Chapter Fourteen
Joel
JULIET WOKE HIM up around seven o’clock so he could shower and dress in time. She was taking him and Chloe to the donut shop, and she was ready to make her debut at the church as the recently separated wife of Ethan Sealet. She looked better than she had a week ago, the color returning to her cheeks; yet her eyes had drooped and her lips seemed thinner. As she observed her son as he slept, she cursed herself for ignoring him. She had always loved him and thought she did everything in her power to protect him, but it wasn’t always that easy. He had always been needy for attention, and she was not the person to give him what he needed. She had to be a mother to Chloe as well, and Joel had always preferred other teenagers to his family. He had always been like that, or at least she thought.
Joel rubbed the sleep from his eyes, and instead of complaining, he nodded responsibly and stood up, pulling her into his arms. His eyes were laced with water and he said—in a voice that reminded Juliet of his young childhood, when he’d enjoyed baking with her and allowing her to scratch his back—“I had a nightmare. You and Dad…”
“Nothing’s wrong, Joel. Nothing’s wrong, and you know that.”
“I know,” he said, smelling lilac perfume. He felt young again, too, like when he depended on his mother for everything. “I know.”
“Joel, I found something in your pockets a couple days ago. I’ve been too drained to ask you about it, but… Have you been buying drugs?” She hadn’t meant to ask during a poignant moment like this, but she felt he would be honest in this moment; at least she hoped he would be honest.
He stood straight, his eyes accepting. “What did you find?”
“Weed.”
“I have smoked for the past few years, but I’ll give it up. I promise you, I’ll give it up.”
Instead of saying anything about it, she nodded, and said through a gulp of air slamming into her throat, “Get ready for church, okay?”
An hour later, they gathered in the kitchen. Scott had been living with them on and off, so the house was even more quiet than normal. Chloe had spent the past week mostly at her best friend’s house, and Joel had busied himself with the aquarium and his thoughts of a girl who probably hated his guts.
It was Chloe’s last week of school, the last week of May, and he wanted to surprise her with something. But as he analyzed her, from the spirals of her normally straight hair, and the wedges plastered onto the soles of her feet, he understood some things were changing.
“What are you looking at?” she said, though a smile appeared on the curve of her glossed lips.
“How beautiful my baby sis is.”
Juliet smiled, grabbing her purse, and they walked to the car. Eventually, they made it to Soon-Yi’s donut shop on the edge of town, where they sat in a table by the window overlooking a creek that usually went bone dry in the heat of summer; now, however, a few droplets of water continued down the bed.
“So, how’s work, Joel?” asked Juliet as she splurged on a donut hole. She popped it into her mouth, sucking on the little pieces of sweetness in the recesses of her mouth.
“It’s good. I’m making steady cash.” He wondered if he should give a portion to his mom, since she would be needing it now, especially with the impending separation. He could help as best he could. Plus, it would give him a goal that would keep him on the straight and narrow, away from the sadness that would come from steering clear from his addiction. He knew it was not a dangerous addiction, but enough to distract him from his normal life, and it was something truly damaging, at least to his checking account.
Plus, he did not want to be anywhere near Karli and John anymore, not with what had happened recently.
“That’s good. I’m proud of you, honey,” Juliet said casually. She meant it.
“Is Dad going to keep ignoring us?” Chloe asked, taking a sip of chocolate milk through a blue straw. “It’s ridiculous. He at least should tell us he’s done with us rather than string us along.”
“I bet he’s been playing a lot of poker,” Joel seconded, before regretting the comment based on how much it hurt his mother.
Juliet breathed and sighed. “You know, he loves you both. He may have a funny way of showing it, but he loves you. When he’s ready, he’ll come for you.”
Joel wanted to show her the messages he’d been receiving from an obviously-drunk Ethan. The scathing insults, the sadness of their fractured relationship. “I love Dad, but it’s okay. I don’t need him in my life that much.”
“No, please. Don’t say that to me,” Juliet said, wiping her mouth with a napkin. Then she stood up and said, “We’re going to be late if we don’t leave soon. Come on, guys.” She didn’t want them to see her cry, so she turned her back and looked out to see a few people from church among the other customers. This saddened her even further.