Totally a police detective and therefore totally figuring me out. I hated that.
I looked at his shoulder.
“And what did you mean, people like you?” he pushed.
Oh boy.
I looked back into his eyes. “Um…”
“What kind of people are you?”
I took a quick step to the side and then another step back and blurted, “Would you like to see the Spring Deluxe?”
He turned to face me again. “No, I’d like to know why you think I don’t want to be around you.”
I ignored him and stated, “It’s an exceptional mattress.”
He closed the distance between us. When I started to move back, his arm shot out and curled around my waist, halting my progress even before it began. His other arm came around me, caging me in.
In Mitch’s arms again. This time at work. Great.
“Have I ever given you the impression I don’t want to be around you?” he kept at me.
Yes. He had. There was the time he told me I had my head up my ass and all the other times he said it. And the times he told me I was clueless. And not ten minutes ago when he was in the break room with me which was also a time when he shared he thought I was clueless and had my head up my ass.
I didn’t remind him of this. Instead I said, “It’s our highest end model but it’s worth the price. Trust me. You try it, you’ll want to buy it and there’s a possibility that Mr. Pierson will let me give you my employee discount.”
“You’re not gonna answer any of my questions, are you?”
“Lumbar support is very important and the Spring Deluxe provides excellent support while affording ultimate comfort,” I stated instead of answering. And I knew this to be true because I’d experienced it but also because I was quoting verbatim from their brochure.
He stared down at me and I pushed carefully against his arms hoping he’d get the hint, drop his arms and let me step back.
He didn’t.
Instead he said quietly, “Billy’s lookin’ at me like I told him there’s no Santa Claus.”
I closed my eyes.
“You did that,” Mitch told me and I opened my eyes.
“Billy knows there’s no Santa Claus. Bill already told him so he wouldn’t have to buy him presents at Christmas,” I shared more information that cemented the fact that my cousin Bill was indeed an assclown. Not that Bill needed it. His assclownedness was carved in marble.
Mitch shook his head and muttered, “Priceless.”
I pressed my lips together.
Mitch leaned in closer. “I broke through with him. He doesn’t trust anyone except you and I broke through. Then you broke that. You did that, Mara.”
“I’m sure you’ll break through again this weekend, Mitch,” I said softly.
“I’m not considerin’ Billy doesn’t give much of a shit who treats him right. What he does give a shit about is who treats his sister right and who treats you right and he thinks I walked away on Monday and left you to fend for yourself. And he might only be nine years old but he still knows exactly the load you took on takin’ on him and his sister. So now he thinks I’m a dick. And you did that.”
He was right. I did do that. Crap.
“I’ll explain things to him,” I assured.
“Right, bet you’ll be good at that since Billy’s more clued into what’s goin’ on than you are.”
My body stiffened and I whispered, “Can we not go there again?”
Mitch grew silent and he did this to study me again. Then he returned to his earlier theme and asked softly, “What kind of people are you, Mara?”
Mitch was using a soft voice. Mitch’s voice sounded nice soft. If Mitch talked to me soft for long, the jig would be up as in, I’d throw my arms around him and declare my undying love for him. Therefore I decided it was time to give him an answer.
“Not your kind, Mitch.”
His brows drew together and he asked, “What’s my kind?”
“Not my kind.”
“There it is,” he whispered.
“There what is?” I whispered back.
“I was wrong. When you’re in your head, it isn’t a decent place to be. It’s a twisted, fucked up place to be but you’re so shit-scared to leave it, it’s the only place you’re willin’ to be.”
I put gentle pressure on my hands at his biceps before saying, “I know you’re smart and I know you’re a detective but I also know you don’t know everything. I especially know that you think you’ve figured me out but you don’t know everything about me.”
“Then prove me wrong,” he returned instantly.
“You don’t know it but you don’t want me to do that,” I advised.
“Why? Because you’re not my kind?”
I nodded.
