I needed a lot more than he had up for offer, preferably those full lips on mine.
“I need,” I paused, pinning his eyes with my stare, “time to get to know you.”
Puzzlement crossed his face. “I don’t understand.”
That, I was coming to learn, was one of his favorite phrases. The other one being ‘I see’.
“I’ve lived here almost two weeks now. We’ve been under each other’s noses working together, eating together, living together, and still, I don’t know a thing about you, Lev. And I’d like to.”
His brows pulled low. “I see.”
And with that, I almost burst into a fit of laughter. But instead, I wove it into a bright smile. “Will you have lunch with me today? We’ll talk. Get to know each other a little better. Dig deeper than the surface.”
His face lost all expression and, for some reason, anxiety radiated from him.
I couldn’t handle it. I made my way over to him, taking his hand and sitting by his side. I spoke gently, “Why do you shut down when I ask you about yourself?”
His throat worked, and his response will stay with me forever. His voice equally as soft, he muttered, “I don’t know how to talk to people, Mina.” He squeezed my hand lightly. “I’m worried I’ll screw up, disappoint you.”
My reply was quiet but fierce. “You can talk to me about anything. I don’t think you could disappoint me, even if you tried. I just want honest conversation.”
Looking down at our hands, he ran his thumb over mine, straightened, and conceded, “Okay. Yes.” He paused then added, “I would like to have lunch with you, Mina.”
My shoulders bunched in time with my nose and, lifting my arms high in the air, I cheered, “Yay!”
He looked up at me, and when he looked at me like I was crazy, I tipped my head back and laughed, just happy to be sharing this moment with him. I stood, gathering some clothes and walking over to the bathroom. “One o’clock?”
He inclined his head. “One o’clock.”
Feeling equal amounts of relief and joy, I closed the door behind me and washed away my long night.
***
Mina
The morning dragged on, mainly because Mirella had taken Lidiya on a day excursion and I didn’t get to see the little sweetheart before they left. Nas came by around eleven, and without uttering a single syllable, she sat at Lev’s kitchen table, her humungous sunglasses covering her eyes, and threw a paper bag onto the table.
I huffed out a laugh and asked on a whisper, “Didn’t sleep well?”
She pulled off her glasses, wincing as sunlight touched her red eyes, but she smiled cunningly, “I didn’t sleep at all.”
It took me a second to get it. And when I did, I leaned over the table and shoved her. “You little skank. Was it anyone I know?”
She shrugged. “Probably.”
I stared at her. “And you’re not telling?” She shook her head, a Mona Lisa smile appearing on her lips. “Fine,” I said. “At least tell me if he was any good.”
“Mmmm,” she hummed, her eyes closing slowly. “It was exactly what I needed. He was incredible. A god.”
My lips pursed into a pout. “I want someone incredible. I want a god.” I blinked at her. “What is wrong with me?”
Nas chuckled. “By the look of it, you’re thirsty, kukla.”
“Huh?”
“You need a tall glass of water.”
I was starting to get a headache. I rubbed at my temples. “English, Nas. Please.”
She huffed out an annoyed sigh and shot me the stank eye. “You’re horny.”
“No, I’m not,” I objected a little too quickly.
“It’s totally natural to want the D, Mina. Nothing to be ashamed of. It’s been a long time. You’ve just got your life back.” She assured, “You’re twenty-four years old. It’s okay to want sex.”
I blinked down at the table, thinking hard. “You know, you’re probably right. But I think it’s not what I want at all. It’s just the idea of it is mighty appealing.” I snickered. “Knowing my luck, I’d hook up with the one guy who doesn’t know how to take a woman there. Then, of course, I’d fake it so he didn’t feel bad, and end up feeling twice as horny, going home and flicking the bean.” I grimaced. “Not ideal.”
Nas gawked at me, her eyes narrowed and her lip curled. Finally, she theorized, “You’re fucking crazy.”
“I know,” I sighed.
