to draw?"
Meyerhoff blinked. "Well--yes. Oh, yes, they're perfectly logical."
Zeckler's eyes flashed, and a huge grin broke out on his sallow face.His thin body fairly shook. He started hopping up and down on one foot,staring idiotically into space. "If I could only think--" he muttered."Somebody--somewhere--something I read."
"Whatever are you talking about?"
"It was a Greek, I think--"
Meyerhoff stared at him. "Oh, come now. Have you gone off your rockercompletely? You've got a problem on your hands, man."
"No, no, I've got a problem in the bag!" Zeckler's cheeks flushed."Let's go back in there--I think I've got an answer!"
The courtroom quieted the moment they opened the door, and the judgebanged the gavel for silence. As soon as Zeckler had taken his seat onthe witness stand, the judge turned to the head juryman. "Now, then," hesaid with happy finality. "The jury--"
"Hold on! Just one minute more."
The judge stared down at Zeckler as if he were a bug on a rock. "Oh,yes. You had something else to say. Well, go ahead and say it."
Zeckler looked sharply around the hushed room. "You want to convict me,"he said softly, "in the worst sort of way. Isn't that right?"
Eyes swung toward him. The judge broke into an evil grin. "That'sright."
"But you can't really convict me until you've considered carefully anystatement I make in my own defense. Isn't that right?"
The judge looked uncomfortable. "If you've got something to say, goahead and say it."
"I've got just one statement to make. Short and sweet. But you'd betterlisten to it, and think it out carefully before you decide that youreally want to convict me." He paused, and glanced slyly at the judge."You don't think much of those who tell the truth, it seems. Well, put_this_ statement in your record, then." His voice was loud and clear inthe still room. "_All Earthmen are absolutely incapable of telling thetruth._"
Puzzled frowns appeared on the jury's faces. One or two exchangedstartled glances, and the room was still as death. The judge stared athim, and then at Meyerhoff, then back. "But you"--he stammered."You're"--He stopped in mid-sentence, his jaw sagging.
One of the jurymen let out a little squeak, and fainted dead away. Ittook, all in all, about ten seconds for the statement to soak in.
And then pandemonium broke loose in the courtroom.
* * * * *
"Really," said Harry Zeckler loftily, "it was so obvious I'm amazed thatit didn't occur to me first thing." He settled himself down comfortablyin the control cabin of the Interplanetary Rocket and grinned at theoutline of Altair IV looming larger in the view screen.
Paul Meyerhoff stared stonily at the controls, his lips compressedangrily. "You might at least have told me what you were planning."
"And take the chance of being overheard? Don't be silly. It had to comeas a bombshell. I had to establish myself as a liar--the prize liar ofthem all, but I had to tell the sort of lie that they simply could notcope with. Something that would throw them into such utter confusionthat they wouldn't _dare_ convict me." He grinned impishly at Meyerhoff."The paradox of Epimenides the Cretan. It really stopped them cold. They_knew_ I was an Earthmen, which meant that my statement that Earthmenwere liars was a lie, which meant that maybe I wasn't a liar, in whichcase--oh, it was tailor-made."
"It sure was." Meyerhoff's voice was a snarl.
"Well, it made me out a liar in a class they couldn't approach, didn'tit?"
Meyerhoff's face was purple with anger. "Oh, indeed it did! And it put_all_ Earthmen in exactly the same class, too."
"So what's honor among thieves? I got off, didn't I?"
Meyerhoff turned on him fiercely. "Oh, you got off just fine. You scaredthe living daylights out of them. And in an eon of lying they never haverun up against a short-circuit like that. You've also completely botchedany hope of ever setting up a trading alliance with Altair I, and thatincludes uranium, too. Smart people don't gamble with loaded dice. Youscared them so badly they don't want anything to do with us."
Zeckler's grin broadened, and he leaned back luxuriously. "Ah, well.After all, the Trading Alliance was _your_ outlook, wasn't it? What apity!" He clucked his tongue sadly. "Me, I've got a fortune in creditssitting back at the consulate waiting for me--enough to keep me on silkfor quite a while, I might say. I think I'll just take a nice, longvacation."
Meyerhoff turned to him, and a twinkle of malignant glee appeared in hiseyes. "Yes, I think you will. I'm quite sure of it, in fact. Won't costyou a cent, either."
"Eh?"
Meyerhoff grinned unpleasantly. He brushed an imaginary lint fleck fromhis lapel, and looked up at Zeckler slyly. "That--uh--jury trial. TheAltairians weren't any too happy to oblige. They wanted to execute yououtright. Thought a trial was awfully silly--until they got their moneyback, of course. Not too much--just three million credits."
Zeckler went white. "But that money was in banking custody!"
"Is that right? My goodness. You don't suppose they could have lostthose papers, do you?" Meyerhoff grinned at the little con-man. "Andincidentally, you're under arrest, you know."
A choking sound came from Zeckler's throat. "_Arrest!_"
"Oh, yes. Didn't I tell you? Conspiring to undermine the authority ofthe Terran Trading Commission. Serious charge, you know. Yes, I thinkwe'll take a nice long vacation together, straight back to Terra. Andthere I think you'll face a jury trial."
Zeckler spluttered. "There's no evidence--you've got nothing on me! Whatkind of a frame are you trying to pull?"
"A _lovely_ frame. Airtight. A frame from the bottom up, and you'reright square in the middle. And this time--" Meyerhoff tapped acigarette on his thumb with happy finality--"this time I _don't_ thinkyou'll get off."
Transcriber's Note:
This etext was produced from "Tiger by the Tail and Other Science Fiction Stories by Alan E. Nourse" and was first published in _If Magazine_ January 1954. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and typographical errors have been corrected without note.
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