“Then you’re wrong and I’m right. I do know everything about you. Because out here in the real world, there aren’t ‘kinds’ and only someone twisted and fucked up or just plain stupid thinks there are. Since I don’t think you’re the last one that only means you’re the first two. But you waste your life thinking that way then you’re all three.”
With that infinitely successful verbal strike, he quickly let me go. I teetered as I turned and watched him walk out of the store. I did this with my nose stinging again but this time I wasn’t able to hold back the wetness that hit my eyes and my vision went blurry.
“You didn’t even get close to the Spring Deluxe!” I heard Mr. Pierson call after the door closed on Mitch.
I sucked in a shaky breath. Then to hide my tears, I called back without looking, “Mitch is set with his mattresses, Mr. Pierson!”
“Shame,” I heard Mr. Pierson mutter as a tear slid down my cheek.
It was. A crying shame.
Chapter Nine
I Could Work with This Mara
I pulled into the complex listening to Nick Drake’s “Pink Moon” which was on my Premier Chill Out playlist, the first one I’d made.
I needed to chill out.
It was Saturday, nine forty-five at night and I was driving from work to home, a home where Mitch was. I was exhausted beyond any exhaustion I’d ever felt in my life. My exhaustion crept deeper just knowing I’d be facing Mitch and everything else I would be facing in the coming days and weeks and I didn’t even know what that would be. I just knew it would be exhausting.
On my day off Wednesday, I’d taken the kids to school and then went home and dragged all of my stuff out of the second bedroom. I found places for some of it in my room, my storage unit and the living room. Then the delivery guys delivered and set up the beds and two dressers I bought from Pierson’s. They also took away my futon because I gave Jay, one of the delivery guys, a screaming deal on it. During this, I did laundry. After it, I went to the grocery store.
Kids were little but I found they made more than their fair share of laundry and they also went through more than their fair share of food.
I dragged the food home, tidied the house and after this, I found the day was already gone and I was nearly late leaving to get the kids. I ran back out to my car, picked up the kids and took them to the mall so they could pick their bedclothes for their new beds. Then we went to get them some shoes. Billy’s tennis shoes were falling apart and Billie’s shoes were scruffy and didn’t match the cute outfits Mitch bought her which, every girl knew, wouldn’t do.
While we were getting Billie shoes, we found more shoes Billie had to have (this was Billie’s idea but I had to admit I agreed, they were adorable little girl shoes and she had to have them). Then I decided that both Billie and Billy needed more than a few decent outfits and they definitely needed new pajamas and underwear so we got more clothes. Then I decided to quit spending money or we’d be eating canned soup until my next payday. So we went home and we had dinner. I made up their beds and put their clothes in their new dressers. Then I helped them with their homework which luckily, considering their ages, wasn’t too taxing. Finally they went to bed and I clean
ed up after dinner.
Then I called Lynette to fill her in on everything. As in everything. Including Mitch. Before she could wind herself up into lecture mode and try to convince me I was the Ten Point Five I was not, I told her I was tired and had to crash. She let me go because she was nice and because she knew after years of trying her lecture wouldn’t get her anywhere.
LaTanya had the day off on Thursday and watched the kids for me that day. Since LaTanya wasn’t on the pickup and drop off list, this necessitated me driving the twenty minutes to their school, the half an hour to the complex to drop them off at LaTanya’s, then the half an hour back to Pierson’s, which meant my lunch hour went long. Mr. Pierson didn’t say a word but I knew I couldn’t do that often or the kids and I wouldn’t be eating canned soup. We’d be dumpster diving and living under a tarp.
Friday I had off. After dropping the kids off that morning, I rushed home and started to clean the house. Child Protective Services were an hour late showing up which was good because this allowed me to deep clean as if surgical cleanliness proved my ability to raise children. The guy who showed up gave the house a cursory look through, proving that surgical cleanliness didn’t mean much and it seemed nothing actually did. He checked some stuff off on a clipboard and informed me that my boss, Bradon, Brent, LaTanya, Roberta and “one Detective Mitch Lawson” gave me stellar references “the like we never see”.
