***
I spent most of the next morning on a tiny island off the coast. It could be faintly seen from the beach, but no one visited it. It was uninhabitable, and the surrounding rocks made it impossible for a boat to approach it. But I needed no boat.
There was one mountain in its center that contained caves and secret springs only known to me and Theo—that I knew of. It was my favorite place to go and think, even when I could be anywhere in the world.
I wanted to beg him to give up his pursuit of more information. The Guardians of the texts were monitored. Records of who came in and what they studied were written down and reported directly to the Synod. They would soon know that Theo had been there and what he had been studying. It was just a matter of time.
Unless we could get this Collin guy to keep his damned mouth shut.
I knew very little of Eivan, but I knew my grandmother would know it all.
My mother had always told the encouraging story of Eivan as opposed to the negative one. She’d chosen to believe that Eivan, as told to her by my grandmother, was a great man who loved his wife and cared for the Lucents—cared about protecting our race. But Sevella was human, and in his love for her, he did not travel. However, as the compulsion built and he finally did travel, it was too much. He got lost.
I’d always thought that was the romantic version of the story. Sevella was outcast after Eivan disappeared. They blamed her for the disappearance of their Eidolon.
She was never seen again.
He was revered for his gifts—but mostly he was revered for his ability to restore light to the Resin. He could give them the ability to travel again, but some were so far gone that they no longer cared to travel, only harbor their hate.
“You couldn’t have picked an island with some mangoes? I’m starving.”
I turned my head to find the object of my thoughts there in front of me.
Sometimes, Theo pissed me off beyond sanity.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
He shrugged, picking up rocks from the beach and tossing one into the surf. “Did I forget to tell you, I can seek as well?”
My face told him that clearly he hadn’t mentioned it. “You’re shitting me.”
“No, my foul-mouthed love, I am not shitting you.”
I waved my hands in the air, exasperated with him. “Any other gifts you have that you want to share?”
“Yes. Now that you mention it, I used to be able to make my girl moan my name.”
I rolled my eyes at him. Not that it wasn’t true. It was so true. Theo’s mouth and the things he could do with his tongue should’ve been outlawed. Plus, there was this thing he did, digging his fingers into the backs of my thighs—ah, posters of his face should be plastered on telephone poles, ‘Beware Theo: One kiss and you’re done for.’
“I meant Lucent gifts.”
He shrugged. A playful smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Oh, no, not yet. But Eivan did have twelve children. I supposed he had plenty of unpublished gifts. Maybe I should re-read Sevella’s personal journals.”
He was trying very hard to be funny, but I found no humor in his situation. Done with his incessant jokes, I eyed the ocean before me. I loved the ocean. There was something about the constant weightlessness that reminded me of flashing. It was like bobbing up and down in that perpetual state of adrenaline and calm.
“Do you want me to go so you can swim alone,” he asked facing the waves. He knew me too well.
“No. I want to know what we’re going to do about this.”
His expression grew hard. “We will do nothing. I will do more research and eventually I will need to tell the Synod.”
Research meant finding the other keepers of the histories—and maybe even speaking to some of the Prophets. Long ago, before the Lucents had a Synod, there were Prophets. Their words were gold and their wisdom infallible. But finally, some Lucents began to think they had too much power and insisted on having a council.
My grandmother had been one of them—still was.
“Let’s go see Grammy first and then we decide.”
Still as a statue he stood, and then bellowed out a hefty breath. “Since when is there a we, Colby?”
I deserved that sting and all its aftershocks. Nightly, daily, and sometimes hourly I had to remind myself of why there wasn’t a we. And yet, here I was, calling us we again.
It felt like freedom.
“There has always been and will always be a we as long as we live, Theo.”
I almost hoped he hadn’t heard my answer. If he had, he provided no outward response. The waves became louder and louder as they crashed closer to us both.
“It’s too dangerous,” he began our banter. It was useless on his part. I’d never lost an argument. He was too soft. Always had been.
“I love danger.”
He turned to face me. “There are Resin on my tail—always.”
“Mine too. They like to look at my ass as I flash away.”
“You are so stubborn. You’re not going with me!” He growled through a clenched jaw.
I shrugged with my left shoulder, and my left eyebrow followed suit. “That’s fine. I’ll just follow you. You forget—I’m a seeker as well.”
His jaw worked overtime and the vein on his neck rolled blood through it in anger. That vein always popped out when he was angry. It was the only way I knew. He’d never raised his voice at me or even shown in tone or words any bit of aggravation.
Which was aggravating in itself.
Show me some anger, man.
The opposite was true of his expressions of love. There had been times I had been brought to tears by his raw honesty about how he felt about me. I’d never really been able to return the same sentiment. It was hard for me to make that emotional connection with anyone. I kept myself at a healthy distance—healthy for me and everyone else. That mistake of getting so close to my father wouldn’t be repeated again. He was taken from me in an instant, and I couldn’t endure that pain again, ever.
At the same time I couldn’t let anything happen to Theo. It wasn’t an option.
He turned around to face the mountain and lifted his head to view the top. It wasn’t much of a mountain, but then again, he wasn’t admiring the view. He was clearly thinking of what to say next. He did that too much. Or maybe I didn’t do it enough. Words and thoughts just blurted from my mouth at any time and place.
“All this time you’ve pushed me away, and now that I’m in trouble and actually want you to stay away from me, you want to come with me. Must you always be so damned stubborn? Can’t you see?”
His voice broke with his last question, and at once I knew I’d taken it all too far. I got up from my seated position. Theo’s hands were in his pockets, his head bowed in exasperation. I looped my arms around his waist and splayed my hands against his abdomen. His abs trembled underneath my palms, but he didn’t move to embrace me.
I’d definitely taken things too far in the sarcasm department.
I laid my cheek against the spot between his shoulder blades. “Can’t you see?”
Finally, his hands enveloped mine and tangled our fingers together.
“They’ll never let us travel together unaccompanied. We are neither bonded nor sealed. It wouldn’t be right even if I were to concede. And I’m not saying I’m going to let you.”
I squeezed him tighter. Even his back smelled phenomenal.
What he spoke was truth. Our parents would be wary of us being together again at our ages if we were not bonded, the Lucent version of engaged, or sealed, the Lucent version of marriage. Theo was a stickler for the rules. He claimed the rules kept us out of trouble. I claimed they kept us caged.
“If they give us permission, it will be fine. We can ask them together, tonight.”
“Even if they do, Querida—you know me better than that. Please, stay away. I swear to the stars if something happened to you—I would chase you into the Paraíso. I
t would be the end of us both.”
Anger broke me free from his hold.
He was winning.
For the first time in our lives, he was winning and I couldn’t even take it.
“Name your terms.” I folded my arms over my chest.
“No, not this time. There are no terms.”
And with that exasperating statement, he flashed away.