“Really, you’ve seen the worst side of the Amish imaginable. The community is full of hard working, decent folks who wouldn’t hesitate to help you in your time of need. Murder, manipulation and mayhem are not the usual way of things.”
“Sorry, Daniel, but it’s going to take me some time to change my perception of the culture,” I said with a snort.
“What about your house. You’ve been awfully quiet about it burning down. Are you all right?” Daniel’s voice was not only kind—it was way too concerned. I looked out the window at the pristine white shed we were parked beside and the colorful hens pecking the dirt in front of it. How different this little building was from the ominous barn from the previous night.
“I have insurance. And my laptop was at the office and my cell phone with all my contacts in the world was in my pocket. All my important documents are in the safe deposit box at the bank. All in all, it’s mostly just a huge inconvenience.”
Daniel’s voice showed his disbelief. “Seriously, you’re not freaking out inside that your house and all your belongings burned up?”
I hoped that the chuckle that escaped my lips didn’t sound too evil, but Daniel’s raised brow told me that it had. “In this town it will be near impossible to implicate Tony for the arson, but I’d bet all my teeth that he had a hand in it. The desire for revenge seems to be keeping all pity-party thoughts out of my head at the moment. Well, except for my pictures. It will take a while to get a new set of my favorite destinations together.”
“Now I know what to get you for Christmas,” Daniel said with the smug expression of a man who thought he was so smart.
“Ha, as if you’ll be around come Christmas.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” Daniel said in a whisper. His body slid closer to me unexpectedly, and I couldn’t help leaning into him. It’d been a rough night. Ever since he stepped out of the darkness, holding the shotgun with his bulging biceps, I’d wanted his arms around me—needed to feel his skin against mine.
His mouth touched mine carefully, his tongue slipping in between my lips gingerly. I was impatient though, opening my mouth wider and meeting his tongue with force. His deep growl told me he liked it and his arms dropped to my lower back pulling me tightly into his chest. At that instant, I didn’t care about the prognosis for the relationship. All I knew was that the man fit perfectly against me. I would enjoy it while it lasted.
The rap on the window separated us in a heartbeat. I wiped the wetness from my mouth with the back of my hand, while Daniel cleared his throat, opening his door. The little Amish girl’s eyes were wide, her cracked lips round.
Oh, good grief, I could only imagine the gossip that this little scene would create.
Once the door was open, I heard the clip clops coming up the drive. I swiveled in my seat to see Lester and Esther’s faces in the small window of the buggy as their horse hurried toward us. My heart sped up, instinctively knowing something was very wrong. Daniel must have sensed it too. He made it out of the car as fast as I did.
The horse came to a stop beside us. The sudden movement caused the buggy to push into its black body, sending the horse forward another step. A spray of saliva from the animal reached me and while I was wiping the goo from my shirt, Daniel surged into an animated conversation in the Amish language with the couple.
Gazing up at the frantic woman’s face, I felt little pity. I could have already hauled her ass in, but Bobby had stalled me, assuring me that she wouldn’t be going anywhere and that she certainly wasn’t a danger to society. She was just protecting her child, he said. Yeah, right. Covering up a murder and lying to police about it was way overboard from what most parents would do. Hell, just a few years ago, Laura had told the police that she’d been driving when in actuality it had been Will who’d bumped into the shiny BMW at the local grocery while parking. Since he was only days away from getting his full license, Laura was willing to take the fall, but this was way different than that. A girl had died, and the total disregard Esther showed for Naomi was completely unacceptable. I didn’t plan to take it lightly on her—regardless of what Bobby believed was best for the already strained relations with the Amish community.
Goosebumps pricked my arms when Daniel turned around and I looked up into his face. He was afraid.
“Mervin is still missing. No one has seen or heard from him either,” he rushed the words out.
“Yeah, I’m sure the kid was pretty messed up himself after he was pushed in front of the bishop last night by his father to finally tell the truth about what his brother did to Naomi,” I said, shooting a look of disapproval the Lapp’s way.