Then he declared the kids were mine as long as Bill was in jail and I successfully completed foster parent classes but CPS would be calling around frequently to make sure all was well.
Finally good news.
Then I went to get the kids and off we trudged to childcare centers to check them out. The kids liked the more expensive one, of course. Or at least Billie did. Billy just agreed with Billie. I signed them up and told them my schedule for the next week, nine thirty to six thirties with Tuesday off. I also had Saturday off but the childcare center didn’t care about that since they weren’t open on weekends. I had no clue what I’d do with the kids next Sunday.
As I pulled in the spot beside Mitch’s SUV, I added that to tomorrow’s to do list.
Tonight, I was getting a glass of wine, lighting candles, putting my Premier Chill Out on low and relaxing.
That was after I got rid of Mitch who showed at eleven just like he said he would. I’d had a chat with Billy to try to rectify my mistake but I’d made a muddle of it. The fact that he didn’t come out of his room to greet Mitch (the way Billie did, enthusiastically) proved I made a muddle of it. This made an already not happy to see me Mitch look less happy. Luckily he was good at hiding it when he lifted up Billie and gave her a kiss on the cheek while she giggled.
I quickly explained his choices for lunch and dinner for the kids and told him to make himself at home. I then went to say good-bye to Billy with another word to him to be cool to Mitch because Mitch was cool and from the hard way Billy stared at me, I figured I made a muddle of that too. Then I had a cuddle and kiss session with Billie. Finally I said good-bye to Mitch, he lifted his chin at me and I skedaddled.
Now I was back, climbing the stairs and after executing that herculean task, deciding no wine, candles or music, just bed.
I unlocked my door, opened it, walked in and saw Mitch stretched out on my couch watching a baseball game.
God, he looked good stretched out on my couch.
His eyes came to me and did a head-to-toe.
“Jesus, you look wiped,” he announced but other than that, he didn’t move a muscle.
Great, I looked wiped. Undoubtedly attractive.
“That’s because I am,” I replied, walked in and dumped my bag on the coffee table. “Were they okay today?”
“Billie thinks I hang the moon but then I think Billie thinks everyone hangs the moon. Billy still thinks I’m a dick.”
So then, batting five hundred. Could be worse. Though, probably not fun spending the day with a nine year old who thought you were a dick.
Mental note: have another chat with Billy.
I pressed my lips together and stared at him stretched out on my couch. Since he looked so hot stretched on my couch that prolonged watching could conceivably burn out my retinas and I needed my retinas, my eyes drifted to the TV. I stared vacantly at the action on the screen. What I didn’t know was once I started, I was so zoned out and tired, I did this for a while.
“Shoes off Mara,” I heard Mitch order and automatically I put my hand to the back of my armchair to steady myself. I put my toes to my other heel and flipped off one shoe and then repeat on the other.
Nice. That felt better.
Mitch’s voice came to me again. “You mind if I finish the game?”
I did. I did mind. I wanted to go to bed. I wanted hot Detective Mitch Lawson off my couch before I did something in my extreme exhaustion that I’d regret, like jump him. I was tired but I reckoned I’d never be too tired to do that.
But after he watched the kids all day, if he didn’t want to miss the mere seconds he would miss walking from my apartment across the breezeway to his, who was I to say no?
“Be my guest,” I muttered, still staring mindlessly at the screen then asked, “Want a beer?”
“You got enough energy to get me one?” he asked back.
“Just,” I mumbled, turned and wandered into the kitchen. I opened the fridge and called, “Bud, Coors, Newcastle or Fat Tire?”
“Coors,” Mitch called back.
I decided against wine and went for beer. Wine required a corkscrew and a glass. Beer you just popped the cap and sucked it straight from the bottle. I didn’t have the energy to fiddle with a corkscrew and a glass. And anyway, wine didn’t go with baseball. Even Cubs fans who accepted everybody might look down on someone drinking wine while watching baseball.
