Breaking contact, he trailed kisses up her throat to her mouth. He kissed her deeply, losing himself in her sweetness, telling himself this was part of the ritual, and that it didn’t have to mean anything to either of them.
With shaking hands he fumbled with her belt, managed to get it open. He groaned when he felt her own hands around him, driving him wild. Need cut through him like shears through gossamer fabric. He kissed her temple, her cheek, her neck. He lowered her zipper, found her belly flat and firm beneath his palm. She tensed when his fingers found her curls, but he didn’t stop. He kissed her, his tongue entering her mouth the same moment his finger slipped inside her. Hot, wet silk surrounded him.
Erin cried out, her body going rigid beneath him. He stroked her, barely hearing her call his name over the roar of blood through his veins.
This wasn’t just sex.
The thought blindsided him.
Pulling back just enough to see her face, he looked down at her, felt something vital shift in his gut. Simultaneously, panic swirled low and deep in his chest.
She gazed back at him, her cheeks flushed, her eyes soft with desire. Perspiration dampened her forehead. Her mouth was kiss bruised and wet. Good Lord, he wanted her, more than anything.
Nick closed his eyes, stunned by the depth of feelings raging through him. He didn’t want just a single night of lovemaking, he realized. He wanted a lot more than merely her body. He wanted all of her. Heart. Soul. Her very spirit. God help him, he cared for her.
The swirl of panic grew into a tornado.
He’d broken his own cardinal rule. A rule that had been nonnegotiable for three long years. A rule he’d embraced and lived by since loving and losing his wife.
Erin McNeal was exactly the kind of woman he didn’t need. She would finish the job of turning his life upside down. She would rip out his heart and not even realize what she’d done. She would hurt Stephanie—his sweet, innocent child who’d already been hurt so terribly.
The old pain surfaced, like a slick of oil spreading over water. The need to protect his heart—and his daughter’s—warred with something more complex. The combination made him feel sick and cold and as old as the world.
Gently, he pulled away from Erin and rose. His groin throbbed with the need to be inside her. Frustration clawed at him. His heart ached with the realization of what he’d allowed to happen. How could he have let himself care about this woman?
Aware of the rush of blood through his veins, the dizziness swirling in his head, Nick stood with his back to her and willed his head to clear. He couldn’t look at her. Not when he was painfully aroused and holding on to control by a thread.
“Nick?”
He set his jaw against the urge to turn around and go to her. He wouldn’t do that to himself. He wouldn’t do that to Stephanie. “Stay away from me, McNeal.”
He heard her rise behind him. He winced when her hand settled on his shoulder. “What’s wrong?” she asked.
Slowly, he turned to her. The sight of her gutted him. Her eyes were soft with desire, cautious with uncertainty. Her uniform shirt was unbuttoned, and he saw her bra and the swell of encased flesh. Her mouth was red and swollen from his kisses. Her scent surrounded him like a sweet elixir.
He wanted her. He wanted her so badly he was almost willing to put himself through the agony she would surely bring him. Almost.
He wasn’t strong enough to survive another loss.
Steeling himself against the sight of her, he said, “I’ve got to go.”
“Nick…”
Spurred by the knowledge that if she touched him again, he wouldn’t have the strength to walk away, he started for the door. “Effective immediately, you’re on administrative leave.”
“Administrative leave?” she echoed incredulously. “Wait a minute!”
He didn’t stop. “In the interim, one of my deputies or I will take turns watching your apartment.”
“Watching my apartment?”
“Someone has declared open season on you, or have you forgotten about that?”
“No, but—”
“You’ll still receive full pay. I’ll notify you when you can come back to work.”
“I don’t accept those terms!”
He prayed she wouldn’t come after him. He wasn’t sure what he would do if she touched him. Pull her against him and kiss her until they were both senseless, probably. Or maybe ease her down to the floor and make wild, passionate love to her until neither of them could move.
