“Yes, sir.” The voice through the door was muffled, but I finally placed it. Frederick. He and I were sharing responsibilities even though I was still technically his superior. “You had a call from a Mr…” The stumbling over the name made it impossible to understand, but it didn’t matter.
There wasn’t anybody I wanted to hear from. The only person I wanted to talk to was Astra, and she hadn’t looked at me since she stood.
Her hands were still shaking, and that struck a completely different chord, one I’d never felt before.
“Astra.”
I reached out.
She sidestepped, although how she’d seen me with her eyes fastened on her shoes, I had no idea.
“Astra, I’m…look.” Fumbling for words, I stared at her bowed head, all but ready to beg her to look at me. What was I supposed to say now? I didn’t know. I hadn’t planned to kiss her again. I hadn’t planned to touch her again.
I should have just kept my mouth shut when I her talking to the guy from administration. So what if I’d seen him flirting with almost every other woman who worked in the facility? Although, if I was being honest, I didn’t give a damn who he flirted with.
Until he’d tried it on Astra.
Not that she wasn’t equipped to handle him.
She was probably more equipped to handle unwanted advances than I was. But that was the problem. I’d seen them talking, and I’d seen her smile at him, and jealousy had exploded.
Now I couldn’t think of anything to say that might put us back on equal footing.
“Astra, I’m sorry. For everything,” I said as she smoothed those wild curls down. “I shouldn’t have jumped…” I cleared my throat. “I mean, I shouldn’t have gotten on you about the conversation you were having with another employee, and I…”
The rest of it stuck in my throat.
I couldn’t tell her I was sorry for kissing her, touching her, making her come.
Not without lying.
The feel of her was a tangible memory under my fingers, the taste still on my tongue. I couldn’t apologize for that.
Finally, she lifted her head to look at me. My breath caught held, and I waited, but she didn’t say anything. Instead, she turned on her heel and cut away from me, moving toward the door without saying a word.
As I watched her go, I leaned back against my desk, wondering just when in the hell I’d lost my mind.
21
Astra
My entire body felt like it was going to explode if Dash did what it looked like he planned to do. “You’re going to kill me.”
His eyes were dark, sparking with humor. “We wouldn’t want that, would we?”
I smiled as I sank back down on the desk, content to just let him do what he wanted. But then he ordered me to sit up so he could watch me.
Those words, gruff and hot, made me shiver, while need clenched in my belly, a greedy, demanding fist. So even though my elbows were shaking and all of me just wanted to melt into a puddle of limp wax on the polished wood, I kept my eyes on his as he slid his hand down my thighs once more. He caught the hem of my skirt, dragging it up, the flat of his hand smoothing across my skin as he did so.
My breath exploded out of me, and I sucked in more, desperate. If he didn’t…
I whimpered as he stroked one lazy finger against me, stroking me through panties that were already wet. The silk was no barrier. I still wanted them gone.
“Dash.” I stopped, unsure whether I would beg him to stop or beg him to do more, I didn’t know.
Then he was bending over me, pressing his mouth against the silk, and I arched up, shoving my hands into his hair and clutching him tight.
He flicked his tongue against me, and the resulting sensation would have been less intense if he’d lashed my skin with fire.
I might as well have been naked for all the attention he paid my panties. He sought out my clitoris, biting it gently and tugging on it, each toying, taunting caress sending more jolts of need through me.
I wanted to scream.
I wanted to come.
There was a knock at the door, and I wanted to cry.
But he didn’t stop.
He tore my panties away as somebody knocked again and again. He thrust inside me just as the door opened. I should be embarrassed. I was embarrassed, wasn’t I?
Piety stood there, along with Didi, and they both frowned at us.
“You’re at work,” Piety said, shaking her head. “This is such a bad idea.”
“Ignore them,” Dash said. “We want this.”
“We…” I murmured. But the heat that had consumed me was gone, and I looked for Didi.
She wasn’t there. Instead, I saw a twin of me.
No.
It was me. She had arms crossed over her chest, and she shook her head as she met my eyes, embarrassed and ashamed.
“You want this, but he already said it was a mistake. What are you doing, Astra?”
Dash tried to kiss me.
Somebody else knocked.
Then the phone rang.
But it sounded…off.
It rang again–
Jolting upright, I looked around, disoriented.
My alarm went off, and my aching body started to howl in protest.
I wasn’t in Dash’s office, ready for him to fuck me into another orgasm.
It was Friday, the end of a very long week, and I was in my bed – alone. And my back was killing me. Dropping back on the miserable hotel bed, I stared up at the ceiling. Technically, as far as hotels and hotel beds went, this was top of the line...but it was still a hotel.
“This whole thing just sucks,” I announced to nobody in particular.
Waking up alone sucked.
Waking up in a hotel for going on two weeks straight sucked even more.
Waking up alone in a hotel room on the edge of an orgasm after a very hot, very explicit dream might be the death of me.
“I need to find a place of my own.”
