I’d always been allowed to love openly and physically within my family and group of friends. There wasn’t so much as a batted eye the first time I brought a boyfriend home, and it wasn’t long into my relationship with Remy that my mom had started dropping hints about marriage and kids even though neither one of us was old enough to consider either of those things at the time. I’d never been shy about expressing my interest or availability to someone that I was attracted to, but I’d also never been compelled to attack a man with my mouth before either.
When I met Remy, it was love at first sight. I had started seeing forever and a life together before we even shared our first kiss. With Dom, I couldn’t see anything but those sharp army-green eyes and my own rampaging lust shining back at me. Instant attraction could be fun and a nice boost to the ego, but whatever was happening between the two of us felt bigger than that. It felt big enough to rival the fear that always lingered just under the surface whenever I started to develop feelings for someone. It felt like it had a life of its own and couldn’t be controlled by either my rules or my sense of self-preservation and that terrified me. Not to mention the fact I had mauled the guy knowing good and well that I was going to have to see him as soon as the weekend was over. I was both horrified and frustrated that it was a kiss I was going to have to ignore … even though it was the best kiss I could remember having in a really, really long time.
Annoyed at the kick in my gut as I replayed that kiss over and over again I glanced to my side at the woman running on the treadmill next to me. I didn’t immediately recognize her, which meant she must be pretty new to the gym and she seemed to be thinking just as hard as she scowled and muttered under her breath while she ran.
She was tall and had a perfectly sleek blond ponytail that bobbed on the top of her head as she moved. Everything she was wearing was monochrome and pretty boring considering she had a body that was designed to make straight men do really stupid things. She was stunning and if I liked girls, she would probably be the type that caught my eye. Hell, I didn’t like girls like that and she still caught my attention. I must have been staring because she turned her head and stormy blue eyes locked on mine. I lifted an eyebrow at her because even though she was running at a nice clip she wasn’t breathing hard or dripping with sweat. I was impressed.
She stumbled a little when our eyes locked and blushed charmingly as I grinned at her. I hit the controls on the treadmill to slow the belt down to a light jog.
“Are you a new member?” The gym was below the clinic and while I typically used the equipment upstairs, I thought the other people and noise would distract me from my wayward thoughts and rebelling libido.
She slowed her machine down as well and lifted a shoulder in a shrug. “Not really. I usually come in before work during the week or try and catch a yoga class after a full day in court.” She shrugged again. “I’m a lawyer. I can use all the stress relief I can get plus I haven’t been sleeping well, so …” She trailed off and blushed again like she was surprised she had said so much to a total stranger.
“Ahhh … I’m usually with clients in the morning and I only do yoga with them if I think it will help with their therapy regimen. I actually own the gym and the rehabilitation clinic with a few business partners. Orlando Frederick.” I stuck out my hand but had to wait until she shut the machine all the way off before she would take it.
“I’m a klutz. I would take us both down if I tried to shake while moving. Sayer Cole.”
I grinned at her when she told me her name. “A very pretty name for a very pretty lady.”
She blinked at me like she didn’t understand the words I was using and then tilted her head to the side and looked at me consideringly. “Yours is kind of unusual. I’m not sure if it’s the red hair or not, but you really don’t look like an Orlando.”
I turned my machine off as well and let her get away with changing the subject in a very lawyerly way. “I know. I think my folks should have gone with Harry so I could cash in, on the whole royal ginger thing, but no. My dad was a recruiter for a few different sports teams when I was younger, so we moved around a lot. All of us kids have names of cities. Mom won’t confirm or deny that’s where we were conceived, but I have a brother named Austin and a sister named Phoenix. Most people just call me, Lando.”
I waited a second to see if she would elaborate on her own interesting moniker but when she just continued to watch me without saying anything we lapsed into an awkward silence. I was going to tell her it was nice to meet her and tell her I hoped she enjoyed the facilities when she suddenly shook her head and gave me a rueful grin.