I opened the bag on the table to find Ada had made a batch of her blueberry muffins. Even though I wanted to keep them all for myself, I reluctantly offered one to Nas, who snickered at my obviously forced offer. She took one anyway. We talked over a cup of coffee and I realized time flew as the back door opened.
Both Nas and I turned to watch Lev walk inside. He looked down at his sister and his hard eyes turned warm. “Good morning, Nastasia. Are you joining us for lunch?”
“Lunch?” She perked up. I spun around and scowled at her. Her brows rose in surprise. “I guess not.”
“Next time,” he muttered before turning to me. “I need to shower. We’ll leave in ten minutes.”
“Okay,” I breathed, staring directly at his t-shirt-covered broad chest.
When he left to walk up the stairs, Nas pinched me and whisper-hissed, “You have a thing for Lev!”
“Ow, that hurt!” I howled, rubbing at my arm. “I finally got the guts to ask him to lunch. We’re going to get to know each other.” I vowed, “I’m not letting him avoid me anymore. We’re going to be friends.”
Nas warned, “Lev doesn’t do friendship.”
I looked toward the doorway he walked out of. I declared resolutely, “Well, I’m going to change that.”
Nas left before Lev had finished showering, giving me a moment to apply a tinted moisturizer, mascara, and clear lip-gloss. I brushed my hair and left it down. It was no longer straight, rather cascading down my back in loose waves.
I changed into the navy blue sundress I’d bought two days prior after talking Nas into taking me to another thrift shop, throwing an eighties-style white blazer over the top and slipping on my white, low-heeled mary janes. Nas acted annoyed that I made her come, but she left with a stunning vintage Glomesh clutch circa the seventies.
I grinned at her. She spat oversensitively, “Hey, these are back in fashion!”
As we were leaving, Mirella pulled up into the driveway. She brought Lidiya out, and the moment she spotted her daddy, her arms went out toward him and she started babbling, “Otet! Otet! Otet!”
He looked to me then back to her, and I knew I was losing him. There was no competition when it came to Lidiya. I understood that. And to be honest, I respected that.
Rather than losing my lunch date, I placed my hand on his arm and hinted, “Maybe Mirella could do with an afternoon off.” At his confused look, I suggested, “Let’s take Lidiya with us. We’ll bring a picnic blanket, some of her toys, get some lunch, and eat it in the park.”
He looked from me to Lidiya then back to me. “Are you sure? She’s demanding when it comes to my attention.”
I didn’t blame her. He was pretty wonderful. Smiling, I assured him, “I want Lidiya to come. I love her to bits.”
“Okay,” he stated with a firm nod. And when he went over to his daughter, he beamed, taking her chubby self into his arms, and I knew I had done the right thing.
Chapter Fifteen
Mina
Lev drove past three parks before he found one he deemed suitable. When I pointed out the first two, he lowered his sunglasses, peered out my window, shook his head, and muttered, “Too crowded.”
When he did things like this, I reminded myself that although it seemed strange to me, I didn’t know this man—hence the purpose of today. I would sit by and let him do things his way. I had all the time in the world for Lev and his eccentricities.
I helped Lidiya out of the car, took her little hand, and waited for Lev to retrieve the blanket and picnic basket and lead the way. He w
alked us a short way from the car to a small copse of trees on the outskirt of the greenery. As Lidiya pulled on my hand, I picked her up and hugged her tight, allowing Lev time to stretch out the thick, wooly blanket and set down the basket.
Lidiya squirmed to be released and, reluctantly, I let her go. The moment she escaped my hand, her chubby little legs took her away from us at a surprising speed for one with such tiny feet. A gasp escaped me, and I went to chase after her, but Lev stopped me with a hand on my arm. “She’s okay. She never goes far.”
He was her father. He knew her better than I did, but still, I worried. “Are you sure?” I asked hesitantly as I kept a keen eye on her. She had found a leaf that was to her liking. I knew this because she stood there enraptured, smiling down at it as if it were a ruby glittering in the sun. She held it delicately in her clumsy hand and turned, running back to us with her hand raised above her head to show us her spoils.
