CHAPTER VII – BLACK CHRISTMAS
Lily did not know where she was. The car was driving too fast, it seemed to her, and yet, all things besides the road appeared motionless. Lily did not see the driver; she did not see anything at all, but the confusion in her soul. She felt as if she was floating amidst some sticky, darkish substance that was trying to suck her out and it hurt, but somehow from a distance. It was almost as if it hurt somebody else. "The human individual is capable of transcendence" came up in her mind, a sentence she had heard in the Philosophy and Ethics class which she had not understood until that day. So, that was transcendence.
Lily wanted to reach home faster. She yearned to see her sister and her aunt and uncle, to hold them tight, to use their bodies to chase that frost from her. Her body was aching from the cold and her teeth were chattering. "Was she naked?" she thought half-unconscious, and that thought woke her up. No, she was fully-dressed. She had not even taken off her coat. And still, it was so cold in that car.
When they finally reached the Lemonpie residence, Lily was afraid to get off. Aunt Leonora came out to meet her. The chauffer opened the door and gave his hand to help Lily out. She took it mechanically and stepped out in the real cold. Then she realized how chilling it was outside and went numb in seconds. The chauffer bid her farewell, got on and drove away. Lily was still standing next to the door. Aunt Leonora was standing next to her, holding her freezing hand and trying to coax her inside the house. In a minute uncle Elijah and a crying Orange were out with them. They simply could not wait inside.
Lily jumped to her sister. Orange was stiffened with weeping and put out her arms as if they were stumps of wood. The two held for a long time, Orange crying, Lily numb with terror. Her yesterday's tribulations as to how to "explain" her parents she loved Buster and wanted to spend Christmas and New Year with him instead of them, were distant and felt unreal. Yet, they filled her with terrifying secret guilt, she was afraid to speak because that guilt might show through her speech. And so, the two sisters held to each other for what seemed like eternity.
"Poor children," murmured uncle Elijah to his wife. Aunt Leonora just shut her eyes and tried to fight back her tears. She was Mr Lemonpie's sister and her grief was triple: she mourned her parents, her brother and sympathized with her nieces.
"Orphans, oh my God!" she managed to sob. "All of us – orphans. With just one stroke of the clock! I can't believe it." Elijah took her in his arms and tried to console her. In reality, Elijah was such a gentle man that it was hard for him not to join the weeping and sobbing, yet he felt that at that moment he was supposed to be the man, so he needed to behave accordingly. He was determined not to let these girls, including his wife, down, so he braced himself up and was the man they expected.
With the toughest possible tone uncle Elijah said, "Lily, Orange, girls, let's go inside. We may talk there, too."
They listened to him and all entered the house of the Lemonpies which brought fresh pain to Lily, who had left this place in summer, all fresh and bright and cheerful, expecting to find this place again in winter, during the warmest and coziest of holidays.
They all went inside where it was warm and cozy, the Christmas tree gleaming in a corner of the living-room, all its lights on, the balls on it glistening. The Lemonpies were of the families who loved live fire and had a real fireplace, although they used it more and more rarely those days. Wood was expensive and attending it was dirty. Besides, cutting wood did not agree with Mrs. Lemonpie's environmental ideas. Mr. Lemonpie would buy some piles of wood at the end of the summer and only burn it on special occasions. For everyday heating they had a thermal pump under their garden soil. Lily and Orange were fascinated with the fire from the fireplace, so their parents still indulged them in that pleasure. They had become rather staunch environmentalists, and even their Christmas tree was not real anymore, although their house was not too far from a large and nice forest full of "Christmas trees". Yet, a couple of years ago, Mrs. and Mr. Lemonpie decided to buy an artificial tree and see how it would go with the girls. It was not the same as the real one. For one, this plastic tree did not smell fresh pine. If it smelled, its odour was plastic or package. Then, its needles did not prick. They were soft and "friendly", as their mother loved to say with a smile. The girls were not overenthusiastic about this new "tree" that was to be the same over and over each year, yet they knew they had to take it, for they knew they could not go on killing a new tree every year. Even though they planted one every year, trees needed a long time to grow and develop into mature trees. The previous year they had decorated the artificial tree at home and on Christmas Eve their father drove them to the forest where they decorated a nice living tree. They put everything on it; it even had a top with a star on it. The only thing they really had to use magic for was lighting the candles on it. Generally, their family used little or no magic and they went about their everyday lives the normal way. In that case, however, Mr. Lemonpie did his daughters' favourite trick – light the candles by blowing at them. Neither of them could do it then. Later, Lily learned it at school and was not so impressed by it anymore, but Orange was still amazed and enchanted to see him do it. That Christmas was perfect. After they had finished the decoration of the forest tree, they stayed around it for a while to enjoy the magnificent view of culture's print on nature. When looked from a close range, this print seemed an influential imprint, one that changed the landscape. But when they gained some distance, they turned back to the gleaming