“It doesn’t matter how fast or how long I run I can’t seem to get away from the things chasing me, but it was nice to have a little company while I tried.”
I crossed my arms on the safety bar and leaned towards her. “I’m kind of in the same boat.” I arched both my eyebrows up. “Boy trouble?”
I couldn’t explain why I was pressing her, but there was something about her that tugged at me. She seemed very put together, almost polished and practiced in a way that made her seem untouchable, but there was a hint of vulnerability in her bright blue eyes that was begging for any kind of basic human connection.
She shook her head slowly and reached for a bottle of water that was by her feet. “Not a boy at all. A man. A man that is in all ways of the wrong kind of man, but that doesn’t matter because I still have a crush on him.” She made a face. “A crush. I’ve never had a crush on anyone in my entire life and I have no idea what to do with it, or with him.”
She sounded baffled and adorable. I just wanted to hug her and ask her if she needed a friend. I ran my hands over my damp hair because I wasn’t blessed with ice water in my veins like my new companion and did sweat when I ran.
“In my experience as long as he treats you right and appreciates you then no man is the wrong kind of man.” I winced as my own advice kicked me in the balls.
A man that put himself in danger and risked his life because he was a protector, a hero, well, that wasn’t exactly the wrong kind of man, but it was wrong for me because I was unable to get my head around caring about someone and losing them again. My heart just wasn’t up for it even if the rest of me was all on board.
She must have seen the battle waging inside of me on my face because she reached out a hand and put it on my shoulder and squeezed. She didn’t come off as the touchy-feely type, so my distress must have been pretty evident to this beautiful stranger.
“You’re right. He’s not the wrong kind of man at all, but that doesn’t keep me from being the wrong kind of woman.” She let her hand fall and took a step back. “It was really lovely to meet you, Lando. I hope I get to see you around again.” It was her turn to lift her eyebrows up at me. “And I hope you figure out your boy trouble, because the chances I’ll figure out mine are slim to none.”
She walked away and I was going to head over to the free weights and see if the clanking of metal on metal could get my head out of Dom’s pants and off his lips when my phone rang from the pocket of my track pants. I knew it was my mom by the ringtone and if I let it go to voicemail, she would more than likely show up at the gym to check on me. I was close to my entire family, so it wasn’t often that I didn’t check in or keep them updated on what was happening in my life. Ever since Dominic Voss walked into my office just a few short days ago, I hadn’t been doing anything I normally did.
I touched the screen and put the phone to my ear and changed directions so I could head up to my office and talk to her without the noise in the background.
“Hey, Ma. What’s up?”
“Your father and I got a new financial advisor to handle our retirement since your dad is set on buying an RV and touring the world. He’s handsome and single. I gave him your number.”
I sighed and flopped down in my chair. I loved my mom, but she was desperate for me to finally settle down and be happy. She had a habit of handing my phone number out to any male she encountered
that had a good job, was reasonably attractive and single. She didn’t bother vetting if they were gay or not, which had led to more than one awkward conversation my father had to smooth over on her behalf.
“Ma.” I rubbed a hand over my face and blurted out, “I met someone.” I immediately wanted to take it back as she squealed into my ear, but I had always been open and honest with her and it was like the truth was just looking for an excuse to escape from somewhere deep down inside of me.
She was jabbering so fast and at such a high-pitched octave I could barely understand her. “What’s his name? What’s he look like? What’s he do for a living? Is he close with his family? How long have you been seeing him?”
I let the rapid-fire questions bombard me until she wore herself out. I sighed and told her, “He’s a client, Ma, and a cop.”
She went really quiet on the other end of the phone and then whispered so softly that I almost didn’t hear her, “Oh, Lando …”
I rubbed my temples and grunted. “I know, Ma. Believe me I know. The reason he came to see me is because he was already hurt in the line of duty. He got shot and fell off of a building.” Just saying the words made me tense up. Dom was so lucky to be alive, and I couldn’t fathom how hard he was working to put himself back in the line of fire after a close call like that.