Again, there was nobody and nothing to answer me, but I felt better talking, even to myself. It wasn’t like I was used to having someone next to me in the morning, or even having family around to talk to when I lived with my parents, but there was just something different about having my own personal space.
Mind made up to finally buckle down and find a place, I got out of bed and went to the window, opening the blinds, and bracing myself to greet the day.
Of course, the day wasn’t ready to greet me.
It was gray, the skies sullen and cloudy, and as I watched, it started to rain.
“Fuck,” I muttered. If I’d wanted clouds and rain, I would’ve just stayed in Philadelphia.
The rain was just another reason to be in a bad mood, I decided.
Since I couldn’t control the rain or the dreams I’d been having, I chose to take control over what I could and ordered myself a sinfully indulgent breakfast. Croissants and bacon, scrambled eggs and fruit, a basket of sweet bread on the side and a steaming pot of coffee.
I asked them to rush it, hoping it would be ready by the time I climbed out of the shower. It was, and I had to rush to get to the door, leaving my hair dripping enough to soak into the complimentary bathrobe I’d pulled on. In a few short minutes, I had a chocolate filled pastry in one hand and coffee in the other, so it was worth it.
As I settled in an overstuffed chair, I finally admitted to myself that I needed to deal with my addiction to Dash.
That was all there was to it.
I didn’t know just how I planned on dealing with it yet, but I’d figure a way. I didn’t want to quit, but I knew that might need to be a last resort. Which meant my primary options were to tell him outright to leave me alone...or say we needed to have a fling to get it all out of our systems. My body definitely had its preference, but my mind knew I should take some time to weigh the pros and cons, as well as try to find other possibilities.
Chocolate and caffeine did a considerable amount to change my
mood by the time I was done dressing. I nibbled on bacon as I picked out shoes and continued to go over my choices. Maybe if we’d finished what we started, this might all feel different. We were both adults. We could have a physical thing that left no emotional baggage when it was over.
Except I was smart enough to know better. No matter how much my body wanted to pretend like there wasn’t anything major about what I felt for Dash, the fact that I kept thinking and dreaming and mooning over him told me something different. And while I might not have been the most grounded person in the world, I did have more common sense than most people gave me credit for.
I was also fairly self-aware, which meant I knew that if I went by what I really wanted, there was only one choice I could accept.
I scowled at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, then sighed. Grabbing my toothbrush and toothpaste, I mentally asked if I was really considering trying to seduce Dash into a tryst.
I’d never had a problem stopping myself from sleeping with a co-worker. Guys were easy to come by. Jobs that I liked and that challenged me were a different story, so my priorities had always been clear. Dash muddied things.
If we weren’t able to work together, did that mean I’d have to choose between trying to find another job here or going back to Philadelphia? I’d be going alone, I knew, which meant no more tag-teaming fundraisers, no running interference with each other’s parents. Piety would miss me, but she’d have Kaleb and Camry here. I’d have people I could go out with to a club, but no one who I could trust to tell me how it was, or have my back when my parents started in on the proper behavior for a young woman of my station.
Like the fact that I didn’t technically need to work.
I was paying for the hotel out of my trust fund, but I didn’t want to use it indefinitely. Aside from wanting to prove that I could make my own way for the most part, I wanted to keep whatever I could nice and safe just in case I needed it for something important in the future. I didn’t want to do what I’d seen a couple of my cousins do and drain my trust for everyday things, only to be left borrowing against my inheritance for emergencies. I wanted to use my inheritance to secure a future for kids and grandkids.
“Wow. What a thought.” I shivered a little as it went through my mind, and unbidden, Dash came into my thoughts.
Shoving him aside, I tried to refocus, but I couldn’t stop the image of holding a little baby with his reddish hair and those pretty eyes. A girl, I thought. I’d like to have a girl, a daughter I could raise to be someone strong, not just arm candy for some arrogant jackass.
Sit up straight, Astra. And for heaven’s sake, don’t smile so wide. You’ll give yourself wrinkles by the time you’re twenty. Who’ll want to marry you then?
Mom’s voice echoed in my ears, a ghost from when I was in my teens. She’d meant every word to help me, and to this day I didn’t think she knew how deeply she’d cut me.
“I’m crazy.” I decided as I finally pushed my mental pictures aside. Those were just fantasies brought on by my best friend getting married and having a baby. I didn’t want any of that, not now especially. Maybe, someday, far in the future, I’d have proven myself enough that I’d finally feel like settling down wasn’t giving in to my parents’ standards for happiness. For right now, it was only about scratching an itch, having fun, releasing some tension.
Nothing more.
I wasn’t having as much luck avoiding him this time around, although it wasn’t like he was seeking me out, and I definitely wasn’t seeking him out. But with several positions left to fill and holes in the employee handbook, I had to deal with reality – and him.
So I did the mature thing.
I took Sean with me, and we handled it together so I wouldn’t have to be alone with Dash and my lack of self-control.
Sean had experience with this part, so I let him take the lead, speaking up enough that I didn’t look like I was coasting, but for the most part, I just nodded wisely and tried to look professional.
