Alonzo went through the kitchen, out the back. Timur had a driver waiting for them, already called when Alonzo had called Jake for the helicopter. Stay alive for me. Want me enough to live. He slipped into the car, Sevastyan slamming the door after him and diving into the front passenger seat. The car was in motion almost before Sevastyan got the door closed.
Alonzo held himself very still. His leopard was equally as still. For most of his life, he'd been frozen inside. He needed it that way to survive. His leopard was all fiery passion, raging with fury and killing with ice-cold proficiency. He had lost so much in his life, lost it before it was ever that good.
Solnyshko moyo. Stay alive for me. Want me enough to live. He curled his fingers into a tight fist as if he could hold her in his palm. He brought his fist to his chest, rested it there against his heart. She was his sun. His heart. His everything.
He didn't know about families or relationships. He'd chosen loyalties. He'd been taught to be loyal at an early age. His father had beat it into him--he just hadn't told him he didn't have the freedom to choose who to be loyal to.
He'd chosen his mother. Timur, his brother. Gorya, his cousin. His loyalty had been to them. When his father made the decision to beat them to death, probably in one of his fits of rage, Alonzo had made the decision to protect them. That, more than any other time, was when he learned he had choices.
Evangeline was his choice. His loyalty was to her. He belonged to her. Everything good in him, everything bad that could protect her. All of him. Heart, mind, body and soul were hers. He'd never asked for anything in his life. Not once. He'd never had anything that belonged to him. Never.
"Evangeline." He whispered her name aloud. She had to be all right. She had to live. He'd make a bargain with the devil if he had to. He'd lived with demons, he knew them, was comfortable with them. He'd left that life to the best of his ability, only to fall into a dangerous life he thought might help make up for his past. Now he was afraid the price he would have to pay would be far, far worse than anything he'd ever expected. Live for me. Don't leave me.
The moment the car pulled up to the hospital, Alonzo and Sevastyan were out and striding through the doors. Jake and Elijah were there waiting. Alonzo couldn't help noting the number of bodyguards as they made their way toward the operating rooms. In the midst of all the leopards, the men there to support him, he felt alone. Isolated. She had to live because she was his entire world. Without her, he had nothing.
"They took Mitya in first. He's critical. Lost far too much blood. If he lives, it was Timur putting pressure on the wound, slowing the bleeding, he can thank."
"He stepped between the gunmen and me," Alonzo said, his voice as dead as he felt.
Elijah nodded. "How did they get in without anyone knowing? I thought that place was buttoned down tight?"
Alonzo could barely hear the question. The roaring protest in his mind was so loud, so chaotic when he was always so focused, he couldn't think. His leopard was as out of control as he was, throwing itself at the surface, battering him for supremacy, needing to find his mate and assure himself she was fine. Desperate to remove all threats to her--and the one thing he knew for certain--she was in danger as long as Patrizio Amodeo walked the earth. It had to have been his gunmen sent to assassinate Alonzo.
Stay alive for me. Want me enough to live. He needed to see her. Feel her heart beating. He wanted her to know he was there. That he needed her when he'd never needed anyone.
He scrubbed his hand down his face as if he could wipe away his sins with that small gesture. Anything to deserve her. Anything. Anything to save her. His cousin, Mitya, he loved. Mitya had been born into the cruelest lair of all and like Alonzo and Sevastyan, he had chosen his mother. When his father had killed her, Mitya had bided his time, thinking he'd take his father's place as head of the lair and clean it up that way, but as time went on, he realized there was no taking back the legacy. Like Alonzo, he would have to kill every male and some female members of the lair. He had quietly disappeared and found Timur.
Mitya had known the life and what it entailed. Alonzo had brought that life to Evangeline when she'd gotten out.
"That isn't going to help," Elijah said softly.
Joshua came up behind him, matching his pace, pressing close. Alonzo realized the three leopards, Jake, Elijah and Joshua, were there not only because of Evangeline and Mitya, but to contain him if Evangeline didn't make it. He wasn't certain they could and that told him how far gone he was. That Evangeline was wrapped so tightly around his heart and woven so seamlessly into his soul that he wouldn't recover, he wouldn't even want to recover if he lost her.
