"Sounds like she felt special in the ownership of them. She probably didn't have ownership of a lot. That's beautiful, Evie." Jake says gently.
I stare at him silently for a minute because that is beautiful when he puts it that way.
But I say, "In the beginning, it was just stupid kid stuff. I had a vivid imagination," I laugh but it sounds hollow even to my own ears.
"It came in handy. Just a kid trying to comprehend the incomprehensible, you know?"
He nods as if he understands, which of course he doesn't but it's nice anyway. It's so hard to explain growing up in foster care to someone who has no concept of that type of childhood. Of course, Jake hasn't told me anything about his own childhood so I don't know what his upbringing was like. Obviously his family has money though so it was eons apart from mine, at least in that respect.
"Will you tell me about Leo?" he says.
I take a sip of my wine. "Jake, I've shared a lot tonight and it felt good and that surprises me because I don't make it a habit of bringing up my past very often, but can we save Leo for another time? Is that okay?"
I don't tell him that I'm struggling a little bit with the feeling that I'm betraying Leo somehow, even though rationally I know that's ridiculous. He threw me away a long time ago, and he's not even of this earth anymore. I cringe inwardly with the thought.
He stares at me for a few seconds and I start squirming at his intense gaze so I ask him what he's thinking.
He comes around the bar and sits on the stool next to me and I turn towards him and he takes my hand and says, "I was just thinking about how much I appreciate you sharing with me tonight. And I was also thinking that from where I'm standing, you've done a pretty remarkable job of not letting your past make you hard. There's not a harsh or bitter thing about you, not a single thing, not your attitude, not the way you hold yourself, not your eyes, not your smile, not the way you treat people, always taking care of the people who are lucky enough to have your love, and that's just you. Life obviously took a lot from you and I know you've been cut deep, but the fact that you relied on yourself to make it through and that you didn't let it make you cynical or cold, that is all you. Own that. That's what I was thinking."
A tear slips out of my eye, I can't help it. He's making slow circles with his thumb on my hand and staring at me with those soulful brown eyes and that's when I fall in love with him, just sitting in his kitchen, I fall head over heels.
He smiles at me and gestures to the small glass table in the eating area next to the bar and I stand up and walk there as he pulls two placemats out of a drawer and puts them down on the table and then places napkins and silverware for each of us.
I sit down and he returns to the kitchen to dish up two plates and returns with them, and the bottle of wine.
He refills our glasses and we dig into the food, which is completely delicious.
"Okay, truly impressed," I say. "This is amazing." And it is. The steak is tender and succulent and the potatoes are spiced perfectly with crispy skin on the outside, soft and fluffy on the inside. The salad is crisp and even though it's from a bag, it's the perfect compliment to the dinner Jake's made from scratch.
When we've eaten in silence for a few minutes, I say, "Will you tell me about your parents? How did your dad pass?" I glance at him, nervous that I've brought up a painful subject, but he answers quickly.
"Heart attack. It was sudden. He lingered for a week afterwards but got a blood clot. That's what actually killed him."
"I'm sorry, Jake." I pause because his face seems like it's gotten hard. "You must miss him."
He sighs. "Yeah, I do. I wasted a lot of years with my dad that I can't ever get back."
"I'm sorry."
"It's ok. Really. It wasn't ok for a long time but I've come to a place where it's getting there." He pauses for a minute before he continues. "I realize now that there are a lot of paths in life. Some we choose and some are chosen for us. I was dealt some shit, just like a lot of us are, and I made a lot of poor choices too. I have to take responsibility for those. But the only thing we'll get from trying to figure out where another path would have taken us are questions there are no answers to and heartbreak that can't be healed. Regardless of how we got there, all any of us can do is move forward from where we are.”
He pauses and then says, "I'll tell you all about it, Evie. You've already given me so much of you, and I want to give you me, but not tonight. Tonight, I want to enjoy dinner and enjoy you and not bring up a bunch of shit that's going to put me in a bad mood. Okay?"
