with Bryan, if it meant I would have Ryder to come home to at the end of it all.
My phone rang.
“Where have you been hiding?” Dannie asked.
I have not spoken to my friends since the day I left for my parents’ anniversary.
“Nowhere.” I said. “How are you doing?”
“I’m good. Let’s catch up. I want to hear all about your parents’ anniversary and your date with that hot photographer.” He said.
“Where are you?”
“I’m still at home. Meet you at Starbucks?” He asked.
“Okay. Want me to pick you up and we’ll go to Starbucks together?”
“Fine. I’ll call Nicole and John. Hopefully, they have time off from work.”
After I hung up, the landline rang.
“Hello.” I answered.
“You don’t know how that feels.” Ryder said chuckling. “Calling home and the voice you’d like to hear the most answers your telephone.”
“You’re not shy with flattery, are you, Van Woodsen?”
He laughed. “Except it’s not flattery. I’m just… telling you exactly what I feel.” He said. “Did you just wake up?”
“Yes.” I replied quietly.
“Are you crying?”
Now, after hearing his voice, I couldn’t help crying. “No.” But I know the tone of my voice betrayed me.
“What’s wrong, love?” He asked.
I took a deep breath. “Will it drive you away if I tell you that I miss you already?”
“No.” He replied seriously. “I miss you too.”
“God, Ryder! I have to stop being silly!” I said more to myself.
“You’re not silly.” He said. “I like it that you miss me.”
I took a deep breath. “You really did leave your car keys.” I said.
“I told you I want you to use it.” He said.
“How did you get to the airport?”
“The usual. I asked one of the guys at the bar to pick me up.” He said.
“Alright, I’ll just arm your alarm when I leave.” I said. “Speaking of your alarm, did you just change your password today?”
“No.” He replied. “I’ve had the same password for months. Remember? I told you this before.”
“Really, Ryder? My name?”
He laughed. “I’ve been crazy about you for months, love. I remembered changing the password after we got back from Miami. I knew then that I was in too deep and there is no way I could escape you.”
“Ryder…”
“Hmmm…”
“Don’t break my heart, okay?”
“I won’t, sweetheart. I love you.”
“By the way, I’m going out to meet Dannie.” I said.
“Good. You know how to drive there?” He asked.
“I know how to walk there.”
“Very funny, Ash. Whatever happened to letting me indulge you?”
“That’s a flashy car, Ryder.” I said.
“It’s a safe car.” He said.
“Alright.” I sighed. “Are you sure you won’t get mad if I bump it or something.”
“No. But I will if something happens to you.”
“Okay. Go back to work.” I said to him giggling. “And Ryder…”
“Yes, love?”
“Keep your promise, okay? Be miserable without me.” I said.
“I already am.” Then he took a deep breath. “Astrid…”
“Yes?”
“Always remember that I love you, okay? I’ll always be that guy who would do anything to protect you, make you happy. I want you to know that even before I met you, you were the woman I needed, the woman I have been looking for.”
Tears rolled down my cheeks. “I’ll remember that, Ryder. And I love you too. I didn’t know you were what I needed until I met you. And thank you… for finding me too.”
When we hung up, I had to take a couple of minutes to compose myself. There was a heavy lump on my chest and I couldn’t help but cry again. I didn’t know love could be this strong. It was amazing because I never even felt half of these emotions when I was with Bryan and I was all set out to marry him. Even if he didn’t cheat on me, our marriage would have been a mistake. And what I have with Ryder now is… a beautiful combination of all things that are right.
Dannie was already in front of his apartment when I arrived on his neighborhood. He was staring at the car in awe. When I let the window down on the passenger side and called out to him, “Hop in!”, his jaw literally dropped. He didn’t move until I blew the horn.
When he was inside he was looking at me in amazement.
“You’re driving…” He said and trailed off.
“Ryder’s car.” I finished for him.
“But why?”
“Because he wants me to.” I replied. “And he can be very persistent.”
“So what is this? Like a company car? He owns your company doesn’t he?”
I shook my head. “Yeah, he owns the company I am working for. But he didn’t let me use this car because I am his employee.”
“Okay. I’m lost.”
I smiled at Dannie and then I bit my lip. I knew I was blushing.
“Oh my God!” Dannie covered his mouth with his hands. “Sweetheart! For real?”
I nodded.
