Chapter 8
"Why Janison? Why betray us now?"
Janison shot up from bed and reached to remove his link visor. His hand smacked his face, but no visor.
I knew I'd have to fight with my conscious but never imagined it would sound like Stalling.
He sat up, swung his legs around to the side of the bed and reached for the glass of water on the nightstand. The clock read 3:16. It had only been a few hours since taking the sedative. The dose he took should have knocked him out well into morning. He took a long drink and put head back to pillow, his body lead-heavy and head thick with sleep.
"Trust, Janison. It's a basic principle for people like you and I. What happened to make you betray yourself?"
Janison opened his eyes in alarm. With measured calm, he turned to locate his link visor resting next to the clock on the nightstand. If Stalling was not communicating via the visor, then he must be in the room.
His pragmatic side was quick to dismiss the plausibility of that reality. He had chosen this safe house over a year ago, careful not to reveal its location to anyone. Had he gone insane then? Did his conscience truly sound like Stalling? If so, he truly would go insane if he hadn’t already.
As if on cue, Stalling's voice pounded in his head. "Put your visor on Janison, we need to talk. I could berate your sense of principle all day but I have a feeling your own conscience will be harder on you than I ever could."
Stalling being in his head was crazier than the concept of him being in the room. Janison was off the grid. He chose this spot because it was one of the few pockets where the Auranet could not locate him, assuming of course he had disconnected, which he had. Even if Stalling had managed to broaden the signal in the past few hours, Janison had turned off his transmitter.
"Do you really think I would have divulged everything to you Janison? I love you like a brother but our mission is too important to allow the mistake of one person to bring it all down, including myself."
Janison reached behind his head and felt a dull pulse at the base of his neck as Stalling spoke. The familiar warmth generated by his implant said it all.
"Yes, I can still communicate to you without your visor or connection to the Auranet. One of the few abilities I have reserved for myself...in case of an emergency. I never imagined using it under these circumstances, but the Universe can be cruel in how it reminds us of what little we control.”
Janison smiled while nodding in agreement.
"I am confident you will figure it out soon enough,” Stalling continued, “but time is precious and we need to talk. Put your visor on.”
Despite himself, Janison chuckled. Who was he to believe his actions would deter the force known as Stalling? After witnessing twenty years of inexplicable miracles, he should have known.
He acknowledged the part of his heart eased by the sound of Stalling’s voice, even if it was just in his head. Of all the tough decisions made over the past year, letting go of Stalling remained the hardest. Blocked by Stalling's looming shadow for years, Janison had lost sight of the ultimate truth, but no longer.
God’s will, that is what matters. Emotions of one soul pale in comparison. God dictates destiny, I am here to play a role in God's master plan.
He turned on the lamp, stood up and stretched. "Coffee," he muttered to the room. A blunt, earthy aroma filled the room in seconds and helped lift the sedative haze. Janison chose to give up many luxuries with the decisions he made in the past few days but good coffee was not one them.
Meandering to a bathroom, he took a long piss and then looked at his profile in the mirror. He stood up tall, pulled up his gut with both hands and stuck out his chest. In the dimmed light, he caught a glimpse of the body that made all-region his senior year. The image sparking hope, he looked himself in the eye and said, "It's not too late to get it back. Hike these mountains every day we’ll trim that fat ass yet."
Admittedly, the decision to betray Stalling and his closest friends was easier to make knowing, once done, he could disappear to pursue a life of solitude. He was tired of burning it at both ends, tired of having to make tough decisions under continual gray conditions. He vowed to follow his heart, returning to the black and white paradigm of his youth, to the life before Stalling. Janison needed to rediscover a life guided by God and God alone.
He gave his oval, pale face a reassuring smile as he brushed fingers through unruly clumps of thick hair into smooth, salt and pepper waves. The blood shot eyes, ringed black from stress and lack of sleep over the years, sent back convincing cheer. With cup of coffee in hand, he returned to and sat the edge of his bed.
One more time Stalling, I guess I owe you that much.
Placing his link visor across his head to rest just below his brow, Janison did his best to relax as the wireless connection melded to his neural cortex. An instant later, a dark green static filled his field of vision. A pervasive hiss, as if the volume cranked with no audio playing, was the only sound.
"Alright Stalling, I'm here," he said, his voice sounding as if sealed in a box.
"Thank you Janison," Stalling replied, the static before him forming a fuzzy outline of his face. "Let me start by saying you don't need to justify your decisions to me. If you feel the need, save it for another day. Our time and energy must focus on the emergency at hand.”
"It's Muzar, isn't it?" Janison asked.
"Yes," Stalling replied after a long pause. "Your intuition should not surprise me. But for once, it has."
Janison tampered his pride in shocking Stalling with the knowledge that Stalling knew he would be. Damn Stalling and his persuasive honesty, he knew their mutual concern for Muzar would pull Janison back.
This is why Janison decided to leave. The only way to not fall under Stalling's influence, was to avoid him altogether. Yet here he was, manipulated for the sake of Stalling's ultimate mission, again.
"Look Stalling, I don't feel the need to justify my decisions now or later. You already know that but I want to make it clear that I did nothing to harm Muzar. My actions are for personal beliefs alone. I am out of the game."