He forced himself to stop the low growl and take a deep breath. Every joint ached. His skull felt too tight. His muscles hurt, and there wasn't a place on his body that didn't itch insanely. "She can't die." He made it a statement. "If she isn't in surgery, I want to be with her."
"They won't allow it," Elijah said. "You know that."
He looked at Jake. "Make it happen."
Jake didn't bother to argue. "I have to know you've got it under control."
"I do."
Jake assessed him for a long while. "Give me a minute." He strode away.
"We need to talk to your men, Alonzo," Joshua said. "We need to figure out how this happened."
Something in his voice brought Alonzo out of the haze of concentrating. Stay alive for me. Want me enough to live. He lifted his head alertly, swung around to face Joshua, although he still kept his eye on Jake, who was on his phone several feet away, his face carved in grim lines.
"There has to be a mole, Alonzo. Someone knew about the cameras outside the shop. They knew about the bell and the door and had access to them. They knew what time she locked up and when you'd be alone with her. They have an inside man." He kept his voice pitched low, a mere thread of sound. He clearly didn't want the other leopards in the room to hear.
Timur and Gorya had been with him since he'd taken over Antonio Arnotto's territory. He had new leopard recruits from Borneo, friends of Drake Donovan's. Men proven in battle with no connections to Russia or to the mob in the United States. It was a long shot that one of them would be the mole. That left his cousins under suspicion. He took them with him to the bakery all the time. It was possible, but they'd had any number of chances to slip a knife into him. His leopard was always alert, but still, they got close.
Could he say he trusted them? He'd learned too early not to trust anyone. Timur had earned his trust. So had Gorya. Both had that same faith in Sevastyan and Mitya. Mitya had thrown his body over Evangeline's. Over his. That should buy him a little fucking trust.
He raked his fingers through his hair, something he never did in public. He was frozen--except deep inside he was screaming. He could hear himself, roaring like his leopard and then screaming his rage and fear to the demons below. "What the hell does it matter who the traitor is? My woman has been shot. When she lives, then I'll worry about traitors."
He turned his frozen stare on Joshua only to realize the man had deliberately distracted him. He shook his head and turned back to Jake. The man beckoned him and he stalked across the room and through the double doors to a small room. Jake stayed outside the doors, as did Sevastyan, who followed with a look on his face that dared anyone to stop him.
Alonzo stepped inside and inhaled the smell of blood and hospital. The combined scents bothered him and made his leopard leap and roar. Their mates were lying motionless, looking small and fragile beneath a single sheet. There were machines, bags of blood, morphine, lines running everywhere. At least she wasn't suffering. She hadn't made a sound after she'd been shot. Not of pain. No screaming. No thrashing. She'd been utterly still and quiet like a wounded animal. He had to find out more about her past. He'd told her about his; he needed her to confide in him about hers. What would make a woman react that way?
Taking another deep breath, he stepped up to the side of the bed and reached down to cup the uninjured side of her
face. He could hear her heartbeat. The monitor showed her heart beating. Still, he needed to feel it. He wrapped his other hand around her throat and closed his eyes. His leopard settled. He settled. The wild, savage beast that was both leopard and man found strength to just breathe because her heart beat into his palm.
"Ya tebya lyublyu, Evangeline. I need you to open your eyes and look at me. Hear me. Do this for me."
Her pulse jumped beneath his palm. He could feel it. Hear it. A little faster. Maybe a little stronger. She heard him, and he felt the fight in her as her lashes fluttered and she managed to lift them. Her eyes were glazed from the drug, but she recognized him. He saw the relief in her eyes. She was too drugged to try to hide her feelings and it was there for him. Plain as day. He didn't deserve it, he never would deserve it, but he was taking it. That look that told him he was her man. Her choice. She'd made that choice when she'd leapt over the counter and tried to save his life.