She was quiet for another drawn out minute before solemnly asking me, “Are you sure you can handle being with someone in such a high-risk field? After Remy …” she trailed off again and I had to fight the urge to bang my forehead on the edge of my desk.
“I know how I was after Remy, Ma. I’m still that way minus the sleeping around. I think I’ll always be that way. I don’t think being with this guy is an option for me. First of all he’s a client, so anything romantic between us is pretty goddamn unprofessional, and secondly I honestly don’t think I’m strong enough to get involved with someone that I could very well lose.”
She made a little noise and I could almost see her lifting her hand to her mouth. She cleared her throat and when she spoke, she sounded like the woman who had always told me to be proud of who I was and to chase after whatever dream I had. “You’ve never been afraid of anything in your life, Orlando. Fear was the biggest issue in your relationship with Remy. It controlled everything that sweet boy did and we all hated to watch him live like that. It broke your heart time and time again. We taught you better than to let fear rule you and maybe I forgot that because you scared me when Remy died. I let my fear take over. You lost so much of yourself when you lost that boy, and maybe I’ve been scared to see you go back there, but that’s not who you are and that’s not who we are. You’ve never been afraid to love anyone. Don’t start now.”
I gave her a dry little chuckle and leaned back in the chair so that I could stare up at the ceiling. “A little early to be talking about love, Ma.”
But I did like him. I liked that he was effortlessly charismatic and brash. I liked that he was determined and driven in the way only someone with real dedication could be. I liked that he didn’t bother to hide his attraction to me but kept himself in check and in control because I obviously couldn’t be trusted to. I liked that he could give just as good as he got and that he felt hot and hard when he was pressed against me. And I liked that I liked him. It had been way too long since I found anyone interesting enough to engage with and I liked the pop and sizzle of desire that worked under my skin and made my blood heat when I was around him. That was new.
Of course, I wanted Remy and a few of the men that had come after but none of them blindsided me with lust. No one made me feel like I was being buried under my own hunger and scrambling to fight my way through thick and slippery passion. I couldn’t get my footing or find anything to hold on to, which meant I was falling. I didn’t like the feeling one bit.
“You haven’t mentioned a man in a long time, kiddo. Regardless if this one is a client or not, that means something. I think you owe it to yourself to figure out what that something is, don’t you?”
“Maybe. I gotta go. Tell Dad that if he gets an RV, I get to borrow it to go camping.”
She laughed. “Will do. Figure out what you’re gonna do about the cop and then bring him for dinner. I get tired of harassing your sister and brother about my future grandchildren.”
I rolled my eyes and told her I would call her later.
I had no clue what I was going to do about the hot cop, but I needed to figure it out fast because I didn’t want to make a fool of myself when he showed up for his therapy session on Monday. I’d already mauled him with my mouth; if I didn’t get a handle on my reaction to him there was a very good chance I could be inspired to attack him with the rest of my body as well. Something told me Dom wouldn’t complain about being ravaged, but my mom was right. There was something more there, something that hadn’t been there for a very long time and I owed it to myself and to Dominic to be man enough to face it and find out what that something was, if only I could reach around the walls of fear to get at it.
Chapter 5
Dominic
Lando was angry at me and doing a piss-poor job of hiding it. Not that I could blame him.
I had apparently undone all the positive improvement he had put into my body over the previous week by not knowing when enough was enough. I wanted to pretend like I was still the guy that could do everything, could still be the one everyone counted on when they needed a strong back and some good old-fashioned sweat, but I wasn’t. After helping my youngest sister, Ari, move into her very first apartment on Saturday, I should have told Royal no when she asked if I wanted to go hiking with her on Sunday. As a result of the overuse my thigh felt like it was made of Jell-O and I was pretty sure that there was a torn muscle or strained tendon somewhere in my shoulder. I was back to hurting like everything inside of me was on fire and even the simplest of movements made me wince.
