Chapter 7 – The Chase is On
From a news story on the portable tablet device of his guide, during one leg of the new travels, Carl’s friend learned the approval to consider him an escaped interviewee of the ministry was imminent, barring any future requests for escapees being submitted to cause a delay. Carl’s friend now found himself on the run from a supposed ministry for being a possible accomplice, guilty of several infractions, being told he would face one of the worst penalties that could be imparted according to the article being interpreted for him by his guide. Of course, Carl’s friend had no idea it would only be to spend two hours working in a dirty, smelly kitchen washing dishes, a task he was already well accustomed to.
“Well, that could have gone better,” Carl’s friend’s guide commented.
“Dude, you think?”
Carl’s friend’s guide didn’t catch the sarcasm. “Yeah, we really need to be careful about how we travel now.”
“So why in the hell did you have me load up my pockets with rocks?”
“The ministry keeps track of each person as they transport, making sure everyone’s weight is registered properly to ensure the proper amount of dark matter replaces the amount of weight displaced from a departed universe.”
“Okay? And that means what?”
“Constant balancing act. When you were being interrogated, they were able to extrapolate how much you weighed and record it in case you tried to escape. With the rocks in your pockets, it will be harder to track you. All we need to do is keep changing the amount of rocks in our pockets.”
“So how come you have to change your weight?”
“Duhh, I’m your guide. They know I was the one who came in with you. Worst case, I would have been called in to answer some questions. Guess they figured they had all they needed with you, but I heard a couple of them talking. You had them quite confused.”
“Confused?”
“Plus I overheard them talking about what to charge you with. That’s when I got concerned. They couldn’t understand why you didn’t spill your beans so quickly about being an accomplice to the salad and the misappropriation of dark matter. It would have made things a lot easier for them.”
“Maybe because I’m innocent? I happen to head out for one minute from my studio, and my salad ends up missing. Don’t ask me how, don’t ask me why, just poof…gone.”
What happened, and what both men didn’t realize was, the bureau in charge of the ministry had generated a statute to counter various problems of disproportionate amounts of dark matter and wormholes in the universe for vacationing salads. Remember that if it was the fifth day of the fifth month and a salad weighed five point five ounces, it would be able to transport through a wormhole to go on vacation, one of the special circumstances where inter-dimensional travel was authorized outside of the standard transport systems. Well, considering the assumed backward state of the blue earth, they weren’t supposed to be included in the ability of wormholes being generated, only the green earth and other similar planet’s salads. The problem was, the person responsible for ensuring to not include the blue earth had to run to the bathroom, the Parson’s Spiked Punch from partying the night prior reacting with him in a very negative way, and everyone else associated with the project in the ministry, wanting to make sure the rule sets were passed on time as not to delay the multitude of salad’s vacations and not realizing the oversight, signed off. Well, since the blue earth was now included in where salads could depart to go on vacation, the original calculations for anticipated wormhole travelers were now incorrect with the addition of Carl’s friend’s five point five ounce salad.
Carl’s friend felt a vibration in his pocket through all the rocks. He reached in and pulled out his cell phone. Looking at the number he recognized it as the same one from when they were in the bar.
No, we haven’t seen the salad…I’m telling the truth, we haven’t seen…it’s not here and it’s not trying to avoid you!” Carl’s friend could understand why by the tone of her voice. “Yes, I’ll tell him, b...” But before Carl’s friend could finish, his guide snatched the phone from his hand.
“Hey, it’s me again,” Carl’s friend’s guide said into the phone followed by a short pause. “Good to hear from you too; mind if we come over for a visit?” Carl’s friend’s guide smiled after another short pause. “Thanks, we’ll be there in a couple of jumps.”
Ending the call he grinned towards Carl’s friend. “We have a place we can hide out for a while.”
—— ♦ ——
Walking onto the platform of the transport terminal, Carl’s friend’s guide looked at his watch then scanned amongst the throngs of passengers. “You know what? I don’t remember it being this busy last time I passed through. As a matter of fact, it’s usually pretty empty this time of week. Let me see your phone.”
Grabbing the phone from his pocket, Carl’s friend passed it to his guide.
Scrolling through the menu reviewing the recent calls list and selecting the number for the friend they were attempting to visit, the automated system responded, “The number you’re trying to reach is not authorized in your dimensional plane of existence. Please try again and have a nice day.”
“Crap,” Carl’s friend’s guide protested, “right planet, wrong universe. Most phones won’t work on the flip side of their own existence. Damn union rules. Looks like we should have taken the left transport instead of the right one. I haven’t quite got a hang yet of right-left.”
“Right? Left?” Carl’s friend asked.