Daniel stepped forward and took my hands between his large, warm ones. I almost pulled away wondering what the hell had come over him, when a glint in his eye caught my attention.
“Remember, what Rachel Yoder did about her guilt, Serenity.” His words were soft, almost as if they were dandelion seeds on the wind. But the words hit me with the force of a baseball bat.
Damn.
“If he were thinking about something like that, where would he go?” I directed the question to Esther, thawing a bit.
She began to cry shaking her head until Lester put his arm around her and said a few soothing words that I couldn’t understand.
“They don’t know. They’ve checked everywhere. The entire community is out searching,” Daniel said with some resignation, a sound that I didn’t want to hear.
Dammit—another young person was not going to die needlessly. Not if I had anything to do about it. The pounding of hooves on the road from both directions told me that what Daniel said was true. There was an unbelievable amount of activity on the pavement, and even now several buggies were making their way up the driveway with speed.
The bishop was in one of the buggies, along with a couple of men I didn’t recognize by name, but whom I’d seen before. He parked and stepped from the buggy. Mo hopped out of a buggy pulled by a tall bay horse, and joined the others just as they stood before us. Seeing them now, in the cool autumn daylight, with the bright hues of orange and reds behind them, it was difficult to imagine what I’d gone through the night before, and how all of these men had scared the shit out of me. Now, with their concerned faces and bodies ready for action, I nearly forgot how intimidating they were only a few hours earlier. But I made sure not to completely forget. No, those memories were seared into my mind. Especially with the reminder of the dull ache on the side of my head and the pain in my calf that had me limping. I knew what these Amish men were capable of—just about anything, like everyone else.
The men began talking and Daniel was in the heat of the conversation. I only half paid attention to the waving hands pointing in different directions, instead, letting the foreign voices fade away.
If I was Mervin, and I wanted to do myself in because I’d witnessed a close friend die by the hand of my older brother, where would I go to do it? It would have to be a place that I felt safe that I wouldn’t be disturbed. Maybe a place of significant memory…
Suddenly, I knew and I grabbed Daniel’s arm, pulling him to the car.
“I think I know where he is,” I whispered, opening the passenger door for him.
When the Amish men pushed in, ready to enter my vehicle, I held out my hand. “Sorry, guys. You’re not going with us.”
They didn’t argue, but as I dropped into the driver’s side and started the engine, I caught their annoyed looks. Daniel took it in stride, and said, “Where are we heading?”
“To the cornfield.”
40
DANIEL
November 19th
Serenity pulled into the field as far as she could go before her little Honda was rim deep in the mud and unable to go an inch further. We both jumped from the vehicle and ran along the mowed corn. Serenity knew where she was going, so I followed her, amazed with each step that I took that she was able glide over the corn stumps like a gazelle, while I had nearly fallen twice already.
Th
e day had turned out to be one of the prettiest ones we’d had in weeks, with barely a cloud in the sky—only bright blue above us and a cool breeze in the air. Ironic that this was the type of day that young Mervin might choose to leave the world. Somehow, the kid had managed to keep it all together for weeks following the shooting, but now, when the news was out in the open for everyone in the community and outside of it to hear, he couldn’t deal with it any longer.
Serenity slowed, and I nearly slammed into her back. Our breathing was labored and we both stood for a few seconds catching our breaths. I questioned her with my eyes, unable to break the silence surrounding us. She brought her finger to her lips, and then she pointed up into a tree.
I saw Mervin then. He was sitting in the barely noticeable tree stand, his black coated back to us. He wore a matching ski cap and his head was bent down. Was he already dead?
Meeting Serenity’s gaze, I saw her practical nature shining through. Either he was dead or alive—running forward wouldn’t help either situation. So we proceeded carefully though the tall, dry grass that was between the last crop row and the hedgerow where Mervin was.