"You fight your way through this, woman. You're tough. You're strong. Never in my life have I asked for anything. Never. Not once. But you, you're a fucking miracle and so much a part of me, I don't know how to survive without you. Not intact. Not with my soul, which is so far gone, shredded to pieces. You have to live. I can't make a deal with God, but I can with the devil. He'll recognize me."
She shook her head and that small smile came. When it did, he saw the instant bite of pain from the movement reflected in her eyes.
"Just listen, Evangeline." He bent closer, his lips moving against her ear. "Don't try to make me into a good man, because I'm not. There isn't much left in me at all. Until you. You're the good. Don't take that away from me. Not now. I could manage to get through life because I didn't feel. Anything. Nothing. I existed, and I did what I had to do to survive, but I didn't feel anything doing it. Until you. You're the feeling. Don't take it away from me. Don't take you away."
She turned her head toward him and again he felt and saw her wince. He shook his head and pressed his lips to her forehead. Both eyes. Her nose. The corners of her mouth. "Live for me, Evangeline. Do you understand what's at stake here? What's left of my soul? That's yours. That's your responsibility. Mine is to make you happy for the rest of your life. You keep my soul safe. Because if you're not in this world and I feel the hell every minute of every day, I'll break. You live."
He wasn't flowery. He wasn't a poet. He was raw and brutal and he was telling her the truth. He wasn't a good man. He'd never be a good man. He was shaped into something twisted and ugly. But she made him different. More, she made him want to be more than he was. She made him think about things, reach for things he had never felt were possible for him.
He loved her. He more than loved her. For a man who didn't feel a damned thing other than his leopard raging at him night and day, he was overwhelmed with the emotion he felt for Evangeline. He hadn't known one could feel such love. Even that with him was twisted and dark. His love damned her to the life he led. It wasn't a good one. It was dangerous and he shouldn't be selfish and insist on having her. But it all came back to the fact that he wasn't a good man and he could live with that as long as she could.
She managed another smile for him and this one lit her eyes under the haze of the drug. "No need to make a bargain with the devil, Alonzo, I'll live."
Her voice was a thread of sound, but there was a hint of amusement in it. He didn't find anything humorous in the situation. She just didn't understand what she was getting into with him. He was okay with that for now, as long as she held on for him. He found that his lungs had been squeezed for air. Now they were a little less restricted. He could take a breath and actually breathe.
"Malyutka, I am the devil."
Her smile faded slowly and she shook her head at him. Her lashes drifted down, and he knew she was going under the blanket of the morphine. He kept his hand on her throat. His other hand clasped hers in his. His hand engulfed hers, was so much bigger. He was a giant of a man in comparison to her. He was leopard, with a savage, cunning, fighter of a beast. He had fought countless battles and taken lives, yet his woman, small and fragile, lying there in the hospital bed, had leapt a counter in order to save his life.
He lifted his head to pin the nurse with his frozen stare. She shivered and swallowed, her face paling a little. Good. He wanted her scared. "Why isn't Evangeline in surgery?"
"The surgical team had to be called in. Doc is operating on the other one brought in with her. He called in a second team. They arrived a few minutes ago. The room is already set up so as soon as they're ready for her, I'll take her in."
The woman's voice shook enough that he was satisfied with the answer. She wasn't lying to him, trying to appease him because she thought he might take out his gun and shoot her.
He kept his hands on Evangeline, toed one of the rolling seats and sank onto it beside her bed. He murmured softly to her. Nonsense. Speaking in Italian to further the illusion for the nurse that he was from Italy. It occurred to him that even under the influence of morphine, hurting from several bullet wounds, Evangeline had called him Alonzo, not Fyodor. He might not want his life for her, but she was suited to it.
He pressed her fingers to his forehead, needing her touch. He'd held her all night, her soft body tight against his, and somehow he'd found the strength to keep from taking her. That had cost him, but it also had been important to her so it had been important to him. He had control to give her. He had discipline. He just didn't have the finer points of a relationship down, but he'd damn well learn. For her. He'd learn.
His leopard had gone quiet but now he stretched and pushed toward the surface, wanting to feel his female.