Quickening his pace, he flung open the door. The urge to glance back at her was strong, but he didn’t do it. He didn’t want to see the hurt in her eyes. He didn’t want to know he was the one who’d put it there. He stepped into the hall. She called out his name. He slammed the door behind him.
* * *
“Chief?”
Nick jerked at the sound of Hector’s voice. He looked up from the paperwork on his desk to see his deputy standing in the doorway of his office, staring at him as if he’d shaved his head and put a ring in his nose.
“Didn’t you hear your line buzzing?” Hector asked.
Nick frowned at the phone on his desk, noticing the blinking light. It wasn’t the first time in the twenty-four hours since he’d last seen Erin that he’d zoned out. “Who is it?” he growled.
“Frank Rossi returning your call.”
Waiting until Hector retreated into the main reception area, Nick punched the line. “It’s about time you called, Frank. I was starting to think you were avoiding me.”
“Now, why would I do that, partner?” the other man asked.
“Maybe it has something to do with Erin McNeal.”
“My favorite niece,” Frank said easily. “Good cop, too. How’s she working out?”
“Just fine, if I didn’t mind my deputies getting run off the road and shot at. Any idea what that might be about?”
Tense silence buzzed through one hundred miles of fiberoptic cable.
“I figured you might be able to fill me in, since you didn’t bother when you sent her down here,” Nick snapped. “Who’s after her, Frank?”
A curse broke the silence, then Frank sighed. “Is she all right?”
“She’s fine. I put her on admin leave. I’m still waiting for an answer.”
“I don’t have all the answers, Nick.”
“Since you obviously know more than I do, let’s start with what you do have.”
Frank sighed. “You’re aware of the shooting she was involved in six months back? The perp she took out in that warehouse the night Danny Perrine was shot?”
“What about it?”
“We had DNA pulled from the blood at the scene. It was a long shot, but we sent it out anyway, hoping for a lucky break. Preliminary results came back, but when we punched the info into the national database we didn’t get a match.”
The hairs on the back of Nick’s neck stood on end. “So, you didn’t ID the thug she shot. What does that have to do with someone putting McNeal on their hit list?”
“Erin and Danny Perrine were operating on a tip that night in the warehouse, Nick. There was supposed to be a heroin buy. A couple of pounds. Some cash. In the scope of things, it should have been small time.”
Nick wasn’t sure he even wanted to hear what Frank was going to say next. He didn’t like mysteries when it came to police shootings. He sure as hell didn’t like the way this one was shaping up. “Who was the thug?”
“Does the name Damon DiCarlo ring a bell?”
Nick barely heard the last part of the sentence over the pounding of his pulse. “If he’s any relation to Vic DiCarlo, I’d say we have a hell of a problem on our hands.”
“Damon is his son.”
It was Nick’s turn to curse. Vic DiCarlo was Chicago’s version of John Gotti. Ruthless. Powerful. With a reputation for violence that left even veteran cops nauseous. “You kept me in the dark, you son of a bitch.”
“Save it, Nick. I’m not finished.”
“Why didn’t I know about this?”
“You didn’t know because I didn’t know. Regardless, I thought Erin would be safe down there.”
Cold realization crept over Nick like freezing rain down the back of his neck. “Erin shot Vic DiCarlo’s son.”
“That’s what we suspect.”
“Why did it take the Chicago PD six months to figure it out, for crying out loud?”
“Damon DiCarlo doesn’t have a record,” Frank said. “He’s never even been arrested. So his DNA wasn’t in the database. We had to get a warrant and search his apartment. We finally got something from a hairbrush. To extract DNA, we had to find a hair with a damn root attached. That took some time. After the lab typed it, we had to match it with the blood we found at the scene. That’s no easy feat.”
“Have you picked him up?”
“We would have picked him up weeks ago and found some other way to collect his DNA, but Damon DiCarlo is missing. The feds have had surveillance teams out looking for weeks, but no one has been able to locate him.”
“How long has he been missing?”
“Six months.”
Nick cursed again. “What about the old man?”