"Okay," I whisper, because it is. I feel like I know everything and nothing about Jake both at the same time and how can this be? I know how hard it is to share painful things with people, and that you have to feel ready to do that, no one should ever push you. I also know for sure that the man sitting in front of me is a good man. The rest will come. Everyone has a past, right?
He grabs my hand and squeezes it and we finish our meal and then I help him clear the table. I rinse the dishes and put them in the dishwasher as he drops the pans in the sink to soak.
I excuse myself to use his restroom and when I come back, he takes my hand and leads me to the couch. He pulls me down on his lap so that I'm straddling him and then his eyes get lazy and God, that's beautiful and I put my mouth on his because I can't stop myself. I lick the seam of his lips and he opens for me and I'm the one to moan this time as he takes the back of my head in his hand and tilts it so that he can plunge his tongue in deep and then we're kissing like we can't get enough of each other, like if a herd of zebras trampled through his living room right now, we wouldn't even come up for air.
A growl comes from deep in his throat and a flood of wetness saturates the area between my legs and so I grind down on his lap and he tears his mouth from mine.
"Fuck!" he clips and his eyes are fiery. "God, Evie, you feel so fucking good." He's breathing hard.
"Jake," I say, breathing hard too, "I'm not sleeping in the guest room tonight."
"Thank fucking christ."
Then he stands up with me still in his arms, and I wrap my legs around his waist and he carries me down the hall to his bedroom, kissing me the whole way.
CHAPTER 14
Jake nudges his half-closed bedroom door open with his shoulder and although the room is dim, the only light coming from a door that is barely cracked leading to what I'm assuming is the master bath, I can see that it's similarly decorated to the rest of the condo. There is a huge, and I mean huge, black four poster bed against the far wall, two sleek, black dressers and a set of white bedside tables flanking the bed. On the floor is a white, fluffy rug that looks like it’s supposed to mimic an animal skin. The bedding looks like it's dark gray and white, although because of the low lighting, I can't be 100% sure.
Jake deposits me in the middle of his bed and then stands up and removes his shirt and my mouth almost falls open at the sight of his bare, male beauty. I have a second to drink him in before he is back on the bed with me, and then his hands are up my sweater, my arms are forced up and it's being pulled over my head. I hear it lightly hit the floor and then Jake pulls back and is looking down at me and even in the dim light, I can see that his eyes are dark with something that looks hungry. My heart jumps in my chest at the power of it.
"Help me out, Evie, I want to feel your skin on mine."
And oh yes, I want that too.
And so I sit up slightly, unhook my bra and pull the straps down my arms and drop it on the floor. This is the first time a man has seen me naked and I feel self conscious for a second, but then the look of appreciation on Jake's face makes me relax.
He stares down at me for several long beats and then whispers, "Christ, even more beautiful than I imagined."
Then his mouth is on mine, his tongue in my mouth and his warm, hard chest against my breasts, and my hands are gliding over his back and his hips are rolling against me and God, that feels amazing and so I whimper into his mouth, to which he m
oans back into mine.
And maybe I should slow this down because I'm a virgin and I don't know if Jake figured that out after I told him about my nonexistent dating life or not. But I think I should probably make sure that he's aware of that if this is going to go well.
He leans off me slightly as he kisses down my neck and one of his hands comes up and cups my breast from underneath and his thumb rubs over my nipple and I whimper, my hips bucking up and pressing into Jake's hardness. He growls low in his throat and then lowers his mouth to my nipple and sucks it into his mouth, and starts licking and sucking until I think I'm going to die with pleasure. He moves over to my other breast and now my hands are in his hair and I'm moaning because I didn't know anything could feel so good and I never, ever want him to stop.
I move one hand down his back again and my other hand moves down to explore the warm skin over the defined muscles of his stomach and he sucks in a breath, his mouth coming off my breast as he gazes at me. At the look of blatant lust on his face, I blurt out, "I'm a virgin."
