“Yes.”
“Such is life.”
“True.”
“But you will be ok.”
My father gave me the reassurance I had been looking for. Its one thing to try and convince myself everything will work out, and even though I know in my heart that it will, it was good to actually hear someone else say it. I realized how much I loved talking to my father.
“I’m sure I will, dad.”
“You will. Just try not to isolate yourself in the process. It’s all about time. I should say, time and timing.”
“Ok.”
“Love you, big man.”
“Thanks for talking, dad. Love you, too.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
BE MYSELF AGAIN
Dexter
I left Kelsey Prescott a message, hoping I would hear from him sooner rather than later. When my phone rang, K. E. Prescott displayed across the screen. I waited for the voice mail to pick up just so I could listen for the slightest hint of forgiveness in Kelsey’s tone. I knew Kelsey very well, and the fact that he was calling me should have been proof enough.
“Stop staring at the phone and pick up,” Kelsey directed as if he was standing behind me, watching my hesitation. “I’m going to call you back, and it better be your voice on the other end, and not some computerized female voice.”
“Hello, sir,” I answered, doing as I was instructed in Kelsey’s message.
“So, we’re addressing each other as ‘sir’ now?”
“I didn’t expect you to call,” I declared.
“Come on, Dex. We’ve been friends for years, and I know you better than to leave a message if you really thought I wasn’t going to call back.”
As Kelseyspoke, he sounded so much like the friend I had come to trust and depend on since we first met in the District Attorney’s office.
When I wasn’t having lunch and dinners with Belinda, Kelsey was my sparring partner. I tried to figure out why we had stopped talking, but I couldn’t think of a good enough reasonat least, I didn’t want to accept what I thought was the reason as the truth. I did know that Kelsey was never a big fan of Patrickhe made it clear every chance he got.
Kelsey saw through everything Patrick claimed to be and had warned me, several times, to end whatever I had with him. Kelsey knew I was too stubborn to listen. I never told him about the accident. Maybe he had heard it through the grapevinethat grapevine was probably Artis, more proof Artis just didn’t know how to keep his mouth to himself. Since Kelsey was one of my best friends, maybe he thought he should have been the first to know. My accident wasn’t exactly a run-and-tell-that situation. I didn’t understand what all the fuss was about.
“So, what time does this send-off start?” Kelsey inquired.
“Supposedly, seven,” I said as I grabbed the invitation to verify.
“Have you spoken with Belinda?” Kelsey questioned.
“As a matter a fact, we went shopping and had a dinner date the other day. And yes, she will be going with us, that is, if you decide to accept.”
“Good! I haven’t seen her in a while. If you speak to her before Saturday, let her know I am looking forward to us hanging out again.”
Not too many things bothered Kelsey, and he would never let a simple misunderstanding ruin our friendship.
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
The doorbell and the phone rang simultaneously. I ignored the phone and ran downstairs, not completely dressed, to answer the door. Since the doorbell rang only once, I knew of only one person who had the patience to wait for someone to answer, without ringing the bell again and again.
“I know I am early, but you know I don’t like sitting around the house after I’m dressed.”
Belinda greeted me with her usual hug, a kiss on the cheeks, and then walked slowly towards the kitchen.
“It won’t take me long to get ready,” I said, and then turned and headed back upstairs.
“Hey, have you heard from Kelsey?” Belinda asked as she stood at the bar, probably pouring a glass of RoussanneVieilles, her favorite.
“Yes, he called. We talked for while. He said he couldn’t wait to hang out with you again,” I stopped in the middle of the stairs and responded.
“So he’s going?”
Belinda walked out the kitchen and stood at the bottom of the stairs, slowly bringing the glass to her lips.
“Isn’t that what I just said? Yes, he should be here any minute. Let him in if he gets here before I am ready.”
“I should let him stand out there.”
“What’s that?”
“Nothing. I said, ok.”
Belinda walked to the living room, picked up the latest issue of Fortune magazine, and sat quietly on the sofa.
After I entered the bedroom, I noticed the blinking light on the phone that sat on the desk in my private office, just off the bedroom. I walked slowly over to the desk, picked up the receiver, pressed the play button, and listened.
Message one: Dexter, Kelsey here. I should be there shortly. Is that crazy girlfriend of yours there yet? See you soon.
Message two: I guess I should take my unreturned phone calls to mean that you don’t have the desire to talk to me. I will be in town in two weeks. Hope I can see you then. I just wanted to check...
I had listened to that message longer than I should have.
Messages deleted.
“Why don’t you just call him, Dexter?”
Belinda’s interjection startled me. She was standing in the doorway with a glass of whatever wine she decided to sample next. I had so many questions to ask, but I didn’t think I would be satisfied with the answers I would be given. What sense did it make? As far as I was concerned, it was too late for I’m sorryor I didn’t know, and I certainly didn’t want to hear if I could doitall over again. It was a little too late for all of that.
“Belinda, I really don’t have anything to say to him right now.”
The doorbell rang and I turned to head downstairs.
“Honey, he’s obviously concerned about you,” Belinda said, trailing behind.
“Concerned?”
I laughed.
The doorbell rang a second time.