Lando was watching me with a furious scowl on his handsome face. I wanted to tell him the fierce expression was ruined by his freckles, but I didn’t think he was in the mood to flirt. He looked like he wanted to knock me around and yell at me.
“Come on. It was my little sister. I couldn’t exactly tell her no when she asked for my help. I practically raised her when my dad died when we were younger. I’ve always been her go-to guy. I didn’t think it would hurt anything.”
His pale eyes narrowed just a fraction at me. “You were wrong. There isn’t any point in trying to put you through your set routine today. You can’t even lift that twenty-pound dumbbell up past your waist.”
I went to heft the weight up to show him that he was wrong and ended up yelping in pain and dropping the heavy metal back on the floor with a loud thud. He had to jump back a step to avoid getting his toes crushed as I let out a litany of swear words and reached up to cradle my screaming shoulder. I swore again as he gave me an “I told you so” look and bent to pick up the weight I couldn’t lift like it was a feather. He walked over to put it on the rack and came back with his arms crossed over his chest.
I thought there might be a level of awkwardness between us after his kiss-and-run, but he was so overly irritated that I had overworked myself that there didn’t seem to but much room for anything else to work between us at the moment.
“Hey, I’m sorry, okay. This whole ‘being half of what I used to be’ is taking some getting used to, and I really never have told Ari no before.”
He sighed and released his arms so that he could shove his hands through his hair. I watched the way the motion lifted the edge of his shirt up over the top of his black pants. He even had a dusting of freckles that zigzagged below his belly button. I wanted to see how far down they went. I wanted to know so badly it made my mouth water and my fingers curl into my palms with the effort it took to keep my hands to myself.
“I’m upset that you are hurting. I get that you’re frustrated, that you would love to see immediate results and get back to work, but that isn’t how these kinds of injuries work. I don’t like to se
e anyone in pain when it can be avoided.” He let his arms fall and caught me looking at him with what I’m sure was a fairly predatory gleam in my eye. I wanted it to be my turn to pounce. “Since you can’t do any work with the weights¸ let’s take a different route today. How about an hour of hot yoga and then a deep tissue massage?”
I grunted and climbed to my feet so that we were standing face to face and almost touching. “Can I say yes to one and no to the other?” I’d never done yoga a day in my life and what the hell was hot yoga? It sounded dumb and uncomfortable. I couldn’t see any logical reason to sweat my ass off.
“No.” His tone was flat and the expression on his face left little room for argument. “If you want to stay with the program, then don’t hurt yourself on your off days. We have to work around your stubbornness.” The corner of his mouth kicked up in a grin that made me suck in a sharp breath. “And don’t think you’re too tough for yoga. It’s taken down bigger and badder men than you, Officer Voss.”
I rolled my shoulder and winced as lightning bolts of pain shot down my entire back. “All right. Let’s get it over with, so we can move on to the massage part. Are you the one handling that as well?” Please say yes, please say yes. The refrain rattled around inside my head along with images of him standing over me with oil-slick hands as he rubbed out all the knots and kinks in my injured shoulder. I could so work with that.
He didn’t answer my question as he motioned for me to follow him out of the main area we had been using for the physical therapy session and took me past his office and down a set of stairs that emptied into a big, empty room that was obviously used for classes and group activities. He shut the door, fiddled with the controls on the wall which made the room immediately jump up in temperature, and suddenly I felt like I was walking through a muggy swamp and not standing in a gym. I tugged at the collar of my shirt as Lando walked over and pulled the shades on the massive windows that looked out into the rest of the gym down below. He smirked at me as he effectively cocooned us in the room that was rapidly heating up. He handed me a couple of mats that felt like they were made of rubber and told me to lay them out on the floor a few feet apart from one another.