My racing heart slowed. I looked up at Lev, who smiled down at the little girl. “Thank you, Lidi. It’s lovely.”
She ran off a second time, but I saw that she stopped at the same distance as she had before, as if she consciously knew that going any farther was going too far.
A warm hand closed around mine and I spun around. Lev motioned to the blanket. “Sit.”
I was about to tell him I didn’t need help sitting, but when I realized I was wearing a dress, I decided against it. I didn’t want to show Lev my no brand white panties. Not today, anyway.
With his help, I sat as gracefully as possible without showing my undies, and he sat as close to me as he could without actually touching me. It was a gorgeous day, and with the trees acting as shade, it was positively delightful. We both turned our heads to watch Lidi as she played a safe and close distance. Lev opened the picnic basket, started to remove items, and handed them to me.
When Lev told Mirella that we planned to steal away her ward for the afternoon, she insisted on putting together a picnic basket for us rather than having us buy something to eat. I was okay with that. I mean, Mirella had made toast for me on occasion, and she was pretty good at that. I was positive she could make sandwiches with ease. Within ten minutes, we had a relatively full picnic basket, a doll and ball for Lidiya to play with if she got bored, her blankie in case she felt sleepy, and bottles of water to sip on.
As Lev handed me items, I placed them down in front of us. Mirella had done well packing potato chips, zip-locked bags full of sliced apples, strawberries, carrot sticks, spears of cucumber, squares of cheese, and wafer-thin crackers, sandwiches, some of Ada’s ridiculous blueberry muffins, and lastly, bite-sized brownie pieces. He took out bottles of water and handed me one. I opened it, sipping slowly, watching him from the corner of my eye.
He removed his jacket, placing it over the basket so it wouldn’t touch the ground, then removed his cufflinks and rolled up the sleeves of his shirt to his elbows.
“I have my first question.” I smiled to myself. “Do you always wear a suit?”
He inclined his head. “Yes, mostly.”
I waited for more of an explanation.
I got nothing.
My eyes narrowed, I motioned with my hands for him to tell me more.
His brows rose. “That’s it. There is no more.”
I scoffed. “Oh, we are going to have to do better than that. Why do you wear suits all the time? Do you own anything other than business-wear? How about a pair of jeans?”
He looked out at his daughter, who had collected a bunch of leaves, and responded, “I don’t know why I wear suits all of the time. It’s habit, I suppose. And yes, I own other items of clothing, including a pair of jeans.”
Oh my.
What I would give to see that ass in a pair of well-fitting jeans. Gah!
“Okay.” I was satisfied with those answers. I opened a bag, picked up a piece of cheese, and threw it into my mouth. “Now you ask me a question.”
He didn’t respond for a long while, and for a moment, I didn’t think he would, but then he opened his mouth and spoke, clinically. “Did you love your mother?”
My brow furrowed.
What kind of question is that?
I answered with ease, “Of course I loved my mother. She was the best. Her name was Clara, and I look just like her.”
“She was beautiful then,” Lev uttered, almost to himself, and I reverted to the old me, turning my head to hide behind my hair.
“She was beautiful, but you know what made her stunning?”
“What?”
I turned to face him. “Her smile.” I grinned. “It was contagious. And when she laughed, her whole body shook in one joyous, choreographed movement. It was as if she danced with her laughter. She smiled all the time, even when it was hard to muster, and she laughed a lot too.” My throat thickened the more I spoke of her. I finished on a whisper, “She was pure sunshine.”
“And then she died.” It was so morbid, so morose that I winced.
“And then she died,” I confirmed with a nod. “It all happened so quickly. She went to the doctors with stomach pains and bloating, and was misdiagnosed at first. We found out that she had bowel cancer, and it was too late. They told us she had three months.” I frowned at the memory. “She barely made it to two.”
“I’m sorry.”
I shrugged just as Lidiya returned with another handful of leaves to add to the small collection she’d gathered. This time, she sat down, right on my lap, and reached for the bag of apple slices. I opened it for her and handed her a slice, hugging an arm around her belly and resting my cheek on her head. “What about your parents, Lev? You haven’t mentioned them.”
