Life's Road Trip
A Different Kind of
Driver's Manual
Kit Duncan
~~~
Wingsong Publishing House
Nashville TN
Copyright © 2006 by Kit Duncan
All rights reserved.
This book may not be reproduced in whole or in part by any means without express permission from its author.
For additional information:
Kit Duncan
[email protected] Cover photo by Kit Duncan
Iowa Back Road, September 1980
to
Jon, naturally
Other Books by Kit Duncan
Corban
Dandelions in Paradise
Tea With Mrs Saunders
Dear Aunt Myrna
Table of Contents
Other Books by Kit Duncan
Acknowledgments
Prologue
1 Learning to Drive: Manuals and Mentors
2 Braking and Accelerating
3 Destinations and Road Maps
4 Windshields, Windows, Mirrors, Headlights, and Wipers
5 Signs Along the Way
6 When to Turn, When to Turn Around, When to Just Pull Over for Awhile
7 Pedestrians, Passengers, and Hitchhikers
8 Hills and Curves, Tunnels and Bridges
9 Your Cargo
10 Maintenance: Taking Responsibility for Your Car and Your Driving
11 How You See the Scenery: Your World View
12 Financing Your First Car
13 Music to Drive By
14 Laughter: Your Car's Best Air Freshener
15 Your Driving Log
16 Road Rage
17 Car Insurance
18 The World is Bigger than Your Car
19 Dating in Your Car
20 Journey's End
About the Author
Acknowledgments
Few books are written and published in isolation. This one in your hands is no exception. While there are many people who have made discreet and overt contributions to Life's Road Trip, I will limit myself to mentioning only a few here.
I am profoundly indebted to my folks Leo and Theda Craig for their wise counsel over many years. They steered me well when I most needed it, and sometimes covered their eyes in horror as I careened down one embankment or another. They always helped me tow myself back up on the road. I miss you both very much.
A very special thanks is extended to M. A. Edmonds, my editor at Wingsong Publishing House, whose many helpful and insightful comments kept me on track. Without you and your great genius of the heart, this book would have been sidetracked indefinitely.
And thank you, Jessica Woodard Brown, whose unflinching support and affection for me over the last 35 years has warmed me and inspired me in geometric proportions. Her first words to me, walking home on the last day of school in 1971, were, "You owe me a book!" (She had just had to pay for the rain warped 8th grade English textbook assigned to me the previous year.) Jessica, here's your book!
Prologue
For several months before my nephew Jonathan turned sixteen I struggled with the challenge of what to give him for this special birthday. The ideal gift for a young driver in training?
Naturally, keys to a brand new car. Preferably a candy apple red sports car that clocks in at 130 miles per hour in less than ten seconds with mag wheels and a supersonic stereo system.
There is something quite special, almost mystical, about a young person turning sixteen. In another society he might be escorted along with the other boys his age by the older men in his village to a remote place known only by the males. He and his comrades would spend several weeks enduring the rigors of initiation rites. When he returned to his home he would be known by his parents, family, and everyone in his community as a man, with all the rights and responsibilities attached to manhood.
Jonathan will not be as fortunate as those cousins in that very different society. Instead, his community will remain nebulous about his role. Sometimes we treat him like the child he was only a short time ago, other times we expect him to be the man he will not be for several more years. Caught in this dichotomy, he may sometimes appear awkward. Moments later he may seem wise beyond his years. It has been a little confusing for all of us who love him, and it has been a little confusing to him as well.
Life's Road Trip is a metaphor, using one of America’s favorite past times as a “vehicle” for describing various options for enhanced living. Taken to heart, it may be a tool for Jon as he slowly morphs into manhood, and perhaps from time to time over the years he will review it again.
I did not buy my nephew a new sports car for his sixteenth birthday. What I offer Jon are a few insights that I have collected in my travels along my own journey of life. Insights engrained into one's character will last long after that brilliant sports car has turned to rust.
Happy birthday, dear Jon!
1
Learning to Drive: Manuals and Mentors
There are few things more exciting to a young person than learning how to drive. Few things are more important. It is a lifelong skill.
Oh, sure, you may learn enough in a matter of weeks to pass your driving test and get your license. Unfortunately, many folks believe that this is all they need to know about driving.
It's the same with school. You pass your courses, and someday someone hands you a diploma, and you think, "Well, I most certainly have arrived. I have an education. I know what I need to know."
I have met many older people who are still living this delusion. You can identify them pretty quickly. They are arrogant, they are self-important, and they are stuck. They live their lives rutted in a level of knowledge that has never expanded beyond their last day of school.
These are boring, unhappy people because they have learned all they think they will ever need to know.
There are two important things we do when we begin learning to drive. We study the driving manual and we ask an experienced driver to show us how to drive and to accompany us when we practice driving. We often put both away as soon as we receive our license. Do not make this mistake.