When we reached the spot almost below the old wooden boards, Serenity nudged me and pointed up to Mervin, who still hadn’t moved. I was full of doubt now, knowing that the kid would definitely have heard our approach.
“Mervin?” I called, shielding my eyes from the sunlight.
There was a few seconds of unbearable quiet, and my heart felt the strain, pounding hard in my chest.
Just when I was about to give up hope, Mervin’s voice broke the silence, and I finally breathed.
“I don’t want to go back. And you can’t make me,” he said at the same time he lifted the shot gun, maybe the same one that had killed Naomi, into the air.
I wasn’t worried about my safety or even Serenity’s. What was making my heart race uncontrollably was the knowing that if he turned the gun on himself, we couldn’t reach him in time.
“No one is going to make you go back, Mervin. I can guarantee you that,” Serenity spoke and then motioned for me to climb the ladder to the platform. If she could keep the boy occupied, I might just make it in time.
“I’m only fifteen. I have no choice in the matter,” Mervin said, anger peppering his words. I took a rung and stalled while Serenity spoke again.
“I’m the sheriff. I can make things happen.” She glanced at me with a strange calmness and continued, “Why do you want to leave? Don’t you like being Amish?”
“Are you kidding me? After what I seen last night, I want no part of it. It would be better to put a bullet in me and die the same as Naomi rather than to live here.”
I took another rung, holding my breath.
“Yeah, I hear you. Everything I’ve seen so far about your Amish culture really sucks. I’d say most of you kids want out,” Serenity said casually, but I could hear the slight elevation of her voice. She was doing a good job though, I was almost there.
Mervin set the gun down on the board with a thud. He leaned out over the side and peering at Serenity he said, “It ain’t all bad—a lot of the others don’t seem to mind. Naomi was different though. We had that in common. That’s probably why I loved her.”
It was enough time. I hurried up the last rung and through the opening, grabbing the gun. Once I had it securely in my possession, I called down, “I’ve got it.”
Serenity sighed loudly and sat down on the ground. After a minute of her remaining there in the grass as quiet as a doe, I suddenly realized that she expected me to finish the talk with Mervin, who didn’t seem at all surprised at my appearance. The boy obviously didn’t want to use the gun on himself, but who knows what he might have done if we hadn’t shown up. The ghost of Naomi lying dead some feet away might have pushed him to it.
Mervin was looking at his hands in his lap, moving his fingers in and out from each other. I reached back into my own childhood and tried to remember how I’d felt. It wasn’t too difficult. The feelings had never completely abandoned me, even after all these years.
“Do you come out here to be alone a lot, Mervin?” I asked.
“Yep, it’s the one place where I don’t feel like I’m Amish. I’m just me. I never even hunted much. I just like to sit up here and watch the animals come and go once they’ve forgotten me.”
“Is that why you were out here the night that Naomi was shot?”
Mervin raised his face, which was still heavily freckled, his green eyes intelligent. “I was so tired that day. We’d been bringing in the corn with the horses and I was helping Dat in the evenings put up the new fence. He’d told me that I could head to the house early to get cleaned up for the ball game, but I didn’t want to go. I’m smaller than the others my age, and they don’t talk to me much anyway. I came here instead. I figured David was already playing ball with the rest of ‘em, when I spotted him on the stand. Couldn’t hardly believe my eyes, I was so confused, but he had the gun raised and pointed. I stopped and stood stock still waiting. If only I’d called up to him at that moment—Naomi would probably still be alive. But I was afraid of David—certainly didn’t want to do a thing to rile him. If I’d disturbed his hunt, it would have done just that. When the shot blasted and after the smell of the gun powder was in the air, I finally moved and shouted to him.”
Mervin paused, looking toward the place where Naomi had died with glazed eyes. The poor kid was seeing it again.
“What did you say to your brother?” I pressed, hoping he’d follow through and tell the whole story.
