He calls me several times while he's traveling and between meetings and seeing his name on my phone gives me butterflies each time. God, I really need to get a hold of myself. I think several times about how my relationship with Jake has traveled so far out of my safety zone. If (when?) he decides I'm not enough for him, how will I survive that? I stop and take deep breaths when these thoughts assault me and somehow, I am able to resist talking myself into returning to my safety cocoon. Instead, I keep busy with work, running and catching up on the book I was in the middle of reading and have neglected recently.
I go to lunch with Nicole on Tuesday afternoon and catch her up on my suddenly interesting life. We giggle like schoolgirls and it feels great to share my happiness with her and ask her questions about her relationship with Mike, things I never would have had the courage or the need to ask her about before now. Is it normal to want sex all the freaking time? Nicole: In the beginning yes, after five years of marriage and a three year old, not so much. Can you fall in love with someone after less than a month of knowing them? Nicole: More likely lust than love, but enjoy it all the same.
We look at our calendars and she asks if I can come over for dinner a week from Saturday. We plan it and as she hugs me outside the restaurant, she says, "Invite Jake!" "Okay," I say, smiling, looking forward to introducing him to three more of the people I love most in the world.
I call Jake at his hotel room that night and we talk for an hour before I'm so tired I can't stay awake any longer.
On Wednesday, I clock into work at ten a.m. and make my way up to the top floor to clean the penthouse suite. I knock three loud raps on the door and wait a minute and when no one answers, I use my key card to let myself in. I wheel my cart in and look around confused. The place is immaculate. Clearly no one has used the room which is weird because I know they wouldn't have me scheduled to clean it unless someone had rented it the night before.
I grab my walkie talkie and am about to press the button to connect to my manager in his office downstairs when I hear a sound from the bedroom. I frown and call out, "Hello?" No one answers and so I take a few steps towards the room. Seriously, if there's some serial killer in there, I will totally bash him over the head with this heavy ass walkie talkie. Wait, those sound like really bad famous last words. I grab the spray bottle of bleach too just in case I need extra ammunition.
I peek around the corner, craning my neck and what do I see? Standing in the far doorway is Jake, hands stuffed in his jean pockets, grinning at me.
I don't know if it's the shock of seeing him or just that I react instantly to my emotions, but I drop my "weapons," let out a happy shriek and run across the room, launching myself at him. He catches me, laughing and spinning me around while I rain kisses over his face. I squeal, taking his face in my hands and kissing his mouth now, laughing along with him. He's kissing me back and we're acting like two people who haven't seen each other in ages. And that's how I feel. I feel like I haven't seen this man in years and years and the joy that pounds out of my chest is something I don't question. I just hold him close and relish the feeling of him being in my arms. I've missed him so much. And this is crazy. It's only been two days! But he seems to accept my reaction as perfectly normal and he keeps kissing me, saying my name again and again, both of us caught in this strange, joyful moment. I don't look below the surface, I just soak it in.
I finally go still but don't let go, holding him close. I close my eyes and just enjoy the throatiness of his voice against my ear, the smell of him, uniquely Jake, and the beating of his heart against my own. I can't explain it but I know that if I could freeze time right this second and live in this feeling forever, I would.
Finally, we are quiet and I slide to the ground, gazing up into his warm, brown eyes. "What are you doing here, Jake?"
"I wanted to surprise you. When we talked on Sunday, you told me you were cleaning the penthouse all this week if it was occupied and my evil wheels started turning. I rented it on Tuesday morning before I left town. How long does it usually take to clean it?"
"You rented this room so you could have the time with me it takes to clean it?" I say, confused.
"Yup."
Oh, okay, then.
"Um, how long to clean it? If the guests are really messy, an hour and a half?"
"They're dirty slobs."
"Oh, okay, then, maybe I could push it to two hours."
He starts unzipping my dress. "What are you doing, Jake?"
"Not wasting any time."
Right.
"Um, Jake - " I start, but he's doing this thing on my neck that feels so good, I forget what I was about to say.