Read everything you can. Not a reader, you say? Don't care for books and such? Read anyway, if only for fifteen minutes a day. Read the newspaper, magazines, the classics, romance novels, owner's manuals, cereal labels. Read self help books and comic books, westerns, detective stories. Read over sized brick-like books and pint sized gift books. Read poems and plays. Read.
Reading connects you to the lives and thoughts of people you will never meet. It opens doors to your world that would stay forever locked from you if you don't read. Reading invites you to expand yourself, your mind, your soul, your very life.
Read to learn, read to laugh, read to cry. Each word that touches your soul has the power to transform you. Well placed words can help you avoid accidents, can take you to new places, can open your heart to new people, can calm you in moments of crisis, and prepare you in advance for those crises. Words can comfort you in your darker moments, they can help you get through unexpected cloud storms, and in times of great joy, they can spiral you to exuberant heights of bliss.
Written words are lifelines. Words, written perhaps hundreds of years ago, can reach through the portals of time and touch you, transform you, lead you in new, vibrant, exciting directions. Words can take you places you cannot imagine going, see things you cannot imagine seeing.
A mentor is another pilgrim, like yourself, who has been driving a bit longer than you. When you get into the car with your mentor, honor that mentor as a great giver of secrets and magic. Honor your mentor with respect, attention, watchfulness. Learn all you can from your mentor.
As you drive along, way after you've received your license, keep a close lookout for new mentors. Find people you can trust to teach you the many facets of driving, and living.
There are as many teachers in the world as there are people in the world. Some of these people you will love, some of these teachers you may not even like. Learn from everyone, either by their good deeds, or their naughtiness. Learn to duplicate their goodness and to avoid their naughtiness.
You are a teacher to others as well. You always will be, though you may never know it. People are looking at you today, being influenced by your behavior and your choices.
People will be learning from you all your life. Be a wise teacher.
Learn from every source possible. Look for knowledge, and most importantly, crave wisdom, which is knowledge dressed up with practicality and compassion. Grow in every imaginable way.
When you think you know the most, you know the least. As you drive through life you will meet many people, you will have experiences you cannot begin to fathom today. The more you know the more options you have to make wise choices. Wise people are content. Ignorant people live lives of drudgery and misery.
Open your heart to learning, and your journey will be one of happiness. Think you've already arrived, and you will get nowhere, though the scenery may change.
2
Braking and Accelerating
Knowing how to stop is the most important part of knowing how to go. It comes in handy when you’re in a pinch.
Years ago I worked at a large children’s home in Texas. One of my unofficial functions was to teach the high school students on our campus how to drive.
Teaching is an awesome responsibility. Teaching inexperienced young people how to operate a moving vehicle is the closest thing I’ve ever experienced to taking my life into my own hands, and placing it with considerable misgiving into the hands of others.
The first thing I always did when getting in a car with someone who had never been behind the wheel was to insure they knew how to stop safely. (Okay. I lied. The first thing I did was pray.)
The operative word here is “safely.” Any vehicle, pretty much any thing, will eventually stop. Knowing how to stop in a safe way that does minimal or no damage is a premium skill, no matter what kind of movement you are engaged in. Otherwise, one puts one’s self and others in unnecessary danger. Danger isn’t a bad thing. Unnecessary danger is ignorant and reckless, and tends to speed up one’s journey to the end. One cannot enjoy traveling when one has already arrived.
There are many unannounced obstacles on these roads of life. You’re cruising along, enjoying the sights, things are going smoothly. Then WHAM! Out of nowhere another car juxtaposes itself about an inch from your front left fender. In a panic you might swerve hard to the right, probably overcompensate, and endanger anything that might be minding its own business on the shoulder. You also risk careening out of control, going into a tailspin, and facing oncoming traffic moving at 55 to 75 miles per hour. This is not an experience you will enjoy.
Never over-compensate. And never react in fright. When confronted with an unwelcome intimacy, move over just enough to be safe, collect your wits, and then decide how you will turn the steering wheel.
Do not slam on the brakes just because you’re uncomfortable. Slowing down is usually preferable to stopping in a rush.
Action nearly always outweighs reaction.
Don’t be in too big a rush to “get there.” Speed deprives you of a lot of adventure, and garbles your responses. Speed is important for people who don’t want to savor an experience. The experience of life is one best fostered in relaxation and a gentle pressure on the accelerator.
On the other hand, driving too slowly is risky, too. You’re liable to get smashed in the rear by on onslaught of traffic. Even if you escape that calamity, by moving too slowly you are unlikely to take full advantage of your trip. You may get where you’re going but you'll be exhausted by the time you arrive.
Speed is relative. It’s important to know when to speed up and when to slow down. Cruise control is a handy devise on an open interstate when there’s minimal traffic. It’s a frustrating annoyance and counterproductive in congested areas.
