they wanted. I just sold them some land."
Meyerhoff nodded fiercely. "You sure did. A hundred square kilos at aswipe. Only you sold the same hundred square kilos to a dozen differentnatives." Suddenly he threw back his hands and roared. "Of all thethings you _shouldn't_ have done--"
"But what's a chunk of land?"
Meyerhoff shook his head hopelessly. "If you hadn't been so greedy,you'd have found out what a chunk of land was to these natives beforeyou started peddling it. You'd have found out other things about them,too. You'd have learned that in spite of all their bumbling and fussingand squabbling they're not so dull. You'd have found out that they'remarsupials, and that two out of five of them get thrown out of theirmother's pouch before they're old enough to survive. You'd have realizedthat they have to start fighting for individual rights almost as soon asthey're born. Anything goes, as long as it benefits them asindividuals."
Meyerhoff grinned at the little man's horrified face. "Never heard ofthat, had you? And you've never heard of other things, too. You'veprobably never heard that there are just too many Altairians here forthe food their planet can supply, and their diet is so finicky thatthey just can't live on anything that doesn't grow here. Andconsequently, land is the key factor in their economy, not money;nothing but land. To get land, it's every man for himself, and the loserstarves, and their entire legal and monetary system revolves on thatprinciple. They've built up the most confusing and impossible system ofbarter and trade imaginable, aimed at individual survival, with land asthe value behind the credit. That explains the lying--of course they'reliars, with an economy like that. They've completely missed the conceptof truth. Pathological? You bet they're pathological! Only a fool wouldtell the truth when his life depended on his being a better liar thanthe next guy! Lying is the time-honored tradition, with their entirelegal system built around it."
Zeckler snorted. "But how could they _possibly_ have a legal system? Imean, if they don't recognize the truth when it slaps them in the face?"
Meyerhoff shrugged. "As we understand legal systems, I suppose theydon't have one. They have only the haziest idea what truth represents,and they've shrugged off the idea as impossible and useless." Hechuckled maliciously. "So you went out and found a chunk of ground inthe uplands, and sold it to a dozen separate, self-centered,half-starved natives! Encroachment on private property is legal groundsfor murder on this planet, and twelve of them descended on the samechunk of land at the same time, all armed with title-deeds." Meyerhoffsighed. "You've got twelve mad Altairians in your hair. You've got a madplanet in your hair. And in the meantime, Terra's most valuable uraniumsource in five centuries is threatening to cut off supply unless theysee your blood splattered liberally all the way from here to theequator."
Zeckler was visibly shaken. "Look," he said weakly, "so I wasn't sosmart. What am I going to do? I mean, are you going to sit quietly byand let them butcher me? How could I defend myself in a legal setup like_this_?"
Meyerhoff smiled coolly. "You're going to get your sly little con-manbrain to working, I think," he said softly. "By Interplanetary Rules,they have to give you a trial in Terran legal form--judge, jury, courtprocedure, all that folderol. They think it's a big joke--after all,what could a judicial oath mean to them?--but they agreed. Only thingis, they're going to hang you, if they die trying. So you'd better getthose stunted little wits of yours clicking--and if you try to implicate_me_, even a little bit, I'll be out of there so fast you won't knowwhat happened."
With that Meyerhoff walked to the door. He jerked it inward sharply, andspilled two guards over on their faces. "Privacy," he grunted, andstarted back up the slippery corridor.
* * * * *
It certainly _looked_ like a courtroom, at any rate. In the front of thelong, damp stone room was a bench, with a seat behind it, and a smallstraight chair to the right. To the left was a stand with twelvechairs--larger chairs, with a railing running along the front. The restof the room was filled almost to the door with seats facing the bench.Zeckler followed the shaggy-haired guard into the room, noddingapprovingly. "Not such a bad arrangement," he said. "They must havegotten the idea fast."
Meyerhoff wiped the perspiration from his forehead, and shot the littlecon-man a stony glance. "At least you've got a courtroom, a judge, and ajury for this mess. Beyond that--" He shrugged eloquently. "I can't makeany promises."