I popped the caps, wandered back to my living room and got close enough to Mitch to stretch out an arm so he could take the bottle from my hand. He took it and I moved to the armchair and collapsed in it.
I sucked back beer. A lot of it. It tasted good.
“Ah,” I breathed after I was done. I lifted my feet and put them on the coffee table.
“Your feet hurt after you’re on those heels all day?” Mitch asked and I looked down at the high, spiked heels next to my chair.
Then I looked at the TV.
“Yes,” I answered.
Even though I wore heels every day for years, this was no lie. They still hurt.
I sucked back more beer and watched a Dodger strike out.
I vaguely sensed Mitch moving and I equally vaguely heard his beer bottle hit the coffee table. What was not vague was his hands capturing my feet to pull them into his lap thus twisting me in my seat.
My head jerked toward him to see he was no longer stretched on my couch. He was sitting at the end closest to my chair, my feet were in his lap and he was lifting his to set them on the coffee table.
“Um…” I mumbled when I’d regained the ability to speak. “What are you doing?”
His fingers on both hands dug into one of my feet, his palms wrapped around, the warmth, the pressure, the power, holy crap…heaven.
“Massaging your feet,” Mitch belatedly replied, long, muscled legs stretched out in front of him, eyes to the TV, his hands working sheer magic.
“Uh…Mitch, my feet are fine,” I told his profile.
“They’ll be better when I’m done,” he told the TV.
He was not wrong.
“I think –” I started to protest, I lost his profile and gained the full beauty of his face when he looked to me.
“Shut up, Mara, and relax.”
“’Kay,” I murmured.
He stared at me a second, shook his head and looked back to the TV, his hands not for a moment ceasing in giving bliss.
I drank beer and watched baseball while I tried to force myself to relax. Mitch finished with one foot and started on the other. I drank more beer, watched baseball and Mitch’s talented hands did what I could not
do and forced me to relax.
I was in the zone. Beer done, bottle on the floor by the chair, eyelids half-mast, probably close to drooling when Mitch’s hands left the foot he was working on and went back to the other one but up, starting to massage my calf.
“Uh…Mitch?” I called.
“Quiet, baby, and relax,” he said softly.
“’Kay,” I whispered. I did this because he called me baby, because he said it softly and because his hands felt so good. Then I slunk down in the seat to give him better purchase on my legs.
I stared at the TV, Mitch rubbed the tension out of my legs and together we watched the Dodgers win by a bottom of the ninth, two run homerun.
My head tipped back when Mitch’s hands stopped moving on my flesh, his feet came off the coffee table and he gently set mine back on it. Then he was up and I watched that too, my head pressing into the back of the chair to keep my eyes on all the magnificence that was him. Then I watched him bend toward me and put his hands on the armrests on either side of me, his face close to mine.
“I like this Mara,” he said quietly. “I could work with this Mara.”
I didn’t know what he was talking about.
“I’m always this Mara,” I whispered, not able to talk louder not because I was exhausted and relaxed but because I liked his face that close to mine. I liked the way he said my name in that quiet voice. And it was taking everything I had not to lean in two inches and kiss him.
“No, sweetheart, the usual Mara has got herself wrapped so tight in that cocoon she’s woven around herself, she’ll never break free.”
Oh no. Not this again.
“Please, Mitch, I’m worn out. Can we not go there?”
“All right,” he replied without hesitation. “We won’t go there but I’m gonna take advantage of you bein’ worn out and point out that you are and if you’d let me in, I could help and maybe you wouldn’t be.”
I was never letting him in.
“I’ll get used to it.”
“You might or it might wear you down.”
“I’ll be fine.”
He shook his head and one of his hands left the armrest. It lifted and I held my breath as he took that lock of hair that always escaped the twist at the back and tucked it behind my ear. A whoosh surged through me because him so close, looking so good and his touch being so tender was something I’d never had.