tree simply to find it had turned into a tiny shimmering dot amidst the white vastness of the forest, which, in its turn, was now like a darker speck amidst the white vastness of the area, or of the world. This human print then, why was it so significant? had asked Orange, seeing that what they had done is not even visible at a certain distance, let alone recognized or taken for what it is worth. "Everything we do is significant for the Cosmos," had answered simply their mother and the subject was dropped. Both Orange and Lily knew in their hearts that their parents were right, even though justification of clarification were lacking. Yet, their children's brains yearned to defy and be opposed to, so they kept on nagging and questioning. What Lily remembered when she saw the all-alight and sparkling artificial Christmas tree in its usual living room corner was that their parents had never seemed to be angry with them. All the nagging and questioning in the world did not seem to be able to shake their parents calm and patience. From time to time the girls had done things just trying to get them out of balance. To no success at all. Mrs. and Mr. Lemonpie were personification of love and kindness to their children and they never showed any different way. When Lily remembered that, she started weeping again and the rest followed. The tree was magnificent, the fire was burning in the fireplace, hot tea was steaming on the serving table, their beloved aunt and uncle were there for the holidays, Lily was in love and was really loved, too. Everything seemed perfect. The small discomfort of her and Buster's not spending Christmas together seemed so insignificant, that she did not even plan to bring it up. In fact, Lily had forgotten everything about it. Just as she had deleted from her mind her desire to tell her parents she loved Buster and wanted to spend the holidays with him instead of with them. Psychology calls it displacement.
And so, Lily wept for her mom and her pap, and then for her pap's mom and pap, and it seemed to her she would never feel right again. It looked as if a huge abyss lay open before her and she did not how to go over it, or around it, or just survive it. After some time she got tired of crying. Opening her eyes she saw that Orange was sitting on the couch, taking Lily's favorite place in the middle – the place they always fought over. Normally, Lily would get into a fit of rage to see Orange there. Now, however, she got into another fit of crying. She approached the couch and sat next to Orange. Her sister twitched, but Lily put her arm around Orange's shoulders and hugged her. She said, "No, Orange, stay! Please, don't go! Orange, I'm so sorry." Orange collapsed in Lily's arms in helpless sobs, not capable to say a word.
Un
cle Elijah stood in the middle of the living room unsure what to do. His wife, aunt Leonora was also shaking in tears. He decided to take his chances, cleared his throat and said, "Ahem, girls, are you hungry? We have cooked a nice meal." He waited for a minute and when he did not receive an answer, continued, "Listen, I could bring you the dinner in here. We could sit at the coffee table, if you like."
Aunt Leonora said, "Yes darling, thank you. Lily must be starving, cold and tired." She stepped close to the couch and said softly, "Lily, Orange, let's have dinner. Shall we go to the kitchen, or you prefer to stay here?"
Orange was still sobbing slightly and Lily had calmed enough to be able to speak again, "Auntie, I'll come and help. I'd rather we had our dinner in the kitchen. Orange, what do you think?"
Orange looked up, wiped her tears and said, "No, Lily, you'd better go and take a shower, change your clothes, or ... uhm, you know, get comfortable. I have been here all day, I will help aunt lay the table."
"Yes, Lily – you go. Your room is waiting. Your luggage arrived just before you did."
That was another curious thing about their abilities – people used magic to move objects more easily and faster, but it was not acceptable for moving people or animals. People and animals needed to travel the normal way. Lily knew that it was some imperfection in the physical or kinetic laws. Their scientists had not discovered the precise way to transport living beings by disintegration and reintegration yet. Overcoming that obstacle was Lily's ambition.
Right then, Lily started longing for a hot bath and other clothes to take away her edginess and discomfort. She hoped this awkward feeling would go away, once she had changed.
Going into her room was not easy. Seeing her bed, Lily remembered how many times her mother had sat next to her to watch her when Lily was sick. She remembered her father delicate knock at the door when he wanted to talk to her during some of her teenage fits. She saw a knitted wall panel her granny had given her several years ago for Christmas. On it, she had made a beautiful winter scene – deer on the bank of a frozen lake, snow-covered firs around. Lily was fascinated with the picture and it still had its charm.
Being too exhausted and unable to cry anymore, Lily undressed in silence and went to the bathroom. It was at the end of the corridor, past her sister's room. At the bathroom door Lily remembered how often she had banged on it with her fists and had shouted to Orange to "get the damn out of there right on the minute, or else..." And she remembered her utter astonishment when, one time, it was her father that came out in answer to her yells, and not her sister. Now, there was no one in the bathroom to irritate her. Seized by sudden remorse, Lily rushed to the living room, past her shocked uncle and onto Orange who was still sitting in the couch. Leonora came out of the kitchen with a frightened look, "What? What's wrong?" Lily simply wanted to kiss Orange and beg forgiveness for her cruelty. Orange stood up from the couch and holding her arms around Lily's bathrobed body, she escorted her to the bathroom again.
