surfaced in his mind and the last icy remnants of that horrible thought melted away in the gently warming glow that the thought of seeing her again generated.
He decided to spend the coming vigil listening to Juma recite his histories and encouraging him to talk about his experiences so far. It would, he hoped, help to keep Juma’s spirits up and stop his mind from dwelling on his tiredness. They both still had to make the return journey before they could rest. He had come to like Juma and it would be interesting to know more about him.
The time seemed to pass more quickly as Dorian listened to Juma’s tale, prompting and enquiring on occasions to get a fuller picture. Although small for his time, Juma, it turned out, was a mature younger, not much behind Dorian. His squeeze had been moving around much as any other. He had a group of youngers that he explored with and they had discovered a couple of feed caverns in their time. Sadly, both of his parents had passed some time ago, caught in a catastrophic cave in, along with a number of others. The perils of the marrain seemed to have inordinately affected poor Juma’s life and Dorian felt a great sadness for this stoic little individual.
They both heard the stirring of bodies as the squeeze of the lost began to wake from their rest. They made their way back along the tunnel and into the feed cavern and started to lean their heads against those that were mobile.
“Wake squeeze. Pass it on.”
The others became more alert as a wake squeeze signalled important news or a possible emergency. They let the word spread and Juma led Dorian to Heinru, one of the few olders in the squeeze, who had assumed the mantle of leadership among them.
Juma explained Dorian’s presence to Heinru and he seemed grateful for the good news. The squeeze of the lost comprised primarily youngers and younglings, the inexperienced of any squeeze; those that could easily become lost once cut off from familiar tunnels. Dorian’s gaze swept over them and he was surprised by their number. Heinru and the handful of older he saw had done well to get this far. Though impressed by this achievement Dorian could see the strain on Heinru who, although older, had also had to deal with the personal loss of his older partner.
You were only older once, for life. Once you lost your partner, that was it. You would never be older again with anyone. The thought sent a shudder through his body. He thought of Sulara and his feelings went out to Heinru, as he momentarily shared his grief and then he thought of his father, the loss of his mother and a sudden flash of understanding seared through his mind. The change of being, the terrible loss to endure, the coming to terms with it, the striving for something to replace it, something to live for, something that would consume your wake time and ease your rest. He realised, that until now, he had been incapable of understanding the true magnitude of his father’s loss.
The wake squeeze commenced and Heinru wasted no time in putting their minds to rest. No further emergency had occurred; in fact, quite the opposite. Younger Juma and his team had found another feeding cavern and another full squeeze. They were safe once again. After the wake feed they should follow Dorian who would lead the way to the new feed cavern.
Dorian fed with Juma on the meagre remnants of algae in the cavern and shared his concern about the weakest of the squeeze becoming lost or left behind on the journey. Juma offered to stay till last and ensure that the stragglers were kept on track. He wanted no further loss, not on this journey. He knew the way he reasoned and he knew the squeeze. Dorian was grateful of the offer. It was important to have someone who new the way fetching up the rear but he also new that Juma was greatly fatigued. He decided on the diplomatic route.
“Heinru has volunteered for the same task,” he lied, “but I am sure things would go better with your assistance.” Dorian then went in search of Heinru to inform him of the plan and his little white lie. It was not that he did not trust Juma but he knew that such an additional burden on one already pushed to the limit, could prove too much and besides the responsibility for both Juma and the safety of the squeeze could only help keep Heinru’s mind off of his loss. If having a greater sense of responsibility had worked for his father, then he was sure it could work for Heinru too.
They set off after wake feed, Dorian checking at each tunnel junction for a mark on the far wall; the mark that would lead them back. He was tired and he could not afford to make a mistake. He had this whole lost squeeze relying on him. His mind flashed back to that first view of this lost squeeze; a melting pot of the young from many squeezes for sure but what had taken him by surprise was the sheer number of them. Not, as he had anticipated, a few lost but a multitude of lost. Something was happening in the world to create this many lost at one time, something unknown, something terrifying.