He didn’t look at me when he said, “I asked him what he got. That’s when he turned to me and I saw something horrible in his eyes. The look made me go cold all over. I’d seen it once before—after he’d killed a small stray dog that was hanging around the farm. It was just a starved, scrawny thing, and Dat believed that it had caught one of the hens. Dat himself had told us that if we saw the mutt we were supposed to do it in. But, David didn’t do it with the gun, the way he should have. When the little thing came up to us, all shy and whimpering, he hit her with a board, over and over again.
Mervin shook his head, trying to wipe the image from his mind. Then he looked at me, his eyes glistening. “I told Ma and Dat about what David did to the little mutt, but they didn’t say a thing to him. Instead, they told me to leave it be—that what needed being done had been done. I didn’t agree with ‘em…and I still don’t. All the dog wanted was some food and to be taken care of—that’s all.”
I sighed, glancing down at Serenity. Seeing the tightness of her lips, I knew that Mervin’s words had disturbed her greatly. I certainly loved dogs too, and like Mervin, would never have had the heart to follow Lester’s orders. But I also knew how life in the country went—a stray killing the chickens or livestock wouldn’t be tolerated. Of course, there were other ways to handle the situation—like taking the dog to the animal shelter, though it was a bigger deal for an Amish man to go that route than an English one. Lester would have needed to hire a driver to take him into town with the animal, which was more cost and trouble than any Amish man would place on the stray dog’s life—just one more reason why I was better off not remaining in the Church.
As I gazed at Mervin, whose face was tight with thought, I felt even more pity for the boy. Serenity was wrong. She might be able to pull some strings and get Mervin removed from his family and placed in a foster home—but that wouldn’t be much better for him. Not now. It would be more beneficial for him to make the move when he was old enough to do it on his own. He needed to wait a few more years—but could he survive it?
Mervin began speaking without my prompting. “David didn’t answer me. He just stood up and stared at where he’d shot. I was already scared when I started running into the corn. I felt…like something really bad was happening. Somehow, I just knew.”
“Was Naomi alive when you found her?”
He nodded. “She was blinking, and when I tried to talk to her, she didn’t seem to see me. She
coughed a little and that’s when I saw the blood spreading on her belly. Her coat was open, and even against the navy of her dress I saw the wetness and knew what it was. When she stopped moving all together, it was about nightfall. The moon was huge that night and I could see her perfectly.” He stopped and took another deep breath before he said, “I remember how pretty Naomi was while she laid there, the moon light shining on her face.”
I hated to put the kid through it, but the fear of him clamming up, pushed the next question out of me. “What did David do when he saw Naomi dying on the ground?”
Mervin looked me square in the eyes, and I believed at that instant he’d tell the same thing to a judge in a courtroom. “He done laughed. And the sound chilled me to the bone. He started saying all kinds of awful things about her and how she’d deserved it. He told me that we’d tell Dat and Ma that it was just an accident—that he wouldn’t even get in trouble for it.” Mervin shook his head angrily. “I wouldn’t lie to protect him—and I told him that. That’s when he went crazy like, and took his gun and hit my legs with it. I was on the ground and hurting and all, but I was so mad, I forced my body up and crashed into him. He wasn’t expecting it. Even though he’s bigger than me, I managed to get him down. We fought and rolled for a while—don’t right know how long, but at some point, when I thought David would kill me too, my hand touched the rock. I was almost afraid to use it, knowing it might do him in, then I’d be a murderer too, but I had no choice. I hit him in the head with it.”
We sat quietly for a couple of minutes as the birds called to each other in the bright sunshine of midafternoon. The breeze was gentle and smelled of decaying leaves making me feel nostalgic for simpler days.
Mervin didn’t need to finish the story. I already knew the rest. Lester was an honest man and what he’d already told matched with his son’s account.
When Mervin’s eyes met mine again, the tears began falling. He sniffed, trying desperately to hold it in. I wouldn’t let him though. Pulling him against me, I hugged him tightly until the tears flowed freely, his soft sobs vibrating against my chest. I wasn’t sure if any amount of counseling would help the kid get over this kind of trauma.