“Look, that must be Kelsey,” I continued. “Can we please talk about this another time?”
“Sure, Dexter.”
Belinda walked to the kitchen and placed the glass in the dishwasher. From the kitchen, she heard Kelsey’s voice and ran out to meet him.
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
Dressed in the simplest attire, linen drawstring pants, fitted lacoste polo, and a fabulous chic fedora, slightly tilted to the right, barely shadowing a pair of amber tinted shades, I entered the foyer of Bryus and Trenton’s home. I stood for a moment while Kelsey and Belinda walked ahead. I adjusted the fedora, making sure it was hiding my scar perfectly. I didn’t want my unfortunate accident getting any attention. Realizing I had distanced myself, Belinda turned to make sure I hadn’t chickened out and left. Why would I? I had promised Bryus and Trenton I would attend. If I had missed it, whatever my excuse, I would not be forgiven.
The atmosphere was warm and inviting. As I entered the living room, Bryus and Trenton stood at the bottom of the stairs with Champaign in hand, as if they had been alerted of our arrival.
“Family and friends, well assuming you guys are friends,” Bryus paused as if he had calculated a moment of laughter. He can be serious at times, but this was a night for fun. “Thank you for coming to Dexter’s welcome-back party,” he continued.
Bryus and Trenton looked at each other and smiled. I looked at Belinda as she moved to hug to me. Damn her, I thought.
“What do they mean my welcome-back party? Did you know about this?” I whispered as Belinda and I embraced. Bryus and Trenton walked over, gave me a big hug, and handed me a glass of wine.
“Honey, I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you, believe me, I did. But I thought it would be a wonderful surprise. You needed it.” Belinda
was elated that the planned surprise had worked, and she had everything to do with it.
“But, you suck at keeping secrets, and yet you succeeded at keeping this one… and from me.”
“Trust me, this wasn’t easy. If I had to bite my tongue one more time, it was going to fall off.”
“Oh, she begged us not to involve her. Telling her a secret and expecting her to keep it is like taking a bucket with holes to the well and expecting it to hold water,” Trenton joked.
“But what about your going-away dinner that I was invited to?” I asked as I tried to control the emotions that were building up inside me.
“Trenton did get a promotion, but he opted to stay here.”
Bryus looked at Trenton and smiled.
“And you knew about this too?” I turned once again to Belinda
“I did. Actually, your invitation was the only one announcing a going-away dinner. And so, you know….”
“I love you guys,” I interrupted. “Group hug,” I summoned.
I was laughing and crying all at once. I couldn’t control my tears, and now, I really wasn’t trying to. Who better to celebrate with? All the people who were important to me were there. Longtime friends and teammates on my college track team, Rashaad and Brent,were there. Courtland and Jacqueline were there, too. Small world isn’t it. I had no idea those two were involved. They had my favorite foods, my favorite drinks, and the best part was that everyone was having a good time. I really needed that.
Kelsey stood in the center of the dining room, lightly tapped his champagne flute, and gently cleared his throat. He did all that just to get the crowds attention.
“I would like to make a toast. Dexter, we’ve known each other for years. You’ve always been there for me, and I love you.”
“Thanks, Kel. I love you, too.”
The champagne, the wine, and the alcohol kept coming, and I kept drinking. Belinda must have reached her limit, since she started laughing at everything. She was having a good time, too.
“I have something to say.”
She raised her glass, saw that it was empty, and demanded a refill.
“Who invited Karen?”
Every one laughed at the Will and Grace comparison. I wasn’t sure who made the joke, but it was funny.
“Can someone get another drink for the town drunk in the corner, please?”
Again, laughter erupted. That sounded like Bryus.
“There’s nothing wrong with eating, drinking, and... Damn it, you know the rest.”
Belinda was stumbling over words and everything else.
“Girl, say your toast before you forget,” Rashaad demanded. “She’s not driving is she? Seize her keys,” he continued.
Man,did I really forget how to have fun. Things could not have been that bad, I thought.
“Oh, yes. To my best friend, Dexter. It’s great to see you smile again. You will always have your friends. I love you.”
“Here. Here,” the crowd responded in unison.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
AND NEVER LET GO
Trevor
I wasn’t expecting to meet anyone anytime soon. That wasn’t where my head was, and that definitely wasn’t where my heart was. When I saw him walking past as if he knew all eyes were on him, I couldn’t help but look. He caught my eye, and if you ask me, that was his intention.
Everything about him screamed confidence: his walk, the way he sensuously licked his lips when he knew you couldn’t help but stare at him, even if you weren’t aware. When he talked, those he spoke with felt at ease, and blushed, smiling almost girlishly. I took my eyes off him for what I thought was a brief moment, so I didn’t notice this man walking towards me. His walk was focused and calculating, and with each step, his eyes remained fixed on meprobably his target for the night.
“Someone told me you were looking for company,” he said in a husky, age-appropriate voice.
“That someone obviously doesn’t know me too well,” I responded.
He hadn’t said more than two words and I liked him already. I wasn’t desperate, and I wasn’t going to do anything to come off that way.
“That may be true, but since I made it this far, and fought off just about everyone who had their eyes on you, do you mind?”
