“I’m Your child, Lord,” she said, still speaking out loud and to the one Person she needed to talk to most. “I have value in You. Right now I feel bruised and discarded. I know Eli would never have deliberately hurt me, but he has hurt me. You had a plan here. Maybe Dannan shouldn’t have spoken, but he did, and I must trust that You’re still in control.”
Thinking about Dannan caused fresh tears. He had said he was drawn to her, but Scottie didn’t really know what that meant right now. She was desperate to talk to someone about it, but just thinking of asking Dannan made her blush.
Reese came to mind without warning. Since she was married earlier this year, she might well remember what her courtship looked like.
Scottie suddenly stopped. Is Dannan courting me? The word had never come to mind before, and for some reason it put a new face on all of this. There was so much they didn’t know about each other. But isn’t that what courtship is about? Finding out about each other?
Scottie suddenly shook her head and moved toward the door. She had to get out of that room, and she had to stop thinking about Dannan and Eli. She would find time tomorrow to go and see Reese, but for the moment she would go on a walk and try to empty her mind of questions she could not answer.
“Danna, where’s Mama?”
Dannan stopped what he was doing at the dining table in the parlor and looked down at the little girl at his knee.
“Do you remember what I told you about your mama?”
“She died. Papa too.”
Dannan could only nod.
“I miss Mama,” Corina said with dry-eyed seriousness.
“I miss her too,” Dannan whispered, his own eyes growing moist.
Corina studied him before patting his knee and saying. “Danna sad?”
“I am sad, Corina. I’m sad when people I love die.”
“I love Danna,” the little girl said, and Dannan’s heart couldn’t take anymore. He put his arms around Corina, held her in against his chest, and silently begged her to stop talking. She was too little and vulnerable, and all he could think about was how ill-equipped he was to be her father.
“Where’s my doll?” Corina asked, and Dannan began to breathe again.
“I don’t know. Why don’t you look in your room?”
“You too,” Corina directed, climbing from his lap and taking his hand.
“Okay, here we go,” he agreed, knowing she wouldn’t catch the weary hurt in his voice. They trooped up the stairs together, and Dannan managed to make a boisterous game out of finding the doll.
He would have willingly admitted to anyone who asked that he had a double motive. He hoped Corina would fall asleep right on time tonight. He was ready to be alone.
“Do you have time for a visit?” Scottie asked Reese when she answered her front door Monday morning.
“Of course I do. Come in, Scottie.”
Reese led the way to the parlor. She could see that while Scottie took a seat, an action that was completely normal, there was something on her mind.
“How are you?” Reese asked in her open way.
“I’m not sure. You’re going to think I’m losing my mind, but I wanted to ask you some questions about courtship.”
Reese laughed. “I won’t think any such thing, and besides that, last year at this time I was in the midst of courtship, so you’ve come to the right place.”
“That’s what I thought,” Scottie confirmed, but she just sat there. Reese waited, but Scottie was clearly at a loss for words.
“Has someone caught your attention, Scottie?”
“I don’t know. I just feel so awful. Eli’s death is so recent, and do I have any right even talking to you about this?”
“About what?” Reese asked, already quite sure who the man was but wanting to give Scottie a chance to talk.
“It seems that Eli spoke with Dannan about me. And not just about me but about marrying me. I’m not very happy about Eli doing that, but now Dannan has spoken up, and it seems he is a little interested in me.”
“And you’re not sure what to do?”
“That’s right. I haven’t been close to a lot of men, just Eli and Finn, and there was nothing romantic about that.”
“But with Dannan it’s romantic?”
“I don’t know. I’m not sure what it is.”
“And Dannan hasn’t said?”
Scottie thought about this. There had been lots of words between them, but emotions had been high, and she wasn’t sure she had taken them all in. She had a sudden awful thought that she shared with Reese. “What if Dannan wants a marriage like Eli and I had? Do you suppose that’s what he’s thinking?”
“Like an arranged marriage?
“Yes.”
“I would be surprised if he was thinking that, Scottie.” Reese put it as delicately as she could manage, not wanting to remind Scottie of her husband’s bedridden state.
“But he might,” she argued. “I’m sure he wishes Corina had a mother.”
Reese knew this was not what Dannan had in mind, but she didn’t know if she was the right person to tell Scottie.
“What does that look on your face mean, Reese?”
“I don’t think that’s what Dannan has in mind,” Reese went ahead and said, “but he should be the one to tell you.”
Scottie looked appalled by the very idea. She even came to her feet. “I can’t, Reese. I can’t ask him that. What if that isn’t what he’s looking for? How humiliating for both of us when he has to tell me he doesn’t want that kind of marriage.”
Reese stood and went to her. She was inches taller but bent enough to put her arms around Scottie Peterson and hug her.
“It’s too soon for your heart, Scottie. You’ve just lost Eli, and now you’re trying to take this in.”
“Dannan was sorry,” Scottie said, just holding tears. “He didn’t mean to say all that was said, but now I know that they talked, and I can’t stop thinking about it.”
