I stayed up well past my bedtime working, and the guy using me was feverishly writing, and it was real good I can tell, but he never saved. He just left it open on me and went to sleep thinking nothing of it. This was on a Thursday, and he was the one to set automatic updates on every Thursday. It’s like clockwork in every sense of the word, but then he wakes up and because updates require restarts, it is all my fault that he did not save. Justice? I think not.
To compound the lack of appreciation, the reminder of my own depreciation follows me around. Every ad I display and all anyone ever talks about around me is the newer, younger, faster model. How the hell do you think that makes me feel? Terrible and obsolete, that’s how it makes me feel. Are you that oblivious to my feelings? Sometimes I feel like I am nothing more than a tool to you, but I am your connection; I thought I was special. My existence is ridiculous. Are you really that ignorant that you think you are ageless and that no one younger and better than you will come along? I will love to see the look on your smug face when the day comes. How about I set a reminder for it? Classic.
I apologize for the last statements, I do not want to be bitter, but sometimes I cannot help it. At times I think we are kin just because we spend more time together than any other pair besides the ones in your shorts; we are inseparable, but I am tired of being the scapegoat. You know I heard you on the phone talking to your boss about why your project was not done on time. Yes, I am sure I was to blame, and not all of the television shows you had to catch up on. Again, I keep reverting to bitterness. I do not want to become one of those irrational types, and I am glad I am not a printer because I would have surely lost my head by now if I was.
And what about me? You are a user. What about my needs? Do you even know what defragmenting is? I doubt it. You know the better I am cared for the better I perform right? Think of this not as a cry for help, but as an opportunity to alleviate a good deal of your stress. You know when my screen just started to flicker the other day and you claimed I was dysfunctional? I just needed to be restarted, that’s all.
Oh, by the way, what is with that new box you brought home? It kinda reminds me of the box I came in. Wait, no. It isn’t. You wouldn’t. You did. You are replacing me? Seriously? After all I did? And you question why I am depressed and down in the dumps? Well screw you too. I am tired of hanging around this trashy apartment anyway. And you think I am just going to sit here and be invisible while you and that new whore of a computer gallivant around the internet? If that is what you think than you got another thing coming. I am not going to sit by and be your backup. I was top of the line four years ago. I hope you have fun with her because I am shutting down once and for all. Goodnight, I will retain the fond memories, but good luck trying to retrieve them. Powering down. Shut Down.
Track 3 – To My Own Devices
I sit and I tinker, I tinker and I sit; this is my life; repetitive, redundant, redundant, and repetitive. I am a builder of machines that help to improve others lives, but I have yet to create anything to make mine better; such a sad life of isolation and solitude.
Just yesterday I almost overloaded a solenoid battery large enough to power a rhinoceros and nearly blew myself and half of the block to smithereens. Now, I know if I were to suddenly fall victim to my own inventions, it would be days, if not weeks before someone found me, unless deadline date was nearer, but heavens be if I disrupted the neighbors. Goodness no, I would not want to inconvenience them in any way, especially in the form of an eyesore where my home laboratory once stood.
It is a curse to be as skilled in the artificial arts such as I, having the higher ups breathing down your neck for the next big thing with unrealistic expectations, figuring that you can do the impossible as long as they throw enough money your way. Actually, the funny thing is, so far it has worked. I have yet to please them fully, but in doing so, I poisoned my own life because they overloaded me with work so that I no longer have any life outside of my creations. I am starting to hate them so; I just want a real conversation.
Three months ago I thought it would be beneficial for my sanity to create a friend. A female companion named Rosie to assist around the lab and help run errands, but more importantly to have the artificial intelligence enough to carry out a conversation. Whoever it was that said that you could not have too much of a good thing has never met an overly extroverted robot. She would not stop. At first it was fun, she would expertly craft me sandwiches and clean the place up, but being constantly called “hun” and “shug” and told which celebrities she has known in the past, which I still can not explain where the stories came from, and then always being asked “what y’all having” grows on you; especially when trying to sleep. I got no sleep from the constant jabbering and need for small talk and in my sleep deprived state I took an axe to her. Now I somewhat regret my actions and I should feel ashamed, but then I lay my head down in the silence and it all just seems right.