“Yeah, depending on the universe or dimension were in, you have to keep track of right and left, because if you go to a planet, right could be left, and left could be right, because one is flip-flopped from the other. So at the transport station, when we were running to hurry up and catch it before it departed, I read and picked the wrong one.”
“Huh?”
“And we still wouldn’t be able to visit our friend. There’s the fact the same planet in the alternate universe there won’t necessarily be an alternate you. The one in the alternate location would be expecting us, not this one…if there is one.”
“Why not?” Carl’s friend asked still trying to get his head around all of this inter-dimensional universal travel.
“That would be just silly. I mean if you invited me to dinner, I couldn’t possibly come to dinner in one universe with the alternate you in the other one waiting all night. That would be rude, I mean, I can only be in one universe at one time.”
“Well, what if it was the alternate you in the alternate universe coming to visit?” Carl’s friend asked.
“Well then, you’d let a stranger in for dinner and not me? Now I’m insulted hearing you could have had a good time with someone else and not me.” Carl’s friend’s guide looked up as if contemplating for a quick minute before continuing on with his train of thought. “Of course, if it was the alternate you and the alternate me, I guess that actually wouldn’t be a problem, because we’re both not there, and we’re here.”
Oddly enough as the two were embraced in their discourse, in another universe on an alternate earth (not the green one, the ministry hadn’t had a chance to chart that one yet), Carl’s friend and his guide’s alternate selves were currently experiencing a parallel set of events completely distinct from their current one, both sitting down getting ready to eat dinner and then prepare for the evening’s book club meeting to discuss their reading of a story about a man’s salad that ends up missing, the salad deciding to take a business trip with some radishes.
“Hey, I let you talk me into this trip not even knowing who you are, after stepping out of my shower,” Carl’s friend quipped continuing the discussion.
“Your point is? It wasn’t your parallel or alternate self was it? Hence why you’re here?”
Carl’s friend stood nodding his head. “Screw it; just what do we need to do now?”
“We need to backtrac
k and catch the right transport. Do you still have any rocks in your pocket? If you do, dump a few.”
—— ♦ ——
Knocking on the door, Carl’s friend’s guide worked intently trying not to be seen by passersby. He stood in the doorway worrying and fidgeting turning around towards the street every couple of seconds to make sure no one was garnishing a long steady look where they could be recognized. Carl’s friend wasn’t as concerned. His guide, none the less, was already thankful the edict for their arrest, although issued, hadn’t been authorized to be enforced, but could still be acted upon. Recognizing and turning in fugitives from the ministry could be quite lucrative, some persons known to be able to sleep an extra hour and report to work late.
The door finally opened to Carl’s friend’s guide’s relief. Darting into the dwelling without a cordial greeting annoyed the hostess, Carl’s friend noticed.
“Do you have to be so rude?” she sniped.
“Sorry, but we had to get in and close the door. Remember we have the ministry on our tail.”
Closing the door after the entry of both her guests, the men’s hostess displayed a look of disbelief.
“What’s wrong?” Carl’s friend’s guide asked.
“Where’s the salad?”
“What?”
“Where’s the salad?” She looked despondent.
“What do you mean where’s the salad?”
“I thought the salad would be with you. When you said you were coming over…I just thought,” she said as a tear formed in her eye.
“Did you forget that we’re trying to look for it?” the guide asked. “We’ll be lucky if we even find it.”
Carl’s friend had to jump in. “Why’d you say, ‘if we even find it?’” he queried, slightly miffed.
“Think about it; there are an infinite number of universes and an infinite number of planets where your salad could be meandering. Unfortunately, we’re on the run from the only place that could have possibly helped track it down.”
“And how come,” Carl’s friend asked, “you didn’t try looking something up on that computer system where they were questioning me?”
“You know, I didn’t think about it then. Hey, wait a minute, how come you didn’t think of it?”
Carl’s friend had to display a look of humility. “Cause I didn’t think about it until just now.”
“You know what?” the men’s hostess interrupted. “Let’s just stop here, because we could go around in circles. Let me get something for you both to drink.” She finished leading both men into a Victorian Post-Modern fusion-styled parlor room. “I’ll be right back.”
Several minutes later the men’s hostess returned presenting a beautiful silver tray with ornate teacups and teapot. Bestowing each of her guests a serving of tea, she sat in her favorite armchair nursing the beverage.
“So, how long are you planning on staying?” she asked.
“We don’t want to put you out, and to be truthful, we’re kinda on the run from the ministry,” Carl’s friend’s guide answered.
“Which one?”
“The one where I used to work.”
“Well that sucks. You’re right, you can’t plan on staying.”
“We just need to get our bearings and figure where we can go without getting tracked. We just need to figure something out.”