“He’s in Sicily where we can’t touch him—”
“He’s not in Sicily, Frank.”
The other man hesitated. “Intelligence tells us he is.”
“I’ll bet he’s in the States. Maybe even here in Logan Falls. He’s after Erin, damn you.”
“That’s not possible.”
Nick ground his teeth. “You put Erin and my entire town at risk.”
“The Chicago PD doesn’t operate on hunches, Nick. I suspected DiCarlo was involved, but I couldn’t act until I had proof.”
“What about Erin? Did she know?”
“She suspected. It was Danny Perrine’s snitch who tipped them off. Erin didn’t have any proof.”
Anger lashed through Nick like a bullwhip. He’d deal with Erin and her not confiding in him later. Right now, he needed facts. All of them. “Tell me what I need to know, Frank.”
“From all appearances, Damon was running heroin,” Frank said. “He’d been using since high school. Vic was of the old school. Like most of his Mafia cronies, he didn’t approve of drugs—particularly heroin. He probably didn’t even know Damon was running his own little show. I suspect Erin shot Damon in the warehouse that night, injuring him or possibly even killing him. Vic DiCarlo found out about it and covered for his son. He didn’t want his son’s reputation within the Mafia family tarnished, so he picked him up and took him to a doctor. If his son died that night, he may have gone to Italy simply to bury him. We were going to pick up McNeal as soon as we knew the whole story.”
“You’re too late,” Nick said tonelessly. “We’ve had two incidents here already—”
“If DiCarlo wanted her dead, she’d already be buried.”
A wave of fear washed over Nick, mingling with the anger, burgeoning into something volatile and dangerous. He looked down, found his free hand clenched into a fist so tight his knuckles hurt. “I want McNeal protected.”
“I can have a U.S. Marshal down there first thing in the morning. We’ll transport her to a safe house out of state—”
“Make it two marshals, and they’d damn well better be here before morning.” Fear stabbed through the anger like an ice pick through slush when he realized Erin wasn’t the only one who was vulnerable. His entire family was at risk. Stephanie. Mrs. Thornsberry. “I want my family protected, too.”
“DiCarlo isn’t after you or your family, Nick.”
“Unlike you, Frank, I’m not willing to take that chance. Just do it. Two marshals for Erin, and two for my family.” Without waiting for a reply, Nick slammed down the phone.
He couldn’t believe it had come to this—the sludge from Chicago’s underworld leaching all the way down to Logan Falls. Why the hell hadn’t Erin confided in him?
The urge to go to her was overwhelming. He had to know she was safe. He had to keep her that way until the marshals arrived. But the need to protect Erin was tempered with the terrifying knowledge that he hadn’t been able to keep Rita safe. He hadn’t been able to keep Stephanie safe.
Nick stood abruptly, aware that his heart was beating out of control. How was he going to protect her and his family against a Mafia kingpin who had his own private army at his beck and call? Striding to the door, he swung it open and stepped in to the outer office.
Hector looked up from his desk, his brows drawing together. “What’s wrong, Chief?”
“I want you to get the cruiser and follow me to my house.” Crossing the room, Nick unlocked the gun cabinet and removed the department shotgun, which hadn’t been touched since last year, when he’d cleaned it up for the Boy Scout tour. “Take this along, with extra ammunition for your sidearm. Wear your vest.”
“My vest?” The other man jumped to his feet, his eyes as big as saucers. “Holy cow, Chief, what’s going on?”
“Precautionary measures. I just spoke with Chicago PD. Vic DiCarlo might be paying McNeal a visit for something that happened back in Chicago a few months back.”
“Vic DiCarlo?” Hector’s mouth dropped open. “The Vic DiCarlo?”
The name sent an icy finger of dread scraping up Nick’s spine. “We’re going to drive over to my house, then you’re going to escort Steph and Mrs. Thornsberry to that physical rehab center in Indianapolis.”
“Indianapolis? You mean, like, right now?”