I parked in front of Starbucks. As soon as I was out of the car, Dannie hugged me. He had tears in his eyes.
“Are you happy?” He asked.
“Very! I cannot believe just how much!” I said to him.
Nicole and John were already sitting inside when we walked in.
“Was that you who just arrived in Ryder Van Woodsen’s McLaren?” John asked.
I nodded.
“Why are you driving his car? Is he here?” Nicole asked.
“He’s in Manhattan.” I said.
“Don’t tell me you’re car-sitting.”
I laughed. “That’s also one way to put it. The other way is that Ryder doesn’t want me to take a cab from this point forward.”
“Why?”
“He’s overprotective. Not that I mind.” I said happily.
John chuckled. “Looks like the fake relationship just became real.”
Nicole’s eyes widened. “And you didn’t tell us?”
“We just got together the other night. And yesterday we couldn’t take our hands off each other. I couldn’t call you. I felt like I was running out of time. Ryder had to go back to Manhattan early this morning. He was supposed to be back yesterday. He just extended his stay.”
“So unlike the other trysts you have, this one is a full blown relationship now?” Nicole asked.
I nodded. “I love him, guys!”
“We know!” John said. “I think even Van Woodsen knew that a long time ago. Only you didn’t want to admit it because you were afraid that he’s too… elite for your taste!”
“I know. But I’m not afraid anymore. I want him. It doesn’t matter if he comes in a shiny gift wrap when he’s delivered to me.”
“You’re very lucky, Ash. He really cares about you.” John said. “Remember that night we were at Oil Rig and the three of you went to the dance floor? Van Woodsen was watching you. He couldn’t take
his eyes off you. I noticed and I told him that I could tell he really likes you. He looked frustrated, and said that ‘like’ was a huge understatement because he’s crazy about you. I knew he meant it. He couldn’t understand why you didn’t want to be with him. I told him that you were like this ever since Kevin Moore.”
My eyes widened. “You told him about Kevin?”
“Relax, Ash! The guy had to understand where you were coming from.”
“I thought I couldn’t handle his world. That I couldn’t exist in the same planes as him. But I didn’t care anymore. Ryder is different from Kevin. Kevin was an ass. Ryder is a beautiful soul. Nobody has made me this happy. I may not belong in Ryder’s world, but I’m sure now, I belong to him. I took a chance. I know he will shield me from the pain. No one in his high profile world or family would judge me. And even if they did, who cares? Only Ryder’s opinion matters to me.”
“So he’s going to fly in and out of L.A.?”
I nodded. “Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays, I have him here. Mondays to Thursdays, he’s in New York.”
“Well, if you love each other that much, you should be able to figure it out.” Nicole said. “You’re still on the business, aren’t you?”
I nodded. “Of course. Ryder and I found our common ground now. He’s asking me to be a partner, not an employee.”
They all beamed at me. “We’re happy for you, Ash. You really deserve this after all you have been through.”
“I know. And I am so happy.” I said, tears brimming my eyes.
My phone beeped. I read Ryder’s text message.
I love you. I’ll be home sooner than you think! Wait for me ok?
I smiled dreamily. I know it’s too much to ask. But if I really know Ryder, I have a feeling we would be making love tonight. He would find a way to come back to me before the day is over.
And I couldn’t wait. I thought about cooking a nice meal for us. He’s not the only one who’s romantic and full of surprises.
When I looked up my friends, they were smiling happily for me. I know, they waited a long time to see me as happy as I am now.
I stayed with my friends for a while longer. Just then, my phone rang. It was Janis.
I know I have some explaining to do. But I was really hoping she’d forgive me.
“Hey Janis.” I greeted chirpily.
There was silence. Then Janis croaked, obviously trying her best not to cry.
“What’s wrong, honey?” I asked her nervously.
“You have to come to Manhattan.” She said.
“Why? What happened?” My heart hammered inside my chest.
“Ryder had a car accident.”
My phone slipped from my hand and suddenly, I felt my world crashing down on me.
Chapter Twenty-Four
VEIL:
Covers the bride’s face to the groom until he has fully committed to her after the wedding ceremony.
I am made of stone. I can do this. I am not giving up! I told myself over and over.
I was sitting on the deck of Ryder’s Malibu home. After so many nights I still feel alone, my heart is still broken and every single minute, I ache for the man who swore he would make my ‘ever after’ come true.
