“Hey,” I finally said to break the tension coming from each girl. “I didn’t know you were coming back so soon.”
Charlie finally looked over at me, her voice soft and unsure. “I told you I’d be back tonight.”
“We just woke up. I don’t even know what time it is.”
Charlie didn’t say anything, and Grey finally shook off whatever she’d been wrapped up in to say, “Did you have fun?”
“Um. Yeah, it was—well, I’m glad to be home. But I should leave.”
“Charlie,” I grumbled at the same time Grey said on a laugh, “What? No!”
Charlie took a step back and pointed behind her. “No, really, I should. I should’ve called or something so I wouldn’t interrupt anything.”
“You didn’t,” Grey assured her, and my eyes darted over to her. “Jagger stayed up drawing all night, so we fell asleep after lunch. We just woke up, you weren’t interrupting anything.”
Part of me knew that Grey would’ve said that no matter what. It’s not like I wanted my sister to know what I did with Grey when we were alone, but I couldn’t help but think of the panicked look on Grey’s face when we’d broken apart, and the way she’d been gripping Ben’s ring.
“Um . . . okay,” Charlie mumbled before looking back at me.
“Oh my God, I had no idea it was this late.”
I looked over at the microwave to check the time, but right now the fact that we’d slept until seven wasn’t enough to faze me. My sister still looked hurt and betrayed, and Grey was standing far enough away from me that I couldn’t touch her if I tried.
“Are you hungry? We can order something, or I’ll make dinner.”
Charlie’s head jerked back, her eyes stuck on me before they slowly drifted to Grey. “Do you live here now?”
Grey’s face fell at my sister’s tone, and she scrambled to find something to say. “No . . . I don’t, I just . . .” She trailed off and looked helplessly around. “Jagger doesn’t cook, and I thought you might be—I’m gonna go home.”
I didn’t say anything; I didn’t know what to say in that moment. I was pissed off and so fucking confused. My sister and my girl were trying to leave, both looked uncomfortable, and I had no idea what to do to fix it.
“No, don’t,” Charlie said just as Grey started walking toward the bar to get her purse. “I’m sorry, it’s been a long day and I’m just crabby. I was with those girls in a car for a month and a half, it all got to be too much. We can order something, and I want you to stay, I’ve only seen you once since you moved back.”
Grey turned to look at me, but my eyes were still on Charlie. She sounded and looked like my sister again, but there was still that underlying hurt in her eyes. When I realized they were both looking at me, I cleared my throat and shrugged. “I don’t want either of you to leave. Decide what you want, I’ll call the restaurant.”
By the time the food had been delivered, Charlie and Grey were completely back to normal. But Grey was still sitting far enough away that I couldn’t touch her, and even when Charlie went outside to get something from her car, she was acting like nothing had ever happened between us. I couldn’t help wondering how much she regretted what little we’d done, and if she was blaming me for it.
Grey
July 28, 2014
AS SOON AS I walked into The Brew, I spotted Charlie sitting at one of the large couches and started toward her just as she waved at me. She already had two drinks on the table, and I knew without having to look at the cup farthest from her that it was an iced caramel macchiato for me. Charlie and I had always taken turns getting something from this shop in the morning before classes during high school, so it was impossible to not know what each other’s favorite was.
“Hey, sorry I’m late,” I said as I sat down beside her on the couch.
She waved me off and pushed my drink closer to me. “You’re not. I came here early so I could grab a few books.”
“Get anything good?”
“Of course,” she scoffed. “Some more romances from a few of my favorite authors . . . you could always borrow them when I’m done.”
A sharp laugh burst from my chest, and I rolled my eyes. “Oh yes, please, I would love nothing more than that,” I said drily.
“You never know, Grey, you might just fall in love with them.”
“Doubtful. But, really, enjoy them for me.”
I wasn’t a fan of reading much, as it was, but romance was definitely the opposite of what I would look for if I was. Charlie had been trying to get me into reading since she started high school, but I didn’t see the point. Because of romance novels, she had expectations that were absurdly high when it came to guys, and even though I’d always joked with her that she’d only ever find those kinds of guys in books, she’d just smile dreamily and say, “He’s out there.”
“I will get you to read one, Grey LaRue. One of these days, I promise you.”
“They’re all fairy-tale-ish, and there’s always the happy ending that never happens in real life.”
Charlie looked like I’d just stuck a knife in her stomach. “It does happen in real life, but not all the stories have happy endings. And fairy tale? Come on, Grey, this isn’t Cinderella.”
I laughed softly and took a sip of my drink. “You know what I mean. Girl meets guy, they’re perfect for each other. Something happens that will threaten to keep them apart, and then they live happily ever after.”
Charlie’s expression told me she was trying to figure out a way to disagree, but then her shoulders slumped and she mumbled, “Yeah, that’s usually how it goes.”
“See?”
“But there’s so much more in them! Yeah, okay, fine . . . that’s generally the outline to any romance novel, but it’s what happens to fill up that outline that makes it amazing. It’s the different circumstances, it’s the lengths they’ll go to in order to be together, it’s their struggles that are real.”