In the back of the room a door burst open with a bang. Loud, harshvoices were heard as half a dozen of the huge Altairians attempted topush through the door at once. Zeckler clamped on the headset to histranslator unit, and watched the hubbub in the anteroom with growingalarm. Finally the question of precedent seemed to be settled, and agroup of the Altairians filed in, in order of stature, stalking acrossthe room in flowing black robes, pug-nosed faces glowering withself-importance. They descended upon the jury box, grunting andscrapping with each other for the first-row seats, and the judge tookhis place with obvious satisfaction behind the heavy wooden bench.Finally, the prosecuting attorney appeared, flanked by two clerks, whotook their places beside him. The prosecutor eyed Zeckler with coldmalevolence, then turned and delivered a sly wink at the judge.
In a moment the room was a hubbub as it filled with the huge, bumbling,bear-like creatures, jostling each other and fighting for seats,growling and complaining. Two small fights broke out in the rear, butwere quickly subdued by the group of gendarmes guarding the entrance.Finally the judge glared down at Zeckler with all three eyes, andpounded the bench top with a wooden mallet until the roar of activitysubsided. The jurymen wriggled uncomfortably in their seats, exchangingwinks, and finally turned their attention to the front of the court.
"We are reading the case of the people of Altair I," the judge's voiceroared out, "against one Harry Zeckler--" he paused for a long,impressive moment--"Terran." The courtroom immediately burst into anangry growl, until the judge pounded the bench five or six times more."This--creature--is hereby accused of the following crimes," the judgebellowed. "Conspiracy to overthrow the government of Altair I. Brutalmurder of seventeen law-abiding citizens of the village of Karzan at thethird hour before dawn in the second period after his arrival.Desecration of the Temple of our beloved Goddess Zermat, Queen of theHarvest. Conspiracy with the lesser gods to cause the unprecedenteddrought in the Dermatti section of our fair globe. Obscene exposure ofhis pouch-marks in a public square. Four separate and distinct chargesof jail-break and bribery--" The judge pounded the bench fororder--"Espionage with the accursed scum of Altair II in preparation forinterplanetary invasion."
The little con-man's jaw sagged lower and lower, the color draining fromhis face. He turned, wide-eyed, to Meyerhoff, then back to the judge.
"The Chairman of the Jury," said the Judge succinctly, "will read theverdict."
The little native in the front of the jury-box popped up like a puppeton a string. "Defendant found guilty on all counts," he said.
"Defendant is guilty! The court will pronounce sentence--"
"_Now wait a minute!_" Zeckler was on his feet, wild-eyed. "What kind ofrailroad job--"
The judge blinked disappointedly at Paul Meyerhoff. "Not yet?" he asked,unhappily.
"No." Meyerhoff's hands twitched nervously. "Not yet, Your Honor. Later,Your Honor. The trial comes _first_."
The judge looked as if his candy had been stolen. "But you _said_ Ishould call for the verdict."
"Later. You have to have the trial before you can have the verdict."
The Altairian shrugged indifferently. "Now--later--" he muttered.
"Have the prosecutor call his first witness," said Meyerhoff.
Zeckler leaned over, his face ashen. "These charges," he whispered."They're insane!"
"Of course they are," Meyerhoff whispered back.
"But what am I going to--"
"Sit tight. Let _them_ set things up."
"But those _lies_. They're liars, the whole pack of them--" He broke offas the prosecutor roared a name.
The shaggy brute who took the stand was wearing a bright purple hatwhich sat rakishly over one ear. He grinned the Altairian equivalent ofa hungry grin at the prosecutor. Then he cleared his throat and started."This Terran riffraff--"
"The oath," muttered the judge. "We've got to have the oath."
The prosecutor nodded, and four natives moved forward, carrying hugeinscribed marble slabs to the front of the court. One by one the chunkswere reverently piled in a heap at the