It was hard, though, because I kept looking at the desk and thinking about how close I’d come to having him inside me again. Then, of course, I remembered what it felt like during our one night together, and I had to shift in my seat, press my thighs together, and try to figure out a way to ease my arousal.
“–cutting it close, Mr. Lahti, but it should be doable.”
Something about the tone of Sean’s voice had me pulling my attention back to the discussion, and I looked away from the desk to realize both of them were eying me strangely.
Well, no. That wasn’t right.
Sean was giving me an odd look, but Dash was looking at me like he wanted to kick Sean out of there and see if we could get a bit further on his desk than we had in that empty office.
I was pretty sure that if he suggested it, I wouldn’t argue.
Clearing my throat, I nodded. “Sean’s right, of course.”
I had no idea what I was agreeing to, but Sean was usually right, so I figured it was a safe bet. I could feel Sean’s eyes on me, but after a moment, his attention shifted elsewhere. I kept a polite smile on my face as I held Dash’s gaze. He didn’t look at all interested in whatever we’d been discussing, but after a moment, he nodded.
“Good. Make sure you get them ordered and stay on time.”
He waved us out of his office with an absented-minded gesture, and I trailed after Sean, hoping he wouldn’t be too curious. He was. But at least it was in the nicest way possible, waiting until we were back in my office to give me a puzzled look.
“Are you feeling okay? You’re not sick, are you?”
“I’m fine.” I smiled and moved to sit behind my desk, tapping the mouse so my computer came to life. Maybe if I looked busy enough, he’d let it drop.
But he didn’t take the hint.
“You got kind of flushed for a few minutes in there, and your breathing sped up.” With a short laugh, he added, “If you were my age, I might have thought you were having a heart attack.”
“Don’t be silly.” Waving it off, I tapped my finger on the file on my desk. “Let’s make those changes on the harassment policy–”
There was a quick knock at the door, and I looked up to see Gianna through the glass.
Dammit.
Whether it was stress from the meeting with Dash or Sean’s friendly curiosity, I didn’t know, but something smashed the filter that I almost always managed to keep in check while at work. Seeing her face, I huffed out a sigh.
“Speaking of harassment.”
He shot a look back over his shoulder.
To my surprise, when he looked back at me, he had a wide, wicked grin on his face. “I’m glad you said it and not me.”
“Hush.” But it took a greater effort to wipe the smile off my face. I beckoned for her to enter as I sat down.
It was going to be one long ass day.
Sunlight woke me.
Sunlight.
Not my alarm.
Saturday.
It was a sweet change, and I relished the chance to lie in bed for a while, coming awake slowly as I stretched out the kinks and knots that I had come to accept along with the mattress.
Heavenly sleep, my ass.
Piety had always said that I was like that princess in the story about the princess and the pea. I didn’t have a problem having an average size place with decent but not too pricey furniture, but the one thing I would always splurge on was a bed.
Today was the beginning of the end for this bed though, because today, I was heading out to start looking for a place to live. I hadn’t yet decided if I wanted to rent or buy, but that was part of my process. I’d look for what I liked and go from there.
After hitting the bathroom, I threw on some yoga clothes and grabbed my mat. It was time to loosen up those kinks, then I was out of there. If luck was with me, I wouldn’t be back until I had a place and a moving-in date. If luck wasn’t with me, I’d call a realtor on Monday.
One thing I did very well was
research, and I did it even better over breakfast. That research now led me to a nearby neighborhood with an eclectic mix of residential and commercial properties that meandered from run-down surf shops to high-end designers.
It was love at first sight.
I spent nearly an hour just driving through the heart of the small district before telling the voice-activated GPS to take me to the first of the houses I’d found to look at. There wasn’t an open-house until tomorrow, but I wanted to get a feel for it before I wasted my time.
As I turned my car around at the gated and guarded home community twenty minutes later, I decided it was a good thing I hadn’t wasted my time coming out tomorrow. They’d mentioned it was secure. They hadn’t included the gated part. Maybe that was why they’d emphasized that buyers should call before coming by.
But I wasn’t interested anyway.
It would be a pain in the ass to clear anybody who wanted to visit me through security. I appreciated security, but I’d rather have my house decked out, especially since I knew that crimes still occurred inside gated communities. They were just committed by other people who lived there.
A forty-minute drive to the other house I wanted to see came next. It was on the northern edge, and technically, not in town at all. If I was any good at navigating, I could have planned all of this out in a more time-efficient way, but I convinced myself that this would give me a chance to see the city anyway.
The second house was a disappointing kind of bland. It had a nice stretch of land, but the home itself had no personality. There wasn’t much to work with either. It was okay, but not what I was looking for. It had an open house in another hour, but there was no point killing time nearby when just looking at the place made me want to sleep.
As I headed back toward the retail district, I decided to plot out a better course of action, maybe shop. Definitely get some lunch.
As I weaved my way between other eager Saturday shoppers, I was glad I’d decided to get some yogurt and granola for a light lunch rather than waiting until after I was done shopping. There was so much to see.