In an automatic vehicle you have two foot pedals to operate. One is to make the car go faster, the other is to make it go slower. Do not confuse these two pedals.
Sometimes on your journey you will want to speed from one point to another, you will ache to "get there." Other times, you will feel like crawling because you don't want to arrive at a frightening intersection or destination. Measure your speed, be restrained in anticipation and bold in fear. Pace yourself well. Be steady as you go.
Your life will be full of stops, starts, slowing down, speeding up. Pace yourself well. Be steady as you go.
And never be afraid to just pull over and rest awhile before continuing.
Don’t hurry, don’t dawdle. Somewhere in between "ride like the wind" and "move at a snail's pace" is a rhythm that eases you through your journey. Find your rhythm.
Pace yourself well. Be steady as you go.
3
Destinations and Road Maps
When I was young, before I had the range of responsibilities I have today, I was known to sometimes wake up at midnight, decide to take a drive, and wind up four hours later flying my kite on a moonlit beach. Once I drove ten hours through the night on the spur of the moment to visit a friend who lived two states away. Another time a friend and I went out one afternoon for ice cream. When we came to the main intersection, instead of turning left as we had planned, we turned right, drove several hours, and went swimming late that evening at Wilmington Beach.
Spontaneity has its rewards. And its limitations. An enlightened, enhanced, and fun life balances impulsivity with planfulness. To always know every mile before you would be sheer boredom. To never know where you might be one moment to the next would be chaos. Balance blends the two into a symphony, mixing harmony with dissonance into a masterpiece.
I read once that when Columbus came to America he didn’t know where he was going when he left, didn’t know where he was when he arrived, and didn’t know where he’d been when he got home. There are a lot of folks sailing through life like Columbus, confused, and risking internal mutiny. Some sense of direction is imperative, a rigid adherence to goals madness. Balance the extremes, moderate your objectives.
I carry a Rand McNally atlas in my car. I seldom consult it. There’s a much appreciated security in knowing it’s there, and a fresh defiance in rarely looking at it.
Destinations can be over-rated. Never arrive. Cross the finish line only once, in death. Make everything else the adventure. Otherwise, you will drive in a catatonic daze. Relish the landscape and the variances, even when unexpected. The contours, especially the inconvenient ones, give texture to the journey. A life void of texture is not worth the gas in your tank or the air you breathe.
Never underestimate the potential joys of a detour. By exiting the interstate onto country roads I have seen many visions I would have otherwise missed. Side roads tend to have more curves and hills, and I never seem to get where I’m going very quickly. Speed limits are more restrictive, and I come upon so many small towns with two or three stop lights.
But the sights! An abandoned barn half a mile in the middle of an overgrown field with wild flowers heralding the sunshine. Whimsical old men grinning toothlessly at one another as they reminisce on the benches of weather-beaten country stores. Ancient houses whose architects died generations years ago, and their exquisite blueprints with them. The soul of a locality unmatched anywhere in the entire world. In this moment, in this place, all of life summed up and preserved, a heartbeat of timeless energy and soul.
Don't drive blindly, don't drive in complete random. It's usually best to have at least a sense of where you're headed, and it's okay if you find yourself veering off your original course a bit.
Who you are when you start your trip may be c
onsiderably different from who you are after you've driven some miles. Your values may shift, your interests may be replaced by new passions, and you may discover you're headed in the wrong direction altogether. This is not a problem, and requires little more than a few simple changes in wrist movement.
4
Windshields, Windows, Mirrors, Headlights, and Wipers
For the driver, few things are more taken for granted, and more irritating when absent, than being able to see where you’re going. The windshield is our vision for everything before us. Side windows keep us aware of everything around us. Mirrors, along with the back window, help us monitor things behind us. Headlights illuminate the way before us on an otherwise dark night. Windshield wipers keep our vision clear.
Without perception and visibility, we could not drive at all. And yet many people seem to wander aimlessly to a destiny they have not selected and they make no effort to move ahead in a meaningful way.
Wandering about blindly on the highway is dangerous and a waste of gas.
Windshields are our view to everything before us. They protect us from the onslaught of gushing winds, and they allow us to navigate between the lines in the road, help us see when to slow down, speed up, or exit.
Our windows keep us aware of what's happening around us, and help us stay in our own lane, or pass when necessary. They also protect us from cold and fierce elements in the winter, and allow the sunshine and breeze of the day to fill our car in the summer.
Mirrors remind us where we've been, and protect us from things behind us. Knowing what's behind you is very useful for knowing how to negotiate the road ahead. Mirrors are enormous treasures in a car. Moving ahead safely depends in large measure to knowing what’s coming up around you, and what’s behind you, especially in congested areas. Seeing where you've been makes seeing where you're going easier.
One does not want to rely exclusively on mirrors when changing lanes or turning. The quick glance over your shoulder is often advisable to validate or clarify the image in the mirror. Glancing over your shoulder too long, however, can have devastating results.