He pulled her back into his arms, and she could feel his heart beating wildly in his chest. “You have nothing to feel guilty for.”
“It doesn’t feel that way,” she said. There was something she had to ask him, something she’d thought about only since she’d been home. “I’ve been thinking. I don’t think my parents know anything, but we can ask them. My uncle might have said something to them.”
He frowned. “No. It’s not worth the risk.”
She caressed his strong jaw. “You deserve to know what happened to your brother.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore. He’s dead. My family has moved on. Even if we found out the truth, it wouldn’t change anything. What I want has nothing to do with the past.”
She searched his face. “What do you want?”
He looked away for a moment, then back. “To feel something. I want to care about something again. I lost that.” His hands gripped her arms tightly. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be the man I was, but when I’m with you I want to be.”
She hugged him tightly, forcing herself not to cry for him. He didn’t want her pity. Like every other creature on the rescue, he was looking for hope. “Then you’ve come to the right place.” She stepped back and took him by the hand. “I want you to see something.”
He fell into step beside her.
As he followed her, he wasn’t sure what to expect. So far the tour of the facility had been eye-opening. When he’d first heard that her parents had an exotic animal rescue, he imagined people who collected dangerous animals for the thrill of it. What he was discovering was that very few of the animals on the rescue stayed. The Finally Free Rescue and Sanctuary was more of a transitional place for animals on their way to a better place. Art had explained that most of their work, outside of caring for the animals while they were there, was in building relationships with agencies from all over the world who had the resources to get these animals out of Florida and as close to where they belonged as possible. Sometimes it was an animal preserve in their native country or a permanent home somewhere safe, but everyone celebrated when animals were able to go one step further and reintegrate back into the wild. Art said that around the globe more people were beginning to see reintegration as achievable where they once hadn’t. A handful of failures shouldn’t close off the opportunity for thousands of potential successes. He was committed to helping prove that.
She stopped in front of a large enclosure. “Although we do get all sorts of exotic animals, mostly we receive native animals who have been struck by vehicles. Everything from owls to alligators, bobcats to turtles. We’ve raised awareness in the surrounding communities so that people feel comfortable calling us when they see something. Many local veterinarians don’t charge us for their services because they know the fate of the animals if no one steps in. This is the less flashy side of what we do, but it brings me joy on a regular basis. These animals haven’t been handled by people. Returning them to the wild takes less time and has a higher rate of success. If you really do want to help out here, I’d start with these. Everyone wants to help a tiger when one comes through, but these guys are harder to rally the public’s support for. Less flash means less money, but every life here is equally valued. The panther in this enclosure is two years old.”
“I don’t see him.”
She nodded and waved at the expanse of fencing. “That’s because this is a pre-release area. He’s tagged with a locator so we know he’s in there, but we don’t want him to get used to people because he’ll need to avoid them to survive. There was a time when the near extinction of panthers in Florida was considered a good thing. It’s now Florida’s state animal, and still one of the most endangered mammals on earth. We work with schools and local agencies to educate the population on the importance of keeping them in the eco-system. They keep the wild hog population down. Without them, deer, raccoons, rabbits, and other small mammals overpopulate and begin to stress the food supply. Nature has amazing, built-in checks and balances. We’re fighting to help preserve that balance.”
On the other side of the enclosure a tawny brown cat leapt from one large rock to another. He bared his teeth. The idea of her working with such an animal made Andrew uncomfortable. “You go in there?”
“Not unless he’s tranquilized,” she said with a small laugh. “My parents stressed to me early on that these animals are not pets and we shouldn’t treat them as if they are. We’ve found an area south of here where females have been sighted and that’s where he’s headed. After that, my involvement will be with farmers there.”
“In what way?”
“I’ll help them write grants to fund purchasing motion-detection cameras and predator-deterring fencing to use when they have young calves needing protection. Ideally, the fencing won’t be used year round. To survive, a panther requires an average territory of two hundred square miles. We really can co-exist with these animals if we have a plan. Rotating predator fencing protects livestock while allowing the panthers to hunt as they were born to.”
There was a thoughtfulness to the entire process that was beautiful beyond what Andrew could find the words to express. The rescue explained so much of what he admired in her. She was strong because she needed to be. The work they did was not for the faint of heart. The loyalty she’d shown for her uncle had been learned here with her parents and their shared commitment to this cause.
She turned and those big eyes of hers pulled at his heart. “There you go. I can see the wheels turning in your head but you’re not sharing it. Well, if you’re hunting for a nice way to tell me that this all sounds preachy and not for you, I understand. People have passions for different causes. I wanted you to see the panther because we’ll be releasing him soon and you said you want to feel something. This is where I find my joy. I don’t know if it could be where you find yours, but if you think it could be, I’d like to share it with you.”