He keeps gazing at me, and his eyes, impossibly, seem to warm even more. He's looking at me so intensely and I feel self conscious and so I whisper, "Is that okay?"
"In the history of the world, nothing has ever been more okay," he says and his voice sounds deep and warm and slightly husky.
Then his mouth is back on mine, licking, sucking, nipping and it feels greedy and demanding and I love it. I feel his hand on the zipper of my jeans and I lose his heat as he kneels up and takes my boots off and then pulls my jeans and panties down my legs. He tosses all of it on the floor and then he's back over me, kissing me again, and I feel one of his hands slide down between my legs, and gently push them apart. I shiver and he brings his head up and whispers, "Open for me," and I do as he says.
"I'm gonna make it easier for you to take me,” he says, and at his words I feel more wetness between my legs even though my panties are already soaked.
I feel one of his fingers press gently inside me and I tremble at the invasion even though it feels incredible. Then his thumb hits the spot and he begins moving it in slow circles and my head tilts back and I moan deep.
"God, you’re so beautiful. Is that good?" he asks, and his voice sounds strained.
"Yes," I pant out and now he's added another finger and he's moving them in and out of me as his thumb continues circling.
And it feels sensational.
My hips start lifting up to meet his hand and he starts moving his thumb faster and harder, his fingers continuing their deep thrusting.
Yes, yes, yes.
"Oh my God," I pant out and at this, Jake moans.
I arch my head all the way back into the pillow and for just a portion of a second, everything seems to freeze right before I tip over the edge and waves and waves of pleasure wash through me. I moan and cry out Jake's name and when I open my eyes, several seconds later, he is crawling back over me, only now he is naked. How'd I miss that?
He leans over me and opens the nightstand drawer and pulls out a condom and I watch spellbound as he rips it open with his teeth, leans back on his heels and rolls it over his, wow that's beautiful too, thick, hard shaft.
"Can I touch you, Jake? Will you show me how?" I whisper.
"Next time, baby. Hanging on by a thread here. If you touch me, we'll both be sorry."
Then his weight is on me again and he guides the tip of his cock to my entrance and I automatically open my legs wider.
He kisses me again, his tongue thrusting deep, hinting at what is to follow. I shiver with anticipation.
"Wrap your legs around me," he growls. "Gonna do this fast to get the painful part over with, okay?"
"Okay," I whisper, and just like that, he drives inside me in one smooth thrust, as I cry out and the pain sears through me.
He's still for a minute and then he starts to move slowly and the pain subsides until I just feel deliciously full and stretched. He keeps moving very slowly in and out of me until my body relaxes around him.
"Baby, I gotta move faster. You ok?" He sounds strained.
"Yes," I whisper, and he starts thrusting in and out of me harder and faster and watching the look of bliss on his face is the most beautiful thing I think I've ever seen in my life, because I'm giving that to him.
His mouth comes to mine again and he starts thrusting his tongue into my mouth in time with the thrusting of his cock and I like that.
Okay, no, I freaking love that.
I feel another fire building inside me and as his breathing becomes ragged, I tip over the edge again, crying out. He drives deep, once, twice and then again as he buries his face in the side of my neck and groans against me, circling his hips slowly as we both come down.
He lays still, buried inside me for a minute and I hold him close to me, stroking my fingernails up and down his arms. He starts nuzzling my neck and I feel his smile on my skin before his head comes up and his beautiful eyes are gazing into mine.
"You okay?" he whispers gently.
No, no I was not. I was more than okay. I was fabulous.
"Yeah," I whisper back and I sound breathy.
He pulls out of me and I mewl in protest at the loss and that makes Jake grin. "My Evie likes me inside of her," he says.
Yes, yes I do.
"Let me get rid of this condom and get something to clean you up with. Stay there.”