Is she hurt? Why isn't she responding? The anxiety was close, and with the cat's terror came the need for violence. Alonzo understood completely. They'd both been programed to respond that way.
The drug is keeping the pain at bay. She's sleeping, safe and secure inside of Evangeline. Evangeline tried to protect her as well.
He realized that when he was on the floor of the bakery and she'd chosen the angle to hit him. It wasn't her most advantageous to get the job done, but if her leopard were stretched out from the leap and on her right side, or middle, she'd angled in so that the left side of her body was presented to the target, protecting both Alonzo and the cat.
She was brave.
She was foolish, he snapped back, although it was nice to hear the admiration in his leopard's purring voice. The big cat genuinely liked Evangeline and respected her.
Not foolish, his male insisted. Brave. She is worthy of you.
Alonzo felt like pounding his fist into something. Anything. The wall. The floor. A man. The man who had ordered the hit. He needed to find out just who had been that stupid. Evangeline was far too good for him. He wasn't worthy of her, but he was taking her. Keeping her. And this would never happen again.
Another nurse entered, this one dressed from head to toe in surgical garb. "We're ready for her now."
He stood immediately and bent to press his mouth against hers in a final kiss. "Live for me, Evangeline," he reminded.
Her lashes fluttered but didn't lift. Still, that beautiful lower lip of hers curved into a half smile. He stepped back and watched them take her away. His heart accelerated and for a moment his lungs went back to barely being able to breathe. Shaking his head, he stalked down the hall, Sevastyan falling in beside him.
"Jake said to meet him at Emma's room."
Alonzo strode through the hospital, Sevastyan prowling close but giving himself enough room to fight if he had to. His cousin wasn't taking any more chances with his life. Security would be tight for a while. Annoying, but necessary. No one stopped him as he approached Emma's room.
There was a security detail at the entrance and end of the hall as well as on her door, but he recognized the men and they recognized him. Trey Sinclair had worked with Drake Donovan in the rain forest rescuing kidnap victims, and he'd come to help Drake with Jake Bannaconni's security. Dash Boudreux was Dr
ake's brother-in-law, from a lair in the bayou, and he had recently come back from a brief stint working in Borneo.
They nodded at Alonzo as he stepped inside the open doorway. Sevastyan remained outside with the other two guards. Jake sat on the bed with Emma and he didn't look in the least happy.
"You promise me you'll never bring this up again, Emma. I mean it. I won't have it. Not. Ever. Again. Am I making myself clear?"
"You haven't even gone to see our baby, Jake." Emma's voice was very quiet.
With Evangeline in surgery, Alonzo didn't blame Jake in the least for his fury. Terror did that to a man. Evangeline was going to survive because there was no other choice. None. And she was going to have to put up with his crazy protection for a while. At least until the terror faded a little.
"You promise me. We're done with you carrying kids. You were lucky this time. You heard Doc. Whatever the hell happened in that accident made it too dangerous for you to give birth. We're done."
She sighed and shook her head. "I wanted a big family, Jake. You wanted that. I hate that I can't give that to us."
"I want you more. Alive. With me. With Draya and Kyle and this one."
"I need you to go see him. They won't let me, Jake, and I need you to go and make certain he's all right. He'll know if you don't go. His leopard will know. He has to realize right away how important and wanted he is to us."
There were tears in Emma's voice. That was difficult. Having your woman cry was like shredding one's soul. Alonzo had learned that. Evangeline had taught him that lesson.
"Baby, listen to me." Jake's voice gentled. He leaned into his woman and cupped her chin, his thumb sliding gently along her cheek as if he could erase the tears. "I didn't say we wouldn't have more children. You want a dozen, we'll have them. You know I would love every one. We can adopt. We can have a surrogate. I don't care how it's done, only that you don't carry them. Promise me you won't even ask me."
"I heard Doc," Emma whispered. "I wouldn't risk leaving all of you. It's just hard when a doctor tells a woman she can't have any more children. For me, it makes me feel less."
"That's bullshit, Emma." Jake was back to snarling. "No woman is less because she can't have children. And for me, there is no other woman."