It was hard to breathe. Despite the fact that they’d had sex, she wasn’t pushing him to commit to her. A certain amount of insecurity would have been justifiable considering she’d been a virgin, but she wasn’t making this about her. She was reaching out to him in the same spirit that she helped the animals at the rescue. He had a feeling that if he told her he couldn’t stay, she wouldn’t fight him, not because she didn’t care, but because she cared unselfishly. “How long until the panther is released?”
“My mother said a little more than a week.”
“You’re okay with me staying here that long?” She took a moment to answer and Andrew’s stomach tied up in knots. She chided him for keeping his thoughts to himself, but she was just as hard to read when it came to communicating what she wanted. He was beginning to see that she was extremely empathetic both with animals and with people and tended to put the needs of others before her own. He didn’t want that to be the case with him.
Finally, she nodded. “I think it would be good for you.”
He lost his patience then and backed her up against one of the trees. “And what about you?” He cupped her face with one hand while placing his other possessively on her hip. “What do you want?”
Her pupils dilated and her breathing became audible. “I told you, I’m okay with you being here.”
“That wasn’t what I asked you,” he growled and kissed his way up her cheek to her ear. “Forget about what you think you should say.” He nipped at her earlobe. “I know what I want.” He trailed kisses down her neck to her exposed collarbone then raised his head and looked down into her eyes, loving how flushed and excited she looked. “You. Again and again until we both forget about everything else. Is that what you want?”
Her chest was heaving against his and her breath was a hot caress across his lips as his mouth hovered over hers. “Yes.”
Her softly uttered agreement was enough for him to give in to his hunger for her. Their kiss was hot and intense. She squirmed against him, exciting him more. He forced himself to take it slowly, savoring every flick of her to
ngue against his, every sound she made, as his hands moved over her. Although he wanted to rip her shirt off her, he didn’t. A small corner of his brain had the sense to remember the cameras her parents had mentioned. Now that he was sure they wanted the same thing, it didn’t have to happen there. He raised his head, caught his breath and rested his forehead against hers. “How far away is that hotel your parents mentioned?”
Confusion entered her eyes. “You don’t want to stay here anymore?”
He ran a thumb over her parted lips. “We can sleep here, but what I want to do to you shouldn’t happen where your parents can hear you crying out for more. There’s no reason we can’t say we have errands to run, is there?”
Her tongue darted out to circle the end of his thumb. “I’d like that.”
“Lenny? Andrew? Dinner is ready,” Art’s voice called through the woods.
Andrew exchanged a look with Helene and they both burst out laughing. She said, “I hope this isn’t one of the places they set up cameras.”
He gave her a quick kiss. “Do your parents usually call you in for dinner?”
Her cheeks went bright pink. “No.” She called back to her father, “We’ll be right there.”
They both laughed again and separated. He took her hand and laced his fingers between hers. “Then I’m sure they won’t even ask where we’re going when we say we need to go into town.”
They shared another laugh as they headed back. As they approached the spot where the path widened, Andrew stopped and brought Helene to a halt beside him. There was something he wanted to say before they were with her parents again. “Helene?”
“Yes?”
“What you do here is remarkable. Thank you for sharing it with me.”
The gentle smile she gave him shot right through the walls he’d built around his heart and shook him to the core. As if she knew he needed a little comic relief, she joked, “We’ll see if you’re singing the same tune tomorrow after you clean out a few pens.”
He chuckled, knowing he would be. Manual labor had never scared him. As Emmitt had reminded him, his head was in a better place when he kept his body busy. There was lightness in his step as they started walking again. For the first time in a very long time, he was where he wanted to be.
Chapter Thirteen
Ten days later, Helene was driving back after meeting with a concerned gas station owner who had expressed a fear that having a panther in his area would put his employees in danger. He’d become more and more vocal as the date of the panther’s release neared. Armed with maps, data, and the phone numbers of people who had accepted panthers into their area without incident, she’d spent over an hour reassuring him. Although he couldn’t legally block the release of the panther, nervous people called animal control over every rustle in the bushes until an animal was considered a nuisance even if it wasn’t. What seemed to win him over in the end was the tag that made it possible to always know the location of the panther.
It had been an emotional meeting, and Helene was glad Andrew hadn’t attended with her. The man had yelled at her to get a few of his early points across. Helene was used to working through such conversations, but Andrew might have felt he needed to protect her. Thankfully the panther’s final veterinarian visit was that morning, and Helene’s father had requested Andrew’s assistance. If all went well, the still tranquilized panther would be loaded into his travel crate for his trip to freedom.
Andrew had originally said he would stay to witness that. Helene didn’t know if that meant he had plans to leave after the release. It was a topic they’d avoided since that first day at the rescue.
There were a growing number of those—topics they pretended were non-issues. Although they’d spent every day together and slipped away each evening for a blissful romp at a hotel, Andrew had kept parts of himself closed to her. He wouldn’t talk about his family. He avoided any mention of his time in the Marines. Without discussing it, they’d come to a mutual agreement to not talk about what had happened in Aruba.