“Your inner nerd is showing,” I teased.
“I’m serious, Grey. They’re not all perfect.” She looked away for a second, and I actually worried that she was too involved in these books when I saw the deep sadness embedded in her features.
“Hey, I was kidding.”
Charlie looked back at me and smiled, but there was still that sadness her eyes weren’t able to hide. “No, I know you were. I wasn’t offended by what you said. But I don’t believe everything is a fairy tale, Grey. Life hurts; there are parts of life that are so major that they’ll change you completely. We’re all on this giant roller coaster and you never know when you’re going to go down, or just how far down you’ll actually have to go. But those drops and those climbs are what make us, and make our life what it’s supposed to be—whether it hurts or not.”
I couldn’t move or say anything as I sat there listening to her. This girl I’d grown up with and who had always been so quiet and shy because she lived in her books sounded like her world had been crushed. I couldn’t think of anything in her life that would rock her enough to make her sound like this.
“Like I said, I don’t believe everything is a fairy tale. But I do believe that everyone meets someone in their life who will make it seem like their life is as close to a fairy tale as it can get.”
“Okay,” I said on a breath.
“Anyway!” She straightened her back and shook herself as a bright smile lit up her face. “I will get you to read a book one day, just you wait.”
“And I’ll just leave it there because I love the smell of books.” I looked behind me at all the shelves of books, and smiled. “I would work here just so I could have two of the best smells in the world. Coffee and books.”
“Why don’t you?”
“Hmm?” I turned to look at Charlie, my forehead creased. “Why don’t I what?”
“Work here. You told me the other night at Jagger’s that you were looking for a job. Unless you start your own business, you’re not going to find much in Thatch. Or you could always
travel into another town to work in an office.”
“I don’t want to work in an office,” I grumbled. “I can’t see myself sitting behind a desk all day.”
“Didn’t think so, and unless you’re about to turn into my mom and go through a bunch of phases where you try to make things, I’d say you don’t have many options.”
“Your mom and her phases . . .” I trailed off and laughed. “Yeah, definitely not going in that direction either.”
“So then what’s wrong with here?”
I looked around The Brew, pretending to look at it like I was seeing it for the first time. Until I was six or so, the coffee shop and bookstore had been two separate businesses. We didn’t have a Starbucks in Thatch; if you wanted amazing coffee, you went to The Brew. The bookstore had been owned and run by an old woman who really only carried books that she liked to read. When she got to a point in her life where she knew she needed to stop working, she’d just been planning to shut down the bookstore. And considering we didn’t have a library or actual bookstore anywhere within an hour from here, that meant bye bye books.
The owners of The Brew had bought out her store, knocked out the wall separating them, and updated the books and the look of the store so it was now inviting and there was something for everyone. On Thursday nights there was live music, and it really was one of the best places in Thatch to just sit and relax—especially during the winter. Jerry and Anne were the owners, and you never found the store without both of them in it. They loved their shop and all the people in it, and would easily be the best bosses around.
“I guess nothing is wrong with working here. I love this place, I’d just never thought of working here. I’ll talk to Anne before I leave.”
“There you go. Job search over,” Charlie said confidently, and I snorted.
“Uh, one, I never actually started searching. Two, no one said they would hire me.”
“Well, considering I talked to Anne while I was looking for books, and she told me she was going to have to put up a sign soon since one of the employees quit because she was having twins, and two of the others put in two-week notices since they were leaving for college . . . I’d say she’d be happy if you told her you wanted a job.”
“I would be happy.”
I turned around to see Anne standing at the end of the couch, bent over so she could rest her elbows on the arm.
“Good morning, Anne,” I said with a smile.
It didn’t surprise me that she’d chimed in on our conversation. That’s how she was, always flitting around the shop, talking with everyone. If it weren’t for Jerry, she’d probably stay out talking the entire day.
“Morning, girls. So, Grey, you gonna come work for me?”
“Would you like me to?”
“Let me think . . .” She clucked her tongue and gave me a look. “Um, of course! Why don’t you come in next Monday around two-ish, I’ll have you do all the paperwork, and then we’ll start training you for the registers and the coffee.”
I looked at Charlie and she gave me an I-told-you-so smile before I could look back at Anne. “That sounds perfect, I’ll be here.”
“Great! Now I better get back to looking like I actually do something around here before that husband of mine starts complaining. Have a good day, ladies!”
Charlie and I called out our good-byes, and I turned to glare at Charlie. “You told her I was looking for a job,” I accused.
“Of course I did. She’d just finished telling me about all the employees who were leaving and being short staffed, and I told her you’d been looking into getting a job. She was going to call you to ask you to come in, but I told her I was meeting you here anyway. So . . . done! You now have a job.”
“Well then, thank you?” I laughed awkwardly. “Good to know I have people who will set up jobs for me.”
Charlie smirked. “Whatever. You know you would’ve applied as soon as you saw that sign. You’re in here enough as it is, you might as well work here.”
“Clearly.” I gestured in the direction Anne had walked off. “Anyway, on to other things. Is there anyone you’ve been interested in or seeing while we were at school . . . ?” I let the question trail off.