“Here.” Reese took her to the sofa and sat beside her. “There are some things you need to know. I can’t tell you all of Dannan’s intentions because I don’t know them, but I can tell you something about Dannan MacKay.
“He would never willingly hurt you. His heart is extremely tender and kind. You know that he was attracted to you before Eli died, but did you also know that he fought that in his heart?”
“He told me he’d been drawn to me.”
“Good. Well, he also shared some of his struggles with Conner. Dannan knew it was wrong to have special thoughts of you when you were married. He is a man of honor, Scottie. He is not a man who would play games with a person’s heart or treat her feelings with little regard. And he’s still in his own time of grief. I think there’s still a good deal of shock over Grant and Annie’s death, not to mention in becoming a father.”
Scottie nodded. Her emotions had run wild, and she hadn’t completely considered Dannan’s feelings in this. “Dannan said we were friends, and we just need to proceed from there.”
“I think that’s a good plan, but probably harder to carry out than talk about.”
“I’ve already proven that,” Scottie agreed.
“Why don’t you come to dinner on Sunday? I’ll ask Dannan and Corina too. It’ll just be the six of us.”
“Will Dannan know I’m going to be here?”
“I’ll tell him.”
“What if he’d rather not come?”
Reese looked into the other woman’s face and thought about how similar their childhoods had been.
“We’ve both been abandoned by people who were supposed to love us, haven’t we, Scottie?”
The smaller woman sighed. “We certainly have.”
“I think it makes trusting harder.”
“It must, since I assume that Dannan can’t admit his true motives to me and doesn’t even want to be around me when he’s already talked about the attraction.”
“I’m not trying to throw the two of you together or play
matchmaker, but I thought if you could spend some time here, it might help.”
Scottie thanked Reese and accepted the offer. She had to stop herself from double-checking with Reese about whether Dannan knew. She would work on trusting.
“Would you like some tea?” Reese asked, thinking they both needed a cup.
“I would, but to be honest, I don’t want Iris asking too many questions, so I’d better get home.”
Reese didn’t press her, and after seeing her to the door, she encouraged Scottie to come anytime. Reese watched her walk away and began to pray.
“Scottie was here today.” Reese had walked Dannan outside after dinner to talk. She had asked Conner if she should tell Dannan about the visit, and he’d told her yes. She had waited until Troy and Conner returned to the bank, and they now stood on the stone path that led to the front door.
“Is she all right?”
“Mostly, but she’s rather torn.”
“About what?”
“Many things, but one that she mentioned is that you might be seeking a marriage of convenience.”
The look on Dannan’s face caused Reese to put a hand over her mouth so she wouldn’t laugh out loud. Dannan slowly shook his head, his face amazed.
“Eli said she wouldn’t understand, and I really didn’t get it until right now.”
Reese’s look was one of compassion, but she didn’t try to advise him. She knew she’d said enough.
“Thanks, Reese,” Dannan said with a quick hand to her arm. “I can’t tell you what a help this has been.”
Reese hoped he was right. Remembering her conversation with Scottie from that morning, she started to pray again. If Dannan’s plan was to woo and win the Widow Peterson, she wasn’t sure if he truly understood the task that was before him.
Scottie stared into the darkness and wondered if she would ever sleep through the night again. Finn and Iris liked to tease her about napping with Corina, but in truth, she hadn’t slept well since Eli’s death, and napping was about the only thing that got her through.
For a few days she had forced herself to stay awake, leaving Corina alone on the sofa, but that only made her so tired she could barely function. She had ended up making so many mistakes in the account books she knew she couldn’t afford that.
But the nights were so lonely. The house was large and empty, and even if she’d wanted to talk, there was no one down the hall to oblige her.
Scottie gave up after an hour and lit the candle on her bedside table. She read her Bible for a while, amazed as she always was at Joseph’s willingness to trust God. Eventually, Scottie felt her body grow tired. She blew the candle out and asked God to give her Joseph’s faith, marveling as she fell asleep that he kept on no matter what was put in his path.
“Is there anything left to eat?” Dannan asked as he slipped into the Peterson kitchen two days later. “I was going to join you today but got called to one of the outlying farms.”
“Was someone hurt?”
“The woman was in hard labor, but she got through it.”
“Boy or a girl?”
“One of each.”
Iris’ smile was huge when she invited him to have a seat and began to fill a plate. “Coffee, Dannan?”
“Please.”
“Where is everyone?” Dannan asked after Iris handed him a fork.
“Finn went home to work on a project, and Scottie fell asleep on the sofa with Corina.”
Dannan stood and went to the door. He peeked out into the parlor and came right back.
“Is that normal?”
“It is since Eli died. I’m not sure she’s sleeping at night.”
“She’s here all alone, isn’t she?”
“Yes, but she says she’s not afraid.”
Dannan didn’t comment. He ate every bite on the plate and the pie Iris served him as well, and then he told the cook he would be in the parlor. He slipped into that room and onto the other end of the sofa. Scottie had curled into the corner with Corina’s head in her lap. Dannan sat on the other end, not even needing to shift Corina’s feet, and stared at them.