I take his hand and lead him to the big, upholstered chair at the other side of the room, locking the bedroom door on my way - If we got caught, it wouldn't be good. I push him down and his eyes have already gone lazy and God, that makes me wet. Does he know that?
I straddle him and take his face in my hands, looking into his eyes for seconds before lowering my lips to his, nipping at him before sliding my tongue into his mouth. Jake takes over and his kiss feels hungry and possessive. Our tongues tangle, dancing and he brings his hands back to the zipper of my dress, yanking it down boldly. He brings it down my shoulders and I lower my arms so he can slide it down as we continue kissing. When it hits my hips, I break our kiss and stand up. Jake leans back in the chair, watching me with dark, smoldering eyes as I strip in front of him. He has one arm draped over the arm of the chair and one hand resting in his lap. His thighs are spread and his erection is tenting his black dress slacks. He looks like the epitome of every wet dream I've ever had and my core is throbbing just looking at him.
I bring the dress down over my hips and let it drop to the floor. His eyes follow the uniform and then roam back up my body. I see his cock jump in his pants and I almost whimper with my need for him, but I manage to remain silent as I unhook my bra and let it slide down my arms and drop to the floor. My panties are next and I hook my thumbs through the waistband and drag them down my legs.
I kick off my shoes and then I stand before him, naked, letting his eyes roam over me. His look of blatant appreciation is the only thing that gives me the confidence to stand before him, on display like I've never been before. He reaches down and unbuttons his pants and releases his zipper, letting his cock spring free. He strokes himself lazily as he continues to look at me with heated eyes and I can't help it now, I whimper.
Oh. Dear. Heaven.
"Touch yourself, Evie," he says, his voice sounding choked, barely controlled. I'm so turned on, vibrating with need that I don't hesitate to do as he says. I bring my hands to my breasts, fingering my nipples and closing my eyes as my head falls back, mouth opening with a moan of pleasure. Then I bring one hand down to my core, slick with arousal. I rub the wetness from my opening up to my clit, moving my finger in slow circles and moaning unabashedly now.
"Fuck! I need to be in you now, baby," he chokes out, grabbing me by the hips and bringing me back to straddle him, my knees on the chair next to his hips. He brings me down roughly, spearing me with his hard cock, making me cry out in surprise and in pleasure as he fills me completely.
I pull up until just the tip of his cock is still in me and then I crash down on him, making him grunt and throw his head back and God, that's so good. I cry out too with the pleasure this position is giving me. Then I repeat the movement I just did, pulling up slowly and crashing down on him again.
Yes, God yes!
I picture what we must look like right now, me naked and riding him, him fully clothed beneath me and the image in my mind makes me wild with lust.
I start moving up and down on him mindless to anything except the race to orgasm as his mouth comes down on my breast, sucking my nipple into his mouth, almost roughly.
I throw my head back too and ride him enthusiastically as we both pant and groan, his hands on my hips now, pushing me down harder and faster until we both cry out together, hot rushes of semen fill
ing me as the waves of pleasure consume me. For a minute, I think I see stars as my orgasm peaks and then peaks again.
"Christ! Fuck!" Jake grunts out, taking my mouth and kissing me passionately as we both moan through our orgasms.
I kiss Jake fervently as we descend, gripping each other tightly and breathing hard.
We stay still in each other's arms for long minutes as our breathing returns to normal. I lean back and look into his face, grinning.
"What are you doing to me?" I ask, awestruck.
"What are you doing to me?" he grins back.
I laugh. Uh, yeah. I disengage myself from him and stand up, walking to the bathroom to clean myself up.
When I get back, Jake is still sitting in the desk chair. I grab my clothes and pull them on.
We still have an hour or so and I'd like to shower, but it's not like I can return back to work with wet hair so instead we spend our time relaxing on the bed and he tells me about his trip, making me laugh with a story about the overly chatty guy he sat next to on the plane. I giggle and tease him and we just enjoy each other until the clock tells us that I need to get back to work.