Elijah sighed, "Leo, I hope they will cope with it. I'm so afraid."
Leonora looked at him and nodded in agreement, "Me too."
"But then, it is still very soon. It cannot be any different. I hope." said Elijah and sighed again.
Leonora nodded again and repeated, "Me too. Me too."
They entered the kitchen and took out some plates, the dinner, cutlery and napkins. They laid the table in complete silence without even looking at each other. When they finished, they sat on the two armchairs in front of the fireplace and stared in it, still in silence.
Both of them had lived through a lot, yet such a tragedy was hard to imagine. Leonora lost all her family in just one second. Elijah lost friends in the same terrible second. They both said simultaneously, "Now the..." and stopped, each of them giving the other the chance to finish first. Then Leonora said, "I was going to say that now the girls are all the family I have left." Elijah agreed, "I was thinking the same. They are very important now. We are all the family THEY have left, too." Seeing the tears build up in her eyes, Elijah held his wife close to him and did not let her go until they heard the girls come back.
All sat down to dinner in silence. Elijah felt obliged to break the silence once more and started, "Lily, since you have just come, maybe you have some questions." Lily was not too fast to put her questions. Of course, her uncle was right and her head was swimming with terror and loss. She was at a loss what had happened. How did her parents and her grandparents die all together, just before Christmas? She was at a loss what would happen. Where were their bodies? When was the funeral going to be? And where? Lily was too young to remember funerals, so she did not have any clear idea where people bury their dead? She was at a loss what was she to do at all. Was she going back to school? When? Who was going to pay? Where were Orange and her to live from then on? At that moment, Lily wished Buster would be there with her.
After a long pause, Lily looked at her uncle and asked, "What are you going to tell me?"
"Everything I know," said Elijah.
"Then tell me everything." said Lily, closed her eyes and prepared to listen.
Her parents and grandparents had been getting things ready for the celebration, they had decorated the tree together with Orange, they had welcome Leonora and Elijah the same morning and about noon Mr. Lemonpie said he was going to the station to meet his parents who were to arrive soon. Mrs. Lemonpie said she was going to accompany him. Orange had wanted to go, too, but Leonora had asked her to stay and help her in the kitchen. Orange had resented that at first, but not having seen her aunt and uncle for three months and knowing that there would not be enough space in the car on the way back, she had agreed to stay. As it turned out, it had saved her life. On the way back from the station the Lemonpies' car had an accident on the icy road; it curved off the track and hit a tree. The accident left no survivors. The police officers had brought all the stuff found in the car, which included the presents Lily's grandparents had brought for them. The bodies were badly deformed and were in the hospital. Aunt Leonora had been there for identification. She wept again when she remembered what she saw.
Elijah finished talking. Lily asked about the funeral. It was to take place the day after the next day, they were to be buried in the district graveyard and everything had been arranged in that connection.
"So, are we going to see them? Can't we go to the hospital, too? They are our parents." started Lily.
Her aunt hurried to say, "Lily, nobody is contesting that. You will see them, of course," she made a pause. "After they had been put into suitable condition. You can't imagine what it was. Don't ask for that! You don't need that. Better remember them young and beautiful. You will see them."
"And what about us?" Lily continued. She looked at Orange and then at their aunt and uncle again, "Where are we to live from now on? Who is going to take care of us?"
"We have thought about it. We need to discuss it with you, of course." said uncle Elijah and then added to Leonora, "Sweetheart, you had better explain that."
Leonora started, "What do you prefer, girls? Where do you want to live? Would you rather stay here, or move with us? Of course, if you choose here, we shall have to move in with you, because you are still underage. Well, at least one of us will do that. We can't possibly both quit our jobs. As for you, Lily, you can go back to George Reader's High any time you feel ready. Orange will go to her school, or move to a school in our district. It depends. But you need not worry about your schools, because your education has been paid for. It is only a matter of place to live until you turn 18, and that will decide the school-thing for Orange. So, we hope you are not disappointed with that. I mean, under the circumstances."
Orange jumped from her seat and went to hug her aunt and uncle. "Oh, auntie, uncle Elijah, you are so nice and so considerate. Thank you."
Lily did not know what to say. All of a sudden, she had too much information, even though she had asked for it and had had some vague idea to stand up to her aunt and
uncle if they had tried to force any "custody" decision to them. Since that had not happened, Lily was at a loss once again. She was afraid to speak, lest she might say something inappropriate. She simply nodded and stood up to start clearing the table.