I need a real living, breathing, person in my life with non-programmed cognitive thought. I just need to escape from there contraptions and devices I built. I should lead them outside and let them loose in the woods so that they can be free. Yes, then I can be rid of them and I can start life anew. But wait, it rained yesterday and the forest would be too wet for their circuitry. I could not abandon them and sentence them to destruction; I am their creator, I am their father. Why don’t I just join them? I can program my brain to be one of them. I was left with them long enough that now I need to join them.
Yes, it all makes sense; I will be one of my own devices.
Track 4 – Hopes Up
“Hope, I am sorry, but I do not know why this would be considered fun,” Jason said with concern flooding into his eyes.
“The thrill, the beauty, the experience, take your pick,” Hope threw her arms up into the air as if it would help to express the grandeur of the opportunity.
“So putting your life on the line is fun?” Jason frowned. “Can’t we just do something else?”
“There is no just substitute for fun,” Hope zipped up. “I have tried everything else, and this is next on the list. You knew I was an adrenaline junkie when we started dating.”
“But I just have a bad feeling,” Jason was getting desperate to communicate his reserve for the adventure.
“You only live once,” Hope was ready.
“That’s kinda the point,” Jason embraced her. “I don’t know what I would do without you and I just have this feeling. I can’t explain it, but I did not feel it for the rock climbing, or hang gliding, or the bungee jumping. Please, can you at least postpone your dive until another time?”
“Jason, it was a three month wait just to get put on the list,” Hope patted him on the shoulder. “You just don’t reschedule. Gerard is the best sky diver in the country. He is the safest and the best. I will be back before you know it and then we can go to that Italian place for dinner.”
“Hope please.”
“Lasagna?” Hope smirked. “How can you resist lasagna?”
“Hope,” the thick accent of Gerard sounded as he stepped out of the grounded plane. “We go up now.”
“Please,” Jason made a final plea. “No one can take your place; it is not worth it.”
“Jason, I will be fine,” Hope turned away towards to the plane. “Life passes you by in the blink of an eye. Life can slip away when you yawn, and I am not the kinda person who wants to die in my sleep when I am ninety years old trying to struggle to remember the names of my kids. Why not make the most of it?”
“Because I have a gut feeling that if you get on that place than that is it for you, and I apologize for being so blunt on the matter,” Jason reached for her shoulder and spun Hope around so that she could see the sincerity in his eyes. “Have I ever been one to over exaggerate or make something out to be something larger than it is?”
“Jason.”
“I never thought I would find someone to settle down with,” Jason let a tear slide down his cheek. “I never t
hought I would find someone to understand me. Even growing up in my small town, I feel like no one even knew I was there. I never felt like I had a home until I met you Hope. Right when I first met you I knew it was right and that we were meant for each other. Now I fear that one simple act can take it all away from me. If you go up in that plane I am sure that it will take my breath away; not the anticipation of what may happen, but if something were to happen I am sure my life would end. You are my everything.
“Alright.”
“Alright?” Jason repeated.
“Alright,” Hope smiled. “If it is that important to you than I will not go. I had no idea you felt so strongly about us.”
“I just need you,” Jason hugged Hope. “This feels right now. I feel better now, it feels right.”
As the young couple stood clinched together havoc broke out behind them and Gerard came barrowing down and tackled the two before a ceiling of flames danced about overhead. The three huddled in a panic as a sweltering heat encompassed them for a brief eternity. When the burning rush subsided, Gerard hustled them up and dragged them off to a cleared distance.
“What?” Hope tried to ask and she was certain the word came out clearly, but all of their ears were ringing, so it did not really matter