“I know what you can do,” she said wide-eyed, “take him someplace off the trodden path. There’s a lot of cool stuff to explore, and a lot of areas the ministry doesn’t really bother with. I know, take him to the blue earth, that place is always a hoot.”
“Hey, I’m from the blue earth,” Carl’s friend noted, feeling he had to definitely interject.
“Sorry about that. That explains why your salad was so interesting. Well, where have you been?” she asked focusing her question to Carl’s friend.
“Just some hotel on a weird planet where they played a weird version of baseball. Nothing else major.”
“So what about taking him to hear the songs of the Soollathianithic Seas?”
“Of the what?” Carl’s friend queried.
“The Soollanthianithic Seas. It’s a secret little jaunt most everyone knows by word of mouth. I mean, when you go there, you hear the most wonderful choral of natural sounds and songs of the creatures. When they’re in harmony, oh, such sweetness to your ears and souls. You really need to take him there.”
“There’s not a jump station there, is there?” Carl’s friend’s guide asked.
“No, just make special arrangements with the conductor. It’s kinda an unregistered mid-jump transport.” The hostess flashed both men a large grin. “It would be the perfect place to hide out for awhile.”
“I was hoping we could stay here for awhile?” Carl’s friend’s guide pleaded.
“You don’t get it,” their hostess responded sharply, “I don’t want you both here. I was trying to be nice.”
“We’re not talking about moving in, just …”
“The answer is no!” the men’s hostess interjected sternly, the finality of her answer coming through in her tone. She then smiled. “You both want another cup of tea?”
—— ♦ ——
Arriving on the planet, building up expectations in his imagination based on their hostess’ description, expecting to see a panorama of lush and beautiful landscapes, exotic wildlife and multicolored horizons, all Carl’s friend could see was what would equate to a landscape of mud pools and rocky terrain, not even very pretty rocks.
“This looks nothing like what your friend described,” he quipped. Then a thought hit him, “We’re lost again aren’t we.”
“We’re not lost. Remember I got my little book, and we’re exactly where we’re supposed to be.”
“Looks like we’re lost to me.”
“Thank goodness we’re not you.”
“Hey!” Carl’s friend chided.
“Keep your panties on. These aren’t the seas we’re looking for. We got a bit of a walk ahead of us. Come on.”
Walking for over two hours through desolate and barren terrain, some hilly and rugged, some flat and even, the two men came across a ridge presenting both a challenge and an endurance test questioning their physical fitness. Arriving near the location they were given for the best view and access to hear and fully appreciate the songs, Carl’s friend thought he could hear jumbled noises resembling the mass mingling of murmuring voices. He quickly dismissed it as wind rushing through the valleys. Cresting over the top, they were both astounded and speechless to see throngs of persons from different races, species and backgrounds sitting in an auditorium carved out of the side of the foothill. Deep in the distance, a semblance of a stage could be seen, characters moving about barely the size of peas.
“What the...are you sure we’re in the right spot? I thought the place we wanted is supposed to be isolated,” Carl’s friend inquired of his guide.
“It is.”
What the men didn’t realize was, such word of mouth had spread concerning the songs of the Soollathianithic Seas, which were actually just the Soollanthian beings who lived in dwellings by the sea coming out from their homes after a good night’s rest and accomplishing various stretching and yawning routines along with other waking rituals. Realizing the sounds and echoes of their yawning attracted an audience, they did what anyone else would do: they hired an agent and manager. Of course, they negotiated through letters and other forms of electronic messaging since anyone listening to them talk quickly became annoyed, the high-pitchy whine of their voice grating on one’s hearing. They sounded more like a nagging spouse or a whining half of a relationship.
Walking down to the very top row of carved out seats, they immediately found a couple of spaces to sit, attempting to observe the stage next to the shoreline of the orange-tinted sea lapping against the shore along a cliff side with numerous caves down below layers of seat rows. Figures barely distinguishable slowly emerged from
the openings, only the muffled sounds of harmonic tones almost indistinguishable could be heard by the two men at the top of the auditorium. Everyone around were actually more interested in holding personal conversations, since they too couldn’t quite hear the pseudo-sacred songs.
“You know what, I’m already bored. Let’s go,” Carl’s friend said.
“Yeah, me too,” his guide responded immediately followed with a look of panic. “CRAP! How’d they find us?”
“What’re you talking about?”
“Look down the aisle.”
Carl’s friend glancing down the stone cut stairway could see a prickly blue, cucumber-looking creature bouncing up the stairwell. His heart sank.
“We need to get out of here before he realizes we’re here,” Carl’s friend’s guide said followed by both men quickly getting out of their seats hoping they weren’t seen. What they didn’t realize was, the ministry worker was actually looking for a place to sit and listen to the songs, since many of the workers didn’t get a chance to go on vacation very often.