Dorian finally arrived at the entrance to the large feeding cavern with the lost squeeze in tow. The rest of his own squeeze were already there, milling about, seeming small from his vantage point high in the wall of the gargantuan space. Dorian had not truly appreciated the size of the cavern until he saw his own squeeze dwarfed beneath its roof.
Sulara must have spotted him straight away for as he looked down he could see her making her way toward him, relief showing in every aspect of her movement. Dorian turned to the younger behind him. “We have arrived,” he said. “Lead them in and let them feed.” He then headed straight for Sulara, meeting herhalf way on her journey with a desperate embrace.
“Oh, I was so worried,” she gushed. “So worried I would not see you again.”
“I missed you too,” Dorian responded. “More than you can ever know.” And his body slumped against her.
“Dorian, you have missed your rest. You must be exhausted and you must be famished. Let’s eat and then we can talk. I’m afraid all of the good stuff is gone.”
“With you in my sight, everything tastes good to me,” Dorian beamed and they both began to feed.
The squeeze assembled slowly at the end of the wake. The last of the lost had arrived and Dorian had insisted that Juma join him and Sulara for the squeeze. Transmuga, Sulara’s close friend and confidant, also joined them as they listened to the words of olderen Limur.
“Welcome one and all to this magnificent squeeze,” he began. “Those of you among us that were lost are now found and we are glad to have found you. Tomorrow we will discuss the future, for, as I am sure you are all aware, we are too many for a single workable squeeze. Normally when two squeezes meet we would have two wake rests with double squeezes to celebrate and exchange news. However this joining is somewhat different. Therefore I ask that at the next wake, we expend our energies exploring the three tunnels that lead away on the far side of the chamber. It is important that we find further feed caverns as even a mammoth cavern such as this cannot sustain us indefinitely. Before we rest, however, older Heinru will recite the histories for us. Good rest and good wake.”
Dorian was impressed. His father had planned to keep them all busy for the next wake, no doubt while plans were made for the squeeze split. He had reached out to the lost and made them feel more at home by having Heinru give the histories. His father was an example to them all; a good leader with a cool head and a manner that appeared to consider everything; a role model that Dorian still admired, though these days from afar.
When the squeeze finished Dorian snuggled into Sulara for the rest. “Do you know I think Transmuga is quite taken by Juma.” Sulara’s voice seemed to float into Dorian’s head. He looked over at Juma and saw one as utterly tired as himself and, yes, Transmuga was perhaps looking at him in an admiring and proprietary way, but, at that very moment, he did not care. He felt light in the head. He felt as if he was floating in Sulara’s embrace. It might have been the lack of food or the sheer exhaustion, but he preferred to think that it was his deepening love for Sulara that gave him this heady sense of comfort and ease.
“I think that Transmuga would like to be older with Juma.” These last words were lost to Dorian, who had slipped into the clutches of a deep rest.
After wake feed Dorian, Sulara, Juma an
d Transmuga made their way to the entrance of the tunnel that they had been allocated to for exploration. There they joined a mixed group of youngers who they were to organise and lead in. They began their wake in exploratory mode. As they came to a junction they would send a small band to explore along the branch that deviated from their current route. Each of these bands were given strict instructions not to excavate or take any further deviations. Today’s expedition was more of a scoping exercise. It would allow them to plan better for tomorrow. The side bands, as they called them, would continue either until they reached a point where they needed to return, in order to get back for the rest squeeze or they came to a dead end. On route they would note any other deviating tunnels and in the case of a dead end the distance travelled. They would all meet up back in the feeding cavern later and Dorian would take their reports, from which he would, after consultation with other olders, plan the exploration for the next wake. This would continue until a new and appropriate feed cavern was located.
As they made their way along their allocated tunnel Dorian was struck by its age. It felt ancient and it looked ancient. When they came to the