Life After
Reza wasn’t a happy camper. A week ago, he had died. Of course that sucks enough as is. But then there was also the fact that he was still around and not in the afterlife. He had sat at his funeral a few days ago. That’s sometimes when people go right? He had watched his girlfriend and family cry. He didn’t want to see them cry, but he had wanted to see what they did for his burial. It was not at all what he had asked for. He had clearly told his mother he wanted everyone to do a shot on his casket and she had said that was idiotic but that she would if that day ever came. Oh well. She could’ve at least done it at the gathering later instead of what ended up happening. His Uncle Harry pounded back who knew how many flask swigs, before he began blubbering and barfed up off the balcony. He had been sad his basketball team was leaving town. Thanks for the sentiment Uncle H, he had thought. He wanted a party in his honor and got a hot mess instead.
“Stop worrying about it.” Evan told him.
Evan had become his unofficial friend/stalker since he awoke in the spirit realm. The first thing you learned when you died was that everyone knew what you thought and you knew what they thought. He couldn’t tell if Evan had thought it at him on purpose or if Evan was saying that’s what he would do. It didn’t matter. It was just plain weird and hard to get used to. Being dead sucked.
Oh, he also found it off-putting that they didn’t have ghostly bodies or anything. You weren’t even a ghost ball like the ones they pointed to on the ghost chaser shows. You were a nothing. Like you didn’t see yourself, you didn’t see anyone, and they didn’t see you. It was like just a bunch of thoughts floating around when they were in close proximity.
“Please don’t think about rabbits anymore Evan.” Reza thought out loud. He was sick of Evan’s obsession with rabbits. He wanted to drift away from Evan as much as possible but he always found a way to follow him.
Evan was currently going over petting them, feeding them, and sometimes cleaning their cage. It was freaky. He just wanted to be at peace and he got rabbits.
Reza was outside his apartment waiting for his girlfriend, well, ex-girlfriend, to get home. He didn’t know where else to go so he would just see what people were up to. There was really nothing else to do.
“Stop thinking about rabbits!” Reza put as much emphasis on his thoughts as he could.
Evan didn’t.
Thankfully, Whitney showed up and it was enough to distract him. She parked close by and got out. She looked beautiful. Her hair was dark and wavy. Her eyes were a glittering light brown. Her smile was wide as she laughed. Who was she laughing with?
Reza watched as someone else got out on the passenger side. He didn’t even know how he would remember anything come to think of it. He was dead and his brain was decomposing. Best to not ask questions.
Reza listened in and followed them.
“I’m glad I have you here.” Whitney put her hand in the other man’s.
This was new to Reza. Whitney hadn’t done anything like this in the nine days since he had died. Had they just met?
“It’s no problem Whit.” The stranger said with a smile.
He walked her up the door.
“Can I come up?”
Reza wanted to intervene at this point. It was hard for him to understand that he was dead and life was going on. But this seemed so fast. Too fast. He had just been buried a few days ago.
“Yes of course Charlie.” Whitney kissed him hard then led the way inside her apartment.
Charlie?! He remembered her talking about him. Well, some faceless Charlie from work… A ‘friend’. But the way they were together suggested something he had suspected a long time ago. That two-timing…
“Evan! Seriously not now!”
Evan was deep into rabbits running from wolves then changed it up to otters. At least it was different. Then it immediately went back to rabbits digging tunnels.
He shook it off. So she had been going behind his back this whole time?
He wished he could add that they had something to do with his death, but he had drunk-driven himself off that bridge with no one around. It was embarrassing.
“It is.”
“Shut it Evan.”
Then a thought occurred to him. He had seen Ghost when he was a kid. Maybe he could do something like that. Kick stuff around. Ruin their night.
He floated his conscious into her room. Whitney and douchebag Charlie were at in the living room. They were naked on the couch that he had just bought.
Reza left. He didn’t even want to try it. He was just a spirit anyway. Even if he could rattle the blinds, what would it really accomplish? That wouldn’t help him get even. He needed to get back at her.
There had to be something he could do.
“You can go back.” Evan said.
“What? Where?”
“Now I’ve kept this to myself for a long time, but you can return to the world of the living.”
“For real?” Evan felt his hope swell slightly. “How?”
“It’s not easy. You have to make it past three tests. If you do, you can come back in the flesh for about five minutes. Other people can see you and hear what you have to say. You’ll physically be there, no ghost crap. But you can only do it once and you may risk where you go when we all finally get judged.”
“Hold on.” Reza didn’t like the sound of that. “We’re waiting? For what?”
“Revelations and all that. No one ever said you go straight to heaven when you die. I don’t know who started that lie. It says it pretty clearly when we die we have to wait until the end times begin. And since they don’t start for the next five billion years, we have a while to go.”
“What?” Reza had been to church his whole life and never heard that one.
“I was a biblical scholar under Thomas Aquinas. Trust me. I know everything about that and-“
“Rabbits. I know.” Reza looked toward the apartment and had his decision. “What do I do?”
“Well, I’ll tell you how to start the process at the end, because as soon as I tell you you’ll do it on accident and away you go. So I’ll tell you about the trials I faced. First, I had to battle something. It’s different for everyone so I don’t know what it will be, but it has a weak spot you can exploit. Then someone asked me a question I had to get right. Then I saw two paths. I had to choose correctly and then-poof-I was back. But only for a few minutes.”
“Thanks Evan.” Reza said, glad he could do something about this, though he wasn’t sure what.
Reza saw rabbits again.
“Evan, focus, how do I start it?”
