“Please, Audra. I know how this looks.”
“It doesn’t look like anything. You’re right, that is what the wind wants.”
“Riiiiiiiiight,” he says. “So then . . . why are you saying that through gritted teeth?”
I relax my jaw. “Just because I agree with it, doesn’t mean I have to like it.”
I try to weave around him, but he manages to block me.
“If you think I’m letting you leave like this, you’re crazy,” he says. “I’ll be super annoying if I have to—we both know I’m good at it. Wait, is that a smile?”
I hadn’t realized my lips had twisted.
“Please,” he says as my face falls back to a frown. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter.”
“It does to me.” He sighs when I stay silent. “This isn’t you. You’re not like this.”
“Like what?”
“Like . . .” He tears his hands through his hair, clearly realizing this is a make-or-break answer. “You’re confident. And smart. And beautiful. And you have to know that I trust you more than anyone. You’re the only girl who has ever—seriously ever—mattered to me. I loved you even when I thought you were imaginary. Even when you were throwing bugs at my head and dragging me out of bed at five a.m. for training. I waited for you when you left me with only three words and a dusty jacket—and when you broke our bond, I kept holding on anyway. I’ve never had even the slightest doubt that you’re the one I want—and I don’t give a crap if anyone disagrees. So please don’t let this stupid, unimportant detail make you question any of that.”
It’s another really great speech.
My heart begs me to believe it.
But . . .
I take a deep, slow breath.
“Then why did you turn away?” I whisper. “When I tried to . . .”
I can’t say it.
He reaches for my chin, tilting my face to look at him.
“That wasn’t what I wanted to do. But I was trying to do the right thing. You’d been a prisoner for days. And Gus had just died. And . . . I wanted to make sure . . .” He looks away. “I didn’t want to be something you regretted a few hours or days or months later. I owed you a chance to really figure out what you wanted.”
“You’re sure you didn’t also want some time to figure out what you want?” I have to ask.
The only thing I’ve ever had to offer Vane is my protection. And now the sky has rejected me as his guardian, and handed my job over to the same girl the Gales chose for him.
Vane takes a step closer. “I know what I want, Audra. It’s you. Only you.”
“He’s not lying,” another voice says behind me.
I cringe.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Solana says as she joins us. “But I figured, since this is kind of about me, I should probably be a part of it—a quick part,” she adds, holding out her hands to calm Vane. “There’s really only one thing I want to say. Well, I suppose it’s several things, but it all relates to the same theme.”
“I thought this was going to be quick,” Vane grumbles.
“It is,” Solana says, scooting closer to me. She waits for me to look at her before she says, “The thing is . . . I want what you have.”
Vane groans. “Somebody please kill me now.”
“Oh, relax,” Solana tells him. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
She bites her lip, and a bit of her confidence slips as she tells me, “I know you think I’ve been making some sort of sneaky play for him all this time—and I guess I’d be lying if I said there weren’t moments when I was—”
“I knew it,” Vane mutters.
“You’re not helping yourself,” she warns him. “But yeah, I’ll admit, part of me wanted to know if I could change his mind—and I figured I had a right to try, since he was betrothed to me first. So I wore my favorite dresses. I tried to give him a chance to get to know me. And none of it mattered—which is what I mean about wanting what you have. I want someone who looks at me the way I see him look at you. And while I’m at it, I want someone who treats other girls the way he treated me: always polite—well, mostly—but also always so careful to stop himself from crossing even the tiniest of lines. It was frustrating when I was trying to get his attention. But in a weird, backward way, it showed me what I’m missing. So before I face this final battle, maybe it’s time we settle things.”
She turns back to Vane, giving him a sad smile as she holds out her wrist and unclasps the wide golden band of their link.
Someone gasps and I realize Os has moved close enough to eavesdrop.
“Not a word over there,” Solana tells him as she grabs Vane’s hand and drops the link onto his palm. “I’m not going to bond myself to a guy who’s hopelessly in love with someone else.”
“So you’re ready to walk away from your heritage?” Os asks her. “Ready to hand the crown over to her?”
“Assuming, of course, that Audra is still even interested in our king,” Aston says as he sidles up to join us.
Vane sighs. “Thanks, dude. And you know what? Let’s talk about that for a second. I was going to wait until everything with Raiden was actually settled. But assuming we survive”—his voice cracks on the last word—“I don’t want to come back to a mess of drama. If we beat Raiden today, you have to consider my plan.”
“And what exactly is that?” Os asks.
Vane focuses on Solana before he tells Os, “We follow the same model as the wind. Four languages. Four rulers. None of this one-king-to-rule-them-all crap. Humans have been trying that for centuries and it’s never gone well—and it hasn’t exactly been awesome for you guys either. But you saw how well the power of four worked when it had each of us channeling our own language. Why would it be any different when it comes to ruling our people?”
“Because four leaders would do nothing but dispute and dissent,” Os argues.
“Or maybe they’d balance each other,” Vane snaps back. “We could keep each other in check. Make sure a power trip like Raiden’s never happens again. Come on, you have to admit the idea makes sense.”