It wasn’t every man who could watch a woman be another man’s wife and then have the chance to have that woman as his own wife. Scottie Peterson was very special. She had put her husband’s needs ahead of her own and been a helpmate to him in every way. And she had been happy; he had seen that every time he was here.
Dannan’s heart wanted her to have that same happiness with him. He wanted her to be Scottie MacKay and to care for him as she had Eli. In the same way, he wanted to cherish her every day and have her be his very own.
Dannan was studying her face, thinking about how beautiful she was, when Corina shifted around a bit and Scottie woke. She took a moment to see him.
“Hi,” Dannan said softly.
“I didn’t see you.”
“I haven’t been here too long.”
“Did Iris feed you?”
“Yes, thank you. Are you sleeping at night?”
Scottie made a face. “Not very well. I tried to skip the naps, but I still wake up and end up too tired during the day.”
“Are you nervous about being here alone?”
“No.” She looked surprised at the very thought. “But sometimes it would be nice to have someone to talk to.”
The image this created for Dannan was purely intended for a married couple. He thought about how sweet it would be to share a bed with your wife and have companionship just inches away.
“What are you thinking about?” Scottie asked in a way that was becoming familiar.
“I’ll tell you sometime,” Dannan stalled, “but right now I have to get back to work.”
Scottie looked disappointed, which gave Dannan pause. He didn’t want to leave her with questions about his motives.
Scottie saw him look at her and waited.
“You look beautiful,” he told her sincerely.
The surprise on Scottie’s face made Dannan smile.
“What did you think I was thinking?”
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “Just not that.”
Dannan smiled again but didn’t linger. Reese had told him that Scottie was coming to dinner on Sunday, so he knew he had that to look forward to. At the moment, it was the only thing that made him willing to leave.
Seventeen
“Did I see Dannan headed this way after dinner?” Finn asked Scottie later that day as she helped him make some repairs on the chicken pens. The chicks were getting out and disappearing.
“Yes. Iris said he had a delivery to make, but she still fed him.”
“Did the two of you talk?”
“A little.”
“I mean, did you get to ask him your questions?”
Scottie looked across at him. “How much do you know, Finn?”
“As far as Eli is concerned, he talked to me about everything. You and Dannan are another matter.”
“So you knew that he talked to Dannan and what he was going to say?”
“I was there.”
Scottie hesitated. Finn had much on his mind but waited for a question.
“Do you think Eli trusted me?”
“With all his heart.”
“Even to take care of myself?”
Finn smiled. “Now that’s where Eli struggled, Scottie. He wanted so much to know that you’d be looked after. He even doubted his God at times, and you know how strong his faith was.”
“Why did he worry about me?”
Finn’s eyes were fond. “You don’t know what we all saw when you came here. You don’t know how we all lost our hearts to that shy little girl who came into our midst.”
Scottie said on a sigh, “I miss Eli so much.” She didn’t want to cry but felt as though she could.
“Of course you do.”
“But then how can I be thinking about Dannan?”
“Scottie, it’s normal and right that you would want a fine man like Dannan. Eli shouldn’t have interfer
ed. Dannan would have found a way on his own. But your feelings are normal.”
“Why did Eli do it?”
“Like I said, Scottie, he was still trying to take care of that shy little girl.”
Scottie looked thoughtful and a little unhappy.
“Don’t withhold your forgiveness, Scottie. Your Bible teaches otherwise.”
“You’re a fine one, Irv Finnegan.” Scottie sprang on him without warning. “Saying Eli’s God and my Bible. They could be your God and your Bible too!”
Finn’s eyes twinkled.
“And don’t be smiling at me,” she went on fiercely. “I know the promise you gave Eli, and I’ve yet to see you at the meetinghouse!”
“You’re right,” Finn agreed, as calm as ever. “I did promise, and I’m working on it.”
Scottie gave a single nod of her head and did not press the matter further. She had plenty more to say but knew that no amount of words would sway the man. She also knew that the promise had been between Finn and Eli, and that Finn, sooner or later, would be true to his word.
“I’ve learned so much,” Cathy shared with Douglas and Alison before they even sat down for Sunday dinner. “I never really read the Bible before, and I can’t believe what I’ve missed.”
“Well, you and I did read,” Doyle amended, “but not with any depth of understanding.”
“I can see the changes in you,” Douglas told Cathy. “You were guarded before, but that’s all gone.”
Cathy looked pleased and peaceful, and the smile in Doyle’s eyes was impossible to miss.
“Come to the table,” Alison invited, knowing it was going to be a great afternoon.
“How are you?” Dannan asked of Scottie at the big house, his first chance to speak to her that day.
“I’m fine. How are you?”
“I’m fine, thank you. How is the back of your hand?”
Scottie showed him. There was a scab now, long and jagged, but healing was coming along nicely.
“It looks good,” Dannan said, having taken her hand. “It must have been the good doctoring.”