I straighten the comforter on the bed and quickly wipe down the chair we used, grinning up at Jake and then I wheel the cart out of the room, Jake kisses me goodbye and I move on to the next room. I use my walkie talkie to update my manager that the penthouse suite is clean. I can't keep the goofy grin off my face for the next hour.
CHAPTER 25
We settle into a little bit of a routine over the next week and a half. I run in the mornings, work and then, most evenings, head over to Jake's condo directly afterwards and we eat dinner together, sharing about our day. It feels natural and comfortable and I've never been happier. I look forward with something very close to giddiness to greeting Jake at the end of the day. He picks me up and holds me close, kissing me and spinning me around as if he hasn't been alive until that very moment.
But I am also restless to know him better. I've been patient and understanding, but I want to know what he isn't telling me. I want to know the things that still clearly haunt him, that give him that faraway look when he thinks I'm not paying attention. There is something that separates us, and until he opens up to me, I fear that I won't ever draw nearer to who he really is.
I'm also afraid that the reason he's not opening up to me is because he doesn't want to get closer to me and this is his way of holding back.
A week later, on Friday night, we make love ardently, as always, and afterwards, Jake wraps me in his arms, whispering intimate words to me as we drift off to sleep. But in the deep of night, I awaken alone and when I get up to seek him out, I find him standing silently on his balcony, drinking from a glass filled with amber liquid.
"Can't sleep?" I murmur, putting my arms around him from behind.
"Yeah," he sighs, "Thought a night cap would help. Go back to bed, baby, I'll join you in a minute." I notice that his face looks strained.
"Okay," I agree, sleepily, squeezing him and then letting go, walking back to bed alone and a little troubled.
In the morning, he tells me he has a surprise. It's my day off and he's arranged a spa day for me. I'm excited because I've never, ever been to a spa before. I'm getting better at letting Jake treat me, even though it's still a struggle for me. He grins at my excitement and says it's all arranged. He scoots me into the shower and says a car will be here within the hour.
"Enjoy yourself, babe. I'm looking forward to meeting your friends tonight." It sounds nice but he looks nervous and preoccupied and I don't know what to say to draw him out. Maybe he has a lot going on at work. I'll get the spa works today and then I'll do what I can to relax him tonight. I've become pretty adept at that.
"Why are you so good to me?" I ask, bringing my arms up around his neck.
"I love to spoil you. Making you happy makes me happy," he smiles, looking deeply into my eyes.
I shower quickly and then dress in dark gray yoga pants, a white tank and light blue hoodie. I pull my sneakers on and Jake and I eat a quick breakfast of cereal with fruit as I look over the brochure for the spa down the street.
I kiss Jake when the buzzer goes off in his condo and rush down to the waiting car.
I spend an amazing morning and afternoon at the luxurious spa a couple blocks down from his condo, getting the works, facial, manicure, pedicure haircut and highlights and a massage. I love everyone who works with me and I spend the day not only relaxing and being treated, but chatting easily with the people who provide services there.
As I'm walking out of the massage room, getting ready to sign out at the front desk, a blond coming down the hallway almost runs right into me. "Oh, excuse me!" I say, embarrassed.
"No problem," she mutters, stopping abruptly.
Oh my God, it's Gwen. Holy shit! Well, it was a nice day.
"Oh!" she says surprised, "Evie, right?" The look on her face tells me that she's just about as happy to see me this time as she was the last and the temperature in the spa seems to dip several degrees.
"Right. Hi, Gwen. Nice to see you." I try to make my way around her, but she sidesteps in front of me, blocking my escape.
"Funny running into you here. I'm assuming Jake sent you?" she says as if she knows very well that I could never afford to come here on my own dime.
I pull myself up straight. If she's going to make a cat fight out of this, I'm not going to slink away like I have something to be ashamed of. "He did," I say, smiling a fake smile, "He likes to pamper me."