“No.”
“No? Come on, Charlie, there has to be someone. You are gorgeous—”
“And shy around anyone who isn’t you or my family,” she added, cutting me off. “There’s just no one here who catches my eye.”
“That doesn’t mean you haven’t caught their eye. Has anyone tried to talk to you?”
She looked like she was trying really hard to think, and finally she shrugged. “I don’t know; I don’t pay attention.”
“Why not? See? Those books you read are ruining you for real men.”
“They’re not!” she said on a laugh. “I’ve never had a boyfriend . . . I don’t want one.”
“So you’re just going to become an old cat lady . . . or a nun?” I asked, my voice and expression flat.
“No, I’m not. I just—I haven’t found someone who has shown himself to be worth my time.” That same sadness I’d seen earlier was back, and her eyes seemed somehow unfocused as if she were seeing things I couldn’t even begin to imagine. “Trust me, I’ll know when there’s a guy who’s worth it.”
I waited for a few moments to see if she would expand on that, and it wasn’t until I started talking again that she shook off her expression. “You’ve never dated anyone, and you seem to avoid guys, but you look like your heart has been shattered by someone. I don’t get it. Did something happen to you, Charlie?” I finished on a whisper, fear and panic clawing at my stomach at the thought of someone hurting her or taking advantage of her.
“What?” Her eyes widened when she got what I was asking. “No! Oh my God, no, nothing has happened to me. You would’ve known; Jagger would’ve been the first person I called if something like that ever happened.”
The panic and fear eased up, but I still didn’t understand how she could look like someone had broken her. “Then why—”
“It’s like you said,” she said loud enough to cut me off again, “the books I read are ruining me for real men. I know I’ll never find someone like the guys I read about, and it’s kind of depressing.” Charlie tried to laugh it off, but I knew that wasn’t it.
I stifled a gasp when it hit me, and leaned closer to her. “Charlie, no one will think differently of you if you’re gay.”
“Whoa, what? Grey, I’m not . . . I’m not into that. No. Really, you’re looking into this too hard. There’s nothing. No guys, no girls, nothing. Just me and my books and a depressing world of guys who will never be enough.”
I sat back and blew out a deep breath. “Sorry, I was just trying to understand where you’re coming from.”
She shook her head, a smile crossing her face. “Really, it’s fine. And I’m fine.”
I would’ve tried harder to believe her if her voice hadn’t cracked at the end, and if she didn’t look like she was seconds away from breaking down. I couldn’t think of anything to explain her sadness and knew she probably wouldn’t admit to it even if I had guessed correctly. But seeing her pain, I knew I would keep trying to figure out what had happened to her to make her so unhappy.
Chapter 9
Grey
July 31, 2014
MY FOOTSTEPS FALTERED as I walked out of The Brew a few days later, and my spine straightened as a chill ran through my entire body. Looking around to see if anyone was watching me, I glanced back at the piece of paper that was tucked in between the windshield and wiper and slowly closed the distance to my car, my eyes never leaving the seemingly harmless sheet. After unlocking the car and putting the coffee inside, I climbed back out and looked around one more time before reaching for the paper, ice sliding through my veins as I did so. There were people I knew all around, but none that looked like they were waiting for this . . . for me to find whatever had been left for me.
I could have easily walked around my car
, inspecting it to see if someone had hit it and left their information, but I didn’t. And I didn’t let my mind even think of Jagger leaving me a letter . . . because not only was he at his place waiting for this coffee, but he wouldn’t do something like this to me. Because he knew. Everyone who knew us knew. Ben had left notes on my car every day. No matter what. It could’ve been something as simple as a smiley face or an I love you, or it could have been something long that had my heart melting. But every day after I got my first car, there had been a note. Notes that stopped abruptly with his death.
Taking a deep breath, I opened the paper with shaky hands. A cry burst from my chest as my eyes ran over the page, and I stumbled back. I looked around furiously for someone, anyone. There were people giving me worried looks, but none who looked like they knew exactly what I’d just seen. None who looked like they’d put Ben’s wedding vows on my windshield. His handwriting, words and lines crossed out as he’d tried to perfect the vows.
“Grey, darling?”
“What?” I cried as I whirled around, startling one of my old teachers from high school.
“Are you okay? You don’t look so well.”
“I—I, I don’t . . . I don’t know. I have to go!”
She reached out for me, but I quickly backed up into my car. “Really, darling, you don’t look well. Should we call someone for you?”
“N-n-n-no. I’m fine!”
“Are you sure? Maybe you should—”
I swung open the door to my car and slid in as I nearly shouted, “I’m sorry, but I have to leave!”
I tossed the paper onto the passenger seat, and fumbled through my purse with shaking hands, looking for my phone so I could call Jagger. This was a dream, this was a joke, I was going—I was going . . .
My blood ran cold and the world seemed to tilt as a high-pitched ringing started in my head. Blocking out my old teacher knocking on the window, blocking out the sound of other cars and people outside, blocking out everything other than that fucking deafening ringing.
My jaw trembled as I tried to open my mouth to deny out loud what I was seeing.