“I mean like five minutes ago,” Nick said sharply. “No one’s looking for them, Hector. This is only precautionary. But I’d feel better if they weren’t here in Logan Falls.”
“Yessir! I’m on it, Chief.”
“You’ll be secure at the rehab center. Em has the address. Two U.S. Marshals will meet you there in a few hours. I’m going to stay here and make sure McNeal gets to a safe house.”
Looking excited and uncertain at once, Hector strode to the coat tree and grabbed his hat. “I’ll take good care of them, Chief. I’ll guard them with my life.”
Nick stood in the center of the room feeling gut-punched, praying that wouldn’t be necessary.
* * *
Erin landed a punishing blow to the punching bag, the force of it vibrating up her arm all the way to her shoulder. She’d long since worked up a sweat. Her temper was beginning to calm, but her muscles felt like overcooked noodles. The bruises she’d received in the car accident weren’t helping matters, but she couldn’t stop now. Boxing, she’d learned, was the secret of the universe when it came to relieving stress.
Of course, it didn’t surprise her that Nick Ryan had shot that theory to pieces.
She hadn’t seen or spoken to him since the scene at her apartment the day before. Just as well, she told herself for the dozenth time. He’d had no right to put her on administrative leave. Other than to avoid her, he hadn’t had a solid reason for pulling her off the street. He sure didn’t have a reason for posting one of his deputies outside her apartment like some kind of bodyguard.
But she knew it was the bit about him avoiding her that bothered her most. It hurt, she realized. Not only because he’d pushed her away just when they’d formed a sort of tentative friendship, but more importantly because of all the other emotions swirling around in that foolish heart of hers. She cared for him—a lot more than was wise or prudent or all those other virtues she’d never gotten the hang of. She cared for him a lot more than a woman like her should, knowing what she did about men like Nick.
The thought made her want to laugh—or cry. She’d fallen headlong for a man who couldn’t handle her being a cop. A too strong, too proud, overprotective man who would never tolerate her love of law enforcement. Who would never understand her. Who would always try to control her under the guise of keeping her safe.
A man just like Warren, who’d yanked her young heart out of her chest and torn it into little pieces right before her eyes. Six years ago, she’d stood the
re like a fool, feeling every rip, and finding herself willing to give up everything just so he would love her. No matter how much it hurt, she wouldn’t make the same mistake with Nick.
A harsh laugh escaped her as she stilled the bag and centered up for her next blow. Why did everything always have to get so complicated, anyway?
Dancing to the left, she jabbed with her right arm and connected solidly with the bag. Thwack! The sound of her glove against vinyl echoed through the bedroom, giving her a small, greedy dose of satisfaction. So what if he didn’t want her? Erin could handle that. The man was still in love with a memory, for God’s sake. They were both better off without the complications a relationship would bring. She didn’t need him or his uncompromising attitude.
Thwack!
Just because he was the only man who’d ever kissed her senseless didn’t mean her feelings for him went any deeper than hormones.
Thwack! Thwack!
Just because her heart felt as if it were being ripped from her chest every time she thought of spending the rest of her life without him didn’t mean she was in love with him, did it?
Love? Good Lord, who said anything about love?
“You ought to keep your door locked, McNeal. There seems to be a few shady characters running around Logan Falls lately.”
Erin spun at the sound of Nick’s voice. Her legs went weak as his presence registered. The blood drained from her head at the sight of him. She’d seen plenty of cops in her time, but she’d never seen a man look as good in a blue uniform as Nick. Of course, he didn’t look happy to see her. Like that came as a surprise. He was never happy to see her—unless he was going to fire her or otherwise do his best to make her miserable.
She stared at him, aware of her pulse jumping, her heart climbing into her esophagus. His eyes raked her like cut onyx. His mouth was set into a grim line. She wondered how long he’d been standing there, watching her.
Intent on playing it cool, she turned away and threw another jab at the bag. Thwack! “What are you doing here?”
“We need to talk.”
Thwack! “About what?”
“About Vic DiCarlo.”