“Oh right, right. Boy, will you feel silly you didn’t think of it before. Alright. You are choosing to be here, seeing these things, located here, watching the living. Now choose not to be here.”
As soon as Reza had that thought he was gone.
“Good luck.” Evan said, now pondering the inner workings of the bible. It was no fun thinking about rabbits without being able to piss Reza off.
●
Reza found himself on a platform of light. He was also what looked like translucent flesh and bone. He could feel, but like you can in a dream or when your arm falls asleep.
“Reza.”
The voice came from everywhere. And then a figure appeared in front of him. It was his father. He had died of a heart attack years ago.
“I’ve been called here to test you. It is my duty to not let you pass.” He told him.
This was him alright. Even in the afterlife he would take himself too seriously.
Reza looked around. He was standing on light, surrounded by light, with an ever-changing ceiling of colors. There w
as nowhere to go. Like he wasn’t blocking a doorway or anything.
“You have nothing to guard against dad.”
His dad smiled at this. “Yes I do.” He always loved to hold things over him.
“I don’t see a doorway or a portal.”
He gave him a knowing look. “Of course that’s not it. But I’m not supposed to tell what it is.”
Reza hated this game. He always did. “That’s because you don’t know. You’re just as lost as me.”
“No!” His dad claimed, insulted. “I do know! This was an important job they gave me Reza. I just can’t say what it is. You’re supposed to figure it out. It’s a test.”
Reza turned his back to his old man and started looking around. “There’s got to be a way out of here somewhere, since you’re no help. There’s probably a secret door of light within the light wall.”
His dad scoffed. “This will take forever. Fine, the way forward is right here.” He pulled a glowing white orb from his pocket. “You have to use this. I told you I knew.”
Reza walked over. “How do I even know it works dad? They probably gave you a busted one and you’re stuck here too.”
“NO! You just have to hold it and think about where you need to go.” His dad was still growing angrier. “See watch this.” His dad looked to be in thought and then was gone.
Reza couldn’t believe that had worked on him. Evan had been right about the weak spot. He picked up the glowing ball and he disappeared too.
●
This time he was in a room sitting across from a white robed woman. She looked beautiful in every sense. “Hello Reza.”
“Hi.” He said shyly.
“I ask everyone one question. It’s not necessarily a hard question nor is it an easy question. It could have to do with bad choices you made or good ones. It matters not. Give me a moment to think and then I’ll ask. Does that make sense?”
“Yes.”
“Okay good.” The angelic woman looked deep in thought. She ran her hand through hair made of pure light.
“Wait, I answered the question already.”
“No you didn’t.” The woman claimed off-handedly. “I have just thought of the question.”
“You told me a bunch of stuff and asked if it all made sense. It does.”
The woman slammed her hand on the table and everything vanished again.
‘That was easy.’ Reza thought to himself.
The room disappeared and then there was a hallway of light. Behind him was a door.
He looked down the light hallway and it seemed to go forever. Didn’t people go toward it when they died? They didn’t use it to go back to life. He wasn’t on a cloud or anything to jump off. It was just a door or the hallway.
Reza walked through the door and opened it.
●
“Who’s there?” He heard someone say in the darkness.
It was dark, he found. Pitch black. Where was he?
He felt for a switch and clicked it on.
He was in Whitney’s room and she was looking right at him like someone who died and just as easily came back. “What is this?” She cried nudging Charlie awake. He stirred and after rubbing his eyes saw what she was looking at.
“What the?” He backed up to the headboard.
“Whitney, what is going on here?” Reza asked pointing at the other guy, not wasting his five minutes.
“Charlie? Um…” She was still freaked out, maybe believing it a dream. “He’s someone I started seeing after you… died.”
Reza knew she was lying. “I can’t believe you. I know it’s been going on longer.” Then he barked, “How long Whitney?!”
Tears began to stream down. “I’m sorry Rez. It just… I don’t know… I didn’t feel satisfied with…” She trailed off. There was no right answer.
Charlie just stood petrified.
Reza felt himself begin to be pulled back. Crap. This was his one shot, time to make it count.
“You’re something else. You’re a trash hooker Whit. You’re garbage.” Reza was never good at insults.
She just cried.
He walked over to Charlie. “And you.” He punched him so hard he knocked him out. “You had that coming. Never do another man dirty like that.”
Reza felt himself going back. He looked back at Whitney and knew how he’d get her back permanently. “Just so you know, I can watch you from the great beyond and I always will. Think about. You’re never alone Whit. NEVER.”
Then Reza was gone.
Whitney rocked Charlie until he woke up. His face was swollen.
“Did I just get hit by a ghost?”
Whitney didn’t have an answer for any of it. She just shook at the idea that her ex-boyfriend was going to watch her forever. She would never feel comfortable again.
●
Reza was back outside the apartment where he’d been before. There was a light on in the apartment now and a loud argument blaring through.
He could also see the familiar stream of rabbit images again. It was like Evan knew he hated it but did it anyway.
“You there Evan?”
“Yup.”
Reza had only one question after his short experience back. “Do you think that messed up anything for my final judgment?”
Evan thought about it. Reza could see what Evan had done on his trip back. Evan had burst in on his lover and did the same thing. “Naw, I think we’re good.”
If Reza could smile he would. “And Evan can you do me a favor?”
“Stop thinking rabbits?” He paused and for a moment there were no thoughts about any animals. “I’ll try.”
“Thanks.”
Then the era of baby rabbits began.
At that moment though, Reza was too pleased with himself to care.