Silence follows.
Even the sky seems to be holding its breath.
I can’t decide if I should be impressed that Vane put so much thought into this, or sad that I’m hearing his plan the same time as everyone else.
“I suppose it depends on the four,” Aston says after a moment. “Vane would obviously be the Westerly.”
“Yeah, I can’t seem to dodge that one,” Vane agrees. “And Solana should be the Southerly.”
“And I suppose you want her to be the Easterly?” Os snaps, pointing at me.
“Audra’s fought harder for our cause than almost anybody,” Solana says before I can form a reply. “I’d be honored to serve alongside her.”
“As would I,” Vane adds. “Assuming that’s what she wants to do.”
“Well, isn’t this working out conveniently,” Os mutters. “So who did you have in mind for the Northerly?”
“That one’s harder,” Vane admits. “It should’ve been Gus. But since he’s gone . . . what about Aston? He made an awesome fourth today. And he survived Raiden’s fortress longer than anyone.”
“And cracked under the pressure,” Os reminds us.
“I’d like to see you do better,” Solana snaps. “Besides, what better way to make sure the Northerlies never stray down Raiden’s path again than to have their leader be someone who’s tasted his power and found the strength to escape it?”
“Careful, you’re going to make me blush,” Aston says. “Plus, I’m betting our captain was planning to nominate himself.”
Os denies it, of course. But I can see the shift in his expression. That quick glint of power, mixed with hunger.
Which is exactly why it should never be him.
“We’re not taking nominations,” Os says. “I’m not even sure why we’re discussing this.”
“Because I’m about to pick a fight wi
th Raiden, and I need something to tell me I’m not going to regret it,” Vane says. “I’m not asking for a final decision. I’m not saying there can’t be more discussion. I just want you to agree that you’ll at least consider it. If you’re willing to let me risk my life for you, you should be willing to let me have some choice in my future if I survive. At least give the idea a fair try.”
Os rubs the edges of his scar. “Fine. The suggestion will be presented—assuming you survive your fight.”
“We will,” Solana says, and I envy her confidence—and so many other things—as she tells Vane, “We have the sky on our side—though we should be discussing some strategies.”
“And we should be leaving,” Aston jumps in. “If Raiden finds us here when he arrives, he won’t bother stopping.”
Everyone shifts into action, gathering up the last of the wounded and preparing to carry them away.
Vane grabs my hand as I join them. “Just give me five minutes, okay?”
He leads me to a quiet spot under a leaning tree. I stare at the crooked trunk, wondering if it stood straight and tall before the battle, and if it will ever sort itself out and grow straight again.
“So,” Vane says, “are we okay?”
I try to nod. But the air between us still feels murky.
“I thought it was going to come down to us,” I whisper. “I thought we were going to take down Raiden together.”
“So did I. But I have to admit, part of me is relieved that you’ll be safe.”
“And what am I supposed to do? Go back to my mother’s house? Watch the sky? Worry each breeze will carry your echo?”
“You’re not going back to my house?”
“I . . . don’t know.”
“Oh.”
The hurt laced into that single syllable feels like salt pressing into my wounds.
“What are you thinking?” I have to ask when he shifts his face to the slowly rising stars.
“I’m thinking . . . I can’t hear Gus’s echo anymore. Can you?”
I stretch out my senses. “No. He’s gone.”
“I’m so sorry.” He smudges the tears off my cheeks. “Listen—I’m just going to ask this quick, so we can get it over with, okay?”
He takes a shaky breath.
“When you and Gus were in Brezengarde, did you . . .”
“Did we what?” I press.
He clears his throat. “Did something change between you guys?”
The words weave through my head, tying up unanswered questions.
So all this time, he thought . . . ?
“It’s okay,” Vane whispers. “Gus was a good guy. And he was there to help you when I wasn’t. He even gave you his gift. I just . . . need to know.”
It’s my turn to step closer, take his hands, wait for him to look at me.
“We had to lean on each other,” I tell him. “But it wasn’t that kind of closeness. I even gave him mouth to mouth and nothing changed between us.”
“Wait—what was that last part?”
I smile at the shock stretched across his face, but it fades as I remember my time with Gus in that horrible hallway.
“He stopped breathing at one point, and it was the only way to bring him back. I wasn’t sure what would happen. But nothing did. Nothing changed the entire time we were together. If anything, he mostly tried to convince me that you and I were going to be okay.”
“You didn’t think we would be?”
I sigh. “I didn’t know what to think. Breaking our bond was very . . . confusing. It didn’t take my memories of you. But it stripped away all the feelings.”
He closes his eyes, and when he opens them again, they’re glassy.
“Okay,” he says. “I understand.”
“No. You don’t.” I reach up to cradle his cheek with my hand. “The feelings started coming back as soon as I saw you. Why else do you think I . . . ?”
A few tears spill out of his eyes, trickling over my fingers.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper. “Please don’t be sad.”
“I’m not,” he promises. “Not if there’s any chance you can love me again. All I need is a chance.”