But he’s not here anymore… I never felt so alone in my life. The pain is ten times worse than what I felt when Bryan and Geena betrayed me.
I remember his laughter, his smile. I remember his arms around me and the way he would look at me. I remember how he never gave up on me. How he waited for me to realize that he was the right one for me. How long he waited for me to realize that I was in love with him after all.
He told me he would never hurt me. He told me that he would never make me cry or miserable.
But why do I feel like shit now? Damn, I must also look like shit. I haven’t had a proper sleep in four months. I haven’t been eating well. My employees are taking a lot of the pressure from my business because they understood that I was not myself.
I try though. I try not to let any of it affect me. But the pain of losing Ryder was a hundred times worse than being cheated on by Bryan and Geena. At least I have the right to be angry at them. But not this time. I have no right to be angry at Ryder at all no matter how badly I was hurting.
Everybody was worrying about me. Everybody was making a fuss. Everybody is trying to do everything they can to cheer me up. To make me strong.
Jake and Janis visit me frequently. My friends plan parties and night outs just to cheer me up. Even Ryder’s sister and mother try their best to reach out to me. It was unfortunate that we met each other for the first time at the hospital the same day Ryder had a car crash.
They were all making sure I don’t lose it. Trying to make sure that I will not do anything stupid. Like jump off a cliff and kill myself.
But I know I would never do that. Because I told Ryder that I would always remember that he loves me. That I would never forget that. I would never give up. I would wait.
Being in Ryder’s home has been my refuge. Because here, I still feel that he is still with me. I could still hope that the phone will ring any minute and I would hear his voice on the other line asking me to be miserable without him.
He got that one right. I am miserable. I have been miserable for four freaking months!
Because I know that phone will not ring for me. My cellphone will not beep with a text message from him. The Ryder Van Woodsen who loved me for the past few months was gone.
As fast as he told me that he would love me forever and after that, he was gone. Ryder… my savior, my knight in shining armor, my rock… the man who went to hell and back for me.
And with that thought I looked up the sky and shouted, “Why?!” And I kept the tears coming.
***
Whenever I dream, I dream of the darkest hour of my life. I wanted nothing more than to wake up from it all. Except… it wasn’t really a dream or a nightmare. They were memories… memories that ended my time with Ryder so abruptly even before I could even fully embed myself in his life.
I remembered after I received a call from Janis, I rushed to the airport and immediately proceeded to the hospital. My hands were shaking. My heart was pumping loudly inside my ribcage. Tears continue to stream down my face but I couldn’t even whimper. I was too scared to even make a sound.
Please God! Save him! Let him live! And I won’t ask you anything ever again! Let him survive this!
I never thought Ryder could get hurt. He was my knight, my rock. He was supposed to be the strong one. He was always the one saving me, catching me from the fall. But now, I would trade everything I have just to have him live.
Suddenly, long smooth fingers enveloped my hands. I stared up at the dazzling green eyes staring back at me.
She looked brazenly beautiful. An aristocratic face that is so much similar to Ryder’s.
Paris gave me an encouraging smile.
“My brother will come back for you.” She said. “I know it. He will live… even if only to see you smile again.”
Those words were meant to encourage me, but instead it made me cry even more. Because I know that she was right. If the choice was up to him, Ryder would definitely come back for me.
Another woman sat beside me. I stared up at her. She has a regal face, and an almost formidable stand. She was as graceful as she was strong. She wasn’t crying. She smiled at me. Her name is Helen Thompson, Ryder’s mother.
“We have the best surgeons in the room with my son.” She said. “I told them to make sure they do everything they could to save him.”
I nodded, in spite of my tears.
Ryder’s mom held her hand out to me. “Come. Family should wait together.” She said.
Paris put an arm around me and we all went into a lounge to wait for news of Ryder’s surgery.
At first, I was scared to meet Ryder’s family. I knew most rich people would prefer an equally rich woman for their heir.
But from the moment I arrived at the airport,
Paris had arranged for a limousine to pick me up and take me to the hospital. As soon as she saw me, she recognized who I was and hugged me, as if she had known me for a long time.
The first thing that Ryder’s mother said to me was, “I wish we had met at more fortunate circumstances, Astrid. But I am glad to finally meet the most important woman in my son’s life.”