Aunt Janet spritzed her thick neck from a sampler bottle of Paco Rabanne. “When I was your age I was already with child and separated from deadbeat husband number one."
"I thought I could talk to him between classes, but he never showed up on Friday."
"What nerve!" Aunt Janet pointed indignantly at the perfume she had just sampled. “Eighty-five bucks for less than three, fluid ounces and it don’t even smell all that hot.” She immediately wandered over to a display featuring an Israeli skin rejuvenator manufactured from organic salts and minerals harvested from the Dead Sea and rubbed a small amount of the pearlescent, exfoliating goo on her wrist. "You’re old enough to attend college and make your way in this world. What you wanna do with this guy?"
"I don't know."
They left Filenes and took the escalator to the lower level. Before leaving the mall, Aunt Janet always made a pass through the pet store. After inspecting all the gerbils, hamsters, turtles, rabbits, exotic fish and kitties, she approached a clerk and asked to take a closer look at a cuddly, chocolaty pug. Overjoyed to be free of the metal cage, the puppy was slobbering all over Aunt Janet's leather jacket. She tickled the pooch under the chin and, nestling in her forearm, the dog promptly rolled over on its backs. "What if your Jewish friend was the color of this dog - would that make a difference?"
"That's a hypothetical statement," Phoebe blustered. "What difference would it make?"
"You conveniently answered my question with a dumb-ass question of your own." Crumpling her hand in a fist, Aunt Janet wrapped the knuckles on Phoebe's forehead rather forcefully. "At least, the lovesick Hebe's in touch with his feelings, which is more than I can say about you." Her aunt rubbed the dog's stomach and kissed it on the snout. For his part the dog, who had been fidgeting like a speed freak on meth, suddenly went limp and fell off to sleep, its preposterously long tongue dangling down the side of its mouth. Aunt Janet petted and talked gibberish to the puppy for the better part of ten minutes before whispering, "Eight hundred freakin' bucks! Who the hell's got that sort of money for some flea-bitten, lop-eared mutt?" She deposited the bewildered pooch in the clerk's arms and sauntered out the door.
Pulling up in front of the main entrance, Aunt Janet sniffed the underside of her right wrist, then the left. “Like this?” She stuck her fleshy forearm up under Phoebe’s nose, revealing a light lavender scent from one of the complimentary perfume testers.
"Yeah it's subtle… flowery."
They passed out into the open air. The temperature had dropped to the low fifties but the sun was out and a wintry breeze felt crisp. When they reached the curb, the woman grabbed her niece by the wrist. "Where's this Hebrew kid live?"
"On the east side over by the community center. Sixty-four Jasmine Court."
"Sounds elegant! Let's go pay him a visit."
"You can't be serious?" When there was no immediate reply, Phoebe added, "You don't think that's a bit extreme?"
"Six husbands and an endless parade of live-in lovers," her aunt shot back in a gravelly monotone, "that's extreme!" She sniffed her other wrist. "On second thought, maybe the Paco Rabanne is worth the money." Aunt Janet cocked her head to one side. Her eyes were pellucid, perfectly clear. "Well, what's it gonna be, girlie?"
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