"I know Janison and for what it is worth, I understand why you made the decisions you did. The difference for me, none of this has ever been a game."
Janison regretted his choice of words but had to agree, their motives had never truly aligned.
"While I am sure the timing of your choices as of late is no coincidence, the issues surrounding Muzar's survival appear to be unrelated. The issues relate to an epic miscalculation on my part."
Wow, two self-deprecating statements in one sitting, Janison had never seen Stalling this rattled. "So what's the problem?" Janison asked. Stalling had sucked him back in before the question formed on his lips. He accepted this turn of events with eyes wide open, reminded that you don't remove the past twenty years of your life in less than a day.
"He's dying. We made the diagnosis in time for Jennifer to start an emergency shutdown but that gives us a few more hours. How can we save him? What are the short or long-term effects of pulling him out too soon? For Muzar's sake, help me find a solution."
For Muzar's sake, there it was, Stalling plucking the strings of others to produce the results needed for his agenda. Janison took another sip of his coffee and let the rich aroma and bitter taste clear the fog in his mind.
Stop and check your emotions for a moment. Could Muzar's death better achieve the same objective I set out to reach by going to Clortison?
The memory of his recent meeting with the Archbishop made him nauseas. Janison's disgust of Clortison and the C.O.S. aristocracy was arguably equivalent to that of Stalling's, but for different reasons. To Stalling, the ancient theocracy represented the slow and arduous death of his species. For Janison, they epitomized all the inherent flaws of man, how they can corrupt even the best intentions of God.
"Faith" had become a cliché. They used scripture to instill fear, to maintain control. Janison was a new breed of evangelist that
emphasized Leviatus's message of love and compassion. He cared little for the cryptic dogma created centuries later by misguided zealots. He was not alone. A silent majority grew in size and strength every day.
Stalling’s proven ability to live a life of compassion was the fertile ground from which their relationship and commercial empire grew. Janison's faith led him to believe Stalling, in time, would embrace Leviatus’s abundant grace. In turn, Stalling would apply newfound revelation toward helping Janison reinvent the church.
High in the mountains stranded from civilization, a self-imposed outcast to all he cared about, the memory of his past naivety stung with fresh resolve. There were plenty of omens over the past two decades to keep Janison's faith alive and strong. But as the end of their covert project neared, exceeding all but Stalling’s expectations, Janison came to terms with the potential future he had helped manifest. Stalling had not seen the "light". Quite the opposite, he grew stronger in his convictions every day.
And why wouldn't he? Everything the man touched turned to gold. Faced with countless obstacles over the years, Stalling's unwavering faith in the love removed all obstacles in his way. Hindsight pointed to some logical explanation, dismissing luck or miracle. Still, Janison’s personal history with the man led him to conclude Stalling could will anything to work in his favor.
Janison's awe and fear of this ability grew over the years. If not for their intimate connection when it came to matters of the heart, he would have left sooner. Stalling never coddled or held back in expressing his beliefs or disagreement with Janison when it came to religion and theology. He’d defend his views by conveying honest, respectful and insightful empathy of those opposite. Janison never focused on their differences. Instead, he always saw their common ground.
It was from these exchanges with Stalling that Janison first spawned his vision of a reformed church. Over the years, Stalling presented an array of compelling views that Janison alone could not have done. For Janison, these moments provided the undeniable evidence of God’s mysterious existence.
In the end, Janison concluded, God's mission for Stalling was not his concern. His personal journey had reached a crossroads, and he chose the road toward God. He was on that road now and Stalling seeking him out in this moment validated he had made the right choice.
The decision to betray his closest friends and allies did not come easy. The tangible good they were doing was irrefutable but to continue down the same path, he concluded, meant certain destruction of the Church of Salvation. Not just its social and political structure—two aspects he himself would like to see gone—but every shred of its existence.
No doubt, Stalling's success would have advanced millions. And it still can, but not without the word of Leviatus to guide us. Stay true to your mission; leave the rest up to God.
Unfortunate does not begin to describe the circumstances that led Janison to provide Clortison and his lackeys an arsenal of intel on Alterian Enterprises. If used correctly, it would bring down an enemy that had whipped their ass for the past two decades. Committed to a life of black and white, scuttling the project in this manner was the only viable choice. For the church's survival also meant the survival of what he deemed the one and only truth.
But here I am playing the role I believe myself destined play. Who am I to conclude I am the Lord's one and only champion?
A wave of optimism filled his chest and along with it, a sense of peace absent for too long. Presented with another chance, a better choice, joy overwhelmed Janison as he prayed in gratitude: Thank you, please forgive me, I love you.
Janison had left Stalling hanging for several minutes. True to form, Stalling waited patiently. "Muzar can be saved along with all the good that comes with his salvation," Janison finally replied.
"I had hoped you would say that." Stalling's relief, even in the muffled conditions, was palpable. "How?"
"He must regenerate. If not, his human vessel will perish."
"I concluded the same but the solution still evades me."
"It is beyond our ability to save Muzar," Janison stated with conviction. "But we can provide him the means to create the solution on his own."