Chapter Thirty-Nine
Joel
THE MORNING WAS beautiful, but the day was not.
It was the last day Joel would see Sarah. Joel knew that when she left, he had to let her go, and if that meant not returning her calls, so be it. If she tried to communicate with him, he would not respond. It would only make them both suffer for all the time she remained in California, and neither deserved this. They had to live their lives—apart.
As he stood at her door, holding a bouquet of Easter lilies, he thought what he would do without her and without Manny. His parents had talked about their separation, and were proceeding with the divorce at a snail’s pace now. They even considered holding their papers so they could see if things were on the mend. Sofia had been over to the house a few times to meet Chloe and to see Joel.
Manny’s absence was still painful, like a slice of the gut, where the skin continued to patch up. Joel wondered if he would ever see his friend again, and he realized sadly he was already starting to forget Manny’s little eccentricities, like the way his nose crinkled when he laughed, or the curve of his eyebrows. However, Joel kept that photo in his pocket. The note Manny had written was worth even more.
Rob Fielder’s court date was in early September, and it was assumed he would pay a toll for his crime, a hefty sentence in the slammer. Rob was taking this punishment in stride, and he even promised to tell his noted stories to his fellow inmates.
John Cruston had been bailed out by Karli herself. They were living together again, and John’s own court date was set in late September. John swore off the drugs and found a job as a construction worker at a friend’s company. Karli even dragged him to church once, and Mother Elsie sat by him, scaring him to death as she jived to the hymns.
Karli waited for her baby’s delivery date—late October—like it was Judgment Day (and so did Alex). She began to coddle the child in her stomach, and her time at therapy, paid for by her stepdad, was beneficial to setting her back on track. She planned to begin classes at the community college by the winter semester. Her and Sarah’s relationship was still knitting back together, but they had forgiven one another with humility.
As he thought of his friends in town, the door opened, and Helena’s ageless face appeared. Her bright eyes complemented her tan skin. “Hi, Joel. Come in.”
He followed her inside the spacious entryway. “Is Sarah home?”
“Yes. She’s in a bit of a stupor, I have to say. It’s about leaving. She wasn’t this beat up last year, and I think some of that’s got to do with you.”
Joel blushed.
Helena turned to him, but looked over her shoulder to make sure her daughter wasn’t listening. She smelled like lemons as she moved closer to him, whispering, “Thank you, Joel. I may not get to say it again, but thank you.”
“For what? I should be thanking you—and Sarah. For setting me straight.”
“You’ve been instrumental in helping Sarah realize that it’s not the place that makes a town home, but the people in it. She’s learned a lot this summer, and I’m sure you know most of it. Obviously, with your sister, and she found out she has another sister, too. It’s been stressful, but you’ve been there to help her.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Helena.”
“Please, dear, at least call me Helena. We’re friends now.”
Sarah appeared at the top of the steps, wearing casual summer clothes. She took the lilies in her arms and smiled, before reaching over to kiss his cheek. “Thank you so much. These are beautiful.”
Helena beamed. “Here, let me take them, so you guys can have a moment to yourselves.” The woman disappeared.
“So, this is it?” Joel asked, pointing to the suitcases at the door. “You leave tomorrow.”
She nodded, pulling on her necklace. It was a nervous habit. “I do. Joel, I’m going to miss you. So much.”
“But this is a transitory good-bye. You’re going to come back, and…”
“What are we kidding? Things will be different.”
“Sarah.”
“I have something to tell you.”
He tensed.
“I’m not coming home for Christmas.”
Joel tilted his head. “What? Why not?”
“I’m studying abroad. For a full year, from next week until May. I won’t be back until next summer.”
He felt like he’d been railroaded down the tracks. He blinked hard. “Well… A year. We can wait a year.”
Sarah reached out, touching his tan arm, ignoring the way her body quivered. She could see the pain she was inflicting. She’d known the whole time that she wouldn’t be home until next summer, and she felt like she was a traitor. “Joel. We can’t wait. We can’t live in this limbo. We’re nineteen.” Her heart roared. As Joel’s eyes glazed over with something that screamed at her, she tried to ignore the tears threatening to spill out. Here was their heart-to-heart. She had to tell him the truth. She couldn’t lead him on. “Nineteen, Joel. What are we chasing here? A dream?”
He scrubbed his chin. Little hairs had appeared there, a little stubble. “Yes. We are chasing a dream, but sometimes dreams are what people chase. So, therefore, I choose you.”
Sarah almost broke down then and there. Her voice quavered before finding its footing. “Joel. We can’t live in this fantasy. You’re going to find another girl. I’m going to find another guy. That’s okay.”
“What if I wait for you?”
“Don’t.”
Joel breathed hard. He felt like he was about to keel over. He reached out to touch her, but she rebuffed him, and he felt this was all a ruse. A simple ploy to distract herself from what she really felt. But she wasn’t going to be honest with him, and he decided he wouldn’t be honest with her either.
“Okay. Well, bye, Sarah.” He turned on his heel and left. If she could play this game, so could he.
He drove home with the windows down and the radio blasting. He passed the church where he’d smoked weed at the beginning of the summer before seeing Sarah for the first time. He cringed. He loved her, that much he knew, and here she was breaking his heart. “Too bad,” he whispered to himself, “it’s already been ripped to shreds.”
He made it home and flopped on the couch, his brain on fire. He decided not to think about it. He sat on the couch for five hours straight, doing nothing but watching reality television, shows usually Chloe and his mom watched together. Then he switched over to National Geographic, intent on learning something about Earth, and how no matter what, animals conquered their planet.
When Juliet got home, she fell on the couch beside her son. “Would you mind checking the mail? Chloe’s still at dance. I forgot to get it.”
“Sure. It will give me something to do anyway.”
He ambled to the mailbox as a car sped past. He picked up the random junk ads and a few letters from Juliet’s friends in Texas. On top of the pile, a necklace—with three little bulbs attached to the chain—laid. He picked it up and drove as fast as he could to Sarah’s.
SARAH HEARD THE rocks pelt her window. She had just fallen back into bed, into the puddle of tears that had roared against her. She kept reaching for her neck, where the band usually hung, but it hurt to see it was gone.
Now, she belted over to the window, where Joel was screaming, “Come down here! At least say a proper good-bye.” He smiled, before handing up a necklace.
She slowly walked down the stairs, careful not to fall, and found herself outside on the grass. “I’m sorry for making this so dramatic,” she breathed, and she walked into his arms.
“You’re being honest, but that doesn’t mean I can’t kiss you good-bye.”