"Right," she says back, smirking. "I'll bet. Listen, Evie, I'm going to be a friend to you here and lay it on you straight. I know you probably think you don't have a lot of reason to trust me considering the last time we met I… exaggerated a few things between Jake and me. But I feel like it might be in your best interest to realize a few things."
I stare at her speechless which I guess she takes as her cue to continue.
"I've known Jake a long time. In all states of… sobriety. He doesn't even know some of the things that he's divulged to me when he was drunk or high off his ass. But, sober or not, it always comes down to the same thing. He'll never love anyone except her. If you think you love him, you should know that he's just trying to turn you into her. I've seen him do it again and again. - he takes a poor little mouse, uses her, gives her nice things, makes her think he has real feelings for her and then throws her away when it becomes obvious that she's not her. You'll never be enough for him, Evie. It's not you he really wants."
At her words, I die a thousand deaths. It's my greatest fear. I'll never be enough for anyone. Not ever. No one ever wants to keep me. Not when it comes down to it. In my life, I've been thrown away again and again by those that I thought loved me. I can't live through it again. I can't.
I push past her, trying desperately to get away from her words, cutting me to the bone.
"He has her picture on his back," she calls after me. "Surely you've seen it?"
I look back at her with wide eyes, mouth open in question and she just laughs. "He hasn't let you see. Typical. Run while you can, honey."
Then she turns and saunters down the hall while my heart shatters into a million pieces. I feel brittle, breakable, like I might crumble right there in the hall of the luxury spa. I walk to the counter, numb, and sign the paperwork. The girl behind the counter tells me that all cost, including tip has been taken care of and that they look forward to seeing me again soon. I smile what feels like a broken smile and walk woodenly out the door.
Jake told me to text him when I was almost done and he'd send a car for me but I don't call him. Instead I walk the five or so blocks to his condo, my head swimming. I arrive at the front door, not even remembering the walk there. I ring the bell and the deskman opens it for me. His smile freezes on his face when he sees me but he doesn't ask me what's wrong. He just buzzes Jake's condo and talks into the phone in quiet tones.
"Mr. Madsen will meet you outside the elevator," he says, guidi
ng me inside and pressing in the code.
It takes a million years for the elevator to get to Jake's floor and when it opens, Jake is standing there, a perplexed look on his face. He takes one look at me and pales. "Evie, baby, what's wrong?" he says as he puts his arms around me and leads me into his condo. I let him, not knowing what to do.
He closes the door behind us and he turns me towards him, taking my face in his hands and looking in my eyes. "Evie, talk to me, love, what's wrong?"
"Take off your shirt, Jake," I say expressionless.
A look of confusion crosses his features. "What? Baby, I don't understand."
"Let me see your back, Jake," I say, gazing into his eyes, begging him to laugh and tell me I'm being ridiculous.
Instead, a look of dawning crosses his expression and he closes his eyes. When he opens them, he looks pained. "Evie, who did you talk to? Baby, let me explain first."
"No!" I scream, suddenly irate, voice shaking. "Show me your back, Jake!"
He closes his eyes again and drops his head and then he looks me in the eyes, as he reaches down and takes the hem of his shirt, lifting it up and over his head. For a second he just stands there, bare chested and staring into my eyes. Then, he slowly turns away from me, giving me his full naked back and dropping his head.
My eyes lift and I let out a gasp. For stretched across the entirety of the top half of his back is a tattoo and as I study it, a strangled cry comes to my lips and I stumble backwards.
The artwork is done in shades of black, with beautiful scrolls around the edges. It is the inside of a circus arena. In the middle background is the master of ceremonies, his face turned sideways, lost in shadow. There is a little pale haired girl walking a tightrope in the far right corner and several clowns, male and female, in the far right background. But when I look closely, their faces are not silly or funny, but ghastly, evil, sharp teeth dripping blood and eyes bloodshot and crazed.
And in the middle of the arena, the central art, there is a creature, half man and half lion with the man side facing slightly away so that his features are unclear and the lion side fully exposed, vicious and roaring, up on his hind paws, lunging towards a girl holding a fiery ring.