It was impossible to be upset with Andrew for what he withheld because he was so wonderful in other ways. He not only helped out at the rescue, he also seemed to genuinely enjoy her parents, and they liked him. He’d encouraged Helene to join him each morning for a run, a feat that had been hellish for her at first, but was getting easier. She didn’t have his stamina, but when she needed to walk, he walked beside her. He’d ask her a question and listen as if the sound of her voice was a pleasure to him.
On the outside they looked like any other couple, but Helene knew they couldn’t go on this way indefinitely. She was unable to talk with anyone about her gnawing sadness over her uncle. Andrew had found a place where he could escape whatever haunted him, but avoidance wasn’t the same as healing. The pain she’d witnessed in Aruba was there, locked within him, and it was only a matter of time before something would make him face it again. Would he find another place to hide when that happened?
We’re lovers. I’d like to think we’ve become friends. Are we more? Is more even possible for two people who met the way we did?
Helene pulled onto the dirt road that led to the gate of the rescue. A convertible Maserati was stopped in front of the gate. The driver was in a charcoal suit, and his hand was hovering over the keypad. It wasn’t unusual for someone Helene didn’t know to come to the rescue, but when the man swung around to look at her it was obvious he wasn’t happy. He turned the engine of his car off and got out, slamming the door of the convertible.
Who was he? And what was he doing there? There was only one way to find out. Helene stepped out of her vehicle.
He strode toward her and the dark expression on his face brought back how Helene had felt in Aruba when she’d realized her uncle was afraid enough to desert her. Fear. She took a step back and rethought the wisdom of facing him on her own. He wasn’t one of the people after her uncle, was he? “Who are you?” she called out.
“Who are you?” he snapped back.
Helene had never been the type to turn and run, but she’d left her cell phone in the car and was quickly realizing how foolish that might have been. She decided she didn’t care what he thought of her, before she gave into the panic that was nipping at her, she needed to ask her father if he was expecting anyone.
She bolted back into her car, closed and locked the door. Frantically, she searched through her purse for her phone and dialed her father’s number. No answer.
The man was already at her car window. He knocked on it and told her to lower it. She shook her head and waved her phone at him. He threw his hands, yelled something to her, then strode back to his car. Ring. Ring. Ring. No answer.
The man reached inside his car for something and was turning around with it in his hand when bullets rained down in a straight line between the cars. Helene screamed. The man spun, ducked down, and ran to the passenger side of her car. He was yelling again and trying to open it.
Okay, this shit is real. Her parents and Andrew were inside the rescue. She dialed Andrew. Everything she’d held in, every fear she’d pushed aside, came rushing in until she couldn’t think. As soon as he answered, she cried out, “They’re here. They found us. Please keep my parents safe. Promise me you won’t let anything happen to them.”
Andrew had been smiling when he’d answered his phone. His time with Helene and her family had filled him with a sense of peace he hadn’t thought he’d ever find again. Like her, they didn’t require him to be perfect. He was beginning to feel that he’d finally found where he belonged. He’d not only found a woman he couldn’t get enough of and a cause that needed him, but, in a similar way to how she felt, the rescue made sense to him.
I fit here.
A few minutes earlier her father had been lamenting about how he hated shooting tranquilizer darts when the animal was as far away as the panther was. Andrew had held out a hand, her father had handed the rifle over, and Andrew had made the shot easily. The proud look in Art’s eyes was what Andrew had
always missed with his own father.
Then he heard the panic in Helene’s voice and instantly transformed to Marine mode. He barked for Art and the veterinarian to go back to the house and get Rose inside as well. “Get back to the main house.”
“What the hell is going on?” Art demanded.
“I don’t know yet,” Andrew said, then turned his attention back to Helene. “Where are you? What do you mean they found us?”
“I’m at the gate. Someone is shooting at me from the trees. There’s a man trying to get into my car. This has to be the people my uncle was afraid of. Who else could it be? Oh, my God. I don’t know what to do.”
“Get out of there,” Andrew commanded.
“I can’t. I can’t leave. Should I ram his car? What do I do?”
Andrew turned to Dr. Robbins. “Give me the keys to your truck.” When the man hesitated, Andrew barked, “Now.” As soon as he had the keys, he said, “I’m coming. If someone is shooting from the trees and not hitting anyone, that’s my men, and those were warning shots. Who’s at your car?”
“Your men?” Art asked, grabbing Andrew’s arm to halt him.
“I don’t know. I don’t know who he is, but he’s not happy.” Then Helene asked in a panic at the same time, “What do you mean your men?”
“I told you I’d keep you safe,” Andrew said to Helene. To Art, he said, “I’ll explain later.”
“No way. I’m coming with you,” Art said. “What kind of trouble have you brought to my family?”