“You have more than a chance, Vane.”
I pull his face closer.
Then closer still.
Our breath mingles, so warm and sweet in the cooling air.
“Are you sure this is what you want?” he whispers.
“Yes.” The rightness of the word feels like the song of a steady Easterly, grounding me in who I am.
“Is it what you want?” I ask.
“Are you kidding? But I feel like I should wait to make it more special this time—or at least until we’re somewhere a bunch of people didn’t just die. Maybe even take you on a real date first—have we ever actually done that? I guess that day at In-N-Out sorta counts.”
“Of course it counts.” I smile at the memory.
That was the day Vane showed me how to live for myself—how to take what I needed and not feel any remorse. And since I’m starting to feel like I might actually lose my mind if he holds back any longer, I decide to take the decision away from him.
“I love you,” I whisper, bringing my other hand to his face. “That’s all that matters.”
I wait long enough for him to say, “I love you, too.”
Then I pull his lips to mine and kiss him like it’s the first, last, and only time.
CHAPTER 47
VANE
Okay, I thought I knew what it felt like to kiss Audra.
I thought I’d replayed all the details so many times over the last few weeks that I was ready for the soft silkiness of her lips and the sugary taste of her mouth and the dizzying rush of heat as a new bond unites us.
But either that old cliché about absence making the heart grow fonder really is true—or she’s been holding out on me.
Because seriously: damn.
She nearly pulls me over.
We both stumble a few steps before her back finds the crooked tree, and she deepens the kiss and pulls me against her. Every doubt and worry I’ve ever felt seems to crumble at her touch, and it’s overwhelming how much strength and courage and devotion she shares with me as we connect.
I hope whatever she takes from my essence gives her the peace and happiness she deserves. I’d do anything to blot out whatever darkness her days with Raiden might’ve left behind.
She breaks away for a breath, and I kiss along her jaw, then up and down her neck, until I find a spot right below her ear that makes her tremble every time I press my lips there.
Her hands trail down my arms and make their way to my waist, slipping under my shirt and tracing across the lower part of my stomach. The sensation makes me shiver, and I’m tempted to do the same to her, but I’m afraid I might brush across more injuries. So I keep one hand on the side of her face and the other buried in the long, wild strands of her hair.
It’s such a gift to feel her this way—free of all the burdens she’s always forced herself to carry. Surrendering everything.
As I kiss my way back to her mouth, I promise her I’ll do anything in my power to keep her this happy and strong and brave.
I have absolutely no idea how many times Aston clears his throat before we notice, but when we finally pull apart we have quite the audience.
Solana’s redder than I’ve ever seen her, and Os looks like he’s ready to punch a few puppies. Aston’s smirk is equal parts I told you so and Get a room. And then there’s Arella who looks—
You know what?
I really don’t want to think about the look on my girlfriend’s mother’s face after she’s caught us making out. Especially since that mother is a psychopath—or is it a sociopath?
“Well now,” Aston says, “clearly we’ve settled the who-will-be-bonding-with-whom question—and just in time, since our boy could probably use a little Easterly influence for this showdown with Raiden. Might take the edge off the whole violence aversion.”
&
nbsp; I actually hadn’t thought about that, but he’s right.
Score another point for all the kissing!
“I don’t know,” I say. “Maybe we should make sure the bond is really in place, just to be safe.”
Audra makes a sound that could probably be described as a giggle, and I’m on my way to steal one more kiss when Aston clears his throat again.
“You really do need to pay attention—unless you don’t care about what happens to mommy dearest. Turns out Os here is planning on bringing her back to the Maelstrom, and I thought you might not be happy about that.”
“She’s a murderer,” Os argues. “And a traitor. And a danger to everyone. And she has to be contained.”
He’s not wrong.
But the Maelstrom is a death sentence.
I take Audra’s hand, hating to see the color draining from her face—especially since she’d had such a sexy flush a few seconds ago.
“Is the Maelstrom really the only option?” I ask.
“It’s not,” Aston says. “That’s where we come in. I’ve managed to convince the Gales to let the four of us try our hand at deciding. Consider it a test for how this process might work should they decide to make us rulers. So let’s not mess this up. I’m starting to think I’d rather like to live in a castle—though I’ll want my own. No way am I living with the kissing couple.”
“Me either,” Solana agrees.
Yeah, right there with them—and while we’re at it, I’m never setting foot in Brezengarde again, so if Solana wants it, she can have it.
Though wait—does this mean Audra and I are moving in together?!
How will I explain that to my parents?
“Focus,” Aston says, snapping his holey fingers in my face. “This is the part where we’re supposed to come up with brilliant alternatives.”
“I make no guarantee that we’ll hold to your decision,” Os jumps in. “But it will be interesting to know your thoughts. The Maelstrom was my last resort after I exhausted every other avenue, so I can’t imagine you’ll come up with much.”
“What about banishment?” Solana asks.
“Do you really think she’ll stay away?” Os counters. “And what even constitutes proper banishment? Our people are scattered throughout the planet.”