“I think there’s enough room here for the two of us.”
“Too much space,” the stranger said, smiling.
Space, I thought. This man was coming on a little strong, and as hard as I tried not to smile, it was next to impossible. I quickly hid my smile with the Cosmo he had handed to me.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Does it matter if I say no? Besides, I don’t remember you asking if you could come over here, or if I was, indeed, drinking, so I…” I smiled. “Before you start asking questions, why don’t you tell me something, like your name, to start.”
“Are you always this hard to penetrate?”
Interesting choice of words, I thought. I wasn’t sure how to respond, but figured this man had had enough of my sarcasm.
“I don’t know. I haven’t had enough practice,” I smiled and took another a sip from my glass.
“I like the fact that you can be in this place and seem not to focus on all that is happening around you.”
“Is that all?” I asked, coldly.
“Maybe,” he paused. “So how can I get to know you?”
“What makes you think I want to be known?”
“Well damn. You have such seriousness about you, but it’s something I find very attractive.”
There was a moment of awkward silence.
“Jackson Bradley,” he leaned over and whispered. “Anything else you want to know, feel free to ask.”
“Pleasure to meet you.”
I was enjoying our exchange, so I decided to let down the wall I had been building around me.
“And what should I call you, or do you not think you know me well enough to share?”
“Share what?” I asked, seemingly paying more attention to the drink.
“Your name,” Jackson clarified. “Oh, and it wouldn’t hurt to smile more.”
I smiled to appease him.
“That’s it,” Jackson said, pointing at my parted lips.
“It’s Trevor,” I responded. “Trevor Harrison,” I repeated, taking another sip of my drink.
“It’s nice to meet you Trevor. Trevor Harrison,” Jackson smiled.
I managed to muster another smile. I could almost hear Kelvin telling me, “Baby, you don’t smile enough” when we’re together, and that it almost seemed as if I wasn’t happy to be with him. The latter wasn’t true. I looked forward to every moment I spent with Kelvin, and enjoyed doing everything we did. I had my reasons for not smiling, and it had nothing to do with not being happy. I was caught up in my own thoughts. Jackson tapped my shoulder to get my attention.
“A drink for your thoughts?” Jackson asked.
I probably would have settled for the penny everyone else offered. I wasn’t going to tell Jackson that I was thinking about my ex, again. Jackson was getting very comfortable, standing close but not too close, talking a lot, yet not dominating the conversation. I wasn’t a big drinker and would have preferred a glass of water with lemon since I had reached my two-drink limit for the night. I had had just enough to enjoy my surroundings without going over the edge. I tried not to drink beyond that point since drunk was a feeling I didn’t exactly want to repeat after the one time I experienced it. Jackson returned with another Cosmo and bottled water.
“Here, just in case you’ve had enough,” he said, handing me the water and placing the Cosmo on the table.
Jackson was as close to everything I liked in a guyat least in his physical appearance. He was the 6-foot plus basketball player type that had been the one common thread in any of the men I’d been with. He was long in the torso and legs, with broad and sculpted shoulders that showed through the thin long sleeve muscle white shirt he wore. That night, I learned
so much about Jackson.
He was president of the S.G.A. at Stonewall Hardy Senior High School, where he graduated valedictorian. I had never seen him before so I wasn’t sure if Jackson was from the area or just visiting for the weekendI didn’t bother to ask. I thought if he were just visiting, then the chance of seeing him again was slim to nonethat was just my luck.
There was something about Jackson I already liked. He was tall. His complexion was dark and cool, and he had an attractive personalityif there’s such a thing. When we danced, I rested my head on his chest and attempted to enjoy the moment. He daringly stole a kiss on my collarbone, and I smiled at his audacity. I went drifting into this place I hadn’t allowed myself to go in a long time. Jackson’s chest was rock hard, and as he wrapped his arms around me, for the first time in a long while, I felt secure. I never imagined I would experience this feeling in someone else’s arms.
As we danced, I caressed Jackson’s back, and his chiseled muscles did not disappoint. I was enjoying Jackson, and since I wasn’t sure how long it would last, I permitted myself take pleasure in the moment. Jackson had these piercing eyes, and when he looked at you, it seemed you were the only thing that mattered. I had spent most of the night being a permanent fixture close to a wall. Now with Jackson, I felt I could dance all night long. I lost count of how many songs we danced. When Jackson was tired of dancing and wanted to mingle, and I was sure he would leave me on the dance floor, Jackson took my hand and together we navigated the crowd. Others tried to get his attention, but the interest obviously wasn’t there, because even as he entertained them, he never let me go. He was everyone’s focus that nightyou know, the new face in town. I never wanted the night to end, but like all good things, it had to. In that brief moment, I felt the chance to love again hadn’t died with everything else.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
YOU STILL MEAN THE WORLD TO ME
Trevor
Nothing I did settled the nervous feeling I felt in the pit of my stomach when I awoke. Sleep, especially, wasn’t easy since I had spent most of the night thinking about seeing Kelvin again for the first time in months. Too much time had passed, and even though time had no affect on my feelings for Kelvin, I worried that there might by some change in how Kelvin felt about me.