“They’re dead,” he stated without emotion.
I turned his question back on him. “Did you love them?”
He picked up a blade of grass, his brow bunching. “I don’t understand love,” he started. “Love is just a word.”
My brows rose in surprise. I could see he loved Lidiya, loved her with all he had inside of him. I could see he loved Nas, and even Sasha in his own way. I did not understand how a person surrounded by people who loved him did not understand love. “But you love Lidiya. You love Nas and Sasha.”
“Do I?” he questioned. “I would put myself in harms way to see them happy. I would give my life to see them safe. I would. Is that love? Perhaps.” His head tilted to the side. “Perhaps it is more.”
Lidiya ate, babbling quietly, handing me things she found fascinating, like the lid to my water bottle. I pondered his words in silence, and when I thought I understood, I spoke gently. “You believe in love the verb. Not love the word.” His face spun and he looked at me as if he was shocked I understood. I added, “Love, the action. Not love, the watery emotion.”
“Yes,” he uttered, awestruck.
I could love you, Lev Leokov.
The thought took me by surprise. It both excited and terrified me at the very same time.
I bit the inside of my lip. “I get it.”
My focus was drawn to the little girl, eating her weight in apple slices, but I felt his eyes on me. Twirling my fingers through Lidiya’s sweet curls, I held her close, using her as a too-cute distraction.
Her father’s intensity was killing me.
“Before, when you had a home, did you plan on college?” His question surprised me.
“Yeah,” I beamed. “I was going to be a photographer. Spend all my money on a camera and take off, snapping pictures of this and that.” I grinned. “Selling my photographs for thousands of dollars and being the go-to person when the people at Vogue needed inspiration.” I chuckled to myself. “That was the dream, anyway.”
“What would you take pictures of?”
Lidiya had put her thumb into her mouth, snatched up her blankie, and settled on my chest, resting her head on my shoulder. I kissed her forehead. “I wanted to take edgy photos. Pictures of people and situations that made people do a double-take. I wanted to be rash and reckless, and bring awareness to subje
cts that were often forgotten.” I shrugged, accidentally jolting Lidiya. “Oh, sorry, honey,” I whispered. “I wanted to make a difference.”
Lidiya, getting sick of my chatter and movement, picked herself up and crawled over to her daddy, who already had his arms open for her. He folded them around her, holding her close, and the moment she tucked her nose into the side of his neck, she closed her eyes and sighed, dozing almost immediately.
I smiled at the pair. But the sight triggered my next question. “Where is Lidiya’s mom?” I asked cautiously. “I know she lives with her but no one mentions her.”
Without thinking, he answered through a growl, “Lidiya’s mother is a poor excuse for a human being, and as soon as the opportunity presents itself, Lidi will live with me permanently.”
I was momentarily stunned. It was the most emotion I’d ever seen pulled from him. I couldn’t understand what the woman had done to him that he’d hate her so much. I had to ask, “What did she do?”
His lips thinned and his nostrils worked, as if he was having a hard time controlling himself. “Irina thought she could extort money from me by getting pregnant. She’d tampered with condoms, and I never thought to question her. I never had to question a woman before. She taught me how cunning a woman could be.” He shook his head. “The look of shock on her face when I told her I wanted the baby was amusing. After that, she demanded money to not terminate the pregnancy.” He kissed a sleeping Lidiya’s head. “She never wanted Lidiya. She despises her. Mirella isn’t just Lidiya’s nanny.” He sent me a fierce look. “She’s her bodyguard.”
“Oh, my God,” I whispered, my face pale. “Does she hurt her?”
“No, she wouldn’t dare. Not with Mirella around.” He readjusted the little girl, holding her close. “It’s the reason I hired her. Mirella is a retired Marine. I explained our need for someone who could act under pressure. She doesn’t let Lidiya out of her sight. Not ever.”
My shoulders slumped in relief. “I hope I never meet this woman. I would love to give her a piece of my mind.”