He sits up on the side of the bed, facing me and pulls on his boxers and t-shirt. Then he walks to the bathroom and I hear some water running before he comes back out with a wet washcloth. He sits back down on the side of the bed and says, "Open your legs and bend your knees," and I'm slightly embarrassed but I trust him and so I do as he says.
He cleans me with the warm cloth and I notice there's blood and that embarrasses me more but he doesn't make a big deal of it.
Then he's padding back to the bathroom and I hear water again as I quickly find my panties on the floor and pull them on. Jake walks back in the room with a glass of water which he offers me. I take long drinks and smile at him as I hand it back.
He puts the glass on the nightstand and he climbs into bed next to me and pulls my back against his hard chest as he nuzzles his face into my hair.
I turn in his arms so that I'm facing him and look into his handsome face, running my hand down the side of his cheek.
"You're mine now, Evie. Say it," he whispers.
My hand stills and I look him in the eyes. "I'm yours, Jake," I whisper back.
I think I see a flash of something that looks like pain in his eyes, but then he smiles that beautiful smile of his and kisses me gently.
"I've never experienced anything as beautiful as that," he says and I feel my heart fill up because I feel the same way. I press myself closer to his warm body and learn something else that's beautiful about Jake Madsen. He's a cuddler.
CHAPTER 15
Evie is 13, Leo is 14
I'm sitting on the sofa in the front room of my foster home, when there's a knock on the door. My foster mom, Jodi, calls from the back family room, "Evie! Get the door!" and I stand up to answer it.
I note briefly that I'm wearing a really tight pair of jean shorts and a tank top with no bra and so I open the door just a crack and lean my head out. Standing there is Willow and Leo. I swing the door wide open, saying, "Hey! What are you guys doing here?"
"Is it okay if we come in?" Leo says, and I notice his eyes sweep my body quickly and he gets a tight look on his face. I realize that I'm not really dressed to receive guests but I didn't exactly expect any. I look at him questioningly and he moves his eyes to Willow in a quick gesture, telling me all that I need to know.
"Of course," I say, waving them in.
"Who is it?" Jodi yells.
"A couple friends!" I yell back. "They won't stay long." There's no answer from the back room, meaning Jodi has gone back to whatever television drivel she's involved in right now. She won't bother us.
Leo sits down on the smaller lo
ve seat and I guide Willow over to the couch where I was sitting. I sit down right next to her and move her blond hair out of her face. Her eyes are blood shot and she smells like pot.
"Willow," I prompt when she just continues to stare straight ahead, "What's going on, baby girl?"
She continues to look straight ahead but then her face crumples and she face plants into my chest. I freeze for a second but then I bring my hands up and stroke her hair, planting my lips on the top of her head and murmuring, "Shhh, it's ok, talk to me, Willow." I wait, but only get silence and the occasional sniffle.
"She showed up at my place stoned out of her mind," Leo says, his jaw clenching. I had to sneak her away from there. My foster parents would have called the cops if they'd seen her. They're not exactly the easygoing types.
"Do you know what happened?"
"Yeah, she was mumbling about a court date, her dad showed up and leered at her the entire time, apparently he's expressing some interest in getting her back even though he hasn't given a shit about her for the last three years. That was all I really got out of her about that. Then some so-called friends snuck her out of her house and got her stoned and drunk and dropped her off to walk home. She showed up at my place. Nice fucking friends."
"Leo!" I hiss, "Don't swear!" I cover Willow's ears.
He looks at me for several long second and then his face breaks out into a grin.
I look at him, shocked. "What are you grinning about?" I demand.
"You. You're so damned cute."
I snort. "Honestly, Leo? What is wrong with you? This is SERIOUS!"
He sobers his face, and says, "I know, Evie, believe me, if I knew who her friends are, I'd go teach them a lesson about giving drugs to twelve year olds and letting them walk home alone."
I continue stroking Willow's hair until I notice that she is snoring softly. I lay her back against the couch and grab the blanket on the end and cover her up with it. I watch her for a minute, chewing the inside of my mouth.